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When you start a new relationship, it’s natural to feel a rush of intense chemistry and excitement. You want to spend as much time with your partner as you can, learn all the details of their life, and get physically and emotionally close to them as quickly as possible.
However, taking things slow can have its advantages. It allows you to figure out if the relationship is right for you, build trust, spot red flags, and avoid potential heartache. Here are 16 tips to help you take things slow and give your relationship the best chance of success.
1. Figure out what you want from your relationship
Before things get too serious, it’s a good idea to step back and consider what you want from your ideal partner. Creating a personal profile that summarizes who you are and what you’re looking for from life and love can help to focus your attention on attracting the right person. The more honest you are about your desires, quirks, interests, and personality, the better your chance of finding someone who will be a great match.
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2. Be open and honest about your needs
As you get to know your new partner, it’s important to be honest about your needs and expectations. For example, tell them if you need plenty of alone time or if your work is important to you and needs to take priority. This will help ensure that both of you are on the same page and can avoid misunderstandings further down the line.
Setting clear emotional and physical boundaries is also essential. If you want to take your time before getting intimate, or if you want to keep your physical contact limited to hugs and hand-holding, make sure your partner knows what’s okay and not okay.
Setting clear boundaries and expectations doesn’t mean you need to destroy the romance of a new relationship. It’s simply about being honest and respectful of each other’s needs. Taking things slow is a sign of respect for your partner, and it can lead to a much healthier relationship in the long run.
3. Seek out a partner with similar priorities
The more compatible you and your partner are, the smoother things will flow. If you value taking your time with a relationship to make sure it’s right for both of you, seek out someone who shares your outlook.
Of course, it’s not easy to know whether someone shares your values straight away but look for little clues, like how they talk about previous relationships and their outlook on life. Dating apps and websites can also be helpful if you’re looking for someone with similar interests and goals.
4. Don’t discuss the future too early
It can be tempting to think ahead and imagine a wonderful future together when you’re just starting a new relationship. But if you want to take things slow, discussing moving in together, marriage, or starting a family early on could send the wrong message.
There’s a difference between understanding what your partner wants in the future and making commitments that you may not be ready for. Enjoy the present, get to know each other, and build a deep connection before discussing any long-term plans.
5. Set a schedule to spend time with them
One of the best ways to take things slow is to set a regular schedule to spend time together. Whether it’s once or twice a week, scheduling date nights can help ensure that you and your partner take the relationship seriously and genuinely enjoy each other’s company without rushing things.
The same goes for calling and texting. Avoid getting into the pattern of texting or calling multiple times a day. Instead, agree to check in at specific times each week and stick to it. That way, you’ll more easily maintain your independence and avoid becoming too reliant on each other for emotional support.
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6. Keep dates light and fun
Dates don’t have to be intense, complicated, or overly romantic. Going for a walk, sharing a picnic lunch, or watching a movie together can all be great ways to get to know each other without the pressure of making things too serious.
Avoid heavy conversations about past heartbreak or where things are going in your relationship. Instead, talk about current events, share stories about your lives, and try to get to know each other without feeling under pressure. If the conversation does take a more serious turn, don’t feel like you have to open up. If you feel uncomfortable, politely change the subject or make a joke to lighten the mood.
7. Make sure the relationship is based on equality
In any healthy relationship, both partners should feel like equals and respect each other’s boundaries. Don’t be afraid to speak up if your opinions or needs aren’t being taken seriously or if you feel like the balance of power is unequal.
Compromise is the bedrock of any relationship, but it’s crucial to ensure that both of your needs are being heard and respected. If you don’t want to rush things, but your partner does, don’t feel guilty or like you have to give in.
8. Maintain your friendships and hobbies
It’s easy to get caught up in a relationship and forget about the other important people in your life. When taking things slow, it’s essential to maintain your friendships and hobbies so that you don’t become too reliant on your partner for emotional support or company. Make time to catch up with friends, pursue your passions, and make sure you’re doing things independently.
9. Don’t be overly emotional
There’s no need to be overly emotional or try to make the relationship bigger than it is. Enjoy each other’s company and take the time to get to know one another without feeling like you have to speak from the heart all the time. Let your relationship develop naturally, and share your feelings when the time is right.
It’s okay to show affection and let them know that you care, but be mindful of how much emotion you’re displaying. Avoid making grand displays of affection or commitment. Just follow your gut and don’t rush into something if you don’t feel comfortable. If things become overly intense too quickly, it can send the wrong message and make your partner feel like you want to rush into a serious relationship.
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10. Avoid labeling your relationship
When you’re taking things slow, it’s important to avoid labeling or defining the relationship too quickly. Don’t feel pressured to call your significant other “boyfriend” or “partner” before you’re both sure that’s what you want. Just enjoy spending time together, and when the time is right, you can discuss your relationship status.
11. Focus on getting to know them
Taking things slow means having more opportunities to get to know them and test for long-term compatibility. Make an effort to ask lots of questions, listen to the answers, and try activities together that help you learn how your date behaves in different situations. That way, the relationship will build more naturally over time, and you’ll build trust and rapport without feeling rushed or obligated.
12. But keep some mystery alive
Even though the goal is to get to know them, there’s nothing wrong with playing hard to get and preserving a little mystery. Don’t be afraid to keep some things to yourself, and don’t give away too much information too soon. It helps your potential partner stay excited and intrigued and keeps things from getting too stale.
Just be mindful not to play mind games. When you talk about yourself, be honest and open up about the parts of your life that are important to you. That way, a strong foundation can build naturally over time.
13. Don’t sleep with them too soon
As soon as you start having regular sex, your relationship can quickly become more intense and escalate to a new level of seriousness. Of course, it’s possible to have a casual sexual relationship without the emotional component, but just ensure you’re equally comfortable with the arrangement.
14. Wait before introducing them to family and friends
You’ll want to meet each other’s family and friends at some point, but it doesn’t have to happen immediately. Take the time to get to know each other in private first, and then when you both feel like the relationship is ready for a bigger commitment, introduce your significant other to your loved ones.
15. Don’t get obsessed with how fast (or slow) things are progressing
If you want to take things slow, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea of pacing yourself and end up holding back from enjoying the relationship. Try not to let your anxiety about taking things too fast spoil your experience of getting to know someone.
The most important thing to remember is to enjoy the process. So relax, spend quality time together, and let your relationship blossom at its own pace.
16. Leave your previous relationship baggage behind
If you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s easy to take emotional baggage with you into a new relationship. But to build something authentic, you must start fresh and leave the past behind. This is easier said than done, but taking things slowly will help you to avoid repeating the same unhealthy patterns and give you the time to break any bad habits.
17. Listen to your intuition
Finally, it’s important to listen to your intuition when you’re in a new relationship. If something feels off or like it’s moving too fast, take a step back and reassess. Remember, if someone is genuinely interested in getting to know you, they’ll be patient and understanding.
What are the benefits of taking things slow?
Now that we’ve discussed taking things slow, let’s consider why it’s beneficial.
1. You have more time to learn about each other
One of the main benefits is that it gives you more time to really get to know someone and decide if they’re right for you. When things progress slowly, there are fewer surprises along the way, and you can focus on building trust and establishing a meaningful connection with your significant other.
Taking things slow also reduces the risk of making hasty decisions, like getting married too quickly or moving in together before you’re truly ready. It’s a great way to ensure you’ve made an informed decision based on knowledge, not impulsiveness.
2. You can spot red flags early
Taking things slow also gives you more time to observe your partner’s behavior and spot any potential red flags. For example, suppose your partner shows signs of being needy or possessive. In that case, you can have an honest conversation early on or walk away from the relationship before things get too serious.
3. You can build trust before things get serious
Trust takes time to build, and taking things slow is a great way to ensure that you’re both on the same page before things get too serious. This allows you to open up about your feelings and expectations for the relationship so that there are no surprises when it does progress further.
4. Infatuation and lust don’t cloud your judgment
It’s easy to let the passion and lust of an exciting new relationship cloud your judgment. Taking things slow gives you a chance to step back and make sure you’re making decisions based on what’s best for both of you, not just because it feels good in the moment.
5. You can establish a friendship first
Taking things slow lets you establish a friendship first before rushing into something serious. This is important because having a solid foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and trust is essential for any long-term relationship.
6. You’re less likely to be hurt if it doesn’t work out
If you avoid rushing into a serious relationship, you’re much less likely to get hurt if things don’t work out. When you realize you’re incompatible, you can walk away without too much emotional damage. Taking things slowly lets you figure out if you’re meant for each other before investing too much emotionally.
7. You can be sure they aren’t using you
Taking things slow gives you a chance to make sure that the other person is genuinely interested in getting to know you and not just using you for their own benefit.
8. It builds anticipation and excitement
The anticipation of seeing each other again can be incredibly exciting when things progress slowly. You’ll be more eager to get together because there has been enough time between visits for the relationship to build and become more meaningful. This can help keep the spark alive in your relationship for longer.
9. Taking it slow makes you seem high value
Finally, taking things slow also helps show your date that you are a high-value person and know your worth. They’ll see that you’re not desperate or willing to settle for just anyone and respect that you care enough about yourself to take your time and make sure you’re making the right decision.
Can moving too fast ruin a relationship?
Every relationship is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all rule for how fast things should move. However, moving too fast can often lead to a lack of trust, insecurity, and confusion over expectations. Taking things slow can help you to establish a strong foundation before making long-term commitments or decisions. This, in turn, will create a stronger bond between you and your partner and increase the chances that your relationship will last.
Final thoughts
Taking things slow can help cultivate a strong relationship founded on mutual understanding, trust, and respect. Don’t rush into anything before you’re ready — take your time, stay true to yourself, and enjoy the journey!
