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Breaking up with someone you love is one of the hardest things to survive. Even if your relationship had plenty of problems, it still feels like your whole world is falling apart.
Feeling sad, vulnerable, and alone can make you act in crazy ways to try and get your ex back. You might start calling them repeatedly, randomly showing up at their house, or convince yourself that begging and pleading will make them change their mind.
But the truth is, nothing you can do immediately after a breakup will change the situation. The emotion is still too raw, and the wounds too fresh. If you want any chance of getting your ex back, you need to give both of you a chance to calm down, heal, and see things from a fresh perspective.
That’s why the no contact rule can be so effective in getting back your ex. It gives you time apart to work on yourself and process the breakup. And it gives your ex time to realize they miss you and want you back in their life.
But how do you know the no contact rule is working? Here are 15 powerful signs that the no contact rule is working to get your ex back.
What is the no contact rule?
Before we get into the details, let’s quickly review the no contact rule and how it works.
The no contact rule is simple. After a breakup, you stop all communication with your ex for a set period of time. The standard time is 30 days, but some prefer 60 days or even 90 days.
When I talk about no contact, I mean literally no contact at all. That means no texting, no emailing, no calling, and no scrolling through their social media and liking their posts. If you see your ex in person, you walk the other way.
The no contact rule is hard to follow and requires a lot of self-control. When your breakup is fresh, every instinct screams at you to reach out and try to convince your ex to give things another shot.
But if you want any chance of getting your ex back, you must follow the no contact rule to the letter. No matter how badly you want to reach out, you have to stay strong and resist communication for the specified no contact period.
The point of the no contact rule is to give both you and your ex time to heal and miss each other. It’s also a chance to work on yourself so that you’re in a better place physically and emotionally when you talk to your ex again.
Ideally, after the no contact period is over, your ex will reach out to you first. But if they don’t, then you can reach out to them and start rebuilding your relationship from there.
Related post: 10 big reasons the no contact rule is so effective
Signs the no contact rule is working
So how do you know that the no contact rule is working? There are two main components to look at. First, you’re focusing on your well-being and starting to feel happier and ready to embrace life fully. And the second is that your ex is starting to show signs they miss you and want you back.
1. You’re focused on your happiness and wellbeing
The no contact rule is about focusing on yourself and giving yourself time to heal. After a breakup, feeling down and like you’ll never be happy again is normal.
But after a few weeks or months have passed, you should start feeling better. The pain won’t go away completely, but as each day passes, it will become more manageable. You’ll slowly begin to see all the good things in your life and feel excited about the future again.
If you’re following the no contact rule properly, you should take active steps to improve your life and make yourself happy. That means working on your hobbies, hanging out with friends, and doing things that make you feel good.
You should also use this time to work on personal issues, such as anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. The no contact rule is the perfect opportunity to work on yourself so that you’re in a better place emotionally when you talk to your ex again.
2. You feel confident and independent
After a breakup, it’s normal to feel like you’re not good enough or that you need your ex in your life to be happy.
But as time goes on, you’ll realize that you’re perfectly fine without your ex. You’ll be satisfied doing things by yourself and won’t feel the need to text them or call them all the time.
You should also start to feel more confident in yourself. You’ll realize that you’re a great catch and that any future relationship will be lucky to have you. This newfound confidence will attract your ex and make them want to get back together with you.
3. You’re not thinking about your ex all the time
In the days and weeks after a breakup, it’s normal to think about your ex all the time. Every little thing will remind you of them, and you’ll find yourself constantly wondering what they’re doing and who they’re with.
But as time goes on, you’ll start to think about your ex less and less. The pain of the breakup will begin to fade, and you’ll be able to focus on other things.
You might still have the occasional thought about your ex, but it won’t consume your life like it did in the beginning. This is a good sign that you’re moving on and that the no contact rule is working.
4. You’re ready to date other people
One of the clearest signs that the no contact rule is working is that you feel ready to date other people. In the beginning, it’s normal to feel like you’ll never get over them or fall in love again. But as time goes on, you’ll realize that there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
You might even start dating other people, which is a good sign that you’re moving on from your ex. If you can date other people and see them as potential partners, it’s clear that the no contact rule has worked for you.
Okay, now we move into the signs that your ex is starting to think about you and realize what’s at stake.
5. They apologize
If your ex contacts you to apologize, it shows they’re willing to take responsibility for their part in the breakup. They might be just trying to ease their conscience, but an apology still indicates that they are thinking about you and want forgiveness.
If you’re strictly following the no contact rule, you won’t answer your phone if they try to call. But if your ex wants you to get the message, they’ll probably try to text you to apologize.
Receiving a sincere apology is one situation where it might be okay to bend the no contact rules slightly. You might consider replying with a very short message saying something like, “Thanks, I appreciate the apology.” This lets them know you haven’t completely closed the door on forgiving them but makes it clear you’re not going to make any move to start seeing them again.
6. They tell you how much they’ve changed
If your ex starts finding ways to let you know how much they’ve changed, it’s a sure sign they are beginning to miss you and want you back. After all, if they’ve fully moved on, why would they care what you think about them? They would be happy living their new life without you.
For example, they might subtly tell you about all the positive things they’re doing to get their life together or change their habits for the better. Or, they might say how much they’ve grown and matured since the breakup.
They’re trying to show you that they’re a much better person now, and things will be different if you get back together. They’re hoping that by showing you how much they’ve changed, you’ll be more likely to forgive them and take them back.
7. They’re worried about you
Your ex might find it hard to resist the urge to check up on you and see how you’re doing during the no contact period. Even though you’ve broken up, it will be a shock for them to suddenly have no contact with you.
They might be genuinely concerned about your well-being, but showing concern for you is also an excellent excuse to see how you’re coping and figure out whether you want to get back together.
Even if you’ve cut off all contact with your ex, there are still ways they can check up on you. For example, they might check your social media accounts to see what you’re up to or ask mutual friends about you.
8. They try to start a casual conversation over text
Texting is a low-key way for your ex to open the lines of communication and start talking to you again. If they try to start a casual conversation over text, it means they’re still thinking about you and hoping to get back in touch.
A common tactic is to reminisce about the past. For example, they might say, “Remember that time when we went to that amazing concert together? That was so much fun.” By bringing up happy memories, they’re hoping to trigger your feelings of nostalgia and make you miss the good times you had together.
During the no contact period, ignore these messages and don’t be tempted to reply. You’ve already made it clear to your ex that you’re not ready to talk to them yet, so there’s no need to entertain their attempts at conversation.
9. Their friends get in touch with you
If one of your ex’s friends contacts you, it’s probably a not-so-subtle attempt to find out how you’re doing and report back. The no contact period is driving your ex crazy, and they’re trying to figure out if you’re seeing anyone else or pining away for them.
Make it clear that you’re having lots of fun and living your best life. Your ex needs to know that you don’t need them in your life, and you’re not sitting at home wallowing in self-pity. This is the best way to spark their jealousy and make them think about what they’re missing out on.
The best way to win your ex back
If you’re looking for a step-by-step instruction manual showing exactly how to get back your ex, I recommend you check out the “Ex Factor Guide” by Brad Browning.
There are many get your ex back products out there, but the Ex Factor Guide is by far the most practical and comprehensive guide ever written on the subject. No matter how unique your breakup was, I’m positive Brad will have helpful advice for your situation and answer all your questions in detail.
Even better, the Ex Factor Guide contains hundreds of real-world examples of Brad’s sneaky (but highly effective) psychological techniques that he has tested on real couples. For example, the section on text messages will give you dozens of example messages you can send to your ex to get a response and make them start to miss you.
Brad claims that over 90% of relationships can be successfully repaired. That’s a bold claim, but after reading The Ex Factor Guide, I think he’s legit. Brad is a certified relationship counselor and has spent over ten years helping men and women repair their broken relationships. His experience has helped him develop dozens of unique, groundbreaking ideas I’ve never seen anywhere else.
Check out Brad’s free video presentation to learn more about all his sneaky psychological techniques. If you apply his methods, there’s an excellent chance you’ll have your ex begging for a second chance.
10. They call or text when they’re drunk
Alcohol breaks down inhibitions and can make you say things you wouldn’t usually say. If your ex calls or texts you drunk, it probably means they miss you and want to talk to you but can’t summon the courage to do it sober.
Even if they are saying everything you want to hear, don’t give in to the temptation to reply. If you do eventually get back together, they need to be able to say these things to you when they’re sober and in a clear frame of mind.
11. They show up where you are
If your ex suddenly starts “accidentally” running into you in the street or turning up to the same events as you, it’s unlikely to be a coincidence. More likely, they are worried about having no contact with you and need to see you in person so they can gauge your reaction and figure out how you’re feeling.
There’s no way to avoid these encounters, but you can use them to show your ex how well you’re doing without them. Be polite and friendly, but don’t get drawn into an extended conversation, and walk away as quickly as possible.
When your ex sees how amazing and happy you look, it will instantly make them fantasize about being with the “new you.”
12. They ask you out on a date
The most obvious sign that your ex is still interested in you is if they ask you out on a date. They might try to play it off as just “hanging out” or “catching up,” but we all know what that really means.
The entire goal of no contact is to get back together with your ex, so what should you do if your ex asks you out before the no contact period is up?
If the no contact period is almost over and you genuinely believe you’re feeling happy, confident, and independent without your ex, then there’s no harm in going on a date with them. Just be sure to keep your guard up, and don’t let yourself get too emotionally attached too quickly.
Before you dive back into any relationship, your ex needs to prove to you that things will be different this time. If you’re both going to fall straight back into your old patterns and break up again, there’s no point getting back together.
13. Things are different when you get back together
The ultimate sign that the no contact rule has worked is if you get back together and your relationship genuinely feels different. This means your ex has reflected on what went wrong and committed to changing things for the better.
Of course, actions speak louder than words, and you need to see that they’re actually following through on their promises.
Just be sure to take things slowly at first and give yourself some time to adjust to being in a relationship again. There’s no need to rush things, and you want to ensure that you’re both on the same page before you start getting too serious.
If your relationship does end up lasting this time around, it will be because you both took the time to work on yourselves and grow as individuals.
How long does the no contact rule take to work?
Unfortunately, there’s no set time frame for how long the no contact rule will take to work. It depends on various factors, such as how long you were together, the reason for the breakup, and whether your ex also follows the no contact rule.
In general, you can expect it to take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. The key is to be patient and give yourself time to heal and move on before you try to get back together with your ex.
If you’re struggling to stick to the no contact rule or starting to feel desperate and lonely, reach out to a friend or family member for support. Just be sure not to talk about your ex too much and stay positive.
Remember, the no contact rule is only temporary, and it’s meant to help you get your ex back in the long run. If you can stick it out, you’ll be in a much better position to rebuild your relationship and make it even stronger than before.
What should you do if your ex contacts you?
If your ex contacts you during the no contact period, it’s important to stay calm and not get too excited. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re ready to get back together, so don’t start making any assumptions.
In most situations, you should completely ignore their calls and texts. The one exception is if they text you to apologize sincerely. In that case, a short reply is okay to acknowledge that you got the message.
If you’re near the end of the no contact and your ex is starting to reach out, it’s up to you whether you want to respond. If you’re feeling confident and emotionally strong, there’s no harm in restarting casual contact a little early.
FAQs
How do you know if the no contact rule is working?
You know the no contact rule is working when you start to feel good about being single and excited for the future. If your ex contacts you to apologize or just chat, it’s a great sign that they’re thinking about you and miss having you in their life.
Of course, it’s important to be patient and not get too ahead of yourself. Just because your ex is reaching out doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ready to get back together. Let the no contact period run its course to give them time to miss you and reflect on the relationship before you make any decisions.
Is it too late to use the no contact rule?
No, it’s never too late to use the no contact rule. If you’ve been broken up for months but are still caught in an on-again, off-again cycle, arguing all the time, or sleeping with your ex, the no contact rule can help you break free from that pattern.
Remember that the no contact rule is as much about helping yourself heal and move on as it is about getting your ex back. If you’re struggling to let go, the no contact rule can give you the time and space you need to work through your emotions and start fresh.
How do you know if your ex misses you during no contact?
There are a few signs that your ex is missing you during the no contact period. If they try to reach out to you through calls or text messages, it’s a good sign that they’re thinking about you.
Another sign is if your mutual friends tell you your ex has been asking about you. If they’re trying to get information about you from other people, it means they want to know what you’re up to.
What comes after the no contact rule?
The no contact rule is only the first step in getting your ex back. Once you’ve both had time to heal and miss each other, you can start rebuilding your relationship with a clean slate.
To avoid repeating the same negative patterns and breaking up again, you need to work on any communication, trust, or intimacy issues that led to the breakup.
How can I make the no contact rule work faster?
There’s no way to make the no contact rule work faster, but there are a few things you can do to help yourself heal and move on more quickly.
First, stay busy and occupied, so you don’t have as much time to think about your ex. Second, reach out to your friends and family for support. Finally, make sure you’re taking care of yourself emotionally and mentally by eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly.
Will no contact work if he loses feelings?
Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work if your ex has lost feelings for you. However, it’s still worth trying since you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
There’s always a chance that your ex may realize they miss you during the no contact period and come back to you on their own. If not, at least you’ll have closure and can move on with your life.
What if he moves on during no contact?
If your ex moves on during the no contact period, it’s essential to respect their decision and move on yourself. They may come back to you in the future, but don’t count on it.
Focus on healing your own heart and building a life that makes you happy. If you do, you’ll be emotionally in a much better place if your ex decides to come back.
