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If you’ve recently broken up with your boyfriend, he may have started acting in unpredictable ways. Perhaps he’s ghosted you, become angry, or he’s overly vulnerable and emotional.
Breakups are hard, and everyone deals with the pain differently. It can be hard to figure out what your ex is feeling and what his behavior is trying to tell you. Is he hurting? Does he want to get back together, or has he already moved on?
Here are 23 signs that he’s hurting after the breakup and what you can do about it.
1. He uses the no contact rule
The no contact rule is a common strategy people use to cope with a difficult breakup. The idea is to cut off all communication with your ex for a set period of time, usually 30 or 60 days.
It can be hard to imagine ever being happy again when a relationship ends. Having no contact with your ex after a breakup gives you the space to deal with the pain, heal more quickly, and realize there is life after the split. It works best when you use the no contact period to focus on your emotional and physical well-being.
If your ex is using the no contact rule, it’s a good sign that he’s hurting badly. He’s trying to distance himself from you to make the breakup easier on himself. No contact means he won’t answer your texts, calls, or emails, and he’ll go out of his way to avoid seeing you.
He may also be using no contact as a strategy to win you back. He’s hoping you’ll miss him during the no contact period and realize what a mistake you’ve made when you see how much he’s changed for the better.
Related post: 13 powerful signs the no contact rule is working
2. He starts partying hard
It’s common for people to cope with breakups by drinking or partying too much. If your ex is going out every night and getting wild, it could be a sign that he’s trying to numb the pain of the breakup.
Partying can help him forget about you for a while, but it’s not a healthy way to deal with his emotions. He’s likely to make poor decisions while drunk, and he’ll regret them later when he finally emerges from the darkness.
If you’re worried about his destructive behavior, there’s no harm in trying to respectfully talk to him about it. Just remember that it’s not your job to fix him; only he can decide when it’s time to get his life together.
3. He tells you how much he’s changed
In the aftermath of a breakup, it’s common for people to try and improve themselves. He may start working out more, dressing to impress, or acting like a completely different person.
There are two main reasons why he desperately wants you to see how much he’s changed:
First, he’s trying to win you back, and showing you he’s a changed man proves he’s dealt with all the issues that caused you to break up in the first place. When you see how well he’s doing, it will make you miss him and start to wonder if breaking up was a mistake.
Second, he’s motivated by petty revenge and wants you to see how much better his life is without you. In his mind, you were holding him back, and now he’s free to live his best life without you. He may have even jumped into one or more rebound relationships to make sure you know he’s completely over you.
4. He tries to play it cool
If your ex is playing it cool and acting like he doesn’t care about your breakup, it doesn’t mean he’s not hurting on the inside. In fact, it’s probably all a big show to convince you that he’s doing fine.
Acting cool is a way for him to protect his ego and avoid dealing with his hurt and sadness. A lot of guys have difficulty processing intense emotions, so they try to bottle them up and act like everything is okay.
However, if you know him well, you’ll probably be able to see straight through his act. You might be tempted to call him out on it, but if he’s not disrespecting you, it’s usually best to just leave him be. He’s just trying to deal with the breakup the best way he knows.
5. He apologizes
Apologizing to you is an excellent sign that he’s taking responsibility for his part in the breakup, and it hurts him that he caused you pain. He recognizes that he played a role in your relationship falling apart and wants to make things right again.
He might be motivated by guilt, winning you back, or he may genuinely want to patch things up between you. Either way, it’s clear he’s still thinking about you and feeling bad about what happened.
Of course, a sincere apology doesn’t mean you should forget about the way he treated you – especially if he had a pattern of being disrespectful. If you’re not ready to forgive him, that’s perfectly understandable. But everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to remember that even your ex is capable of change.
6. He jumps into a rebound relationship
If your ex jumps straight into another relationship, it’s a good sign that he’s not entirely over you yet. There’s no way he could have processed all the hurt and pain of your relationship so quickly, so it’s more likely that he’s trying to numb his feelings by distracting himself with someone else.
Of course, rebound relationships rarely work out in the long run. Your ex will eventually realize that he’s just using the other person to replace you, and things will fizzle out quickly.
In the meantime, try not to get jealous or hurt if you see him moving on so fast. It’s not a reflection on you – he just hasn’t had enough time to process the breakup.
7. He starts trash-talking you
People can act in unpredictable and crazy ways when they’re hurting after a breakup. If your ex starts trash-talking you, it’s a clear sign that he’s not over the split.
No matter who was responsible for the problems in your relationship, your ex should be adult enough to take the high road and avoid bad mouthing you. If he can’t do that, it’s a sign that he’s still feeling angry and bitter about the breakup.
He’s trying to make himself feel better by putting you down, but it won’t work in the long run. The only way for him to truly move on is to forgive and learn from the experience.
If your ex starts bad mouthing you, the best thing to do is ignore it. Don’t rise to the bait or get into arguments with him – that will just add fuel to the fire. Instead, focus on moving on and rebuilding your life without him.
8. He keeps reminiscing about the past
It’s only natural to look back on happy memories from your past relationship and feel a twinge of sadness or regret. But if your ex can’t stop talking about the good times you had together, it’s a sign that he’s struggling to get over you.
He thinks that by reminding you of past good times, you’ll start to miss those days and want to get back together. This “trick” can work, but only if you’re both willing to make changes and fix the problems in your relationship.
9. He asks your friends about you
Using your friends to check up on you is a common tactic during the no contact period. Your ex hopes your friends will give him insight into what you’re doing and who you’re seeing, which will help him figure out where he stands.
He wants to hear that you’re sitting at home pining away for him, but that’s not likely to happen. Your friends will tell him what you want him to know – which is probably that you’re doing great, looking amazing, and moving on with your life.
10. He blocks you on social media
If your ex blocks you on social media, it shows that he’s not ready to face the reality of seeing you move on. It’s tough to see pictures of your ex having fun without you, so he’s decided to remove all reminders of you from his life.
The best way to get your ex back
If you’re looking for a step-by-step instruction manual showing exactly how to get back your ex, I recommend you check out the “Ex Factor Guide” by Brad Browning.
There are many ‘get your ex back’ products out there, but the Ex Factor Guide is by far the most practical and comprehensive guide ever written on the subject. No matter how unique your breakup was, I’m positive Brad will have helpful advice for your situation and answer all your questions in detail.
Even better, the Ex Factor Guide contains hundreds of real-world examples of Brad’s sneaky (but highly effective) psychological techniques that he has tested on real couples. For example, the section on text messages will give you dozens of example messages you can send to your ex to get a response and make them start to miss you.
Brad claims that over 90% of relationships can be successfully repaired. That’s a bold claim, but after reading The Ex Factor Guide, I think he’s legit. Brad is a certified relationship counselor and has spent over ten years helping men and women repair their broken relationships. His experience has helped him develop dozens of unique, groundbreaking ideas I’ve never seen anywhere else.
Check out Brad’s free video presentation to learn more about all his sneaky psychological techniques. If you apply his methods, there’s an excellent chance you’ll have your ex begging for a second chance.
11. He drunk dials you
Booze breaks down our inhibitions and makes us say and do things we wouldn’t normally do. If your ex is hurting and trying to hide it, getting drunk and calling you at 3 am is a common way for him to slip up.
He might try to argue with you, beg for another chance, tell you how much he misses you, or just ramble nonsense until you hang up on him. Even though drinking isn’t a healthy way to deal with emotional pain, give him a break and don’t be too hard on him.
If you discover that he’s drinking heavily or engaging in other self-destructive behaviors, you should reach out to him (or his friends) and express your concerns. He might not be ready to hear it from you, but he needs to know that someone cares.
12. He tries to make you jealous
Jealousy can be a powerful emotion, and some people try to use it to their advantage after a breakup. If your ex is flirting with other people, bragging about his new conquests, or posting photos of himself with hot girls all over social media, he’s probably trying to make you jealous.
He might be doing it to make you mad, or it could be a misguided attempt to get you back. Either way, it’s an immature way to deal with a breakup. Even if you want him back, don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing that he’s getting to you.
13. He acts cold and distant
Some people ghost their ex after a breakup, and others get emotional, angry, or try to start arguments. The most painful reaction to deal with is when your ex suddenly becomes cold and distant as if you never meant anything to him.
Acting distant is a defense mechanism because the alternative – being open and vulnerable – is too scary for him. He’s emotionally immature, and hoping that if he acts like he doesn’t care, it will be easier for him to let go and move on.
Related post: 13 ways to deal with an emotionally immature man
14. He gets emotional
Your ex might also get emotional and upset whenever you see him. Even though it’s hard to watch, at least he’s being honest about how he feels.
Listen to him, be understanding, but don’t feel you need to fix his problems. As soon as you sense he’s trying to manipulate you into giving him sympathy, it’s time to walk away.
15. He keeps “accidentally” running into you
If you keep “accidentally” running into your ex, it’s not an accident. He knows where you’re going to be and when, and he’s showing up hoping to talk to you.
He might be looking for a chance to get you back, make you jealous, or get a rise out of you. It might seem harmless at first, but it can quickly get annoying and make it harder for you to move on. The best thing you can do is call him on it and make it clear that you don’t appreciate him stalking you.
16. He lies about your breakup
Spreading lies about how you broke up or the issues in your relationship is a sure sign that he’s still angry and hurting. He’s trying to rewrite the narrative to make himself look like the blameless victim and you, the evil witch that wronged him.
All you can do is trust the people you care about to not buy into his lies and try to ignore them as best you can. Responding with anger will only give him more ammunition to use against you.
17. He gets angry
Unfortunately, some guys will translate the hurt they feel from a breakup into anger. This can manifest in many ways, including lashing out, starting arguments, or talking trash about you.
If you’re on the receiving end of this behavior, it’s essential not to take it personally. He’s not really mad at you – he’s angry at the situation and taking it out on you. The best thing you can do is stay calm, avoid getting dragged into his drama, and wait for him to calm down.
However, if he ever physically threatens you or makes you feel unsafe, reach out for help, remove yourself from the situation, and immediately end your relationship for good.
18. He flirts with you like crazy
Why would your ex try to flirt with you if he’s hurting after your breakup? There are a few possible explanations. He could be trying to get you back, or he’s just trying to feel good about himself by making you want him.
19. He lets himself go
Some people channel the hurt of a breakup into making positive changes in their lives. Others do the opposite and let themselves go, stop caring about their appearance or personal hygiene, and generally give up on life.
If your ex is struggling to take care of himself, there’s not a lot you can do except be supportive and encourage him to get help.
20. He begs for a second chance
Begging and pleading for another chance is one of the most obvious signs he’s hurting. He’s desperate to fix things and get you back, even if that means groveling and making himself look weak.
If you consider taking him back, remember that actions speak louder than words. He needs to show you, not just tell you, that he’s changed and your relationship will be different this time.
21. He stops treating you with respect
Even if your ex feels hurt and betrayed, you deserve to be treated with respect. There’s a right way and a wrong way for him to express his feelings, and if he’s crossing the line into disrespect, then he needs to learn to control himself.
If he takes you for granted, dismisses your feelings, or tries to manipulate or control you, it’s time to walk away for good. He’s shown his true colors, and you deserve better.
22. He makes a grand gesture of commitment
You should be very wary if your ex starts making grand gestures to win you back or convince you that he’s changed. If lack of commitment was an issue in your relationship, he might start promising to do all the things he failed to do while you were together. For example, he might vow to spend more time with you, move in together, or even get married.
As I’ve already discussed, actions speak louder than words. There’s a good chance he’s just saying what he thinks you want to hear to get you back. Only time will tell if he’s genuinely committed to making changes.
23. He makes significant changes in his life
A traumatic experience like a breakup can cause some people to make drastic changes in their lives. For example, he might move to a new city, change his job, or start working out obsessively.
In some cases, these changes can be positive and help him to move on from the breakup with a clean slate. But in other cases, they might be a way for him to avoid his feelings or fill the void left by your relationship.
What should you do if he’s hurting after the breakup?
At the end of the day, it’s not up to you to fix your ex’s broken heart. He needs to find ways to deal with the hurt in a healthy way. All you can do is be supportive and understanding without enabling any negative behavior.
If he’s reaching out to you for help, try to be there for him as a friend. But don’t feel like you need to walk on eggshells around him or tiptoe around his feelings. It’s okay to tell him that you can’t always be available and that he needs to find other ways to cope with his pain.
And if he’s behaving in a way that makes you feel unsafe or disrespected, setting boundaries and putting your own well-being first is essential.
If you want to get him back, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Getting back together just because you’re feeling sorry for him or because you’re afraid of being single is not a good idea. If you decide to give things another try, make sure you’re both on the same page about what you want and committed to making things work this time.
