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Do you love to receive compliments, praise, and gratitude from your partner more than anything else?
If this sounds like you, you can be sure your primary love language is words of affirmation.
What are words of affirmation?
Words of affirmation are expressions of praise, admiration, or gratitude that you receive from your partner. They can be spoken words, but they can also be in the form of a note, text message, or email.
One important thing to remember about words of affirmation is that they don’t have to be extravagant or over-the-top. A simple “thank you” or “I love you” can mean the world to someone who values words of affirmation as their primary love language.
The term “words of affirmation” comes from Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. In working with clients and conducting marriage workshops, Chapman identified 5 primary ways that people like to give and receive love.
Most people have a primary love language, but others may have more than one. And just because you’re not someone who loves words of affirmation doesn’t mean that this type of love language isn’t important to you. It simply means that it’s not your primary way of giving and receiving love.
The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Why are words of affirmation important in a relationship?
When your partner uses spoken or written words to express their love for you, it positively affects your relationship.
Words of affirmation make you feel loved, validated, and appreciated. Receiving compliments and praise from your partner makes you feel good about yourself, increases your sense of self-worth, and reminds you that you are valued and important to them.
Using words of affirmation also helps build trust and emotional intimacy in your relationship. When your partner takes the time to tell you how much they appreciate and love you, it shows that they are committed to your relationship and that they value your connection.
A commonly overlooked use of words of affirmation is to repair damage and emotional hurt after an argument or disagreement. If things get tense between you and your partner, a simple act of verbal affection can help smooth things over.
Words of affirmation examples for him
“I love you. I’m so grateful for you.”
“You are such a great husband and a wonderful father.”
“Thank you for always being there for me.”
“I really appreciate all the things that you do for me.”
“I just want you to know how proud I am of you.”
“I love how safe and comfortable you make me feel.”
“I know how hard you’ve been working lately. Thank you so much for everything you do for our family.
“I’m so grateful to have you by my side every single day.”
“No one else could ever make me feel as amazing as you do.”
“Thank you for being my best friend.”
“I cherish your love more than anything else in the world.”
“Thank you for all that you do to make our family happy.”
“You are my everything.”
“It means everything to me that you’re by my side.”
“Your support means more to me than you’ll ever know.”
“Thank you for making me feel so loved.”
“No one understands me like you do.”
“Thank you for making me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.”
Words of affirmation examples for her
“You look so beautiful tonight.”
“Even when you’re wearing sweatpants, you still look amazing.”
“I’m so glad I get to come home to you every day.”
“Thank you for working so hard to take care of our family.”
“I love you more than anything in the world.”
“I feel incredibly lucky to be with someone as amazing as you.”
“Your love and support make me feel like I can achieve anything.”
“Waking up next to you every morning is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I love spending time with you.”
“I would be lost without you.”
“I love you more than words can say.”
“Thank you for being the most amazing wife and mother I could ever ask for.”
“You are so beautiful inside and out.”
“I cherish our time together.”
“Thank you for always being there for me.”
“I love you more and more with each passing day.”
“You’re the only woman I’ll ever want or need.”
“You make me want to be a better man.”
“I’m still falling in love with you more and more each day.”
Tips for saying words of affirmation to your partner
If words of affirmation are not your primary love language, it can be a little tricky to start using them with your partner. It can feel unnatural and forced to suddenly start complimenting your partner all the time.
The most important thing to remember is that words of affirmation have to be genuine and from the heart. If you don’t mean what you say, it’s better not to say anything at all. Your partner will easily tell that you’re not being genuine, and it will only make them feel uncomfortable.
If you’re finding it hard to speak words of affirmation, try writing them down instead. If you send your partner a text or write a note expressing your love and admiration for them, it will have just as much (if not more) of an impact. The fact that you took the time to put your thoughts into words shows how much you care.
Here are some additional tips to help you start using words of affirmation to show your partner how much you love and appreciate them:
1. Be as specific as possible with your compliments
A specific compliment is always more meaningful than a general one. If you can, try to focus on the things your partner does well and mention those specifically. For example, instead of saying “you’re so good at everything,” try “I love how you’re always willing to help me when I need it.”
2. Use lots of adjectives to describe how you feel
The more adjectives you use, the more impact your words will have. Try to be as descriptive as possible when expressing your feelings for your partner. For example, “I love how kind, generous, and caring you are.”
3. Avoid using clichés
While some clichés may be true, they often lose their meaning after being said too many times. If you’re looking for a more creative way to say “I love you,” try digging a little deeper and finding words that capture how you feel.
4. Don’t be afraid to go over the top
Sometimes, the most effective way to show your partner how much you care is by going over the top with your words of affirmation. If you usually wouldn’t compliment them with such intensity, go ahead and do it! They’ll appreciate the sentiment and know that you put a lot of thought into your words.
5. Keep your words of affirmation private
It’s better to save your words of affirmation for when you’re alone with your partner. That way, they’ll know that you only have eyes for them and that your compliments are genuine.
6. Avoid focusing on their insecurities
Don’t use words of affirmation to cover up your partner’s insecurities. If they’re worried about a particular aspect of their appearance or personality, words of affirmation will only make them feel worse. Focus on the things you love and admire about them instead.
7. You don’t have to be a poet
Always remember that your partner already loves you and doesn’t expect you to be a flowery wordsmith from a romance novel. All you have to do is speak from the heart and be genuine and honest.
8. Be unexpected
Sending your partner a loving text or email out of the blue is a great way to surprise them and show how much you care. It’s an unexpected gesture that will make their day.
How to think of words of affirmation when you don’t know what to say
If you’re struggling to think of things to say (or write), take the time to think about your partner’s qualities and what you appreciate about them. Try to come up with specific things that you love or admire about them, rather than just general compliments.
Whenever you think of something, make a mental or physical note of it so you can use it at a later date. This is great for planning ahead for birthdays, anniversaries, or other special occasions when your partner will be waiting to hear your words of affirmation.
1. Think about what makes them unique or special
A great way to come up with words of affirmation is to think about what makes your partner unique or special. No one else is exactly like them, so why not tell them that?
2. Show appreciation when they do something for you
What better way to show words of affirmation than by appreciating the things your partner does for you? Thank them when they do something nice or helpful, even if it’s something they usually do.
3. Think about what’s most important in their life
If you want to show words of affirmation that go beyond words, try thinking about what’s most important in your partner’s life and showing support for those things. Whether it’s their job, a hobby, or a cause they care passionately about, let them know you’re there for them.
4. Point out their good qualities
Tell your partner what you love about them, even if they’re not always perfect. Nobody’s perfect, but that doesn’t mean your partner isn’t amazing in their way.
5. Tell them how proud you are of their achievements
When your partner accomplishes something, tell them how proud you are of them. Letting them know that you believe in them will only make them want to try harder and achieve even more.
6. Offer emotional support & encouragement
If your partner is going through a tough time, words of affirmation can be a great way to offer emotional support and encouragement. Let them know that you believe in them and that they’ll get through whatever it is they’re dealing with.
7. Be sympathetic when they’re feeling down
There will be times when your partner feels down, and words of affirmation won’t be enough. Be understanding and sympathetic, and let them know that you’re there for them no matter what.
8. Acknowledge little things as well as big things
Focus on the little things your partner does as well as the big stuff. It’s the little things that often mean the most, and they’ll appreciate knowing that you noticed.
How to ask for more words of affirmation
If your primary love language is words of affirmation, it’s essential to know how to ask your partner for more of them.
It might initially feel embarrassing to ask for more compliments or praise, and you might be worried your partner will think you’re needy or demanding.
But if you explain how words of affirmation make you feel, most people will be delighted to give them to you. You won’t have to ask anymore once it becomes a natural part of your relationship.
1. Talk to your partner about the concept of love languages
The easiest way to get your partner to give you more words of affirmation is by explaining the concept of love languages.
This will legitimize your needs and make it easier for your partner to understand why words of affirmation mean so much to you.
Even better, give them a copy of Gary Chapman’s book, and have fun helping them figure out their own love language!
2. Tell them how much words of affirmation mean to you (and why)
Let your partner know how much words of affirmation mean to you and why.
Sharing your feelings will help them understand the importance of words of affirmation in your relationship, and they’ll be more likely to give you what you need.
3. Be open to different kinds of words of affirmation
Your partner needs to feel comfortable and safe to express themselves in a way that feels natural to them.
Be open to different kinds of words of affirmation, and be willing to accept compliments and praise in any form.
4. Be understanding and make it easy for them
Give your partner as much help as you can to understand what words of affirmation mean the most to you.
Some people might prefer compliments, while others might appreciate kind words or emotional support more than anything else.
You also need to be patient and understanding if your partner doesn’t always get it right. They might not always know exactly what to say and when to say it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care.
How to tell if your love language is words of affirmation
So how do you know if words of affirmation is your love language?
Here are a few signs to look out for:
- You feel loved and appreciated when you receive compliments or words of praise from your partner.
- You love birthday cards, love notes, and other types of words of affirmation.
- You feel down when you go for a long time without hearing any words of affirmation from your partner.
- You always know what to say to make other people feel loved and appreciated.
- You feel like your partner doesn’t understand how to show their love for
- You’re always the one who makes the first move when it comes to expressing affection with words.
What does it mean if words of affirmation is your love language?
If words of affirmation is your love language, it means that you feel most loved and appreciated when you receive compliments or words of praise from your partner.
You crave frequent doses of encouragement, validation, and appreciation to feel loved and connected in your relationship.
For you, words are even more important than actions when it comes to feeling loved and valued.
It also means that you’re probably very good at making other people feel loved and appreciated. You likely know just what to say to make them feel happy and fulfilled.
Does wanting words of affirmation make you needy?
You might think that wanting words of affirmation makes you needy, but that’s not true at all.
Just because you need words of affirmation to feel loved doesn’t mean you’re needy or dependent on your partner.
In fact, needing words of affirmation is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you love yourself in a healthy way and know what you need to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship. And it takes courage to ask for what you need.
People whose love language is words of affirmation are also often very generous and giving. They love to make others feel good, and they’re always happy to offer a compliment or kind words.
What if you and your partner have a different love language?
So what do you do if words of affirmation isn’t your partner’s love language, but it’s yours?
The most important thing to know is that two people don’t have to share the same love language to have a successful relationship.
Just because words of affirmation isn’t the love language of your partner, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. Your partner might not know how to tell you they love you in the way that you want, but that doesn’t mean they’re not trying.
As long as both partners are willing to learn and understand each other’s love languages, they can make things work. You both just need to make an effort to understand and appreciate each other’s needs.
With time and effort, it’s also possible for anyone to learn a new love language. If your partner is willing to learn words of affirmation, they can start to show their love for you in this way.
What not to do when giving words of affirmation
When it comes to words of affirmation, there are a few things you should avoid:
Don’t give words of affirmation if you don’t mean them. If you’re just trying to make your partner feel good, it will be obvious and won’t have the desired effect.
Also, try not to use words of affirmation as a way to control or manipulate your partner. For example, don’t say things like, “If you loved me, you would do this for me.”
Never withhold words of affirmation as a type of punishment. If your partner does something that you don’t like, don’t withhold words of affirmation as a way to get back at them.
Teasing is fine as a way to show love and affection, but never use words of affirmation in a way that’s hurtful or mean-spirited.
Final thoughts
Words of affirmation can be a powerful way to show your love for someone.
If words of affirmation are your love language, be sure to ask for more compliments and words of appreciation from your partner.
And if you’re not sure what your partner’s love language is, try asking them directly. They might not know how to show their love for you in the way that you want, but they’ll appreciate the effort.
