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It’s hard to admit that your relationship is beyond repair. You’ve invested all your love and emotional energy into your partner, and all you have to show for it is heartbreak and pain.
No matter how much you want things to work out, sometimes you have to face the fact that your relationship is just too damaged to be saved. If you’re not sure whether your relationship is worth fighting for, look out for these 23 signs that it’s time to let go.
1. Communication has broken down
A relationship can’t survive without open and honest communication. If you’re not talking to each other, there’s no way to resolve your differences or move forward as a couple.
Communication is essential for resolving disputes, but it’s also important to keep the lines of communication open when things are going well. It’s how you stay emotionally connected to your partner, let them know what’s going on in your life, and plan for the future together.
A communication breakdown is a massive red flag that something is wrong in your relationship. It shows that you’ve both retreated into your own little world and are not interested in sharing your lives with each other anymore.
As a result, resentment begins to grow, trust is eroded away, and it becomes increasingly difficult to reconnect with your partner. If you’re not talking to each other, it’s time to ask yourself whether there’s any point in continuing the relationship.
2. The trust has gone
Trust is one of the fundamental building blocks of a successful relationship. It allows each partner to feel safe and secure, knowing that they can rely on each other.
Without trust, you’ll always wonder what your partner is up to when you’re not around. You’ll start to doubt their motives and question their every action. Eventually, paranoia and suspicion will take over, and it will be impossible to see things from their perspective.
Lack of trust can also lead to possessiveness and jealousy, which are also destructive forces in a relationship. If you can’t trust your partner, you might try to control them in an effort to feel safe. But this will only make things worse, as your partner will start to feel suffocated and trapped.
Trust has to be earned in a relationship, and it’s tough to get back once it’s gone. If the trust has gone from your relationship, it’s time to ask yourself whether there’s any point in continuing.
Related post: How to trust someone again (19 essential steps)
3. You’ve broken up multiple times
Are you one of those couples that keep breaking up and getting back together again? If so, you might think that means you’re meant to be together. But the truth is, it’s often a sign that your relationship is beyond repair.
Couples who keep breaking up and getting back together are usually stuck in a cycle of pain and suffering. They’re unable to let go of each other, even though they know the relationship is toxic. They keep hoping that things will somehow get better, but they never do.
If you’ve broken up multiple times, it’s important to take a step back and ask yourself why. What about your relationship keeps drawing you back in, even though you know it’s not good for you?
It’s also important to ask yourself whether you’re just prolonging the inevitable. Is it really worth going through all that pain just to end up in the same place again? If you’ve broken up multiple times, it might be time to accept that your relationship is beyond repair.
4. You want very different things in life
Even if you really love your partner, it’s not always possible to make a relationship work if you want very different things in life.
Of course, relationships are full of compromise, but some major life decisions are just too difficult to compromise on. Decisions like whether to have children, where to live, and what kind of lifestyle you want to lead are examples.
For example, let’s say you want to settle down and have kids, but your partner doesn’t. Whatever you decide to do as a couple, one of you will be left feeling disappointed and unsatisfied. Over time, this will lead to resentment and bitterness, which will destroy your relationship.
If you want very different things in life, it’s important to ask yourself whether you’re willing to make the necessary sacrifices. If not, then it might be time to accept that your relationship is going nowhere.
Wanting different things is one of the saddest reasons for a relationship to end because chances are you love each other very much. But sometimes, it’s just not enough.
5. You’re keeping secrets
Keeping major secrets from your partner is toxic to a relationship. It creates an atmosphere of distrust and suspicion, making your partner feel like they’re not really part of your life.
Of course, we all have little secrets we don’t share with our partners. But if you’re keeping something significant from them, it’s time to ask yourself why. What are you afraid of?
Are you afraid of their reaction? Are you afraid they’ll judge you? Or are you just scared of being honest with them? Whatever the reason, keeping secrets is a sure sign that your relationship is in big trouble.
If you can’t be honest with your partner about the things that matter to you, it’s time to ask yourself whether you’re really in a healthy relationship.
6. You walk around on eggshells
Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around your partner, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing? If so, it’s a sign that your relationship is unhealthy and needs to change.
In a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable being yourself. You shouldn’t have to worry about how your partner will react to everything you say and do.
It could be that your partner is emotionally abusive and uses anger as a way to control you. Or it could be that you’re just not compatible and tired of pretending to be someone you’re not.
Either way, it’s important to reach out for help. Talk to a friend or family member about what’s going on, and consider talking to a therapist. They can help you figure out whether your relationship is worth saving or if it’s time to move on.
7. Arguments never get resolved
Every couple sometimes argues, but in a healthy relationship, each partner works to resolve the issue.
Constructive arguing means that you both listen to each other, express your feelings calmly, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
In an unhealthy relationship, arguments quickly escalate into yelling matches. Neither of you is willing to listen to the other person, and the argument goes round and round in circles without ever getting resolved.
And even if you do come to some kind of agreement, the same argument keeps coming up again and again. Over time, this leads to bitterness and resentment and can destroy even the strongest relationships.
8. Someone has cheated more than once
Obviously, cheating is a huge betrayal in any relationship. Losing trust is often too much to overcome, and even if you forgive your partner, the relationship is never quite the same again.
However, many relationships do survive a single instance of infidelity. If both partners are willing to work through the trust issues, it’s possible to move on and have a stronger relationship than before.
But if someone has cheated more than once, it’s often an indication that they’re not fully committed to the relationship. They’re not willing to make the necessary sacrifices to make things work, and they’re not willing or capable of being faithful.
This is a sign that the relationship is not worth saving. It’s best to move on and find someone who will be fully committed to you and your relationship.
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9. You don’t confide in each other anymore
In any healthy relationship, both partners should feel like they can confide in each other about anything and everything. You should be able to share your hopes, dreams, fears, and secrets without fearing judgment or rejection.
If you don’t feel like you can do this with your partner anymore, it’s a sign that something is very wrong. It could be that you no longer trust them, or it could be that you’ve grown apart and are now more like friends than lovers.
Whatever the reason, a lack of communication is always a bad sign for a relationship. If you’re no longer confiding in your partner, it’s time to ask yourself whether the relationship is worth saving.
10. You’re constantly criticizing each other
No one is perfect, and your partner will always do things that annoy you. But in a healthy relationship, you should be able to overlook each other’s faults.
Of course, there are many exceptions to this rule. If your partner is doing something that is genuinely harmful, such as cheating or being verbally abusive, then criticism is warranted.
But if you’re constantly nitpicking, it’s a sign that you can no longer see the good in each other. This can quickly lead to a feeling of contempt, which is a poisonous emotion in any relationship.
Ask yourself why you’re being so critical. Are you genuinely annoyed at the thing they’re doing?
If not, it’s a sign that the resentment you feel is bubbling over, and you’re deliberately trying to hurt your partner.
It could also be that you’re using criticism as a way to control your partner. This is common in abusive relationships, where one partner uses put-downs as a way to keep the other person in line. If this is happening in your relationship, it’s important to reach out for help.
11. You never have any fun anymore
When you first got together, everything was new and exciting. You couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and every moment spent together was special.
But the novelty wears off over time, and life settles into a routine. This is normal, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
However, if you find that you never have any fun together anymore, it could be a sign that your relationship has become stagnant. You’re no longer putting any effort into your relationship, and it’s no longer a priority in your life.
You may have even stopped seeing each other as individuals and instead see your partner as someone who is simply a part of your life. This is a major problem, and it’s often the first step towards feeling like you’re trapped in a loveless marriage.
If you’re not having fun together anymore, it’s time to sit down and talk to your partner about what’s wrong. If you can’t find a way to make your relationship fun again, it may be time to move on.
12. You’d rather be alone
Alone time is important, and it’s normal to want some time to yourself every now and then. But if you find that you’d rather be alone than spend time with your partner, it’s a sign that something is badly wrong.
Ask yourself why you don’t want to be around your partner. Perhaps they make you feel uncomfortable or anxious, or maybe you’re feeling suffocated and like you’ve lost your sense of independence or identity.
It could also be that you simply don’t enjoy their company anymore. This is usually a sign that you’ve grown apart and are no longer compatible.
Whatever the reason, no relationship can survive if one partner is always trying to get away from the other. If you find that you constantly want to be alone, it’s time to ask yourself whether you’re still in love with your partner.
13. Lying is commonplace
Let’s be honest – everyone tells the odd white lie from time to time. But if you find that you and your partner regularly lie to each other about big or small things, it’s a sign that trust has broken down.
There are several reasons why lying becomes commonplace in a relationship. It could be that you’re trying to avoid conflict because your fighting has reached toxic levels, or perhaps you no longer trust your partner enough to tell them the truth.
Lying is also often used to control or manipulate. For example, a partner may lie about their whereabouts in order to keep the other person from finding out about an affair. Or, they might lie about finances to restrict and control the other person’s spending.
Whatever the reason, it’s essential to be honest with each other. If you can’t trust your partner, it’s time to ask yourself whether you’re still in a healthy and happy relationship.
Related post: What is lying by omission & how does it damage relationships?
14. There’s no emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is an important part of any relationship. It’s what allows you to feel close to your partner and share your deepest thoughts and feelings.
Without emotional intimacy, you’ll start to feel like you’re living with a roommate instead of a romantic partner. It often leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation, and you may feel like you can’t really be yourself around your partner or like they’re hiding something from you.
Lack of emotional intimacy is often the result of poor communication. If you and your partner don’t feel comfortable talking about your emotions, one or both of you are likely bottling things up. This can lead to resentment, bitterness, and a feeling of being disconnected from one another.
Mental health issues and unresolved past trauma can also contribute to a lack of emotional intimacy. If you think this might be the case, it’s important to seek professional help.
15. Your core values aren’t compatible
Your core values are the things that are most important to you in life – they guide your decisions and shape your beliefs. Some examples of core values include your attitudes toward religion, society, money, career, and family.
You might not think your core values would be a big deal in a relationship, but they can have a huge impact. If you and your partner don’t share the same core values, you’ll likely butt heads on a regular basis.
For example, if you’re a very driven and ambitious person, but your partner doesn’t see the need to work hard and would rather just enjoy life, it’s likely that you’ll start to resent them. Alternatively, if you’re extremely religious, but your partner is an atheist, it’s possible that religion will become a point of contention.
Changing your core values is often impossible, so if you find that yours are incompatible with your partner’s, it might be time to accept that your relationship is beyond repair.
16. You don’t feel respected
Respect is about much more than just being polite to your partner. It’s about understanding your differences and accepting that you both have different needs and wants.
It’s also about valuing each other’s opinions, even when you don’t agree with them. Respecting each other’s boundaries is important, too – this includes things like not snooping through each other’s belongings or reading each other’s emails without permission.
If you don’t feel respected by your partner, it shows that your relationship is very unhealthy. A lack of respect will quickly lead to feelings of devaluation and loneliness and is a major contributor to relationship dissatisfaction.
It’s also worth noting that a lack of respect is often a sign of an abusive relationship. If you’re feeling scared or threatened by your partner, it’s important to prioritize your safety and get help from a professional.
17. You daydream about being with other people
There’s nothing wrong with occasionally thinking about what it would be like to be with someone else – you’re only human, after all. However, if you constantly fantasize about being with someone else, it’s a sign that you no longer see a future with your current partner.
It might be that you’re not physically attracted to them anymore, or you don’t enjoy their company. Or perhaps you’re simply not compatible, and no matter how hard you try, the relationship just isn’t working, and you know it’s time to walk away.
18. Jealousy is driving you apart
Jealousy is a normal emotion, and it’s only natural to feel a little jealous from time to time. However, if jealousy is a constant issue in your relationship, it’s likely that it’s doing more harm than good.
Excessive jealousy can lead to possessiveness, control issues, and even outright abuse. It can also severely damage your self-esteem and make you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner. If you feel jealousy regularly, it might be time to take a step back and reassess your relationship.
19. You’re not listening to each other
Listening is just as important as talking in a relationship. After all, how can you truly understand your partner if you’re not listening to what they have to say?
Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to start disregarding your partner’s opinions and needs, especially if you’re feeling resentful or unhappy in the relationship. If you find that you’re no longer interested in what your partner has to say, it might be a sign that your relationship is coming to an end.
20. You feel deep resentment
Resentment is one of the biggest relationship killers. It slowly builds up over time until you reach a point where you can’t even stand to be around your partner.
There are many causes of resentment in relationships, including feeling undervalued and unappreciated, like your opinion doesn’t matter, or you’re always the one who makes sacrifices while your partner does nothing to compromise.
Whatever the cause, resentment is destructive and will quickly kill any love or affection that once existed between you. Once resentment sets in, it’s very difficult to repair the damage.
Related post: How to fix resentment in a marriage (15 practical tips)
21. There’s a complete lack of support
Having the support of your partner is crucial, especially during tough times. If you’re going through a difficult period, it’s important to know that your partner is there for you and vice versa.
And just as importantly, your partner should be your biggest cheerleader, celebrating your successes with you.
Unfortunately, not all relationships are built on a foundation of support. Some partners are dismissive and unhelpful and only think about themselves. This takes a toll on your self-esteem and makes you feel like you’re all alone.
If your partner has a history of being unsupportive, it might be time to accept that your relationship can’t be saved.
22. You can’t imagine a future together
When you love someone, it’s only natural to think about what the future might hold for the two of you. You might imagine moving in together, starting a family, or traveling the world and living life to the fullest.
However, if the idea of a future with your partner makes you feel anxious, bored, or even repulsed, it’s probably a good sign that your relationship is coming to an end.
You might not see eye to eye on major life decisions, like whether or not to have kids or the kind of lifestyle you want. Or perhaps you’ve realized that you no longer feel the same way about your partner and no longer see a future for the two of you together.
23. You’ve tried everything to make it work
At the end of the day, a relationship is only worth saving if both partners are willing to put in the work. If you’ve been trying your best and nothing seems to be working, it might be time to face the fact that your relationship is beyond repair.
It’s possible that you’ve simply grown apart, and no amount of effort will change that. Or maybe some bigger issues are at play, like trust or communication problems, that can’t be fixed.
Final thoughts
It would be nice to think that every relationship can be saved, but the reality is that sometimes the problems run too deep, and you’re better off moving on. If you’re not sure whether your relationship is worth saving, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you and your partner have the same goals and values?
- Do you feel like you’re being heard and respected?
- Do you feel supported by your partner?
- Do you see a future for the two of you together?
If you answered no to any of these questions, it might be a sign that your relationship is beyond repair. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship when you can be out there finding someone who will make you feel loved, respected, and supported.
