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If you’re reading this, you’ve probably heard women talk about triggering the hero instinct in their men.
The hero instinct is a new idea in relationship psychology that’s been generating a lot of buzz. It promises to give women the power to make their men utterly devoted to them and committed to their relationship forever.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer first introduced the concept in his best-selling book, His Secret Obsession. I’ve written a detailed review of His Secret Obsession, covering all the pros and cons.
But what exactly is the hero instinct, and how do you trigger it in your man? Today I’m going to answer all these questions and more.
What is the hero instinct?
The hero instinct conjures up images of men flying around like superheroes rescuing damsels in distress. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The hero instinct is a concept in relationship psychology that says what drives men is a primal, biological instinct to protect women and provide for them.
In simple terms, men want to feel like a hero to the women they love.
This instinct has been coded into their DNA over thousands of years. It originated when protecting their women was the best shot men had at producing strong and healthy children. The world was a dangerous place, and men had the role of hunting, providing, and protecting.
These days, women obviously don’t need men to protect them or provide for them. The whole idea sounds a bit ridiculous. But the fact is that men still feel the urge to protect and provide for their women very strongly.
You might assume that the hero instinct only applies to strong alpha male types, but this isn’t the case. All men share the same primal instincts to feel needed and essential in their relationships.
So what does it mean when I say that men want to feel essential in their relationship? Well, what drives men are following three goals:
- To live a life of meaning and be appreciated for his efforts.
- To provide for his partner and family.
- To be respected by the people in his life.
How can the hero instinct improve your relationship?
That’s all well and good, but how does understanding the hero instinct help women improve their relationships and make their men devoted and committed to them?
Well, it turns out that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your man.
And when you do, you’re giving him a sense of purpose in your relationship that fulfills his biological urge to feel essential and valuable.
Triggering his hero instinct makes him feel deeply satisfied with your relationship and much more committed to you. It makes him want to keep pleasing you and making you happy, so you’ll give him more opportunities to step up and be your knight in shining armor.
Feeling useful and respected increases his confidence and boosts his ego, which makes him even more connected to you. It increases his sense of self-worth and passion, which translates into a passionate and committed relationship.
Men will also be much less passionate and committed to their relationships if their hero instinct isn’t triggered. They might stay in their relationship, but they’ll always feel like something is missing and crave the chance to step up and feel essential.
If you feel like your relationship suffers from some of the following issues, the hero instinct can help you.
- Men lose interest in you after the initial ‘honeymoon phase has worn off.
- Men don’t commit to you for the long term, even if your relationship seems to be healthy.
- Your man isn’t communicating with you and has started to pull away.
Will triggering his hero instinct make me look weak?
This is a common question women ask when they first learn about the hero instinct.
It’s also a fair question. On the surface, you might assume that you have to defer to your man and compromise your strength to make him feel essential and needed.
But this isn’t true at all. Your man doesn’t want you to act weak or compromise your strength in any way. In fact, most men aren’t going to find that attractive at all.
All he wants is the opportunity to do things for you that make him feel like he’s adding value to your relationship. And to feel appreciated for his efforts.
It’s also important to point out that triggering the hero instinct in your man isn’t designed to be manipulative or disingenuous in any negative way. All you’re doing is accentuating his natural urges to provide for and protect the woman he loves.
How to trigger the hero instinct in your man
The various ways you can trigger the hero instinct in your man are listed below. They seem relatively simple, but the key is in the words that you use.
This is where the powerful psychology of James Bauer’s His Secret Obsession program comes into play. James will show you all the exact phrases to use, requests to make, and texts you can send your man that will trigger his hero instinct and make him feel devoted to you.
The famous ‘12 word text’ that you might have heard about is one of the signals that James will reveal to you.
Watch the exclusive video here where he reveals the text.
1. Ask for his help & advice
If you’ve got a problem you need help with at work or in your personal life, ask him for his advice. Not only will this make him feel like a hero, but opening up to him will also strengthen your emotional connection.
There are also many jobs around the house that he’ll be happy to help you with. Even something as simple as changing a lightbulb will trigger his hero instinct and make him feel essential. The bigger and more ‘manly’ the job you can find, the more he’ll step up to the challenge.
It doesn’t matter if you’re perfectly capable of doing the job yourself. Asking him to help you with it is part of giving him a purpose in your relationship and making him feel like he’s adding value.
2. Show him that you appreciate his efforts
Many couples fall into a rut of not appreciating the things they do for each other. Just think of all the extra domestic work millions of women do around the house that goes completely unrecognized.
A big part of triggering the hero instinct in your man is showing him that you appreciate how much he does for you. If he gives you good advice or fixes something around the house, thank him for helping you out.
It’s all about using James Bauer’s easy-to-learn psychological techniques to thank him in such a way that he feels like a man adding value to his family. When you get this right, he’ll fall more in love with you and be even more committed to your relationship.
3. Boost his confidence and protect his ego
If you talk about your man in a positive way in front of his friends and colleagues, it will massively trigger his hero instinct.
Men like to be respected and admired by their peers. Thanking him for a great job in front of his friends will stroke his ego and make him swell with pride to be your partner.
It will also give his confidence an extra boost and make him want to take on even more challenges to earn your praise and respect.
His friends will look at him with new respect and feel envious of how much appreciation he gets for what he brings to his relationship.
4. Show him that he makes you happy
Feeling appreciated for his efforts is essential, but your man also wants to feel like he’s making you happy.
The desire to make you happy is at the core of triggering his hero instinct. It’s the main reason he loves being in a relationship with you and wants to feel needed and essential.
It sounds obvious that partners would want to make each other happy. But the sad fact is that many couples lose the basic idea of happiness as the years go by.
The stress of modern life takes over everything, and they end up taking each other for granted and just existing together to get through each week.
So take the time to tell your man how happy he makes you. Even better, show him by taking him out to dinner, going on a romantic vacation, or having spontaneous, passionate sex that he wasn’t expecting.
Knowing that he makes you happy will fill your man with pride and purpose, and he’ll become more devoted and committed to you every day.
5. Encourage and support his goals & hobbies
Triggering the hero instinct in your man means giving him plenty of tasks and goals to make him feel needed and essential.
But it’s also essential to make sure he has time to do what he loves outside of work and family life. Perhaps he has a hobby that he enjoys or wants to spend more time hanging out with his friends.
When you go out of your way to encourage him to pursue his interests, you recognize that he’s an independent man who needs to do ‘manly’ things. This will trigger his hero instinct and make him want to make you happy even more.
Who came up with the hero instinct?
Relationship psychologist James Bauer developed the hero instinct concept. It’s the foundation of his incredibly successful program called His Secret Obsession.
James is a trained psychologist who has worked as a successful relationship coach for more than a decade and has helped thousands of women find love. He first started thinking about the ideas in His Secret Obsession in response to helping one of his clients, Rachel.
Rachel was happy and in love with her boyfriend, Mike. She thought she’d finally found ‘The One. Three months later, Mike started pulling away from her. He was becoming cold and distant and not answering his phone when she called.
The relationship was dead in the water.
As a last resort, James gave Rachel a phrase that she could text Mike that would trigger his hero instinct and bring him back. (This is the famous ’12 word text’ you might have heard about).
This ‘secret signal’ was so successful that James expanded on his success and wrote His Secret Obsession to try and help other women in the same situation.
Want to learn more about how to trigger the hero instinct in your man?
I hope this article has been a helpful introduction to the hero instinct. If you want to learn how to use the hero instinct in your relationship, I recommend you check out His Secret Obsession by James Bauer.
His Secret Obsession is sold as both an eBook and an audiobook. In addition to the 220-page book, you also get a workbook and some valuable bonus materials.
The book is divided into two main parts:
- Part 1 consists of 11 detailed modules and explains the hero instinct and the psychology around how it works.
- Part 2 is where you get to put the theory into practice. You’ll learn practical techniques, phrases, and signals that will ignite the hero instinct in your man.
All the techniques are demonstrated with real-world examples that you can use depending on the stage of your relationship.
Final thoughts
There’s no doubt that men and women are wired differently in many ways. Learning how to trigger the hero instinct in your man is like having secret access into the male mind. The more you trigger his hero instinct over time, the more devoted and committed to you he’ll become.
And just as importantly, triggering his hero instinct will make him satisfied and happy and give him his best possible life by your side. What man wouldn’t want that?
The hero instinct is not a bunch of BS from some ‘relationship guru.’ James Bauer relies on proven psychology to help his readers achieve long-term happiness in their relationships.
