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When a guy breaks up with you, it feels like the end of the world. All you can think about is how much you miss him and what you could have done differently to make the relationship work.
But over the following weeks and months, you slowly heal and move on with your life until you feel happy and content again.
And then, bam! Out of the blue, he texts you or randomly shows up at your doorstep and wants to see you again. At this point, the only question you’re asking is, why?
Here are 15 honest reasons why men come back after a breakup and how you should handle the situation.
1. He’s lonely
In his mind, single life was going to be filled with endless parties and hookups. But after months on his own, he’s realized that the dream doesn’t match reality. Most nights, he sits at home alone, feeling lonely and depressed and wishing he had someone to share his life with.
As he scrolls through social media, he sees all the happy couples and can’t help but compare them to his own life. This is when he starts thinking about you and all the good times you had together.
When a guy realizes he’s lonely, it’s only natural that he’ll start to think about the girl he left behind. If he reaches out to you, it’s because he’s hoping you’ll take him back so he can feel loved and needed again.
2. He’s figured out what he wants
He thought he wanted a carefree life with no responsibilities, and the idea of being tied down by a serious relationship filled him with terror. Not to mention marriage, family, and all the other baggage that comes along with it.
But now, he’s had a chance to live out his single-life dream, and he’s figured out what’s really important. The idea of growing old alone has lost its luster, and all he can think of is sharing his life with you and building a future together. Even the idea of raising a family doesn’t seem so scary anymore.
3. He’s realized you’re the one
After you split, he hooked up with plenty of girls and had a few short-term rebound relationships. The problem was, all he could think about was you. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get you out of his head.
He thought dating other people would help him forget about you, but it only made him realize how perfect you are for him. The other girls were just a poor imitation of what he really wanted.
4. He misses the sex
Despite all the fighting and arguing in your relationship, there’s no denying that the sex was amazing. Even the makeup sex was incredible, and you almost looked forward to the next argument.
He’s had plenty of decent sex since you broke up, but nothing compares to the mind-blowing experiences he shared with you. He misses your body – he craves it – and he can’t fight the urge to at least try and hook up with you again.
5. He needs an ego boost
He expected girls to be all over him the second he came back onto the market, but single life hasn’t worked out as planned. He goes out to all the bars and clubs, but every night he ends up home alone.
The poor guy’s ego has taken a massive beating, and he figures hooking up with you again will help him feel better about himself. If you’re willing to take him back (or at least sleep with him), it will prove to himself that he’s still the catch he always thought he was.
6. You’re his backup plan
He dumped you to pursue a better option, but in the back of his mind, he always planned to come back if things didn’t work out. And sure enough, a few months later, he’s back with his tail between his legs, trying to convince you that you’re the only girl for him.
The thing is, you’re not a fool, and you know that he’s just using you as a backup plan. He has no intention of being loyal to you, and he’ll drop you again the second a better opportunity comes along.
7. He needs your support
Despite the problems in your relationship, you were always there for him when he needed you. You listened to him vent about his problems, lent him a shoulder to cry on, and helped him through tough times.
Now he’s going through a difficult patch and needs your support again. He’s so desperate that he’s willing to beg you to take him back, so he has someone to lean on.
8. He’s bored
He thought being single would be a blast, but he’s starting to get bored after a few months. All his friends are in relationships, and they’re always talking about how great it is, which only makes him feel worse.
To break up the monotony, he starts texting you and trying to rekindle things. He knows it’s a long shot, but he figures it’s worth a try if it means getting out of his boring single life.
9. He sees how much you’ve changed
You went through a rough time after he dumped you, but you came out the other side a stronger and more confident person. You started exercising, eating healthy foods, and practicing self-care. You even changed up your style to put a finishing touch on the new you.
In short – you look incredible – and he’s watched the entire transformation unfold on social media. Every time he sees a picture of you looking fabulous, he regrets letting you go, and he’s spent months resisting the urge to try and win you back.
10. He feels nostalgic for the memories
As time passes after a breakup, we tend to remember the good times more and more. The happy memories start to outweigh the bad, and we forget about all the reasons why things didn’t work out.
That’s what’s happened with your ex – he’s forgotten why you broke up, and all he can think about are the fun times you had together. He wants to relive those memories, and he’s hoping you’ll be willing to forget about the past and give him another chance.
11. He’s addicted to the chase
Now that you’ve moved on with your life, he sees you as a challenge again. He knows it won’t be easy to win you back, but that just makes the prize sweeter.
He’s been waiting for months, biding his time and plotting his next move. And finally, he’s shown up in your life again, ready to sweep you off your feet and start the chase all over again.
The problem is, as soon as he catches you, he’ll lose interest, and you’ll be right back where you started.
12. He had a bad relationship after you
He met someone new after you, but it didn’t exactly go according to plan. The girl was high-maintenance, needy, and a total drama queen. It made him realize how amazing you are in comparison, and he’s been kicking himself ever since for letting you go.
13. He’s finally matured
Even if you were the girl of his dreams, he might not have been ready for a serious relationship. Maybe he was immature, fearful of commitment, inconsiderate, or drifting through life without a clear goal.
But now he’s all grown up and emotionally mature and he still hasn’t forgotten about you. He wants to prove that he’s a better man than before, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness.
14. He feels guilty and wants to make amends
If things ended badly between you, he might feel guilty about how he treated you. He knows how badly he hurt you, and it’s been slowly eating him up inside.
He might want to get back together, but he might also just want to apologize and move on. Either way, he’s hoping you’ll give him a chance to explain himself and clear the air.
15. He’s testing you
He’s curious to see how much you’ve changed and whether you really have become the strong, independent woman he sees on social media.
If he’s testing you to see if he can still get away with the same bad behavior, it’s time to get over him and move on with your life for good. But if he’s genuinely curious about the person you’ve become, then whether you give him a chance is up to you.
Signs a man will come back to you
So far, we’ve looked at the reasons a man comes back after a breakup, but what are the signs to look for that he wants to be back in your life?
1. He admits he made a big mistake
If he comes straight out and says that breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of his life, then it’s pretty clear that he wants to be with you.
2. He wants you to know he’s changed
A slightly more subtle way to let you know he wants another chance is to tell you all the ways he’s changed since you last saw him.
And miraculously, all these changes will be exactly what you complained about during your relationship. Perhaps he’s finally ready to commit, more considerate and respectful, or stopped flirting with every woman he sees.
It’s entirely up to you whether you believe him, but making an effort to show you he’s changed sounds like a step in the right direction.
3. He hasn’t started dating again
If he hasn’t seriously started dating again since you broke up, it might be because he still has feelings for you.
Or he’s figured out that he’s not the player he thought he was and wants to see if there’s still a chance with you before moving on.
4. All his rebound relationships have failed
Rebound relationships rarely last, but it’s often a necessary step in getting over an ex. If he’s had several failed rebound relationships, it might be because his heart just wasn’t in it. He was trying to move on, but he couldn’t stop thinking about you.
5. He wants to be friends
He might genuinely want to be friends with you, but it’s much more likely that he’s using that as an excuse to stay in your life. He’s hoping that if he can show you how great of a friend he is, you’ll eventually realize you want something more.
6. He keeps accidentally running into you
Is he suddenly “accidentally” running into you at all your favorite places? Maybe he’s started going to the same parties or discovered your favorite lunch spot. It’s pretty obvious what he’s up to, but whether you want to call him out on it is your call.
7. He’s active on your social media
If he was truly over you, he wouldn’t be bothered to scroll through your social media feed to see what you’re up to. But if he’s still liking and commenting on all your posts, it means he’s still interested in your life.
8. He brings up old memories
Does he constantly try to remind you of all the good times you had together? He’s hoping that by bringing up all the happy memories, you’ll miss being in a relationship with him.
9. He tries to make you jealous
Trying to make you jealous is a way to test how much you still care about him. If he’s trying to make you jealous by flirting with other women or talking about his new conquests, then he’s probably not over you yet.
10. He’s asking your friends about you
Your friends are the best way he can find out about you if you’re not speaking to him directly. If he’s asking about you all the time, it means he still cares about what’s going on in your life.
He also knows that if he can make a good impression on your friends, they might help him get back in your good graces.
What should you do when he comes back?
The big question is, what should you do when he comes back? Should you tell him to crawl back into his hole or give him another chance?
The answer completely depends on the reason he’s decided to come back into your life. Even if you’re still madly in love with him, if he doesn’t genuinely want to be with you, you’ll end up getting hurt again.
Related post: 17 big mistakes to avoid when getting back your ex
1. Understand why he came back
The only way to understand why he’s come back is to have a serious conversation with him. While explaining himself, let him do most of the talking, avoid interrupting him, and listen carefully to what he says.
He needs to convince you that he’s worth another chance and genuinely sorry for what he did wrong. For example, if he says, “I’m truly sorry for how things ended between us. I made a terrible mistake, and I’ve missed you every day since then.” – it shows that he’s taken responsibility for his actions, and he’s admitting that he made a mistake.
However, if it’s clear that he’s only come back because he’s lonely or bored, you should send him on his way. It’s not worth going through the pain and heartache all over again just to make him feel better about himself.
2. Figure out what you want
It’s also important for you to figure out what you want from the relationship. Unfortunately, it’s not enough for you to still be in love with him. If you both want very different things in life, or you know that he’s not good for you, then I would recommend you don’t get back together with him.
For example, if you want to get married and have kids within the next few years, but he’s not ready for that kind of commitment, it won’t work out in the long run.
Be brutally honest with yourself about what you want and the problems you had in the relationship. It’s tempting to look back with rose-tinted glasses, but if you want the relationship to work this time, you need to be honest about what went wrong last time.
3. Communicate your needs & boundaries
It’s great that he’s changed for the better and wants to make things work, but you need to make sure that you don’t slip back into the same old patterns that led to your breakup in the first place.
Setting clear boundaries is the best way to protect yourself and avoid getting hurt again. For example, if he was always flirting with other women, then make it clear to him that you will no longer tolerate that behavior.
It’s also important to communicate your needs and what you want from the relationship. If something is missing that’s important to you, make sure he knows about it. For example, if you need more affection than you got in the past, tell him that directly rather than expecting him to read your mind and figure it out.
4. Take it slow
You might be tempted to dive right back into the relationship and pick up where you left off, but it’s important to take things slowly. It takes time to rebuild trust after it’s been broken, and you need to ensure that he’s truly committed to making things work this time.
Start off by casually dating and seeing how things go. If everything is going well and you’re both happy, you can start moving things forward at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
Even if he’s changed for the better and you’re both committed to making things work, there’s always a chance that things could go wrong. Be prepared for that possibility, and don’t put your entire life on hold in the hopes that things will work out.
FAQs
Do most guys come back after they leave you?
It depends on the reason he left you in the first place. If he truly doesn’t love you anymore, he’s moved on and is not coming back.
However, if he left you because of a specific issue or problem, then there’s a chance he’ll come back if he can resolve that issue. For example, if he left you because he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, he might come back if he’s had a change of heart and is now looking for something more committed.
Is it a bad idea to get back together with an ex?
If you’re getting back together for the right reasons and you’re both committed to making things work, then it can be a great idea. However, getting back together is not a good idea because you’re lonely or bored.
How long does it take for a guy to come back?
If he’s truly committed to making things work, he’ll come back as soon as he realizes he wants to be with you. It should take him at least a few months to figure this out, but probably no longer than a year.
