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Whether you’ve been married for decades or just tied the knot, you might be wondering how to be the perfect wife. Unfortunately, there’s no surefire recipe for marital bliss, but there are lots of small things you can do to make your husband happy and keep your marriage strong.
So what does it mean to be the perfect wife? In the 1950’s it was all about being a homemaker and cooking and cleaning for him. But in today’s world (thankfully), it’s about building a relationship built on equality, trust, and mutual respect.
1. Support his goals
A good wife is always there to help her husband achieve his goals. Whether he’s trying to start a new business, accomplish a big work project, or tackle a home improvement project, make sure you’re by his side every step of the way to cheer him on and offer your support.
Give him plenty of honest and useful advice when he asks for it, but resist the urge to take over or tell him what he should be doing differently. He will appreciate your input, but he also needs the space and freedom to make his own decisions.
2. Don’t mother him
Your husband wants a wife, not a mother. It’s fine to be nurturing and supportive, but you also need to give him independence and treat him like a grown man.
Avoid constantly reminding him of all the little things you think he should be doing better or differently. Whether it’s taking care of his health, choosing what to wear, or picking up after himself – have faith that he can handle these things on his own.
And if there’s a behavior you really need him to change, let him know in a positive and constructive way and trust that he’ll be willing to work on it.
3. Don’t nag him
If your husband does a lot of things that annoy you, the urge to nag him can be overwhelming. Perhaps he’s terrible at cleaning up after himself, or he always forgets to put the toilet seat down. Or maybe he’s constantly leaving dirty clothes on the floor and never even notices that you pick up after him.
These things are frustrating, but none of them are deal-breakers for your marriage. However, if you constantly nag him about them, it will eventually lead to resentment and tension in your relationship.
The good news is, there’s a better way. Instead of nagging him, try expressing your frustrations in a more positive and constructive way. For example, instead of constantly nagging him to clean up, try saying, “I really appreciate it when you clean up, and it makes me feel like you care about our home.” By expressing yourself in terms of how it makes you feel, you’re more likely to get a positive reaction, and he’ll be much more motivated to change his behavior.
4. Give him space
Do you know a married couple that seemed to be joined at the hip? It might seem romantic from the outside, but it often leads to problems down the road. Couples who spend too much time together often take each other for granted and can start to feel more like roommates than spouses.
The perfect wife knows that both of you need some time apart to pursue your own hobbies and activities. When you have your own life, it helps to maintain your sense of identity as an individual, making your relationship more interesting and exciting.
It’s also important to have some time apart to miss each other a little bit and appreciate each other more when you’re together. So, don’t feel like you need to be with your husband every waking minute. Let him go out with his friends, enjoy his hobbies, or stay late at work without feeling guilty.
5. Listen to him
You would be amazed at how much talking happens in a marriage without the other person even really listening to what’s being said. They might be on their phone or just caught up in their own thoughts and worries.
If you make an effort to practice active listening and really pay attention to what your husband is saying, it will make a world of difference in your relationship. He’ll feel heard and understood, which will make him feel closer to you and more likely to open up about his thoughts and feelings.
In order to listen to your husband, put away anything that might distract you (including your phone) and give him your full attention. Don’t jump to conclusions and try not to interrupt him, even if you disagree with what he’s saying. Instead, just let him finish speaking and then respond in a thoughtful and nonjudgmental way.
6. Ask for his advice & help
A good wife will make her man feel needed and appreciated. One way to do this is to ask for his advice and help on things, even if you don’t really need it.
If you have a problem at work or a decision you need to make, ask your husband for his opinion. He might not have all the answers, but he’ll likely have some helpful insights that you hadn’t considered before. If you need to change a lightbulb or hang a picture on the wall, ask him for help.
Showing your husband that you value his opinions and appreciate his help will boost his ego and make him want to do even more for you.
7. Respect him as a man
Mutual respect is a fundamental building block of a good relationship, and a perfect wife knows how to take this even further and respect her husband as a man.
What does this mean? It’s about understanding and accepting that men and women often think about things in different ways. It’s about honoring his masculinity and embracing that he sometimes needs to feel like a strong and capable man. So let him take the lead every once in a while, allow him to help you and feel useful, and avoid making him feel emasculated or belittled.
Of course, there will be times when you need to give him constructive criticism. But even then, you can do it in a way that doesn’t make him feel like less of a man. For example, “I know you’re capable of so much more than this” is better than “you’re such a lazy bum.”
The secret weapon to make him obsessed with you
All men have a biological urge to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave the chance to step up and test their strengths and abilities.
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the “hero instinct,” and it explains why so many women struggle to attract guys and keep them committed.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in any man. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind.
When you trigger a man’s hero instinct, he becomes comfortable fully investing in your relationship because he knows he’ll never need anyone else. In a matter of days, you’ll notice him become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed was possible.
Never again will you have to deal with his hot and cold behavior, distance, or silence. He’ll think you’re reading his mind, and he’ll thank you for it every day.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in a man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him want to work for your love and admiration.
8. Let him make decisions
Many women take on the role of caretaker and planner in their relationships, which is a lot of pressure and hard work. They make all of the day-to-day decisions for the whole family because running everything by their husbands would be too time-consuming.
Over time, this can lead to your husband feeling like he has no say in anything, making him feel powerless and resentful. So, try to let him make some decisions, even if they’re small ones. For example, you might ask him what he wants to have for dinner or what movie you should watch together. Or, you could give him the task of planning your next date night or vacation.
You don’t have to agree with everything he says, but showing that you value his opinions and letting him make some decisions will help you both feel more like equal partners in your relationship.
9. Make the first move
When it comes to sex, many women sit around and wait for their husbands to make the first move. If you want to be the perfect wife, don’t be afraid to make your relationship even hotter and more exciting by leading him into the bedroom.
You don’t have to be too bold or aggressive. Just show him that you’re comfortable initiating sex when you want it. You’ll also boost his ego and let him know he still has it after all these years, which can only lead to good things for your relationship.
10. Don’t try to control him
You may think you have good reasons to control your husband, but eventually, he will feel suffocated and resentful and may even leave you.
Signs that you’re a controlling wife include needing to know where your husband is at all times, constantly criticizing him, telling him what to wear, preventing him from spending time with his friends, and needing to win every argument.
There are better ways to encourage your husband to make good choices than by trying to control his every move. Work with him to build trust, set healthy boundaries, and trust that he loves you enough to make the right decisions and be a good husband.
11. Have his back
A perfect wife always has her husband’s back, no matter what. Having his back doesn’t mean blindly agreeing with everything he says; it just means being supportive even when things are tough.
If he’s going through a difficult time at work, be there for him emotionally and try to help him find a solution. If he makes a mistake or does something you disagree with, help him learn from it and become a better person.
Above all else, remember that your husband is human and has flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections just like everyone else. So cut him some slack, be understanding, and always have his back.
12. Don’t criticize the little stuff
If your man does little things that occasionally annoy you, it’s often best to let them go. The next time you find yourself about to criticize his driving or how he loads the dishwasher, ask yourself if it’s worth creating tension over something that isn’t really a big deal.
13. Support his interests
Make a point of encouraging your husband to pursue his hobbies and try new things. While he needs to help take care of you and your family, he also needs to have a life outside your marriage that makes him feel fulfilled and excited.
Whether it’s playing a sport, starting a business, or even playing video games in his spare time – knowing that you support his interests and are behind him 100% will make him feel happy and loved.
14. Compliment him
If you want to be a better wife, one of the best things you can do is compliment your husband more often. The best compliments are genuine and specific, and it’s even better if you can appeal to his masculine character.
Instead of just saying something generic like “You’re so handsome,” think about specific things that he does that make him a good partner. “You’re so good at fixing things around the house” will make him feel like a hero, and he’ll be even more willing to do anything for you.
15. Encourage him to see his friends
A lot of guys lose touch with their friends when they get married. Over time, it slowly happens because they focus more on their wife and family.
However, a good wife will encourage her husband to spend time with his friends because she knows that maintaining his friendships is vital for his mental health and well-being.
It’s also a good idea to make an effort with his friends, even if you don’t have much in common. Whenever you see them, be friendly and chatty. In time, you might even become good friends with them too.
16. Be nice to his Mom
The perfect wife knows how important it is to build a positive relationship with her mother-in-law. She doesn’t need to be your favorite person in the world, but always be polite, compliment her son, and ask her for advice if you think she has something to offer.
When your husband sees you treat his loving mother with kindness and respect, it will make him love you even more.
17. Follow your own dreams
It’s impossible to be the perfect wife if you’re not happy with your own life, so make sure you follow your dreams and pursue your passions.
If you’ve always wanted to start your own business, go back to school, or learn a new hobby, find a way to make it happen. When you’re looking after your own needs, it will make you a better wife and your relationship even stronger.
18. Be his friend
Marriage can often be stressful and challenging, and it’s easy to start seeing your husband as more of a business partner than a friend. But it’s essential to keep your friendship alive and remember that you enjoy each other’s company.
Schedule regular date nights, go on weekend getaways together, and take some time to hang out and have fun. Do things to make each other laugh, and don’t be afraid to let your hair down every once in a while.
19. Communicate openly & honestly
Honest and open communication is the key to any successful marriage, so make a conscious effort to talk to your husband about any issues in your marriage.
All you need to do is pick the right time and make sure you’re both in a receptive and calm mood. Listen to each other without interrupting, and work together to find solutions and compromises that make you feel happy and respected.
20. Express your love
I’m sure you tell your amazing husband that you love him, but there’s a lot more you can do to show him how much he means to you. Even little random displays of affection when he least expects it can be very romantic and make him feel special.
You could also consider learning his love language to make sure you’re expressing your love in a way that means the most to him. For example, if your husband’s love language is words of affirmation, he’ll appreciate you telling him how much you love and appreciate him.
21. Show your feminine side
Showing your feminine side doesn’t mean you need to put on an apron and act like a housewife from the 1950s. It’s about reminding your husband that you’re a sexy, mysterious, and amazing woman, and he’s the luckiest guy in the world to be with you.
There are lots of ways you can show him your feminine side. Wear something sexy you know he loves to dinner, give him a flirty wink from across a room, or whisper something naughty in his ear when you’re out in public. Let him know that he still turns your head and makes your heart race, even after all these years.
22. Romance him
Even the manliest man will appreciate it when you make an effort to romance him. It doesn’t have to be anything over-the-top or expensive – just do something to make him feel extra special and loved.
You could cook him his favorite meal by candlelight, give him a relaxing massage, or write him a little note expressing your feelings for him. When you romance your man, he’ll feel appreciated and adored, and your emotional connection will deepen.
23. Tell him what you need
The perfect wife understands that her husband isn’t a mind reader and doesn’t always know what she needs. Whether it’s asking for help around the house, directing him to please you in the bedroom, or helping him choose you a birthday gift – be direct and tell him what you want.
It might feel like you’re being selfish or unromantic, but showing him that you’re comfortable voicing your needs and wants will make him respect and love you even more.
