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Are you worried your boyfriend is cheating on you? It’s a terrible situation, and unfortunately, one that many women go through.
Your emotions shift between doubt, white-hot rage, and exhaustion. Most of the time, you just want to curl up in a ball and stay there.
But before you confront him, it is essential to be sure your suspicions are correct so you can decide whether it’s time to break up with him. If you make a mistake and falsely accuse him, he could lose all trust in you, and your relationship might be over anyway.
Luckily, there are plenty of subtle signs to look out for that he’s cheating on you. They’re easy to miss, but if you keep an eye out, they’ll be hard to ignore.
1. He starts arguments about nothing
Every couple argues sometimes, but is he starting random arguments out of the blue?
Is his anger level completely overblown for what you’re fighting about, and is he directing it at you for no good reason? He probably doesn’t realize it, but if you were to ask him what the argument is about, he’d have a hard time explaining exactly why he’s so worked up.
He’s feeling guilty about his cheating, and picking fights with you is a way to justify his behavior. Starting fights pushes you away and makes it easier to convince himself that things aren’t great between you anyway.
Cheating on you also makes him feel highly stressed. All the lying and dishonesty is emotionally exhausting, and he’s probably feeling very anxious and on edge.
2. He’s emotionally detached
Emotional detachment is a way that cheaters shut you out to avoid getting caught. They shut themselves off emotionally so their partner won’t pick up clues about their state of mind or emotions.
The guilt is also eating away at him and causing a sense of detachment from his normal self. He barely knows himself anymore, and he doesn’t want you to get too close for fear that you’ll find out what is going on.
3. He’s too busy to spend time with you
If he is constantly making excuses to avoid spending time with you, it might be because there’s someone else in his life who has a higher priority than you.
He may be just super busy with work or school, but it could also mean that he’s using the extra time to see someone else on the side.
Ask him where he’s been spending all his time and watch his reaction closely. If he acts vague or gets defensive, you’ll know something is up.
Related post: 13 signs your girlfriend is cheating (and how to handle it)
4. Your friends are suspicious
If your friends keep telling you that they think your boyfriend is cheating on you, it might be time to listen.
Hearing it from your friends is extremely painful, but don’t immediately assume they’re wrong. If they’re suspicious of him, there might be a good reason for it.
They know you better than anyone and might be able to sense when something is out of the ordinary in your relationship.
If several people have noticed the signs, it should ring alarm bells. Don’t jump to conclusions, but it’s worth checking into things more closely.
5. Your sex life has changed
You used to have no trouble turning him on at the drop of a hat, but now he’s like a cold fish and has zero interest in having fun with you in the bedroom.
It’s very common for men to be less interested in having sex with their partner when they see someone else behind your back. The guilt is eating him up inside, and he feels like a terrible person who is betraying both women.
On the other hand, he might feel renewed energy because he enjoys having sex with someone new. This can translate into a better sex life in your relationship. He’s feeling more confident about himself, so he is taking charge more in the bedroom.
He might even be learning new things in the bedroom with her and wants to recapture that same excitement with you. It’s a last-ditch effort to try and keep the spark alive between you.
6. He’s changed his style
You should be worried if your boyfriend used to be a jeans and t-shirt guy, and now he’s suddenly completely changed his style for no reason.
The same is true if he’s suddenly exercising a lot more, trying to lose weight, or he’s sporting a completely different hairstyle.
There’s a chance that he just wants to change things up to feel better about himself, but it’s more likely that someone else is encouraging the change.
Another reason he might change his style is that he’s trying to reinvent himself. He’s distancing himself from his old self and trying out a new life without you in it.
7. He’s secretive with his phone
Has he become super secretive about his phone lately? It might be because he’s cheating on you and paranoid about you finding out.
If he’s smart, he’ll be deleting messages, calls, and texts as they come in so that none of it can ever be traced back to him or his other woman.
His phone also probably never leaves his sight, so he can quickly delete anything incriminating. If you do get a chance to look at his phone, you might be able to get some clues about who he’s been talking to.
Other signs to look out for are checking his phone a lot more than usual or going into another room to answer a text.
8. He’s buying you gifts (out of guilt)
If you’ve been fighting a lot lately and he is suddenly buying you gifts to try to win your affection back, he may be cheating on you.
It could be because of guilt or another reason entirely. Still, if his behavior is out of character, it might mean something else is going on behind the scenes.
Even though he’s cheating on you, he still might not want to lose you. In his mind, buying you things is an easy way for him to keep your attention without having too much contact with you.
9. He doesn’t feel needed
Men have a strong urge to feel needed and essential in their relationships. It comes from a biological urge to protect & provide from women that’s been written into the male DNA over thousands of years.
If you don’t make your boyfriend feel needed, he might cheat on you with another woman who can satisfy this ancient urge.
Psychologist James Bauer has spent years studying this male urge to feel essential. He calls it the hero instinct, and it’s making quite a splash in relationship psychology circles.
It turns out that some women know how to trigger the hero instinct in their men. Men are far more committed to these women, because they give them a purpose and meaning in the relationship.
If you’re worried that your boyfriend is showing a lack of commitment, you can learn how to trigger his hero instinct. The best place to start is by watching this free video.
In the video, James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what requests to make of your boyfriend to make him feel needed and appreciated. It’s about showing him all the things he can do to make you happy.
10. You don’t talk like you used to
If you’re used to having deep and meaningful conversations, and now he’s barely talking to you, it’s cause for concern. You used to be open and honest about your feelings, but now he is always brushing you off or making excuses not to talk.
It might mean that someone else is taking his attention away from you and giving him the emotional connection he needs.
The secret ingredient that will make him devoted to you
All men have a biological urge to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave the chance to step up and test their strengths and abilities.
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the “hero instinct,” and it explains why so many women struggle to attract guys and keep them committed.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in any man. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind.
When you trigger a man’s hero instinct, he becomes comfortable fully investing in your relationship because he knows he’ll never need anyone else. In a matter of days, you’ll notice him become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed was possible.
Never again will you have to deal with his hot and cold behavior, distance, or silence. He’ll think you’re reading his mind, and he’ll thank you for it every day.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in a man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him want to work for your love and admiration.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but James’ techniques use proven psychology to tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
11. He’s giving you more love than usual
It sounds counterintuitive, but if your boyfriend is cheating on you, he might be trying to compensate by being extra nice.
He’s probably feeling guilty about the affair and is desperately trying to buy back your affection.
He thinks that if he can just keep showering you with attention, everything will seem normal, and he can keep living a double life.
12. His schedule has changed for no reason
Has his schedule changed recently? If he is cheating on you, it might be because someone else is in his life, and he’s trying to find more time to spend with her.
He’s probably doing everything he can to keep both of his lives separate, but he’s had to move things around to make it work and not seem suspicious. Maybe he tells you that he is working more or busy with school assignments. Or perhaps he is hanging around with his friends a lot more than usual.
Whatever his reason for the unexpected schedule change, you should consider if it’s all an excuse to spend more time with her.
13. He accuses you of cheating
Cheaters will often accuse their partners of being the cheater because it is a great way to shift blame away from them.
It makes it easier for him to justify his affair and allows him to turn the tables on you to make it seem like he’s been wronged as well. He’s basically trying to gaslight you into thinking that he is actually the victim, not you.
Accusing you of cheating is also a great way to get you on the defensive. You’re much less likely to question him if you think he is accusing you as well.
14. His mood is all over the place
If your boyfriend is cheating on you, he might experience wild mood swings. One minute he’s sweet and loving, and the next, he’s angry and defensive.
The stress of cheating on you affects his mood and makes him grumpy, anxious, or even paranoid. He’s also feeling guilty about what he’s doing and trying to hide his feelings of shame and self-loathing.
And when he seems joyful, you can be sure he’s just been with her, and he’s feeling the rush of excitement and danger of his affair. Eventually, cheating will take its toll, and the stress will start affecting everyone around him.
15. He’s started criticizing you
If he is finding fault with everything you say and do, it’s because he is comparing you to her. He might also be trying to push away his feelings by saying mean things about how you look or act.
It can help him ease his guilt over what he is doing if he feels like there are legitimate reasons he should leave you for her.
16. He’s got new hobbies
Has your boyfriend suddenly taken up a new hobby or activity that he’s never shown any interest in before? It’s possible that he’s trying to make a connection with her by showing an interest in the activities she enjoys. He wants her to see him as well-rounded and exciting and is trying to make a good impression.
This is also part of his effort to reinvent himself to convince himself that his life would be much more fulfilling and exciting without you. Even if he’s not trying to impress her, he can lie about having a new hobby and use the extra time away from you to spend with her.
17. He suddenly needs more alone time
If your boyfriend is cheating on you, he might ask for a lot more alone time than usual. Cheaters often feel guilty about their affair and spend a lot of time thinking that what they’re doing is wrong.
He needs to be around her to avoid feeling lonely or depressed. But it’s also draining him emotionally, so he feels the need for some space from you and everyone else. And most importantly, alone time gives him a lot more opportunities to be with her with less risk of being caught.
18. He says you’ve become boring
If he accuses you of being boring or “no fun anymore,” it’s a huge red flag that he is cheating on you. Blaming your lack of excitement will help ease the guilt over what he is doing and keep you from asking too many questions about why he needs more time alone.
Ask him what you can do to get the excitement back into your relationship and see what he says. If he is cheating on you, he will have a hard time coming up with something.
But suppose he is not cheating on you and is just frustrated in your relationship for other legitimate reasons. In that case, he should be able to give you some advice that can help spice things up again.
19. He stops talking about your future together
If he’s cheating on you, he’s probably trying to avoid talking about the future that you’ve got planned together. In his mind, all the plans that you’ve made are null and void now that he is involved with someone else.
He’s also trying to avoid the guilt of hurting your feelings by trying to ignore the future that used to include you.
20. He bails on events with your family or friends
Has he started bailing on events that you’ve planned with your family or friends? When he hangs out with your friends and family, the guilt he feels is even stronger, and he’s constantly worried he’ll slip up, and the truth will come out.
Not turning up to events is also the perfect time for him to be with her. He knows exactly where you are and how long you’ll be occupied.
21. You feel like you don’t know him anymore
If you simply feel like you don’t really know who your significant other is anymore, you just might be right. Sometimes you just have to trust in your gut.
Cheating is a huge betrayal, and it can turn the person you love into someone you don’t know at all. It’s definitely going to cause some considerable changes in your relationship.
If he’s been cheating on you for months and only being discovered now, there are probably many signs of his affair that have slipped under your radar.
Trust yourself to recognize them when they come up again in the future so that if he is still cheating on you down the line, maybe this time around, you will catch him red-handed!
