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It can be tricky to spot the warning signs that your wife is having an affair. It often comes down to a lot of little things, and it can be hard to put your finger on exactly what doesn’t feel right. Maybe she’s become secretive and distant, or her appearance has suddenly changed. Or perhaps she’s got some new friends, and you never seem to know who she’s hanging out with these days.
Even if you just have a gut feeling, it’s important to know for sure because the constant worry will drive you crazy. You also need to be sure before you confront her and blow up your life. If you accuse her and you’re wrong, it will be very damaging to your relationship. And if your suspicions are correct, you’re going to have some difficult decisions to make.
In this article, I’ll show you how to tell if your wife is having an affair. Many of the signs are easy to miss, but you can catch her out if you know what to look for.
1. She’s become emotionally distant
If your wife is having an affair, she’ll likely start putting more emotional distance between you. Her conversations will be shorter and more superficial, and all the time you used to spend chatting about your day will become a thing of the past.
If your wife starts saying things like, “I need more time alone,” or “I just need to focus on me for a while,” it could be a sign that she’s pulling away from you emotionally. She’s getting the emotional connection she needs from her new man, and she doesn’t need you as much anymore.
Emotional distance is also her way of protecting herself from being vulnerable with you. She knows that if she’s emotionally detached, it will be harder for you to hurt her when you finally discover her affair.
2. She’s stopped communicating with you
Open and honest communication is vitally important in a marriage because it helps build trust. When communication breaks down, it’s a clear indication that something is wrong.
She may have found someone else to share all her thoughts and feelings with and no longer feels the need to confide in you. Or she may be shutting you out because the guilt of her affair makes it hard to be honest with you.
Also, the more she talks to you, the greater the chance that she’ll slip up and say something that gives herself away.
3. She wants to spend a lot more time alone
Has your wife started spending a lot more time alone? Even worse, you probably have no idea what she’s doing or where she’s spending all her time.
A cheating partner will often lie about needing alone time so they can spend more time with their lover. It’s a convenient excuse to get out of the house and away from prying eyes.
Your wife might also want to spend less time with you because it’s emotionally painful for her to be around you. She feels guilty about her affair, and being with you is a constant reminder of her betrayal.
4. She starts fights for no good reason
If your wife is trying to hide how much time she’s spending with her lover, it can cause her a lot of stress and anxiety. The constant lying and sneaking around is also likely to raise her stress levels.
This can cause her to start fights for no reason. She’s so on edge that the smallest things set her off. She might not even realize how tense she has become until it affects how she behaves towards you at home.
If you’re constantly fighting, it also makes it much easier for her to justify her affair. She can keep telling herself that you’re the problem and not her lover. It will also make your breakup feel more mutual, which will make it easier to justify her feelings.
She might also be punishing you for what she’s doing and how her life has turned out. Her anger towards you will give her a sense of control which can help her deal with how out of control she feels about the affair.
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5. She’s protective of her cell phone
Think about whether your wife’s phone behavior has changed. Did she used to leave it lying around, but now it never leaves her bag or pocket? This is a massive red flag and one of the most common signs of infidelity. She can’t risk you accidentally seeing any phone calls or text messages that might make you suspicious.
Another sign to look for is changing her password or using a new phone. She might think that she can keep her affair a secret by doing this, but in reality, it just makes it more obvious.
If she’s smart, she’ll be deleting all her text conversations with her lover every time she’s finished talking to them. I’m not suggesting that you look at her text history and spy on her, however, finding personal text messages from another guy is a sure-fire way to know that she’s cheating on you.
6. She never answers her phone at certain times
Have you noticed that your wife never seems to pick up her phone or text you back at certain times? Maybe when she’s “working late” or out with “friends”? This is another big warning sign she’s cheating on you.
She might be with her lover and doesn’t want to have to lie to your face when you ask her where she is. If she were just out with friends, she would be more than happy to answer your call or text.
She’s also trying to avoid any possible conversations with you that might lead to her getting caught. If she doesn’t answer her phone, she can’t get caught in a lie.
7. She seems nervous when she comes home
Does she appear nervous whenever she gets home? She might be worried that you suspect her, and just making sure all her lies add up is enough to make her sweat.
One way to tell she’s lying is if she shares too much information about her day. Oversharing is one of the common signs of lying because the liar wants to fill in the gaps and make their story sound more believable. She’s making a desperate attempt to convince you that everything is normal in her life.
Her nervousness is also a sign of guilt because she knows her affair is the ultimate act of betrayal. Every time she looks at you, she knows she’s hurting you, and it’s hard to live with that guilt.
8. She compares you to other guys
Has your wife started negatively comparing you to other guys? She might be using her comparisons to justify her affair. The more she can convince herself that you’re not good enough for her, the less guilty she’ll feel about cheating on you.
Of course, she’ll never directly mention her affair partner when she’s comparing you to other guys. But you can be sure that she’s thinking about her new man whenever she’s tearing you down.
9. She’s stopped confiding in you
Did your wife used to come to you for advice and support, but now she’s stopped confiding in you altogether? Feeling like you can confide in your partner is a vital part of any healthy relationship, and it feels like a part of you is missing when it suddenly goes away.
If she’s having an affair, she’s likely stopped confiding in you because talking about her hopes and fears makes her feel nervous and exposed. Showing vulnerability requires a lot of trust, and she’s completely broken the bond of trust between you.
10. She points out all your flaws
Pointing out all your flaws is another way to make herself feel better about her cheating. If she can convince herself that you’re not a good enough partner, then she doesn’t have to feel guilty about leaving you.
11. She gets defensive when you ask her where she’s been
A cheating wife might get very defensive or angry whenever you ask her where she’s been, especially if she’s gone for long periods of time and it’s hard for her to come up with a believable explanation.
Your question is entirely reasonable, and you might simply be checking in on how her day has been. But to her, it feels like an interrogation, and she’ll probably accuse you of checking up on her or even trying to control her.
This reaction is understandable because her guilt is making her defensive and paranoid. She knows how badly her affair will hurt you, but she can’t stop herself from continuing it.
12. Her spending habits have changed
Sudden changes in spending habits or unexplained credit card charges are classic signs of adultery.
It’s pretty hard to conduct an affair without spending money – you need transport, hotel rooms, gifts, and all sorts of other expenses. She probably also wants to look good for her new man, so look out for increased spending on things like clothes, makeup, and lingerie.
If she’s smart, she’ll have been careful to cover her tracks, but it still might be possible to find evidence if you look hard enough.
13. She’s taking much better care of her appearance
Another classic sign of adultery is when your wife suddenly starts taking much better care of her appearance and physical health. Maybe she’s wearing more makeup than usual or spending longer on her hair. Or perhaps she’s exercising a lot more and started to lose weight.
Of course, just because your wife is taking better care of herself doesn’t automatically mean she’s cheating on you. But it’s worth keeping an eye on her behavior, especially if it seems to coincide with other subtle signs on this list.
14. She’s changed her style
Buying new clothing with a very different style is another red flag if your wife tends to wear the same things year after year. She might be trying to look good for her lover and give herself a new persona to match her new relationship.
Becoming a new person is also a way to separate her affair from her regular life. It helps her compartmentalize her different worlds, making the whole thing seem a little less guilt-ridden.
15. She seems bored or distracted by you
Does your wife seem bored at home and distracted whenever you try to talk to her? This might be because she’s thinking about how excited her new lover makes her and how much fun they have together.
All the things that once made her feel that way about you just don’t cut it anymore, and she can’t wait for the next opportunity to sneak away and spend time with him.
16. She’s interested in new hobbies or activities
Has she started taking an interest in new hobbies or activities that don’t include you? A new hobby seems innocent enough, but there are several reasons why it might be a subtle sign you have an unfaithful partner.
She might be showing an interest in her lover’s hobbies so she can get closer to him and build a deeper connection.
Or maybe she’s using her new hobby as an excuse to see her lover more frequently. Suppose they’re both in a photography club. In that case, there’s lots of opportunity for ‘nature hikes’ into remote areas where no one will see what they’re getting up to.
And finally, there is the possibility she’s just lying about the new interest entirely and using the extra alone time to hook up with her other guy.
17. Her mood is all over the place
Have you noticed that your wife is suffering from wild mood swings? One day she’s happy and excited, and the next, she’s low and miserable.
There might be another legitimate reason for her moodiness, but there is a possibility her mood is connected to her affair. She feels happy and excited when she’s going to see her lover soon, and then falls into a depression after the rush is over and she has to go back to her normal life with you.
18. Her friends act weird around you
If your wife’s friends are acting weird around you, it might be because they know she’s cheating on you.
You might notice they start distancing themselves from you or ignoring you altogether because they don’t want to accidentally slip up and be responsible for you finding out the truth.
They might also disapprove of her behavior and start giving you sympathetic looks or looking at each other strangely whenever they see you. If you notice this, you should confront your wife’s friends directly and ask them what’s happening.
Don’t expect too much though – even if your wife’s friends like you, they will probably still choose to protect her by not telling you anything.
19. Her work schedule has randomly changed
Possibly the most suspicious behavior of all is if your wife’s work schedule changes without any explanation. Her work hours might suddenly become much longer, or she might start working weekends when she never used to before.
This sudden change in routine could signify that she’s trying to create more opportunities to see her lover. If her job was previously 8-5, but now she’s always at the office late at night, that gives her a lot of extra time to spend with her new man.
A business trip is also the perfect opportunity for her to sneak away for a few days without arousing suspicion. If she doesn’t usually travel for work, you might ask her why she must go on this particular trip.
20. She’s suddenly very interested in your schedule
If your wife is suddenly very interested in your schedule, she might be trying to figure out when you’ll be out of the house so she can make plans with her new man.
She might ask what your plans are for the weekend or inquire about specific dates in the near future. Suddenly encouraging you to spend more time with your friends is another red flag.
She’s probably not crazy enough to have him over to your house, but at least she knows you’ll be gone, and it will be easier for her to lie about what she’s been up to.
21. You’ve caught her lying to you
Catching your wife in a lie is probably the most significant sign that she’s cheating on you, especially if she’s lying about where she’s been or who she’s been with.
If you catch her in a lie and suspect her of cheating, you need to decide whether to confront her about it or just leave it alone. At this point, it’s best to at least confront her about the lie and ask her why she doesn’t feel comfortable being honest with you.
22. She won’t make any future plans with you
Making plans for the future is one of the most fun parts of being married. You get to look forward to all the fantastic things you’re going to do together, and it makes you feel closer as a couple.
But if she’s no longer excited about planning a future with you, it might be because her head is filled with thoughts of a future with him. She doesn’t want to waste any more time with you when she knows your marriage probably won’t last.
23. She talks about other couple’s relationship problems
Does she like to point out the relationship problems she sees in your friends or acquaintances? She’s trying to convince herself that relationship problems are everywhere because it makes her feel less guilty about cheating on you.
She wants to believe that many other women would cheat on their husbands if they were in her shoes. She knows how terrible her behavior is, so she justifies her actions by convincing herself that everyone else would do the same in her shoes.
24. She smells different
Has your wife’s smell changed recently? Is she wearing a different perfume or much more perfume than she used to? Of course, this isn’t a guaranteed sign of infidelity, but she might be paranoid that you’ll smell her lover on her, so she’s started wearing a different scent.
25. Your sex life is exciting again
If your sex life has hit rock bottom and she’s suddenly interested again, it could be a sign she’s cheating on you. She might suddenly want to try new things in the bedroom or explore other fantasies you never dreamed she was into.
It sounds counterintuitive, but there are a couple of reasons why an affair can lead to more sex. All the hot sex she’s having with her new man might increase her sex drive, and she might be trying some new things with him that she’s bringing home to your sex life. She might also be feeling guilty about having sex with another man, so she’s compensating by trying extra hard to please you in bed.
26. She buys you random gifts
If your wife is having an affair, why would she suddenly start buying you gifts? The first reason is that she feels guilty, and buying you things is a lame attempt to make herself feel better for betraying you. But a more common reason is to make herself look like a loving wife who would never cheat on her husband.
If she’s trying to cover up her tracks, buying you random and unexpected gifts is a great way to do it. It will make you happy, and it’ll distract you from the fact that she’s been cheating on you.
27. She’s more attentive to you than ever
Similar to buying you gifts, your wife might start being more attentive to you than ever if she’s cheating on you. She knows that she needs to keep up appearances, so she’ll do everything in her power to make you happy and make sure you don’t suspect anything.
28. She’s stopped making an effort with your friends and family
If your wife has suddenly stopped making an effort with your friends and family members, she might be doing it to avoid suspicion.
It makes sense for her to minimize contact with the people who know you both best because they are the most likely to pick up on any weird vibes in your relationship. The last thing she wants is to have your friends or family members asking her questions about why she’s been so distant lately.
29. She spends a lot of time with new friends you’ve never met
Does your wife suddenly have an active social life with friends you’ve never met? Her new social circle may or may not be real, but either way, they give her a lot of opportunities to get out of the house without raising any suspicion.
Ask her to introduce you to her new friends, and if she’s reluctant or makes up some excuse why you can’t meet them, you might have cause for concern.
Another reason why your wife may be spending time with new friends is that they represent the type of person she wants to become. She’s bored of her current life with you, and she’s trying to reinvent herself.
30. You have a gut feeling
If you have a strong gut feeling that you have a cheating spouse, there’s a good chance that you might be right.
Trust your intuition because it’s often accurate when it comes to these types of things. Pay attention to how she acts and what she says because they could all be clues that she’s been unfaithful.
What do you do if your wife is having an affair?
1. Don’t jump to conclusions
Just because you see some suspicious behavior, it doesn’t mean your wife is cheating. Before you accuse her of having an affair, take a step back and consider if there’s another legitimate reason she acting strangely. Maybe she’s going through a difficult time, or you have other problems in your marriage you need to work on.
2. Confront her
If you’re sure your wife is cheating on you, the next step is to confront her. This can be a difficult conversation, but it’s important that you do it in order to get closure.
Be prepared for her to deny everything, and be willing to listen to her side of the story. Stay calm and don’t get too emotional, or else the conversation will quickly spiral out of control.
3. Plan your next steps
After everything is out in the open, you need to decide whether you want to try to save your marriage or leave your wife and move on with your life. It’s a tough decision to make, and you should take as much time as you need to make the right decision for you.
During this time, it’s also important to take care of yourself. Seek out support from a close friend or family member, and talk to a therapist if you need help working through the emotions you’re experiencing. It’s also crucial to stay healthy and active – exercise releases endorphins that will help you feel better in the long run.
