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You’ve been on a few dates with a guy, and everything is going great. You’re really starting to like him, and you’re excited about the prospect of starting a serious relationship with him.
The only problem is that there’s a nagging feeling in the back of your mind that he doesn’t feel the same way. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but everything he says and does always seems to lead towards one thing – getting into your pants.
It’s not always easy to tell when a guy just wants to sleep with you. They’re often skilled players who know exactly how to string you along. But if you know what to look for, you can spot the signs.
1. Physical affection always leads to sex
If a guy genuinely cares about you, he’ll be physically affectionate without always expecting sex. He’ll hold hands in public, cuddle on the couch while you watch a movie, and enjoy being close to you whenever he can.
But a guy who only wants sex thinks cuddling and holding hands is a complete waste of time. His only goal is to escalate things as fast as possible to get you into bed.
2. He’s selfish in bed
And once he does get you into bed, he’s not interested in taking his time, exploring your body, or even learning what you like in bed. Instead of making sure you both have a good time, he’s completely selfish, and you feel like he’s just using you to get himself off.
3. He seems bored after sex
Even worse, as soon as the sex is over, he seems bored and disinterested. He’s not interested in hanging around to cuddle, chat, or enjoy your company because he’s already gotten what he came for.
4. He leaves as soon as possible after sex
As soon as you’re done having sex, he gets out of there as fast as he can. He’s always got an excuse like an “early wakeup” or a “big day tomorrow,” but you know it’s all a lie. If he genuinely cared about you, he’d want to stick around and revel in the afterglow with you.
5. You feel lonely after sex
If you always feel lonely, isolated, or like you’re not a priority in his life after spending time with him, it’s a major red flag that you’re being used. A healthy relationship should make you feel happy, loved, and supported – not lonely and neglected.
It sounds strange, but you might feel even more lonely after having sex. He’s got what he wants from you and has no reason to stick around, so he starts to pull away and become distant and withdrawn.
6. He only compliments your looks
Every girl likes being told they’re hot, but if that’s the only kind of compliment you ever receive from him, it’s a sign that he’s just using you for sex. Sure, looks are important, but they’re not everything. If he was interested in the complete package, he’d also focus on your personality and accomplishments.
7. He doesn’t care about your day
When you vent to him about your stressful day, does he actually listen and offer comforting words? Or does he completely tune you out and change the subject back to sex? If it’s the latter, it’s a sign that he doesn’t really care about what’s going on in your life and is only interested in getting you into bed.
8. He never makes plans with you
Does he ever seem interested in making plans to have dinner, see a movie, or enjoy a fun activity together? You know, like a proper date? If all your encounters are last minute and start with him sending you a “What’s up?” text, you can be sure there’s only one thing on his mind.
9. You only hang out at home
If his idea of a date is hanging out at home on the couch or in his bedroom, it means he’s trying to skip all the inconvenient “dating” stuff and get straight to the sex as fast as possible. He doesn’t want to put in any effort to plan a real date, spend any money on you, or actually spend time with you outside the house.
10. He never spends any money on you
I’m not suggesting that you should only date guys who shower you with gifts and take you on expensive dates. But if he’s never once offered to pick up the tab or even split it with you, it’s a sign that he doesn’t feel the need to spend any of his hard-earned cash on you. And that’s not good news for your future together.
11. He’s not interested in your friends or family
If he was interested in having a long-term relationship with you, he’d want to get to know the people who are important to you. He should want to spend time with your friends and family, not just because he knows it will make you happy, but because he genuinely wants to get to know the people who have shaped you into the person you are today.
12. He ignores your texts unless he wants sex
Does he only respond to your texts straight away if he thinks it will lead to sex?
Here’s a simple experiment to try for yourself. Ask him to join you for some fun activities out of the house, like catching a movie or going to a new restaurant. If he responds quickly and eagerly, great! But if he takes hours or even days to get back to you, take note.
Next, text him and say you’re bored and lonely and he should come over and keep you company. If he always responds right away to these kinds of texts, then you know his true intentions.
13. He only messages you for booty calls
Has he ever texted just to chat and see how you’re going, or does it always end up being a booty call in disguise? The next time he tries it on, tell him you’re not in the mood but suggest a lunch date or activity the following day. If his interest in seeing you suddenly evaporates, you’ll know he only wants to sleep with you.
The secret weapon that will make him fall for you
All men have a biological urge to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave the chance to step up and test their strengths and abilities.
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the “hero instinct,” and it explains why so many women struggle to attract guys and keep them committed.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in any man. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind.
When you trigger a man’s hero instinct, he becomes comfortable fully investing in your relationship because he knows he’ll never need anyone else. In a matter of days, you’ll notice him become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed was possible.
Never again will you have to deal with his hot and cold behavior, distance, or silence. He’ll think you’re reading his mind, and he’ll thank you for it every day.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in a man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him want to work for your love and admiration.
14. He makes every conversation about sex
Does every conversation with him end up being about sex? It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about something completely unrelated; before long, he’s pawing at you and trying to get your clothes off. He doesn’t even care if you’re telling him something serious or asking him to help you with a problem. And as soon as you try to distract him and get the conversation back on track, he looks sulky and bored again.
15. He gets annoyed if you’re not in the mood
If he gets annoyed or moody when you’re not in the mood for sex, it’s clear that he only cares about his own needs. First, he tries to charm you into bed, and when that doesn’t work, he whines and makes you feel guilty for not giving him what he wants. And as soon as he realizes he’s wasting his time, his irritation boils over, and his true colors are exposed.
16. He flirts with other girls
If he’s flirting with other girls in front of you, it means he doesn’t respect you or see you as anything more than a conquest. If he was serious about you, he would never put you in a situation where you feel jealous or disrespected.
17. He’s always talking about other girls
If he’s constantly talking about other girls, whether he’s complaining about an ex or drooling over some girl he saw on the street, it’s a sign that he’s not interested in getting serious with you. He clearly has one foot out the door and is just waiting for something better to come along.
18. You met on Tinder
I’m sure some people have found true love on Tinder, but for the most part, it’s just a hookup app. If you met your guy on Tinder, chances are he’s not looking for anything serious and is only interested in sleeping with you. Don’t be surprised if you catch him still swiping through other girls’ profiles even after you’ve started dating.
19. You’ve never hung out with his friends
If he was serious about you, he’d be excited to introduce you to the people who matter most to him. If his friends like you, it should mean the world to him and give him a sense of pride. But if he’s keeping you away from his inner circle, it’s a sign that he doesn’t see a future with you.
20. You don’t know much about him
How much do you actually know about him? Does he ever open up to you about his life, his family, or anything else? If not, it’s a sign that he doesn’t care about you enough to let you in on the things that matter most to him.
21. He doesn’t remember anything about you
When a guy really likes you, he remembers everything you tell him because he’s listening intently and trying to learn everything he can about you. But if your guy can’t even remember what you do for a living, he is definitely not interested in having a long-term relationship with you.
22. You were warned he’s a player
If multiple people have told you he’s a player; there’s a good chance they’re right. It might be hard to hear, but it’s better to know the truth than to stay in denial and get your heart broken. And forget about trying to change him – guys like that never change. Your best move is to cut him loose and find someone looking for real commitment.
23. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship
Believe him if he tells you outright that he doesn’t want a relationship! He’s telling the truth and is just trying to be upfront. There’s no point trying to change his mind or convince him otherwise because all he’s looking for is sex. At least he’s being honest about it and not trying to fool you into thinking he cares about anything more serious.
Why are you enabling him?
If you’re sure he just wants to sleep with you, what’s your next move? Are you going to kick him out of bed and move on with your life, or is it more complicated than that?
There’s no judgment if you want to keep dating him, but it might be helpful to think about why you’re not ready to let him go.
1. You’re in love with him
Unfortunately, you don’t get to choose who you fall in love with. Even though you know he’s just using you for sex, you can’t help but be drawn to him. Even though he’s not good for you, you can’t help but want to be with him.
2. The sex is amazing
If the sex is amazing, it can be hard to leave – even if everything else is wrong. As long as you’re happy to keep things casual, then go for it! Just be honest about what you really want, and don’t mistake lust for something more meaningful.
3. You’re scared to be alone
Loneliness isn’t a good enough reason to stay in a bad relationship. If you’re only with him because you’re afraid of being alone, you must face your fears and learn to be comfortable with yourself. Once you do, you’ll see that being alone isn’t so bad – and that you don’t need a man to be happy.
4. You crave validation
We all need validation, but if you’re only dating him because he makes you feel good about yourself, you’re in for a rude awakening. No one will make you feel good about yourself 24/7 – and you shouldn’t expect them to. If your self-esteem depends entirely on him, it’s time to learn to love yourself.
5. You think you can change him
You can’t change someone – no matter how much you try. If you’re sticking around hoping he’ll change, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Accept that he only wants to sleep with you – or move on.
