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Waiting around for a guy to finally tell you how he feels is very frustrating. You’re sure he’s in love with you, so why can’t he just come out and say it?
And why does he keep acting all nervous and weird? One day he’s affectionate and flirty, and the next day it’s like you barely exist at all.
The truth is, he’s scared of his feelings for you, and he doesn’t know how to act.
In case you have any doubts, today I’m going to go through all the signs a man is in love with you but scared of his feelings. I’ll also look at the reasons why he’s scared and what you can do to give him the nudge he needs.
1. He acts hot and cold around you
The biggest sign a guy is in love with you but scared is when he acts hot and cold around you. One minute he’s all over you, acting flirty and touching and hugging you. But the next, he seems cold and distant, and he gives you mumbled one-word answers when you ask him a question.
These mixed signals can drive you crazy, and it makes you question whether you’d want to be with him in the first place. If this is how he acts when you’re not even together, what’s it going to be like when you’re in a relationship with him?
Don’t worry. He’s probably not a complete psycho. Once he finally tells you how he feels and you’ve gotten past the initial awkwardness, I’m confident he’s going to act like a regular, average guy. The reason he’s acting hot and cold is that he’s scared of his feelings.
This might be because he’s been hurt in the past, or he thinks that you don’t return his feelings. Either way, he’s trying to protect his ego from getting hurt, and his subconscious keeps telling him to back off before things get too serious.
If he’s still giving you mixed signals for months, it might be time to take matters into your own hands and tell him you like him.
2. He acts nervous and weird around you
Giving you mixed signals is one thing, but you might also notice him acting all nervous and weird around you.
Body tension is a big giveaway that he’s feeling nervous. Look out if his shoulders are up around his ears or he’s tightening and un-tightening his hands.
He might also start to engage in more preening behavior, like touching his face or running his hands through his hair.
You might also notice that he stammers when he starts talking or even has trouble speaking at all. He might also begin randomly laughing at things you say, even if you’re not trying to be funny.
Does he keep randomly disappearing on you every 15 minutes? Yeah, he’s probably going to the bathroom because his adrenaline is firing, and his kidneys have gone into overdrive.
All the bathroom trips also give him a chance to check himself in the mirror and make sure he’s looking his best for you.
Basically, the poor guy is a nervous ball of energy and fear. He wants to tell you how he feels, but he just can’t make himself do it.
3. His friends are fully in the loop
You can be sure that all his friends know he’s in love with you, and they also know that he’s scared of his feelings. Even better, I’m sure his friends are doing everything they can to convince him to tell you how he feels. After all, they want him to be happy, and they know how good the two of you will be together.
You might even hear them giving him a hard time about why he hasn’t asked you out or teasing him because he’s scared.
Even if he hasn’t told his friends he’s in love with you, there’s a good chance they’ve figured it out on their own. It’s hard to hide your feelings from the people who know you best.
If you ask his friends how he feels about you, they might even come straight out and tell you. And even if they act dumb to protect his ego, you’ll probably get enough hints to confirm that he likes you.
Once you’re sure, are you going to make a move?
4. He gets jealous and tries to hide it
Jealousy is a common reaction for guys where they’re into a girl and see her talking or flirting with someone else. But what does a guy do when he likes you, but he’s scared to let you know?
He’s going to do everything he can to hide his jealousy from you. Otherwise, it’s going to be pretty obvious that he likes you. If you look closely though, you’ll still be able to see the signs he’s jealous.
You might notice that he’s hanging around close to you a lot more when you’re talking to other guys. He’ll probably also ask you a lot more questions to try and figure out what you’ve been up to and who you’ve been seeing. Don’t be surprised if he even gets a little bit annoyed or short with you if he thinks you’re giving him all your attention.
I’m not saying you should use his jealousy to “encourage” him to come clean about his feelings. But you totally can. Don’t be cruel by making out with another guy in front of him – that will just destroy his ego and drive him away. However, making him a little jealous to force him to confront his feelings might be just what he needs.
5. He wants to be your protector
When a guy likes you, he’ll want to act as your protector. Guys exhibit this protective behavior in all sorts of big and small ways. Maybe he likes to open doors for you, or he always rushes to your defense when he sees someone disrespecting you.
If he’s scared of his feelings for you, acting as your protector is a way to channel his energy into something positive. If he’s scared of commitment or he thinks you’re out of his league, it’s a way to show you that he cares without having to risk exposing his true feelings.
6. He can’t help touching you
Even though he’s scared of his feelings for you, he’ll find it really hard to resist touching you.
If you’re already close, notice whether he hugs you more or if his hugs linger a little longer than usual. A hug from behind is also a good sign that he likes you but is scared because he doesn’t need to look you in the eyes during the hug.
Accidentally (but totally on purpose) touching you is another way he can get physically close to you without giving away his secret.
Notice whether he’s brushing past you a lot more than usual or if his legs or feet always seem to be touching yours under the table. If he’s really bold, he might even play with your hair to give him an excuse to accidentally brush his fingers against the back of your neck.
If you like him back and want him to make a move, encourage his flirty touch in any way you can and make him feel comfortable around you.
7. You catch him staring at you
If a guy is scared of his feelings, making prolonged eye contact with you will be a nerve-wracking experience. He’ll feel completely exposed with nowhere to hide, and it will be like you’re staring directly into his soul.
Of course, he wants to stare at you as much as he possibly can. But he doesn’t know how much he can get away with without looking suspicious.
Every time you catch him staring at you, he’ll probably quickly glance away. If it just happens once, it might be accidental. But if it keeps happening, you’ll know he’s interested in you and just too scared to make eye contact.
8. He gives you unique compliments
If a guy gives you a unique or very personal compliment, it shows that he’s really paying attention to you. He knows all the little things about you that most people would ignore, and he’s obviously been thinking about you a lot.
But if he’s scared of his feelings for you, don’t be surprised if he also keeps his compliments to a minimum. If he’s not ready to tell you how he feels, he’ll be worried that too many compliments might give away his secret.
If you like him back and want him to make a move, encourage his compliments by letting him know how much they mean to you. This will work especially well if he’s scared because he things you’re out of his league. It will boost his confidence and he might even decide to tell you exactly what’s on his mind.
9. He avoids talking about relationships
If a guy is interested in you, he’ll often stop talking about other girls when he’s around you. He wants to appear as available as possible, and he doesn’t want you to think that he has feelings for anyone else.
But if he’s scared of his feelings for you, any talk about relationships might be uncomfortable territory for him. This is especially true if he’s been hurt in the past. He’s afraid of opening up to you because it could mean getting his heart broken again.
Related post: 22 signs a man is falling in love with you
10. He’s more honest & open over text
If you make him nervous in person, texting might make it easier for him to have a long conversation with you. He doesn’t have the fear of stammering over his words or getting all sweaty and fidgety.
If you’re having a conversation over text, he might take a while to respond with each message, especially if you’re talking about personal stuff. He’s agonizing over every word in his text, and he’s wondering how much he can reveal without putting all his feelings on the table.
If you like him back, let him know by responding quickly and letting him know how much it means to you when he tells you more about himself over text.
The secret ingredient that will make him obsessed with you
All men feel a powerful urge to compete. It comes from ancient times when every day was a fight for survival to protect their tribe and provide for their families.
The stakes are much lower today, but the competitive urge remains deeply rooted in male biology. Instead of fighting saber-toothed tigers, men channel their competitive energy into work, fitness, acquiring wealth, or earning the respect of their peers.
Imagine if you could harness all this competitive energy and make a man obsessed with winning your love.
You can. And all you need to do is trigger a biological switch inside him that will make him see you as the ultimate prize.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls this switch the “hero instinct,” and it explains why some women have men falling all over them while others struggle to find lasting love.
Triggering a man’s hero instinct taps into his competitive spirit and makes him see your relationship as an opportunity to prove himself as a man. Making you happy gives him purpose and a “game” to win. Even a scared guy who doesn’t know what he wants can’t resist his own biological impulses.
Instead of you chasing him, he will jump through hoops to impress you and win your approval. In a matter of days, he’ll become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed possible.
And the best part is that you can do all this without playing hard to get or acting like a damsel in distress.
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him utterly obsessed with you.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but it’s the real deal. James’ techniques use simple yet powerful psychology to help you tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
11. He sends you long and detailed texts
Receiving long and detailed texts from a guy makes it clear that he wants to build a more intimate connection with you. Otherwise, he’d just send a short reply to get his point across.
But if he’s scared of his feelings for you, he’ll discuss every topic under the sun while ignoring the elephant in the room. It’s cute, but after a while, you might get frustrated. All you can do is be patient with him and give him hints that it’s okay to flirt with you and get more personal.
Eventually, he’ll realize that what he’s building with you is more important than avoiding the subject, and his true feelings will come out.
12. He texts you late at night
The time just before you drift off to sleep is very personal and intimate. Your mind is free from all the distractions of the day and can focus on all your most important thoughts and feelings.
Even if he says nothing meaningful in his late-night text, he’s at least telling that you’re the last thing on his mind before he goes to sleep. He’s probably frustrated and annoyed with himself that he can’t own his feelings.
But at least it’s something. If you give him the cute or flirty response he’s hoping for, he might start to feel safe enough to say how he really feels.
13. He’s active on your social media
Being all over your social media accounts is a safe way for him to be close to you without having to tell you exactly how he feels.
He can see your pictures, what you’re up to, who you’re hanging out with, and he can check in on you without actually talking to you. It’s like having the feeling of closeness without any potential rejection or awkward conversations.
And when he reacts to your posts and comments on your photos, he’s making sure that you can’t forget about him, even though he’s too scared to make a move.
14. He avoids putting labels on your relationship
One way he might deal with being scared of his feelings is to keep things vague and refuse to label your relationship.
Frankly, this is a cowardly move on his part. He doesn’t want to admit that he’s in love with you, but he also doesn’t want you to go anywhere. So instead, he aims for some kind of middle ground where he can be close to you without having to admit his true feelings.
This is a common reaction when a guy is scared of rejection, or he’s worried about getting hurt if he commits to something real.
If he’s pulling this move on you, I would call him on it and ask him what kind of relationship he wants to have with you. If you don’t get a straight answer, then it’s time to move on.
15. He gets frustrated and argues with you
Imagine trying to act cool, calm, and collected around someone every day, while on the inside, you’re a raging mess of intense feelings. It must get pretty stressful, and it’s no surprise if he occasionally gets frustrated and takes it out on you.
Of course, his frustration will be directed at something else because he’s still too scared to talk about what he really feels. He might act jealous because you’ve spent time with another guy or be snarky because you haven’t paid him as much attention lately. Whatever it is, he’s brought it entirely on himself, so don’t feel bad about calling him on his behavior.
16. He can’t hide how good you make him feel
But despite his occasional frustration, some of the time he won’t be able to hide how amazing he feels when he’s around you. He’ll be smiling, laughing, and on top of the world. He might even forget for a while that there’s a scary elephant in the room that he needs to man up and deal with.
17. He doesn’t introduce you to his family or friends
As I’ve already discussed, his friends probably know all about you, and you can tell how much he likes you by the way they act around you.
But if you’ve never met his friends or family, he might also try and keep you away from them. Why? Because he doesn’t want to deal with all the questions about who you are, what you mean to him, and where your relationship is going.
Being secretive about you is a last-ditch effort to keep himself safe from rejection. He knows that if his family knew how he felt about you, they might put some pressure on him to make it official.
18. He hints at a future with you
Even though he’s scared of his feelings, you can bet he still spends a lot of time thinking about what a future with you looks like.
You’ll probably notice plenty of hints of this while you’re talking to him, and they’ll often be disguised as casual jokes. He might joke about the two of you running away to a tropical paradise or how the two of you would breed such cute kids.
There’s no harm in him thinking about his future with you, but he’s currently very a long way from having to think about such things.
19. He makes jokes about liking you
If he’s feeling bold (or frustrated), he might even make jokes about being in love with you. He probably doesn’t want to have a serious conversation about his feelings, but he’s trying to subtly let you know that he acknowledges them.
It’s a way for him to deflect and put his feelings out there without actually putting himself at risk of rejection or forced commitment. For example, he might tell you that he couldn’t handle it if you started dating another guy or complain that he can’t help himself around you because you’re so irresistibly cute.
20. He’s always available to hang out
Just because he’s scared of rejection, commitment, or being hurt again, he still wants to hang out with you as much as possible.
When you do hang out, keep in mind that his frustration at denying his feelings might make him act weird. As I’ve discussed, he might flip wildly between elation and depression when he’s around you, and it’s all because of his painful internal conflict.
21. He tries hard to impress you
Making an effort to impress you is his attempt to keep you interested in him. He knows that he’ll have to decide to commit or walk away at some point, but he’s trying to keep you on the hook as long as possible. The biggest fear he has is that another guy might swoop in and steal your heart before he has a chance to make his move.
22. You’re constantly bumping into him
Does it feel like you’re always ‘randomly’ running into him? Maybe at the coffee shop he knows you like, or when you’re out shopping with your friends.
Casual encounters like this allow him to see you (and check up on you), but they feel safe to him because you’re unlikely to talk about anything too heavy, and he can remain in blissful denial of his true feelings.
23. He’s curious about your future plans
The reason he’s so interested in your future plans is that he wants to be a part of them – he just can’t admit it yet. He might ask you about your plans after school or college or look nervous when you mention a fantastic opportunity in another city or country.
The worst thing that could ever happen to him is you disappear from his life to pursue your dreams before he gets the courage to tell you how he feels.
24. He changes his appearance for you
Has he changed his appearance in some way? Maybe he’s dressing up more or he’s rocking a completely new haircut?
His unresolved feelings for you may have triggered him to change his style. For example, if he’s still hung up on his ex, he might be trying to give himself a fresh start and get more distance from the relationship. Or perhaps he’s afraid of commitment, and a new look is a way to reinvent himself and convince himself that he’s changed.
It’s a step in the right direction, but he’s going to have to deal with the core of his issue before he’s ready to make a move with you.
25. He’s scared of ending up in the friend-zone
He might be putting on a front by acting like he doesn’t care, but the thought of you seeing him as just a friend is terrifying.
Don’t be surprised if he looks stressed if you refer to him as a friend too often or if you tell him how much you value his friendship. He’ll feel even worse if you confide in him about other guys you’re dating.
He knows that once he’s fully in the friend zone, it’s going to be almost impossible to dig himself out. Even though he’s scared of his feelings, he’ll hopefully start making moves to show you he wants to be more than friends when he detects the friend zone.
Why is he scared?
1. His heart has been broken in the past
If he’s been hurt in the past, he might think that you’re going to do precisely the same thing to him.
He’s afraid of falling for you because he’s convinced you’re going to break up with him in the future, and he’ll be completely crushed all over again.
Unfortunately, there’s no set time limit on how long it takes to get over someone and move on. If his heartbreak occurred in the last year or two, he might just need more time to process his feelings and move on. But if it’s much longer than that, he may have developed a commitment issue that he needs to deal with.
He needs to learn that every relationship is different, and assuming the worst is a sad and lonely way to live his life.
2. He’s protecting his fantasy version of you
He may be in love with the idea of you rather than who you actually are. He’s created a perfect image of you in his head, and he’s scared to lose that illusion by getting to know the real you.
He needs to get over his fear of being in a relationship with an actual person, rather than just an idealized version of someone.
If this is the case, all you can do is open up to him and give him every chance to get to know you better. The one thing you should never do is attempt to change yourself in any way to please him.
3. He thinks you don’t like him back
He might simply be convinced that you don’t like him in the same way, so he’s afraid to make his feelings any further.
Maybe you’re already good friends, and he figures he’s well and truly in the friend zone. Or perhaps you’d don’t know each other well, and he hasn’t seen any signs that you like him back.
Whatever the reason, there’s a pretty easy solution if you do like him back. Flirty with him like crazy and give him plenty of clues that you’re interested. And if that doesn’t work, just make the first move yourself!
4. He thinks you’re out of his league
This is a pretty common problem for a lot of guys. He thinks you’re way out of his league, and he doesn’t have a chance. And even if you do seem interested, he’s convinced that you’ll bail as soon as a hotter dude comes along.
Even worse, he’s going to have to constantly work to impress you and keep you from running off with someone else in your own league.
Look, we all know this is a dumb way to think, and it doesn’t make any sense. It’s also a bit offensive that he assumes you’ll be so shallow.
You can’t help the way you look, and all you can do is keep being yourself. Reassure him that you like him and boost his confidence wherever you can.
5. He’s afraid of commitment
There are several reasons why guys struggle to commit in relationships. In the end, they all pretty much boil down to feeling insecure about themselves.
He might have a fear of being rejected, a fear of trust, or he might not feel confident about handling the compromise and decision-making that comes with being in a serious relationship.
There are lots of things you can do to help a man get over his fear of commitment, but it’s going to take some time and patience on your part.
6. He can’t let go of his ex
If your man is still hung up on his ex, it’s going to be very difficult for him to move on and start a new relationship. He might still be in love with her, or he might just miss the comfort and familiarity of having her around.
Either way, until he deals with his feelings for his ex-girlfriend, he’s not going to be able to give 100% to a new relationship.
The best thing you can do is give him some space and time to deal with things on his own. Don’t badger him about it or constantly bring up his ex-girlfriend. Let him come to you when he’s ready.
