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Unfortunately, some guys think they can have it both ways when it comes to relationships. They don’t want any kind of commitment, but they also don’t want anyone else to have you.
Perhaps you’ve recently broken up, and your ex constantly tries to sabotage your new relationships. Or maybe you’re in a “casual” relationship that feels completely one-sided. He’s free to date around, but he gets jealous and angry as soon as you even mention the idea of seeing someone else.
When a guy doesn’t want anyone else to have you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad guy who’s intentionally trying to hurt you. He might just be confused about what he wants and struggling to communicate his feelings.
Before you can decide what to do, you need to be able to identify the signs that he’s giving off. Here are 17 signs he doesn’t want anyone else to have you:
1. He gives you mixed signals
Getting mixed signals from a guy is incredibly frustrating. He’ll be loving and affectionate for a few days or weeks, and then over time, he slowly retreats and becomes cold and distant. This cycle of hot and cold behavior repeats over and over again until you finally reach your breaking point.
But why does he behave this way? It’s a classic sign that he doesn’t know what he wants and doesn’t want anyone else to have you. As you get increasingly frustrated with his behavior, he realizes that he might lose you to someone else and forces himself to make an effort.
But as soon as he’s shown you some love and drawn you back to him, he feels safe to stop trying and return to his default behavior of treating you poorly or ignoring you completely. He does just enough to keep you on the hook and prevent you from leaving him altogether.
Related post: 15 signs of breadcrumbing (& how to respond)
2. He talks about commitment but never follows through
Talk is cheap, and a guy who wants to keep you around with no real commitment will make all kinds of grandiose promises. He might say he wants to be exclusive with you, move in together, or even get married at some point in the future.
The problem is all his promises are focused on some vague point in the future that he refuses to put a date on. He shows no interest in following through, and if you bring up the topic again later, he’ll make excuses like he’s still thinking about it or there’s too much going on.
It can be easy to fall for this trap and believe that he really does want the same things as you do, but over time, you begin to realize that his words don’t match his actions. He’s just telling you what you want to hear to keep you around and ensure that no one else can have you.
When a guy is genuinely interested in commitment, he will follow through on his words and do everything he can to make it happen. He won’t just talk about it – he’ll make it a reality.
Related post: 23 reasons he keeps you around but doesn’t want a relationship
3. He says he doesn’t like “labels”
All relationships go through distinct stages, and after a certain amount of time, it’s normal to want to put a label on it. Whether you’re exclusive, in a committed relationship, or even engaged or married, these labels help define the boundaries of your relationship and give you a common understanding of where things are going.
However, some guys refuse to use labels because they want to keep their options open. They don’t want anyone else to have you, but they’re not ready to fully commit to you. So instead of putting a label on your relationship, he’ll say that he doesn’t like labels or wants things to be “easy” and “free.”
4. He tries to convince you that everything is perfect
When things aren’t going well in a relationship, it’s crucial to be open and honest about the problems and work together to get things back on track.
But a guy who doesn’t want anyone else to have you will try to convince you that everything is perfect, even when it’s clearly not. He’ll make excuses for his bad behavior, gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting, and do everything he can to downplay the issues in your relationship.
If you’re worried about his level of commitment, or the fact that he’s still dating other people, he might try to convince you that it’s “normal” and everyone does it. He’ll say that you’re just being paranoid or reading too much into things.
In reality, he’s just trying to keep you from leaving him by making you think there’s no problem. The best way to test this is to play his game and talk about seeing other people. If you realize the same rules don’t apply to you, it’s a major red flag that he doesn’t want anyone else to have you.
5. He emotionally manipulates you
Emotional manipulation can take many forms, but at its core, it’s all about using your feelings to control you.
A guy who doesn’t want anyone else to have you might use emotional manipulation to make you feel guilty for wanting to leave him or see other people. He might say you’re being selfish or that he’s the only one who understands you.
He might make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your friends or family or accuse you of not being fully invested in the relationship if you’re unwilling to give up everything for him.
In reality, he’s just trying to control you and keep you from leaving him. If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells or second-guessing your feelings, it’s time to get out of that toxic relationship.
6. He temporarily makes an effort
A guy trying to keep you to himself becomes a master at reading your emotions. He knows how far he can push you before you get upset and pull away from him.
When he sees that you’re getting close to your breaking point, he’ll temporarily try to improve things between you. He’ll be extra lovely, do thoughtful things for you, and make an effort to spend more time with you. He might even admit that he’s taking you for granted and promise to change his ways.
But as soon as things improve between you, he’ll return to his old ways. The cycle will repeat itself until you finally get fed up and break up with him for good.
7. He tries to “protect you”
If you’ve broken up, your ex might keep interfering in your life by using the excuse that he’s “protecting you.” For example, he might decide that every new guy you’re interested in isn’t good enough for you and try to discourage you from dating him. Or, he might show up uninvited to places you’re going with your friends in an attempt to “keep an eye on you.”
In reality, he’s not trying to protect you at all. He’s scared you’ll meet someone else and move on without him. By interfering in your life, he’s hoping to keep you single and available, so he can swoop in and get you back when he’s ready.
8. He criticizes anyone else you date
Somehow, he always manages to find out who you’re dating and has a reason why that person isn’t good enough for you. He stalks them on social media, asks your friends about them, or finds another way to get information about them.
Then, he starts nitpicking everything about them to convince you they’re not good enough. In reality, he’s just trying to make himself look better by comparison. He knows that if he can make you doubt your current relationship, you’ll be more likely to take him back when he comes crawling back.
9. He gets jealous when you talk about other guys
He’s perfectly happy to flirt with other girls in front of you, but things are very different if you so much as mention another guy. He immediately gets jealous and starts asking personal questions about him and demanding to know your intentions.
He wants to know what you think of the guy, how you met him, and how often you see him. Even talking about your male friends is enough to make him jealous.
10. He sees other girls but gets angry when you do the same
Even worse, he seems to think it’s okay to date other people, but he gets angry and jealous if you do the same. He has no excuse for this double standard, but he can’t help feeling possessive and territorial. The jealousy is written all over his face, and he doesn’t even try to hide it.
11. He treats you like a possession
Feeling like you’re his possession is one of the most unmistakable signs he doesn’t want anyone else to have you. He’s always asking where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing. He demands your attention and gets angry if you don’t answer his calls or texts immediately.
And, of course, this is entirely one-sided. He doesn’t feel he has to explain himself to you or give details about his own life.
If you feel controlled or manipulated in this way, you should cut all ties with him immediately. This behavior is often a sign of emotional abuse, and you deserve to be in a healthy, supportive relationship.
12. He stalks you on social media
Keeping tabs on you via social media is an excellent way for him to ensure you’re not moving on without him. He likes all your posts to keep reminding you that he’s still there. And if he sees you in a photo with another guy, it’s not long before he interrogates you about who he is and what you were doing with him.
13. He stays in touch with your friends
If you’ve broken up, staying in touch with your friends or family allows him to keep tabs on you sneakily. He acts interested in their lives, but he only cares about finding out whether you’re happy and seeing anyone else “behind his back.”
14. He interrogates you about your plans
He tries to keep your relationship as casual as possible, but he suddenly asks a lot of questions if you dare to make plans without him. He wants to know who you’re going with, where you’re going, and when you’ll be back. He might even invite himself along to ensure you’re not meeting anyone new or having too much fun without him.
15. He threatens to break up with you
He’s always threatening to break up with you, even though he has no intention of following through. He knows the threat is enough to make you try even harder to please him and keep him happy.
And, of course, his threats mean you’re always walking on eggshells around him. You never know when he will flip out and start yelling about how he will leave you. It’s a toxic, emotionally abusive way to control and manipulate you.
16. He texts you morning and night
At first, it might seem sweet that he’s thinking of you late at night and first thing in the morning. But after a while, it starts to feel like he’s checking up on you and monitoring your every move. He’s making sure you’re alone and still available to him, even if he’s not present in your life.
17. He shows up at your favorite places
It’s one thing to accidentally bump into each other at the grocery store or your favorite coffee shop. But if you’re no longer together and he starts showing up to all the places you like to go, it’s a pretty clear sign that he’s stalking you. He’s worried that you’ve moved on without him and wants to ensure you’re still single and available.
Final thoughts
As you can see, there are many subtle and obvious signs that a guy doesn’t want anyone else to have you. Some of them are relatively harmless, but others exhibit toxic and manipulative tactics that you should never tolerate.
Always remember that you have the right to see whoever you want if you’re not in a committed relationship. And you deserve to be in a healthy, supportive relationship with someone who loves and respects you. Don’t settle for less than that just because he doesn’t know what he wants or is afraid of losing you.
