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When a guy hurts you or betrays your trust, you have to decide whether to give him a second chance or kick him to the curb.
If a guy is worthy of forgiveness, he needs to know he messed up and feel guilty for what he did. Otherwise, you’re giving him permission to hurt you again and setting yourself up for more pain down the road. And just as importantly, he needs to feel like he’ll lose you forever if he doesn’t do everything in his power to make things right.
Here are 17 signs to look for that he feels guilty for hurting you and is trying to deal with the aftermath of his actions.
1. He takes responsibility for his actions
One of the clearest signs he feels guilty for hurting you is that he takes full responsibility for his actions. He doesn’t make excuses, try to dodge the blame, or put it back on you. He knows he messed up, and he owns up to it.
He’s open and honest with his communication and happy to talk about what happened and how he plans to make things right. He’s not trying to sweep the issue under the rug or act like it never happened.
Taking responsibility is an important first step in the right direction, but it’s not enough on its own. He needs to take action to back up his words if he wants to earn your forgiveness.
2. His apology feels genuine
When he apologizes, it feels sincere and heartfelt. He’s not just going through the motions to try and get you to forgive him. You can tell he’s genuinely sorry for what he did and knows how much pain he caused you.
Actions always speak louder than words, but a sincere apology is still essential to the healing process. It shows that he’s willing to face up to his mistakes and take responsibility for them.
You’ll be able to tell whether his apology is sincere by his body language and how he communicates with you. If he seems emotional, makes eye contact, and he’s able to express how he’s feeling, then it’s likely that his apology is genuine.
3. He’s making a real effort to change
He’s not just saying he’s going to change; he’s actually taking steps to change his behavior and learn from his mistakes. He’s aware of the issues that led to him hurting you, and he’s working on addressing them.
This might mean he’s in therapy, attending support groups, or reading self-help books. Or it could be something as simple as vowing to never lie to you again or breaking off contact with the person he cheated with.
Whatever the case may be, he needs to take actionable steps to show you that he’s committed to changing his ways. Otherwise, he’s just paying lip service to the idea of change, and it will not be enough to rebuild your trust.
4. He starts making you a priority
After hurting you, he stepped back and gave you space. He respected your wishes and didn’t try to push himself back into your life before you were ready.
Now that you’re starting to heal, he’s making an effort to slowly rebuild your relationship. He’s making you a genuine priority in his life and trying to spend more time with you.
This might mean taking an interest in your hobbies, arranging regular date nights, or just checking in with you more often to see how you’re doing. Whatever it is, he’s making a real effort to connect with you and rebuild your relationship.
Related post: 15 signs you’re an option and not a priority
5. He’s more affectionate
He’s being more affectionate than usual, both physically and emotionally. He’s trying to express his love for you in different ways, whether through words, deeds, or small gestures.
This might mean cooking your favorite meal, cuddling with you on the couch, or simply saying “I love you” more often. Whatever the case, he’s going out of his way to show you how much he cares.
Physical touch is essential to any relationship, but it can be especially healing after a traumatic experience. Through physical affection, he can show you that he still loves and cares for you, even though he hurt you.
6. He’s more emotional and vulnerable
A betrayal of trust is a very emotional experience for both partners, and it might force him to be more in touch with his emotions than usual. You might notice that he cries more easily or expresses his feelings more openly.
Just as importantly, he listens to you more and is open to hearing about your feelings. He’s not just trying to fix the problem; he’s actually interested in understanding how his actions have affected you.
This emotional openness is key to rebuilding trust after it’s been broken. It shows that he’s willing to be vulnerable with you and cares about your emotional well-being.
Of course, showing you some honest emotion doesn’t give him a free pass. But it’s a good sign that he’s sharing his feelings in a healthy way and trying to deepen the connection between you.
7. He looks tired and stressed out
Hurting someone you care about takes a toll on you emotionally and can also be physically exhausting. He might look tired and stressed out and be having trouble sleeping.
This is perfectly normal if he feels very guilty for hurting you. It’s also a good sign because it shows he’s taking responsibility for his actions and wrestling with the emotional consequences.
Keep in mind that extreme guilt can sometimes lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as drinking or using drugs. Be sure to talk to him about it and encourage him to get help if you think he’s dealing with his guilt in an unhealthy way.
8. He talks about the future
Recovering from a betrayal might also encourage him to show more commitment. He might be more willing to discuss long-term plans, such as moving in together, starting a family, or buying a house.
This might seem like an odd sign, but it actually makes perfect sense. He realizes how close he came to losing you and doesn’t want to take that chance again. So he’s ready to make a real commitment and show you that he’s in this relationship for the long term.
Of course, only time will tell if he’s really serious about these plans. But it’s a good sign that he’s thinking about the future and wants you to be a part of it.
9. He buys you gifts
Buying you a gift is unlikely to make up for what he did to hurt you, but it shows that he thinks about you and wants your forgiveness.
Just be careful that he’s not using expensive gifts to try and buy your forgiveness. That’s not genuine remorse and won’t help rebuild trust between you. He needs to combine any gifts with a sincere apology and a willingness to make things right.
10. He keeps reminding you of the good times
He might say things like, “Do you remember when we went camping, and it rained all weekend? That was so much fun.”
This is his way of reminding you that he’s a good person and not the monster you might think he is. He desperately wants to get back to that place where you trusted and loved each other, and he’s hoping you’ll remember the good times and give him another chance.
11. He asks for forgiveness
If he feels guilty for hurting you, he’ll probably ask for your forgiveness at some point. And if he’s smart, he won’t do it straight away. He’ll give you some time to cool down and only ask for forgiveness when he’s made a reasonable effort to show you how sorry he is.
Just as importantly, he won’t expect you to forgive him, and he’ll be okay if you need more time. This shows that he respects your feelings, and he’s not just trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug.
12. He defuses the situation with humor
Some guys will try to make light of the situation with humor in the hope that it will diffuse the tension and make you laugh.
Whether his attempts to be funny work entirely depends on what he did to hurt you. For example, if he cheated on you, it will not go well for him if he tries to turn it into a joke. But if he did something more minor, like forgetting your anniversary, his sense of humor might help to lighten the mood.
13. He’s defensive
So far, we’ve looked at all the more positive signs that a guy feels guilty for hurting you. But guilt can manifest itself in negative ways too. And one of those is by making him feel defensive all the time.
If he’s feeling guilty, he might get annoyed or angry when you try to talk to him about what happened. He’s unable to process his feelings healthily, so he gets defensive and tries to shift the blame onto you or someone else.
Defensiveness is a red flag that he’s not dealing with his guilt constructively. He needs to learn how to communicate better if he wants to make things right between you.
It’s also not an excuse for him to be rude or abusive, but it’s worth bearing in mind that guilt can make even the most level-headed guy act out of character. The best thing you can do is try to talk to him calmly and see if you can get him to open up and be honest about how he’s feeling.
14. He’s distant and withdrawn
Another common symptom of guilt is becoming distant and withdrawn. He might start pulling away from you emotionally and become cold and distant.
If this is out of character for him and happens soon after he hurts you, it’s probably because he feels guilty and doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings.
15. He’s walking on eggshells
Walking on eggshells means he’s being extra careful not to upset you or make the situation worse. He might be extra nice to you or go out of his way to do things for you. He’s worried that anything he says or does will make you even angrier, so he’s treading very carefully around you.
The problem with this approach is that it seems nice on the surface, but it’s actually a way of avoiding the issue. He’s not dealing with his guilt in a healthy way; he’s just trying to appease you until the storm blows over.
16. He picks fights with you
If he tries to start arguments about what he did to hurt you, he’s probably trying to bring the whole thing to a head. He might feel too embarrassed or ashamed to have a calm conversation, and fighting feels like a more natural way to air things out.
It is possible to have constructive arguments, but this isn’t likely to be one of them. He’s not in the right frame of mind to discuss things calmly and reasonably, and he’s just looking to blow off steam and get a reaction from you.
Your best move is to wait until he’s calmed down and then talk to him about what he needs to do to make things right.
17. He runs away from the problem
In some cases, a guy might try to make a clean break and pretend like nothing ever happened. He might disappear for a while or end the relationship altogether.
This is a big sign that he isn’t prepared to deal with his guilt. Instead of facing up to what he did and trying to make things right, he’d rather just run away and hope that the whole thing blows over.
If he’s unwilling to take responsibility for his actions and work through the guilt, then it’s probably best to move on without him.
Should you forgive someone who hurt you?
There’s no easy answer to this question. It depends on the situation and how much damage was done. If you’re not sure whether to forgive him, try asking yourself these questions:
- Is he truly sorry for what he did?
- Does he seem willing to change?
- Can I still see a future with him?
- Do his actions reflect his words?
These are tough questions to ask yourself, but they can help you figure out whether it’s worth staying in the relationship. Also, don’t be afraid to listen to your gut and let your heart guide you. If you know deep down that you still love him, it might be worth giving him another chance.
However, if you don’t think things will ever be the same between you or you’re not sure you can trust him again, breaking up with him is probably the best thing for both of you.
If you do decide to forgive him, it’s important that you really mean it. Don’t just say you forgive him to make things easier or because you’re afraid of being alone.
You also can’t forgive him and then use what he did as a weapon to hold over his head when he makes mistakes in the future. This will quickly turn your relationship toxic and drive you even further apart.
No matter what you decide to do, remember that you’re not obligated to stay in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you, and if he can’t give you that, it’s time to move on.
