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You’re dating a guy, and everything is going well. But suddenly, he stops replying to your texts and won’t answer your calls. At first, you’re not too concerned – maybe he’s just busy or has other things on his mind.
But then, a few days turn into a week or more, and you start to get a sinking feeling. As the day’s tick by with no contact, you finally face the fact that he’s ghosted you.
Being ghosted by a guy is the worst way to get dumped. There’s no reason, no closure, and you’re left wondering what you did wrong. But eventually, you get over it and move on with your life.
Until… You glance at your phone one day, and there’s a message from the coward who ghosted you. He’s appeared back in your life and wants to pick up where he left off as if nothing happened.
What do you do, and what do you say?
What to do when a guy comes back after ghosting you
When a ghost suddenly wants to come back into your life, you’ll feel a range of emotions. Anger and rage will probably be at the top of the list. After all, he disappeared on you without any explanation and caused you a lot of pain.
You might also feel a sense of relief that he’s finally reached out to you. Maybe you were worried that he was dead or in some kind of accident. And of course, there’s always the chance that you still have feelings for him and you’re happy he’s back.
You’ll also have a lot of questions that need answering. Why did he ghost you in the first place? Where has he been all this time? And above all, what will you do now that he’s back?
Even if he’s got the best explanation in the world for why he ghosted you, can you ever trust him again? Here are 8 things to do that will help you decide how to move forward.
1. Demand an explanation
The first and most obvious thing you need to do is to find out why he ghosted you in the first place. You have a right to know what happened and why he disappeared. He owes you an explanation, and he needs to give it to you before anything else can happen between you. If he doesn’t have a good reason, it’s not even worth considering getting back together.
When he’s telling you his side of the story, pay close attention to how he talks about it. Is he sincere and remorseful? Or does he seem like he’s making excuses? If it’s the latter, then it’s a good indication that he hasn’t changed, and you should move on.
2. Decide if he’s worth it
So what is a good enough reason for him to ghost you and come back? Only you can make that decision, but here are a few examples that might help you think things through.
A common reason for ghosting is because he was scared of commitment or overwhelmed at how fast the relationship was moving. He was too embarrassed to talk to you about his fears, so instead, he ran away from the problem.
If this sounds like your ghoster, the big question is, has he really changed? Is he now ready to have a committed relationship? If he’s learned how to open up, be vulnerable, and communicate his feelings honestly, it might be worth giving him another shot.
Another excuse for ghosting is that he was going through a tough time and needed space to deal with it. Okay, it happens – but how hard is it to send you a quick text or email explaining what’s going on?
He may have been embarrassed or ashamed at his situation and didn’t feel comfortable talking to you about it, but is that a good enough reason for ghosting you? You need to be confident that he will be mature enough to speak to you instead of running away like a coward the next time something goes wrong in his life.
3. Trust your instincts
At the end of the day, you need to listen to his explanation with your head and heart. If something doesn’t feel right, or you have doubts about whether he’s telling the truth, then trust your instincts and get over him for good.
Think about what he did and how it made you feel. If you can’t get past it or forgive him, it’s not worth getting back together.
4. Be honest about your relationship
You also need to be honest with yourself about why you want to give him another chance. Is it because you’re still in love with him and can’t imagine your life without him? Or are you just lonely and scared of being single? If it’s the latter, then you’re better off staying single than getting back into a relationship that’s not built on love.
5. Get a second opinion
When you feel emotional and attached to someone, it’s hard to see things objectively. That’s why it’s a good idea to talk to your friends or family about what’s going on and get their opinion. They’ll be able to see things that you can’t, and they’ll also be honest with you about whether they think he’s worth another chance.
6. Set clear boundaries
Okay, you’ve decided to give him another chance. How do you make sure he doesn’t take advantage of you or ghost you again?
The answer is to set clear boundaries from the start. Let him know what you expect from him and the relationship, and make it clear that if he doesn’t meet your needs, then he’s out.
For example, if he ghosted you and came back because he was scared of commitment, then you need to feel like he’s truly ready for a committed relationship before you take him back. If he says he’s ready, make sure his actions match his words. Is he willing to talk about your relationship openly? Is he making an effort to spend more time with you? Is he introducing you to his friends and family?
The same goes for any other issue that caused him to ghost you in the first place. If he didn’t have the courage to talk to you about his problems before, you need to see good evidence that he’s changed before you take him back.
7. Take your time
The decision to give someone a second chance is a big one, so make sure you take your time and think it through carefully. There’s no rush, so take as long as you need to decide what’s best for you.
Listen to your heart and your head, and trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. And finally, don’t forget that you deserve to be happy and loved, so don’t give any guy the chance to take you for granted.
8. Don’t get too emotionally attached
It’s also wise not to invest too quickly in the relationship. Just because he’s expressed interest in getting back together doesn’t mean it’s a done deal.
Take things slow and see how things go. If he’s genuinely sorry for what he did and has changed his ways, then you’ll have plenty of time to rebuild your connection. But if he hasn’t changed, you’ll save a lot of heartache by not getting too emotionally attached too soon.
What to say when a ghoster comes back
When a ghoster texts you out of the blue, you have one chance to send the perfect reply and let them know how you feel.
These example texts cover every situation – demanding an explanation, shutting them down hard, defusing the situation with humor, and even expressing concern. Feel free to adapt them to your situation or use them as inspiration to create your own.
Example texts to shut him down
If you’re sure you’re done with him and never want to hear from him again, these texts will help you shut him down quickly and effectively.
- Who are you? Please lose this number and never contact me again.
- My social calendar is full for the next decade, so I can’t meet up with you. Take care.
- The person you ghosted is no longer available.
- No thanks. I’ve moved on with my life. I suggest you do the same.
- Ghosting me was the best thing you ever did for me. Thanks for showing me your true colors. Goodbye.
- Hi there. I’ve got no time for ghosters, but let me know if you’ve got any hot friends you can send my way.
- We could have been good together until I found out what kind of person you really are. Thanks, but no thanks.
- How do I know you?
- You were fun, but I need someone more reliable. Sorry, it’s a no from me.
- Thanks for giving me the chance to tell you what a favor you did me. Now please go away and never contact me again.
Also, don’t forget that you also have the option not to reply at all. If you’re not interested in what he has to say, then there’s no need to engage with him. Just ghost him back and move on with your life.
Or, if you want to acknowledge that you got his text but not waste your time with words, a simple ghost emoji will tell him everything he needs to know. 👻
Example texts to demand an explanation
These texts strike the perfect balance between being direct and giving him a chance to explain himself. He’ll jump at the opportunity to set things right if he’s truly sorry. But if he doesn’t have a good reason, you’ll know it’s not worth getting back together.
- Why did you ghost me like that? I deserve an explanation.
- It’s been a while since we talked. Why are you contacting me now?
- I’m going to need an apology and a very good explanation before this goes anywhere.
- Have you magically changed? What’s going to be different this time around?
- I’m interested in chatting more, but only if you can give me a good reason why I should.
- I’m willing to give you one final chance if you can convince me that things will be different this time.
- If you’re hoping to get back together, you’ll need to do a lot better than just ‘I’m sorry.’ Give me a reason to believe you.
- It’s easy to say you’re sorry, but it takes more than that to earn my trust again.
- I’m not interested in getting hurt again, so you’ll need to give me an excellent reason why I should let you back into my life.
- Why should I believe you won’t just ghost me again? Convince me that this is worth my time, or don’t bother contacting me again.
How to use humor to defuse the situation
If you weren’t too fazed by being ghosted and you’re just curious about what happened, these texts will let him know that you’re not going to sweat it. They’ll also give him a chance to explain himself without putting either of you on the spot.
- Hey there! I’m starting to think you might be a ghost.
- Are you sure you’re not a figment of my imagination?
- Is this haunting, or are you just trying to get my attention? I’m not sure if you’re real or not, but I’ll take my chances.
- Ah, I see you finally found your phone after 3 months. What gives?
- Have the aliens finally returned you to planet Earth? It’s about time!
- I wondered if you were ever coming back or if I should move on to the next spirit.
- Well, my prayers have been answered, and the ghost has returned!
- It’s nice to see you back from the dead. Now that you’re here – mind explaining why you ghosted me?
What to say if you’ve been legitimately worried about him
These texts will let him know you were worried and give him a chance to apologize and explain himself for ghosting you. The key is to be open and understanding and not jump to conclusions about what might have happened.
- I’m so glad you’re okay! I was worried about you. Where have you been?
- I’m glad to see you’re alive and well! I was worried something might have happened to you. What’s been going on?
- I’m glad you’re back! I was starting to think I might never hear from you again. What happened?
FAQs
How long until you’ve officially been ghosted?
Every relationship is different, so there’s no exact time frame. If you’re used to hearing from him multiple times a day, you can consider yourself officially ghosted when you hit 5 days without any contact.
However, if your relationship is more casual and you only hear from him a few times a week, then 2 weeks without any contact is a more accurate indicator that he’s ghosted you.
How long before a ghoster comes back?
How long it takes a ghoster to come back depends entirely on the reason he ghosted you in the first place. If he is afraid of commitment, it will take at least a month before he does the work to get over his fears and come back.
If he is going through a tough time in his life, it could take anywhere from a few weeks to several months before he’s in a place where he can re-engage with you.
And if he’s met someone else, it could be a year or more before his new relationship fails and he realizes he made a mistake in ghosting you.
On average, I think it’s safe to say that most ghosters come back within 3-6 months.
Do ghosters get karma?
If you believe in karma, then you’ll also believe that ghosters will be held to account for their actions. After all, ghosting is a negative choice that causes pain and suffering, so it’s only natural that the universe will balance things out by making the ghoster experience some repercussions down the line.
However, karma is also about intent. If he has a “valid” reason for ghosting you, then you might assume that he will face less karmic consequences for his actions. But if he was just too disrespectful or cowardly to break up with you, then he will definitely have to deal with some bad karma down the road.
Do ghosters feel guilt or regret?
Most ghosters probably don’t feel much guilt at the time, either because they’re self-absorbed and don’t care about your feelings or because they’re going through a tough time, and it never occurs to them that you might be worried or hurt.
When a ghoster comes back, he obviously feels some regret. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be reaching out to you again. It’s up to you to decide if you want to forgive him and give him another chance or if you’re better off without him.
