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There’s nothing better than the comfort and relaxed vibes that come with being in a relationship. You don’t have to worry about impressing anyone or the stress of going on dates; you can just hang out and be yourself.
But sometimes, that comfort can turn into laziness and complacency. Your boyfriend stops putting in any effort and doesn’t do anything special for you. It feels like he’s taking you for granted, and you wonder if he’s even interested in you anymore.
If this sounds familiar, read on to find out why your boyfriend doesn’t do anything special for you and what you can do about it.
1. He’s taking you for granted
The most likely reason your boyfriend takes you for granted is that he knows he doesn’t have to try anymore. Over time, you’ve started putting in all the effort, and he’s just coasting along. He knows you’ll always be there for him, no matter how he treats you.
Even worse, he probably whines and complains when he does have to put in any effort. He’s used to getting his way and having you cater to his needs, so he doesn’t see why he should have to go out of his way to make you feel special.
If your boyfriend is taking you for granted, it’s time to put your foot down and show him that you’re not going to tolerate being treated like a doormat.
The best way to do this is to stop being so available. If he knows he can always count on you to be there for him, he’ll never feel the need to try harder. Start saying no to his demands and make plans that don’t revolve around him. He’ll soon realize he needs to step up his game if he wants to keep you in his life.
2. His feelings have changed
In the early stages of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. You can’t get enough of each other, and your boyfriend goes out of his way to make sure you feel loved and appreciated.
But the novelty has worn off over time, and his feelings have changed. He’s no longer as interested in you as he used to be, and he doesn’t feel the need to make an effort anymore.
He’s too lazy to break up with you because he likes the comfort and security of the relationship, but he’s not willing to put in any work to improve it. So he just goes through the motions and does the bare minimum to keep you around.
If your boyfriend’s feelings have changed, it’s time to talk with him about where things are going. If he’s not willing to try to save the relationship, it might be time to move on.
Related post: 23 reasons he keeps you around but doesn’t want a relationship
3. He hasn’t learned your love language
In case you’re unfamiliar with the concept, everyone has a “love language” that is their preferred way of receiving love and affection. Some people prefer physical touch, others prefer quality time, and others like to receive gifts.
Dr. Gary Chapman popularized the love language concept in his book “The 5 Love Languages.” In it, he explains that people often don’t feel loved because their partners express love in a way that isn’t meaningful to them.
Your boyfriend might be doing things that he thinks are special for you, but they’re not actually what you need to feel loved and appreciated. For example, if your love language is physical touch and his is quality time, you might feel unloved when he doesn’t cuddle you or hold your hand.
Talk to him about what you need to feel loved and appreciated, and give him plenty of clues about exactly what he should be doing. It might be all you need to make a massive difference in how he treats you.
4. He craves more space
If you live together or spend a lot of time together, your boyfriend might feel suffocated and crave more space. In extreme cases, he might even feel like he’s losing his sense of self because so much of his life revolves around you.
It’s not that he doesn’t love you; he just needs some time to himself to recharge and remember who he is outside of the relationship.
Until you give him some space, it will be hard for him to make any effort in the relationship, let alone do anything special for you. And if it goes on too long, there’s a danger he’ll start to resent you for taking up so much of his time and energy.
Encourage him to take some time for himself, pursue his hobbies, or hang out with his buddies. Your support will make him think you’re the most amazing girlfriend ever, and he’ll be even more engaged and enthusiastic about your relationship.
And above all, don’t forget that his wanting to spend some time alone or with his friends is not a reflection on you or the relationship.
5. He feels smothered and controlled
In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel free to be themselves and pursue their own interests. But in some relationships, one person feels smothered and controlled by their partner.
If your boyfriend feels like he can’t do anything without your approval or he’s constantly being nagged and criticized, it’s no wonder he’s not motivated to do anything special for you. He probably feels like he can’t do anything right in your eyes and is trying to avoid conflict or criticism.
Instead of constantly pushing him to do things your way, try to compromise and meet him halfway. Make an effort to build him up instead of tearing him down. If you show him that you’re on his side and you trust him to make decisions, he’ll be much more likely to want to do things for you.
6. He’s going through a tough time
If your boyfriend is going through a tough time at school, at work, or in his personal life, he might not have any extra energy to put into the relationship. He’s feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, and the last thing he wants to do is plan a special date or buy you a gift.
The problem is that a lot of guys keep their problems to themselves. They don’t want to appear weak or like they can’t handle things, so they bottle it up inside. So even if he’s going through a tough time, you might not even know it.
If you notice that your boyfriend seems stressed or preoccupied, ask him what’s going on and see if there’s anything you can do to help him. Even if he doesn’t want to talk about it, just knowing that you’re there for him can make a big difference.
7. He’s not good at expressing himself
I’m sure you’re not surprised to hear that some guys have trouble expressing themselves. So even if your boyfriend loves you and wants to do special things for you, he might not know how to show you that he cares.
The best way to combat this is to take the lead and show him how you want to be loved. Give him specific examples of things he can do that will make you special, whether it’s taking you on a special date, cooking you dinner, or buying you that necklace you’ve been eyeing.
You might be thinking that telling him what you need takes all the romance out of the relationship. But in reality, it’s the best way to kickstart a more thoughtful and considerate relationship. Over time, he’ll learn what you need and start doing things on his own to make you feel loved.
8. He only thinks about himself
Unfortunately, your boyfriend might just be a selfish person. He’s so focused on his own needs and wants that he doesn’t think about what would make you happy.
The key here is communication. If your boyfriend is only thinking about himself, sit down with him and discuss what you need from the relationship. He might not realize that he’s being such a jerk, and he’ll make an effort to change once he knows how much it’s affecting you.
Of course, there’s always the chance that he doesn’t care enough about you to change his ways. If that’s the case, it might be time to move on to someone who will put you first.
9. You have different interests
A big part of feeling special in a relationship is doing things you enjoy together. You’re creating shared memories you can talk and laugh about for years to come and look back on fondly.
But if you don’t share any of the same interests, it can be hard to find things to do together. Sitting at home watching Netflix is okay sometimes, but it won’t deepen your connection or make either of you feel very special.
It’s important to find things that you can both enjoy so that you can spend quality time together. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated or time-consuming. Even a shared love of walking around the neighborhood, looking at the sights, and people-watching is enough to give you something to laugh and bond over.
How to make him obsessed with you
All men feel a powerful urge to compete. It comes from ancient times when every day was a fight for survival to protect their tribe and provide for their families.
The stakes are much lower today, but the competitive urge remains deeply rooted in male biology. Instead of fighting saber-toothed tigers, men channel their competitive energy into work, fitness, acquiring wealth, or earning the respect of their peers.
Imagine if you could harness all this competitive energy and make a man obsessed with winning your love?
You can. And all you need to do is trigger a biological switch inside him that will make him see you as the ultimate prize.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls this switch the “hero instinct,” and it explains why some women have men falling all over them while others struggle to find lasting love.
Triggering a man’s hero instinct taps into his competitive spirit and makes him see your relationship as an opportunity to prove himself as a man. Making you happy gives him purpose and a “game” to win.
Instead of you chasing him, he will jump through hoops to impress you and win your approval. In a matter of days, he’ll become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed possible.
And the best part is that you can do all this without playing hard to get or acting like a damsel in distress.
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him utterly obsessed with you.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but it’s the real deal. James’ techniques use simple yet powerful psychology to help you tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
10. You’re acting like his mother
If you’ve started treating him the way his mother does, it’s no wonder he doesn’t want to make you feel special. No one wants to date their mom!
It’s easy to fall into the trap of taking care of your boyfriend and doing everything for him, especially if you’re a natural caregiver. But if you’re always the one who cooks, cleans, does his laundry, and reminds him to pay his bills, it will warp your relationship dynamic and make it feel more like a mother-son relationship than a romantic one..
Instead of doing everything for him, take a step back and let him do things for himself. He might resist at first, but it will ultimately make him feel more confident and capable, and he’ll start to see you as a lover instead of a mother.
11. He’s cheating on you
If he suddenly stops doing special things for you and starts acting distant, it could be a sign that he’s cheating on you. He’s putting all his effort into his new relationship and doesn’t care about making you feel loved anymore.
If you suspect him of cheating, it’s vital not to jump to conclusions and accuse him without evidence. False accusations will create a culture of distrust in your relationship and do lasting damage.
12. He’s afraid of commitment
If your relationship has reached the point where you’re talking about getting serious, your boyfriend may start to feel scared. He might not be ready for a commitment, even if he likes you a lot.
Perhaps you’re talking about moving in together, buying a home, or planning to get married or start a family. Even planning a vacation can make some commitment-phobic guys begin to freak out.
Fear of commitment might lead him to act in all kinds of ways that make you feel unloved. He might start pulling away, picking fights, or stop doing anything that makes you feel special.
The best way to deal with commitment issues is to talk about them. If you can get him to be honest and open up about his feelings, you can work together to find a way to move forward.
13. You’ve fallen into a rut
When you’ve been together for a long time, it’s easy to fall into a bit of a rut. The romance and excitement of those early days have faded, and now you’re just going through the motions.
All relationships go through ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean you just have to accept it. You can do many things to inject some life into your relationship and make each other feel loved and special again.
14. He feels unworthy
If your man suffers from low self-esteem or had a traumatic childhood, he may not feel worthy of your love. He might think he’s not good enough for you, and eventually, you’ll realize he’s a loser and dump him.
Unfortunately, this can lead him to act in all kinds of self-destructive ways once your relationship starts to get serious. He might try to sabotage your relationship so that you’ll break up with him, and he won’t have to face the pain of losing you.
If low self-esteem is at the core of his issues, encourage him to see a therapist. It will take time and effort, but it’s the best way to help him work through his problems so that he can enjoy a healthy, happy relationship.
In the meantime, try to build him up and make him feel good about himself. Compliment him, tell him how much you appreciate him, and make sure he knows you’re in it for the long haul.
15. He’s embarrassed to be romantic
Some men are embarrassed to show their romantic side. He might think it’s cheesy or lame to give you flowers, cook a candlelit dinner, or even say, “I love you.”
This is common for guys raised in a macho environment where being open about your feelings is seen as a sign of weakness. He might not even realize that he’s being emotionally immature and needs a little nudge to open up.
All you can do is find ways to make him feel more comfortable being romantic. Trying to take the lead and show him how much you love it when he makes you feel like a woman. Positive reinforcement is always an excellent way to encourage your man to step up his game.
16. You’re not making an effort, either
Is it possible that you’re not making an effort, either? When was the last time you did something special for your boyfriend? If it’s been a while, then maybe he’s just following your lead.
It takes two to tango, and if you want your man to make more of an effort, try setting a good example. Show him how much you appreciate him and do things to make him feel special. Once he sees how good it feels to be loved and appreciated, he might start doing the same for you.
Related post: Why am I mean to my boyfriend? (15 reasons & how to stop)
17. He doesn’t feel needed
Men have a biological need to feel needed and useful. If your man doesn’t feel like he’s doing his part in the relationship, it can make him feel emasculated.
Try giving him more opportunities to take the lead. Ask for his help around the house, and let him do things for you that make him feel useful and needed. The more he feels like an essential part of your life, the more he’ll want to make an effort to make you happy.
