This post may include affiliate links to products we think you'll find useful. We may earn a small commission if you buy through these links. Read our affiliate disclosure.
In a world of smartphones and dating apps, the follow-up text you send after a first date is just as important as the date itself. It can help seal the deal for a second date or completely ruin your chances of seeing that person again.
What should you say? How long should you wait? What if they don’t reply? Should a guy or girl text first?
It’s all pretty confusing and stressful, but don’t worry – I’ve got you covered. Keep reading for everything you need to know about when and what to text after a first date.
General tips
The main goal of sending a text after a first date is to keep the conversation going and increase your chances of getting a second date. But how do you do that without coming on too strong or seeming desperate?
1. Keep it casual
Keep your tone light and casual so you don’t come across as too needy or desperate. Even if you had the most incredible night of your life and think you just found “the one,” resist the urge to gush about how perfect they are.
Also, unless you specifically talked about it on your date, avoid bringing up any serious topics or discussing anything that could potentially make them uncomfortable.
2. Keep it short
You also don’t need to write an essay after a first date. In fact, keeping your messages short and sweet is often the best way to go. This is especially true if you’re not sure how they feel about you yet – you don’t want to scare them off with a novel-length message.
3. Make your intentions clear
Most people will also appreciate it if you’re straightforward about your intentions. If you’re interested in seeing that person again, let them know! Feel free to flirt if it feels natural, but avoid any kind of sexting at this stage.
What to text after a first date
Okay, now that we’ve covered the general first date texting etiquette, here are some specific examples of what to text after a first date.
1. Make plans for a second date
If you had a great time and want to see them again, your goal is to get a second date.
If you’re not sure how they feel about you, just keep things a little bit vague. A simple “I had such a great time last night. We should do it again soon!” will do the trick. This gives your date a chance to make the next move or decline the invitation without things becoming awkward.
But if you’re very confident that they like you as much as you like them, it’s fine to be straightforward and make it clear that you’re interested. For example, “I had so much fun last night, and I can’t wait to see you again. What are you up to this weekend?”
You can even get a little bit flirty at this stage and say something like, “I still haven’t stopped smiling after our date last night. Are you free on Saturday night?”
Rating your date is also a fun way to let them know you had a great time and encourages them to return the favor. For example, “I’d give our first date a 9.3 out of 10. What would you rate it?” And if they give it a good score, you can immediately follow up with, “I think we can do even better next time… “
2. Boost their ego
Giving your date a compliment is always a good idea, but try to focus on something specific that not everyone would notice. Anyone can give a generic compliment like, “You’re so beautiful/handsome!” and I’m sure they’ve heard it all before. On the other hand, “I love your taste in books and movies or, “I was really impressed with how you handled that situation with your boss” helps build a more genuine connection and shows that you were listening and paying attention to the details.
And if you want to be even more forward, “I can’t resist someone who (insert attractive quality here)” is a great way to boost their ego and let them know you’re interested.
You can also use their skills and interests as a way to compliment them and arrange another date at the same time. Try something like, “It’s so awesome that you’re into rock climbing. I’ve wanted to try it for years! Would you be up for giving me a lesson?”
3. Follow up on a recommendation
Following up on a recommendation gives you an excuse to continue the conversation and show you were listening and paying attention.
If they told you about a restaurant, book, or movie they like, let them know that you checked it out. And if you loved it as much as they did, use this as an opportunity to suggest meeting up again. For example, “I checked out that movie you recommended, and it was great! Looking forward to discussing it with you!” or “I tried that new sushi place you told me about, and it was amazing! We should go there together sometime.”
4. Continue an inside joke
If you’ve developed an inside joke after only one date, it’s a great sign that you’re already creating shared memories and developing a rapport.
To keep the conversation going, bring up the joke again in a light-hearted way and use it as an excuse to get a second date. For example, perhaps you were both laughing about how clumsy you are. You could text them and say something like, “I’m still laughing about how we fell all over each other last night. We should do it again sometime, so I can prove that I’m not always such a klutz!”
5. Show you’re thinking about them
There are endless ways to let your date know you’re thinking about them without coming on too strong or being overly clingy.
If you were flirting a lot or kissed at the end of your date, you might say, “I’m going to have trouble falling asleep tonight” or “I can’t stop thinking about our kiss… can’t wait to do it again.”
And if you want to be more conservative, wait until the next day to text them and send something simple like, “Just wanted to say hi and see how your day is going. I had such a great time last night!”
6. Bond over a mutual interest
Hopefully, you discovered at least one common interest during your first date, and this makes great material to keep the conversation going over text.
Send them a link to an article, meme, or video you think they’ll find interesting and say, “Hey, I saw this and thought of you. What do you think about (insert question here)?” Asking their opinion will also show that you’re interested in what they have to say and care about their thoughts.
And once again, you can also use shared interests or hobbies as an excuse to meet up with them again. For example, if you both enjoy live music, try something like, “I think we would love this band that’s playing on Friday night. Wanna check it out with me?”
7. Ease any awkwardness or nervousness
First dates can be nerve-wracking, and it’s normal to feel a little awkward or nervous afterward. More than anything else, you want to know if you did okay and if they liked you as much as you liked them.
A great way to ease any awkwardness is simply by acknowledging it. For example, “I was so nervous on our date. I’m sorry if I said anything weird.” This will immediately help to make things feel more relaxed and comfortable between you.
Hopefully, your date will quickly respond and put your mind at ease.
8. Apologize for being a bad date
Your date probably picked up on your negative vibes if you were distracted or worried about personal problems. The best thing you can do is own it and apologize for being off your game. With any luck, they’ll understand and give you a second chance.
Combine your apology with something positive, like “I’m sorry if I seemed distracted during our date. I’ve been under a lot of stress at work recently, but having dinner with you made me feel much better, and I hope you’ll give me the chance to make it up to you.”
9. Build anticipation
If you’re lucky enough to get a second date, keeping them guessing about what you have planned is a great way to build anticipation and get them excited about seeing you again. Tell them that you have a “fun date planned,” but don’t give away too many details.
Just remember that not everyone likes surprises, so make sure they’re the adventurous type before you try out this move.
10. Show your sense of humor
Texting is a great way to show you have a sense of humor without the pressure of being face-to-face. If something funny or embarrassing happened during your date, send them a gif or meme that perfectly sums it up, or tell them a short related story that will make them laugh.
11. Flirt with them
Flirting is a great way to show interest without being too forward. And since you’re not face-to-face, there’s less pressure to come up with the perfect thing to say on the spot.
Something like, “I still haven’t stopped smiling after our date last night.” is just the right amount of flirty and sweet. Or if you want to take it up a notch, “You looked so amazing last night. I don’t know how you’re going to top it next time!”
12. Learn more about them
Asking follow-up questions about things they mentioned on your date shows that you want to know more about them. For example, if they talked about their job or what they study, ask them why they chose it or what they like about it.
You can also ask more personal questions that you didn’t have a chance to cover on your first date. Just keep things light and avoid anything that could potentially make them feel uncomfortable.
13. Ask them if they got home safely
If your date finished at night, asking them if they got home okay shows care and concern and gives you a chance to keep the conversation going.
You can send this text the same night or wait until the next day and say something like, “Hey, just wanted to make sure you got home safely last night. I had such a great time and can’t wait to do it again soon.”
How to tell someone you’re not interested
Not everyone you date will be a perfect match, and sometimes you’ll know from the first date that it’s not going to work out. If that’s the case, there’s no need to drag things out and lead them on.
They deserve a polite and respectful text to let them know you’re not interested in taking things further. Text them the same day if you can, and definitely don’t wait longer than a day. Just keep it simple: “Hey, I had a great time on our date, but I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck in your search.”
Being polite is always better than ghosting someone or being rude. You never know when you might cross paths again, so it’s always best to leave things on a good note.
What not to text after a first date
So far, we’ve covered what you should text after a first date, but there are also some things you definitely shouldn’t say. These texts will only make things more awkward and could potentially ruin your chances.
1. Sexual texts
Flirting over text is fine after a first date, but anything more explicit might cross the line and make your date feel uncomfortable. For example, “I can’t stop imagining what you look like naked” is too much too soon. If things go well, there’ll be plenty of time for sexting (and seeing them naked) down the track.
2. Declarations of love
Another huge mistake is telling your date that you love them or think they’re “the one.” It might seem romantic, but it’s actually a huge red flag for most people. It’s way too soon to be saying things like this, and you’ll come across as weird and desperate.
3. Begging for a second chance
If your date has already told you they’re not interested, don’t beg for a second chance or try to talk them into it. It’s a waste of time and will only make you look desperate. Just move on and find someone who appreciates you.
4. Cheese or sleaze
There’s a fine line between being funny and coming across as cheesy or sleazy. If you’re not sure whether your text will be taken the right way, it’s best not to send it. The last thing you want is for your date to think you’re a creep.
5. Good morning texts
Avoid the urge to send a “good morning” text after a first date. There’s too much risk it will come across as creepy or clingy and kill the attraction. Good morning texts are fine once you’ve established an intimate relationship (like sleeping together).
When should you text after a first date
There are no hard and fast rules on when to text after a first date, and it largely depends on the circumstances.
In general, it’s best not to wait for more than a day or two because your date might assume you’re not interested and move on. The last thing you want to do is give the impression you’re playing games or leading them on.
If you’re not sure, err on the side of caution and text them the next day. The sooner you text, the better chance you have of keeping the conversation going and potentially setting up a second date.
However, if you know the date went well, or you’ve already discussed the possibility of seeing each other again, there’s nothing wrong with sending a text on the same day to make it clear that you’re interested.
What should you do if they don’t reply?
Even if your date doesn’t want to see you again, most people will at least acknowledge your text and let you know how they feel.
Even if they don’t tell you straight up that they’re not interested, evasive, short, or curt replies will tell you everything you need to know. All you can do is force the issue by asking them out on a second date. If they don’t want to see you again, at least they’ll have to give you a straight answer.
But what should you do if you get no reply at all? You really only have two choices: let it go and move on with your life, or send them a follow-up text.
The only time it’s worth sending a second text is if you’re confident they want to see you again. Maybe you talked about a second date while you were together, or they said they had a really great time. In this case, they may not have seen your text or been so busy they forgot to reply to you.
But if you don’t have good vibes, then it’s probably best to move on. It’s pretty rude of them to ghost you and not let you know how they feel, but it happens.
Should a girl or a guy text first?
Thankfully, we’re living in the 21st century, and the days when guys had to make the first move are long gone. These days, it’s perfectly acceptable for women to text first after a date.
If you’re a woman, there’s no such thing as appearing too forward. In fact, any guy will love the fact that you were confident enough to text him first.
Should you use social media to message them?
For a first date, it’s much better to stick with good old-fashioned texting. It’s more personal and intimate, and you don’t have to worry about your message getting lost in the shuffle of their social media notifications. Plus, you can always add them on social media afterwards if it goes well.
Is calling better than texting?
Before smartphones were a thing, the only option for phone communication was calling. But these days, with the rise of texting and social media, it’s become less and less common to call someone, especially if you don’t know them that well.
For a first date, it’s probably best to stick with texting. It’s less imposing than a phone call and gives you a chance to think about precisely what you want to say before hitting send. It also gives your date a chance to think about their feelings and respond when they feel like it without being put under pressure.
Final thoughts
I hope this guide has given you some helpful tips on what and when to text after a first date.
If you’re not sure what to do, just err on the side of caution and text them the next day. The sooner you text, the better chance you have of keeping the conversation going and potentially setting up a second date. Focus on building a deeper connection with your date, be yourself, and have fun!
