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Are you wondering if a married man is in love with you? Maybe a married coworker has started treating you differently, or a married male friend is paying you extra attention.
It’s natural to feel nervous if you think a married man is attracted to you, especially if you also have romantic feelings for him. You might even find the idea of having an affair with him dangerously exciting.
Don’t worry. I’m not here to judge. Only you can know whether pursuing a relationship with a married man is right for you. But before you decide what to do, you need to be sure he really is in love with you. Many guys aren’t exactly great at expressing their feelings, and it can be hard to tell.
In this article, I will show you all the signs to look out for that married man is in love with you. I’ll also look at how you should handle the situation if it turns out to be true.
1. He makes excuses to see you
When a married man is in love with you, he’ll make excuses to see you whenever he can. After all, spending time with you is the only way to get closer to you and increase the chance of you returning his feelings.
If he’s a coworker, he’ll visit you at work every chance he gets. Maybe it’s to ask for your opinion or advice, offer to help you with your work, or borrow something from you. Asking you out for lunch or coffee to talk about work is also an excellent way for him to get alone time with you in a more intimate setting.
A coworker might not even care if it looks obvious he’s giving you extra attention. As long as he only spends time with you at work, he can be sure his wife will never get suspicious. But what if he’s a friend, or even worse, the husband of a close friend? Eventually, it will look suspicious if he’s constantly making excuses to see you without his wife around.
If you mainly see him in a group situation, think about how he acts around you. Does he always find a way to sit next to you? Does he give you extra attention and spend more time talking to you than his wife?
2. He can’t stop looking at you
If a married man stares directly into your eyes, it’s a powerful signal that he’s attracted to you. Holding eye contact is a way to build attraction, and he wants you to know that he’s interested. For reference, anything longer than 3 to 4 seconds of direct eye contact is a stare. If he stares at you for longer than about 7 seconds, it might start to feel creepy.
Even a quick glance from a married guy can signal attraction because he might be nervous about making eye contact for longer. Perhaps he’s shy or feels guilty about staring because he knows he shouldn’t be attracted to you.
Notice the direction his eyes move after he glances away. It was probably just an accidental look if he glances to the side after looking at you. But if he glances down at the floor, it signals submission or attraction.
Receiving stares or repeated glances from a married guy is the perfect opportunity for you to signal your feelings back to him.
If you want to return his feelings, stare straight back into his eyes and smile. There are also lots of other things you can communicate with your body language to let him know that you like him back.
But if you’re not interested and want to shut him down, don’t return his gaze. You can also look away to the side when you accidentally make eye contact with him, and this will send a clear signal that you’re not interested in taking things any further.
3. He acts differently around you
Acting differently around you is one of the first signs a married man is falling in love with you. Guys are generally quite good at hiding their feelings, so it’s not always easy to tell. But if you know him well enough, you should be able to notice some subtle changes in his behavior.
For example, he might start acting more protective of you or getting jealous when other guys talk to you. Or perhaps he never used to pay you much attention but suddenly he’s opening up to you about his feelings and emotions or asking you lots of personal questions.
4. He teases you
Teasing is a great way for a married man to flirt with you and let you know he’s in love with you without being too obvious.
By gently teasing you about your weaknesses or insecurities, he’s showing you that he deeply knows your personality, which helps build intimacy and trust. He might also use teasing as a way to compliment you without being too obvious. These kinds of backhanded compliments show you that he really understands what makes you tick.
When a married man flirts with you, teasing also gives him lots of opportunities to touch you without coming on too strong. For example, he might put his arm around your shoulders or touch your arm to soften the effect of his teasing and let you know he’s just joking around.
5. He compliments you
Just because a married guy compliments you doesn’t mean he’s in love with you. He might just be the kind of guy that often gives compliments.
If he gives you a generic compliment like ‘you look great today, he’s probably just being friendly. But if he’s really into you, he’ll give you more specific and personal compliments and mention things that only someone who knows you very well would notice.
For example, he might compliment you when you subtly change the shade of your lipstick or when you wear a new top. Only someone paying close attention to you would notice these kinds of changes.
6. He remembers everything you tell him
You might notice that a married man who loves you remembers all the little things you tell him. It’s like he has a mental checklist of everything you’ve said, and he can recall them back to you at any given moment.
So why has his memory suddenly gotten so amazing? It’s because he’s paying special attention to everything you say, and he wants to make sure he doesn’t forget a single thing. He’s trying to learn all he can about you to understand you better and figure out what makes you happy.
7. He jokes about being in love with you
What does it mean if a married man jokes about being in love with you?
He might just be a very flirty guy who likes you and wants to compliment you. He never intends to take it any further, but he wants you to know that he’d be very interested if he were single.
But it could also mean that he’s genuinely in love with you, and joking around allows him to tell you how he feels without any risk to his ego or reputation.
If his wife hears about his jokes, he’ll defend himself by saying he was only joking. She still won’t be happy with him, but he’ll probably get away with it.
Joking about loving you also allows him to test your feelings subtly. If he’s lucky, you might admit that you feel the same way, and he can decide whether he wants to take things further. And if you shut him down or accuse him of being unfaithful, he can just laugh it off and claim he never meant it seriously.
The secret weapon to make him obsessed with you
All men feel a powerful urge to compete. It comes from ancient times when every day was a fight for survival to protect their tribe and provide for their families.
The stakes are much lower today, but the competitive urge remains deeply rooted in male biology. Instead of fighting saber-toothed tigers, men channel their competitive energy into work, fitness, acquiring wealth, or earning the respect of their peers.
Imagine if you could harness all this competitive energy and make your married man obsessed with winning your love?
You can. And all you need to do is trigger a biological switch inside him that will make him see you as the ultimate prize.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls this switch the “hero instinct,” and it explains why some women have men falling all over them while others struggle to find lasting love.
Triggering a man’s hero instinct taps into his competitive spirit and makes him see your relationship as an opportunity to prove himself as a man. Making you happy gives him purpose and a “game” to win.
Instead of you chasing him, he will jump through hoops to impress you and win your approval. In a matter of days, he’ll become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed possible.
And the best part is that you can do all this without playing hard to get or acting like a damsel in distress.
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him utterly obsessed with you.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but it’s the real deal. James’ techniques use simple yet powerful psychology to help you tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
If you do decide to pursue a married man, triggering his hero instinct is the best way to make him fall for you.
8. He finds excuses to touch you
Finding excuses to touch you is one of the most obvious signs a married man is in love with you. Physical contact is also one of the best ways to build intimacy and make a connection with someone.
When he laughs at your jokes, he might reach out and touch you lightly on the arm and leave it there for a long time. Or when he opens a door for you (that’s his hero instinct at work), he might put his hand in the small of your back to guide you through the door.
If you’re sitting next to each other, his leg might ‘accidentally graze yours under the table. If you didn’t know better, you might even think it was accidental.
And once in a while (when it’s appropriate), he even gets to hug you or kiss you on the cheek. Does he hold onto you just a little bit longer and tighter than usual?
9. He leans into you
Leaning in closer to someone while talking to them is a nonverbal way of saying that you’re interested in them and their conversation. It also shows that you want to get physically closer to them.
Watch your married man closely and see if he leans in while talking to you. He might even take a step closer towards you so that there’s less space between you. It’s not always easy to tell if someone is leaning into you because it can be subtle. But if you pay attention, you should be able to see it.
10. His feet are pointed at you
It sounds weird, but you can tell if someone is attracted to you by the direction their feet are pointing. If they’re interested in you, their feet will point towards you.
It’s a subconscious thing that happens when we like someone. Our brain tells our feet to point towards the person we’re attracted to without us even realizing it.
This best way to test this is when you’re in a group situation. If his feet are still pointed at you when he’s not directly talking to you, it’s a good sign he’s attracted to you.
11. He grooms himself around you
It’s very common for both men and women to groom themselves when attracted to someone. Psychologists call this behavior ‘preening,’ which comes from the animal kingdom.
When girls preen, it’s a lot more noticeable. They play with their hair, touch up their lip gloss, or look at themselves in their phone camera.
But guys also engage in preening behavior, and there are telltale signs you can look for. For example, he might adjust his clothing or fidget with his collar. He might also straighten out his tie or run his fingers through his hair. These behaviors are primarily unconscious and signal that he’s trying to look his best for you.
12. He tries to look good around you
It can be hard to spot the signs that a married man is trying to look good for you because he might not be obvious about it. But if you pay attention, you should be able to see some sure signs he’s trying to impress you.
For example, does he take the time to shave or put on cologne when he knows he’s going to see you? Has he recently bought a new wardrobe and stopped wearing the same ratty old jeans and a t-shirt? Or perhaps he’s started working out more and has lost a few pounds. All these behaviors are designed to make him look better in your eyes.
13. He mirrors your actions
When someone copies your speech, behavior, or actions, it’s referred to by psychologists as mirroring. The subtle signs of mirroring include copying your posture, hand gestures, expressions, or even your accent.
Mirroring is a great way to tell if a married man is in love with you because it’s often unconscious behavior. In other words, if a guy is attracted to you, he probably won’t be able to stop himself from doing it.
Mirroring is a sign of attraction because it builds trust and rapport with you. By copying your speech or behavior, he’s showing you that he’s interested in you and engaged in what you’re saying.
Keep in mind that some people deliberately use mirroring to build trust and empathy. It can be useful as a sales tactic, and ‘pickup artists’ often use it to hook up with girls.
14. He goes out of his way to help you
If a married man cares for you, he’ll make extra effort to help you and go out of his way to do things for you. You might notice little things like he holds the door open for you or offers to help you with your bags. Or he might do something more significant like help you move house or fix your car in his free time.
Wanting to help you goes back to the concept of the hero instinct I mentioned earlier. Men crave the feeling of being needed and essential to women – especially the women they love.
Men are much more attracted to women who trigger their hero instinct and make them feel needed. And men are also much less interested in men who don’t trigger this primal urge. They always feel like something is missing, even if they don’t quite know what it is.
Check out this fascinating free video to learn more about the hero instinct. It will give you fantastic insight into how men think and the type of women they choose to be with.
15. He’s interested in your future plans
When a married man loves you, he’ll start showing a genuine interest in your future plans. He might ask about your goals and dreams for the future or what you want to do with your life.
This is another subtle sign that he cares for you and wants to be a part of your life long-term. It’s also a way of gauging whether you’re on the same page as him and looking for the same things in life.
Of course, some men are just naturally curious people and like to ask lots of questions. But if he’s constantly asking about your plans and dreams, it’s a good sign he’s interested in you and wants to know more about you.
16. He wants to protect you
If a married man loves you, he’ll want to protect you at all costs. He’ll feel a strong desire to keep you safe and make sure nothing bad happens to you.
If you work together, he might go out of his way to defend you if a colleague or customer is rude to you. Or he might offer to walk you to your car after work late at night.
17. He doesn’t mention his wife
If he never mentions his wife around you, it could be because he’s in love with you and doesn’t want to think about the reality of his married life. He’s created a fantasy for himself where he can be with you, and talking about his wife would shatter the illusion. He probably also feels guilty, and talking about his wife is a reminder that he’s being emotionally unfaithful.
18. He’s interested in your love life
Is your married man taking a keen interest in your love life? Does he ask you lots of questions about your current and past relationships? If so, it could be a good sign that he’s in love with you.
When a man is interested in a woman, he wants to know everything about her. This includes her love life and relationship history. He’s trying to figure out what kind of person she is and whether she’s right for him.
19. He gets jealous
Even though he’s not with you (and may never get the chance), he still feels pangs of jealousy whenever he sees you talking to other guys. He wants to know every detail of your love life, who you date, what you did with them, and whether you’re going to keep seeing them.
It drives him crazy that you can sleep with whoever you like, and there’s nothing he can do about it. If he can’t have you, then no one else should either. He knows that it’s only a matter of time before you meet someone amazing, and his chance to make a move is gone forever. The only way he can end his jealousy is to tell you how he feels.
20. He asks for your advice and opinion
If a married man starts asking for your advice and opinion on things, it could just mean that he values and respects your opinion. However, if you’ve known him for a while and he’s just started doing this, it could signify that he’s in love with you.
Asking your advice is a way for him to learn more about you and what you think. It’s also a way of opening up the lines of communication to start talking to you about things that are important to him. The more you begin to confide in each other, the more chance he has of taking your relationship to the next level.
21. He’s interested in your personal life
Another sign a married man has a crush on you is when he starts asking questions about your personal life. It helps him build an emotional connection with you and learn more about what makes you tick.
Your hopes and dreams for the future are important to him. What do you want from your life? Do you want a family and where would you like to live? These questions will help him learn if he has any chance of a future with you. If he’s going to leave his wife for you, he needs to know you’re on the same page.
Sure, friends tell each other personal things, but there are a few different ways you can tell that he loves you. The most obvious way is that your conversations get more and more sexually intimate. You can tell he gets turned on by talking to you about what you like in the bedroom, and he’s trying hard not to blurt out how he feels.
22. He’s active on your social media
Is your married man following you on social media and liking all of your posts? It could be his way of trying to stay connected to you. Even if he can’t be with you in person, he wants to make sure he’s still a part of your life.
It also gives him a way to keep tabs on what you’re up to. If he sees that you’re dating other guys, it might make him realize that he needs to take action and tell you how he feels.
23. He tells you about his marriage problems
I’ve already discussed how a guy who loves you might never mention his wife. But he might also take the complete opposite approach and tell you intimate details about the tough time he’s having in his marriage.
He wants you to know how unhappy he is in his relationship because it shows that he’s not completely committed to his wife. It also creates a bond between you because he’s confiding in you and trusting you with this information.
Of course, some married men will use their marital problems as an excuse to cheat. But if he’s genuinely unhappy, it might be his way of trying to prepare you for a future where he’s free to be with you.
24. Is he wearing his wedding ring?
Married men looking to cheat often take their wedding rings off, but it’s important not to jump to conclusions. Some guys like to hide their marital status because they like flirting with girls, but they have no intention of cheating. You can judge whether this is harmless fun or a breach of trust. And some guys just don’t like wearing their wedding ring all the time, and taking it off has nothing to do with their marriage.
25. You can feel it in your gut
If you have a gut feeling that a married guy is in love with you, there’s a good chance you’re right. Gut instinct is usually a sign that something is going on, even if you can’t put your finger on it. Trust your intuition, and look out for all the other signs on this list.
What should you do if a married man is in love with you?
If you’re seeing all the signs that a married man is in love with you, the first thing you should do is take a step back and assess your feelings. Once you know how you feel, you have the following moves you can make.
1. Tell him you love him
If you love him deeply and want to be with him, you might decide to tell him how you feel. This is a difficult decision to make, and I’m sorry you’re in this position. Even though you’re not the cause of his unhappy marriage, you’re still going to feel a lot of guilt for helping to break up a marriage. All you can do is make sure your feelings are real and follow your heart.
2. Get over him
Even if you are in love with him, you might decide that being with him isn’t worth the guilt you’ll feel over breaking up his marriage. In this case, you need to figure out how to get over him and move on.
The best advice I can give you is to treat the situation exactly like a breakup. Give yourself plenty of time and space to grieve, focus on your happiness, and get ready to meet a guy who doesn’t come with all the baggage. It’s also a good idea to use the no contact rule to help you move on.
3. Have an affair
What happens if you realize you love each other, but he refuses to leave his wife? The only option you have left is to have an affair with him.
Having an affair can feel dangerous and exciting, and it might be part of the appeal for him if he feels bored or stuck in his relationship. It is possible to have a ‘successful’ affair, but you need to be clear on exactly what you’re signing up for.
He might be in love with you, but the fact that he won’t leave his wife means he wants the best of both worlds. You’ll always come second, and he’s far more likely to abandon you if you force him to make a choice.
You should also be very skeptical if he tells you he’ll leave his wife for you in the future. If he loves you, he’ll commit to leaving his wife to start a relationship with you without leading a double life.
4. Shut him down
If you don’t love him back, you need to shut him down before he says or does something he regrets. The last thing you want is to break up his marriage just because he’s in love with you.
The best way to handle the situation is to be open and honest with him. Tell him that you suspect he’s in love with you and that you don’t return his feelings.
Assure him that you still want to be friends (assuming that you do) and that his wife never needs to know. But also make it clear that he needs to move on from you and stop pretending like you have a future together.
Final thoughts
I hope this article has given you a better understanding of what it means when a married man is in love with you. If you’re feeling confused or scared, know that you’re not alone. Many women have been in this situation, and there’s no right or wrong answer. Just remember to trust your gut instinct, be honest with yourself, and take action based on your own feelings and needs.
