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When a guy makes intense eye contact with you, it feels exciting, intimate, and maybe even a little intimidating. And the feeling is even more potent if you’ve just met or suddenly locked eyes across a crowded room.
However, sometimes a man will intentionally avoid eye contact for no apparent reason. If you’re trying to get his interest, this can leave you feeling frustrated and confused. Is he not interested, or is there something else going on?
Why is eye contact important?
Before we get into why a guy might avoid eye contact, it’s helpful to understand the role that eye contact plays in communication attraction.
Eye contact is one of the most important nonverbal cues we use in communication. The eyes can convey an extensive range of emotions, from love and happiness to sadness and anger. Even tiny subconscious changes in how you position your eyes can signal a completely different meaning.
A lot of people find making eye contact very difficult, and this can have negative impacts on their social and professional lives. Studies have shown that when you make eye contact with someone, they find you more intelligent, trustworthy, and sincere.
Making eye contact with someone also completely captures their attention. They are 100% focused on you, and it feels like you’re looking into each other’s souls and seeing beyond the surface level.
And if you really like someone, sharing eye contact can feel electric. Eye contact is incredibly intimate, and there’s no better way to signal attraction and build sexual tension. There’s a lot of truth to the expression, “undressing with your eyes.”
Related post: 15 reasons a guy stares deeply into your eyes
Reasons a guy avoids eye contact with a woman
It can tell you a lot when a man avoids eye contact – but keep in mind that eye contact alone is not the whole story. You also need to think about context, timing, and all the other verbal and body language cues he’s giving off to figure out how he feels.
With that in mind, here are 13 reasons a guy might avoid making eye contact with you.
1. He likes you, but he’s shy
A guy who is interested in you might avoid eye contact because he’s painfully shy, and you make him nervous. He really wants to look at you, but he’s afraid that if he does, you’ll be able to see the fear in his eyes.
A shy guy who likes you will often sneak glances at you and quickly look away, especially after he says something and wants to gauge your reaction. After all, if he can’t look at you, how can he tell if you feel the same way about him?
Of course, there are plenty of other body language cues that a shy guy feels nervous around you. He might start fidgeting, stumbling over his words, or even blushing or sweating.
If you want to make him feel more comfortable, try gently breaking the touch barrier first. Once he sees that you want to get physical with him, he’ll feel more confident around you and more likely to make eye contact.
2. He’s trying to act cool and aloof
Sometimes a guy will avoid eye contact because he’s trying to play it cool. He knows that making eye contact will make him seem more interested, and he wants you to know that he’s still testing you and considering his options.
Even worse, he might expect you to flirt with him and make the first move. He figures that if he can get you to chase him, he’ll seem even more attractive in your eyes. Unfortunately, this tactic often backfires since it can easily make him look disinterested, arrogant, or rude.
If you want to know how he really feels, look for other nonverbal cues in his body language and tone of voice. For example, if he sits facing you, leans in closer when he speaks, or constantly sneaks glances when he thinks you’re not looking – it’s pretty clear that he’s putting on an act.
It’s easy to tell whether a guy avoids eye contact because he’s shy versus trying to play it cool. A shy guy will tend to be nervous and awkward, while a guy playing it cool will be cool, calm, and collected.
3. He’s bored talking to you
If a guy is bored or uninterested in your conversation, he’ll likely start to avoid eye contact. He doesn’t want to look at you and give you the false impression that he cares about what you’re saying.
He’s so disinterested in your conversation that he literally can’t focus on what you’re saying. His eyes wander around the room, searching for something else to occupy his mind while he tries to tune out your mind-numbing conversation.
If he wants to be polite, he might also be looking for an escape route to excuse himself from your company politely. He’s desperately trying to catch the eye of someone else so he can pretend he needs to go talk to them.
Also, look for other obvious signs of boredom like yawning, mumbling one-word answers, or checking his phone constantly. If he can’t even be bothered to look up from his screen when you’re talking, it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t care about what you have to say.
4. He’s being dishonest
If a guy is lying to you, he might avoid eye contact because he’s worried you’ll be able to see the deception in his eyes. Perhaps he’s trying to impress you by making up stories or exaggerating the truth. Or maybe you’ve asked him a personal question, and he’s nervously trying to dodge the answer.
However, you must be careful because many good liars have no problem making eye contact. In fact, they make an extra effort to look into your eyes to ensure they seem sincere. Like any skill, lying gets easier with practice, and he may have had a lot of practice fooling people.
The best way to tell if someone is lying is to look for changes in their baseline behavior. Of course, this won’t help much if you’ve just met the guy and don’t know how he usually behaves. Look for signs of nervousness, smiles that don’t reach the eyes, and brief flashes of anger or contempt that seem out of character.
5. He’s trying not to lead you on
You’ve just met a fantastic guy at a party or a bar, and things are going well. You’re starting to get closer and more intimate, and you can feel the sexual tension building between you. But then suddenly, he begins to back away and avoid eye contact with you. What happened? Did you do something to turn him off?
You may have misread his signals, and he doesn’t feel quite the same way about you. Or, he feels the connection but is already in a relationship and doesn’t want to cross a line. If he has a history of cheating, he might be internally wrestling with his conscience and struggling to stop himself from making a move on you.
It’s great that he’s trying to do the right thing, but avoiding eye contact isn’t the best way to push you away. It would be much more honest and straightforward to tell you that he’s not interested or has a girlfriend.
Related post: 25 signs a guy is interested in you (vs. just being nice)
The secret weapon to make him obsessed with you
All men feel a powerful urge to compete. It comes from ancient times when every day was a fight for survival to protect their tribe and provide for their families.
The stakes are much lower today, but the competitive urge remains deeply rooted in male biology. Instead of fighting saber-toothed tigers, men channel their competitive energy into work, fitness, acquiring wealth, or earning the respect of their peers.
Imagine if you could harness all this competitive energy and make a man obsessed with winning your love.
You can. And all you need to do is trigger a biological switch inside him that will make him see you as the ultimate prize.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls this switch the “hero instinct,” and it explains why some women have men falling all over them while others struggle to find lasting love.
Triggering a man’s hero instinct taps into his competitive spirit and makes him see your relationship as an opportunity to prove himself as a man. Making you happy gives him purpose and a “game” to win.
Instead of you chasing him, he will jump through hoops to impress you and win your approval. In a matter of days, he’ll become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed possible.
And the best part is that you can do all this without playing hard to get or acting like a damsel in distress.
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him utterly obsessed with you.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but it’s the real deal. James’ techniques use simple yet powerful psychology to help you tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
Here’s the link to the free video again.
6. He’s angry about something
It’s almost impossible to stop anger or annoyance from shining through in your eyes, so if a guy is furious about something, he might start to avoid eye contact. Perhaps he’s angry with you about something you said or did. Or maybe he’s just having a bad day, and you’re unlucky enough to be in the firing line.
Avoiding your gaze when he’s angry seems like he’s trying to avoid talking about the problem, but it might actually be a sign of emotional maturity. He knows he’s not in the right frame of mind to have a rational discussion, so he’s trying not to say anything he’ll regret later.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to give him some space and time to calm down. Once he’s had a chance to cool off, he’ll be more likely to make eye contact and talk about what’s bothering him.
7. He’s constantly glancing at you
Just because he won’t hold your gaze doesn’t mean he’s not looking at your eyes every chance he gets. He’s just sneaking glances at you when you’re not looking, which means he’s probably interested in you.
This is especially true if he starts to blush or look away quickly when you catch him looking. It’s a sign that he’s embarrassed about getting caught staring, but he can’t help himself. He’s drawn to your eyes and can’t resist taking a peek.
If you’re interested in him, the best thing to do is to hold his gaze for a few seconds longer than usual. It’s a non-verbal way of telling him that you’re interested, and it opens up the possibility for further eye contact and communication.
8. He’s intimidated by you
Even if he’s not usually shy, he might avoid eye contact because he feels intimidated by you in some way. Perhaps he’s not used to being around such a confident and successful woman. Or maybe you’re his superior at work or in a social situation, and he doesn’t want to risk saying the wrong thing.
He might suffer from low self-esteem and believe he’s not good enough for you. Or he could be worried that he’ll make a fool of himself if he tries to talk to you. Whatever the reason, avoidance is usually a sign of insecurity.
The best way to deal with this is to try and put him at ease. Smile, be friendly, and ensure you don’t come across as condescending or unapproachable. If he’s still too intimidated to make eye contact, there’s not much more you can do.
9. He finds eye contact too intense
Sustained eye contact is a powerful and intimate connection and makes some people feel incredibly anxious or like they’re being scrutinized, judged, or even interrogated.
Eye contact anxiety is often linked to more general social anxiety, so if he’s finding it challenging to hold your gaze, he might feel anxious in social situations. He might worry about what other people think of him, be self-conscious about his appearance, or fear that he’ll say something embarrassing.
Autism spectrum disorder is another condition that can make eye contact difficult. People with ASD often find social interaction and communication challenges, so they might avoid eye contact as a way of coping.
10. He’s trying to look submissive
When you meet a guy for the first time, he might avoid staring at you to make himself appear more submissive and less of a threat.
Why would he want to appear submissive? Perhaps he’s a big guy and used to be being judged as intimidating, so he’s trying to avoid scaring you off. Or maybe he wants you to like him and thinks being submissive will make you warm to him more quickly.
In a romantic relationship, eye contact is important to show your partner that you love and trust them. But if your partner is avoiding your gaze, it could be a sign that they’re feeling insecure in the relationship.
11. He’s anxious about something
If your man is worried about something or stressed out, he might unintentionally avoid eye contact because he’s distracted and anxious.
He doesn’t mean to be rude, but he’s got a lot on his mind and can’t focus on anything else. Whenever you try to engage him, his mind is pulled back into his problems, and he struggles to give you his full attention. Concentrating when you’re anxious is tough, so it’s not surprising that he can’t manage to make eye contact.
All you can do is try to be understanding and give him some space. Tell him you’re there for him if he wants to talk about what’s going on, but don’t pressure him into opening up if he’s not ready.
12. He’s intentionally snubbing you
Deliberately avoiding eye contact is a passive-aggressive way of deliberately snubbing someone. He’s making it clear that he doesn’t want to talk to you, but he’s not willing to come out and say it directly.
There could be any number of reasons why he’s snubbing you. Maybe he’s upset with you about something, or perhaps he doesn’t even know you but wants to make it clear that he’s not interested and you shouldn’t approach him.
Whatever the reason, it’s best not to take this behavior personally. He might be having a bad day or dealing with some personal issues that have nothing to do with you. Or, he’s just a jerk, in which case he’s doing you a big favor.
13. He can’t think straight while he looks at you
Even the most confident and charismatic guy can turn to mush when he meets a girl who blows his mind. Is it possible you’re so hot he can’t think straight when he looks at you? He’s not trying to be rude; he just can’t string a coherent sentence together while his brain is preoccupied with checking you out.
Should you make eye contact with a guy you like?
The answer to this question depends on the situation and your personal style. If you feel confident and want to show him that you’re interested, then go ahead and make eye contact. But if you’re shy or nervous, it’s okay to hold back and let him make the first move.
If you catch his eye and he smiles or looks away quickly, he’s probably into you and needs a little encouragement to make a move. But if he deliberately avoids your gaze, he might not be interested, and it’s probably best to leave him alone and move on.
Final thoughts
Eye contact is one of the most important (and powerful) non-verbal forms of communication, so it’s natural to feel worried when a guy avoids making eye contact with you.
Hopefully, this article has given you a better understanding of all the possible reasons and helped to allay your fears. Remember to take a man’s lack of eye contact in context and look at all his other verbal and body language cues before making assumptions.
