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How do you tell if a guy is actually interested in you or just being nice? If you’re having trouble spotting the difference, you’re not alone. Most guys aren’t good at expressing their feelings, and it can be hard to spot the difference.
The last thing you want to do is get the wrong idea and start chasing after a guy who’s just being polite. That level of embarrassment will make you want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
But don’t worry, I’ve got your back. In this article, I will show you exactly how to tell if a guy is interested in you or just being friendly.
1. His eye contact is deliberate
Making sustained eye contact with someone is one of the most obvious signs of attraction.
A 2016 study showed that the average length of time you can make eye contact with someone before it gets weird is 3.3 seconds. Looking into someone’s eyes for 3 seconds is a pretty intense experience. It’s a deeply personal connection, and it can feel like you’re staring into each other’s souls.
So if a confident guy deliberately stares into your eyes for more than 3 seconds, it’s pretty clear that he’s interested and wants to be more than friends. If he was just being friendly, he’d break eye contact much sooner to avoid any awkwardness.
However, many people have trouble holding sustained eye contact because it makes them nervous. So a guy might be into you but too shy to stare into your eyes. In that case, you can look at the way he glances at you to tell if he’s interested or just being friendly. Just to be clear, a glance means that he makes brief eye contact with you and then quickly looks away rather than holding your gaze.
A friendly guy might glance at you once or twice, but then he’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. He won’t want to give you the wrong idea. But if a shy guy likes you, he’ll glance at you repeatedly and then look away. Your brief glances turn into a flirty game at a certain point, and you both know what’s going on.
2. His hugs are longer than necessary
It’s easy to tell the difference between a friendly hug and a romantic hug by paying close attention to the length and depth of the hug.
A hug from a guy friend only lasts for a couple of seconds, and it’s usually pretty light. He might wrap one arm around you and squeeze lightly before letting go. It’s just enough to show that he cares about you without being too intimate.
On the other hand, a romantic hug is much longer, and it feels like both of you are taking your time to enjoy the hug and appreciate each other. The embrace is deep and close and often accompanied by a kiss on the cheek or forehead.
If a guy hugs you for longer than necessary, it’s a good sign he’s interested in you and not just being friendly. He might not be ready to make a move yet, but he’s definitely thinking about it.
3. His touch gets more intimate over time
Touch is a powerful way to tell if a guy is interested in you. A friendly touch is light and fleeting, and it’s just enough physical contact to show that he cares about you.
But if a guy starts touching you more over time, it’s a sign that he’s being more than friendly. He might start with a gentle pat on the back or place his hand on your arm when you say something interesting to signal that he’s engaged in what you’re saying.
But over time, he’ll start to touch you more intimately and leave his hand there for a long time. For example, he might move in and brush your hair behind your ear, so he has a chance to graze his hand across your neck.
His flirty touch will also start to linger for a long time. If he puts his hand on your arm, he might just leave it there while you’re talking.
If he’s a shy guy, notice if he tries to “accidentally” touch you. For example, he might brush his hand against yours when he hands you something or make sure his leg touches yours under the table when he sits down.
The secret weapon to make him obsessed with you
All men feel a powerful urge to compete. It comes from ancient times when every day was a fight for survival to protect their tribe and provide for their families.
The stakes are much lower today, but the competitive urge remains deeply rooted in male biology. Instead of fighting saber-toothed tigers, men channel their competitive energy into work, fitness, acquiring wealth, or earning the respect of their peers.
Imagine if you could harness all this competitive energy and make a man obsessed with winning your love
You can. And all you need to do is trigger a biological switch inside him that will make him see you as the ultimate prize.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls this switch the “hero instinct,” and it explains why some women have men falling all over them while others struggle to find lasting love.
Triggering a man’s hero instinct taps into his competitive spirit and makes him see your relationship as an opportunity to prove himself as a man. Making you happy gives him purpose and a “game” to win.
Instead of you chasing him, he will jump through hoops to impress you and win your approval. In a matter of days, he’ll become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed possible.
And the best part is that you can do all this without playing hard to get or acting like a damsel in distress.
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him utterly obsessed with you.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but it’s the real deal. James’ techniques use simple yet powerful psychology to help you tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
4. He asks you lots of personal questions
A friendly guy will ask you questions about your personal life, but that’s about as far as it goes. But a guy falling for you will go much deeper and want to know as much about you as possible.
He’ll want to know your hopes and dreams, fears, and secrets. He’ll ask you about your family, job, and where you grew up. The more personal his questions get, the more interested he is in you.
He’ll also probably start sharing personal information about himself with you. He wants to show that he trusts you enough to be vulnerable and build a deep connection that goes way beyond the surface level.
This all might sound intense or even a little creepy at first. But it’s important to remember the guy isn’t trying to pry into your life for no reason – he’s just completely into you, and he wants to know what makes you tick.
5. He asks about your love life
Asking you about your love life is one of the subtle ways a guy can learn more about you.
If he’s just being friendly, he’ll be curious about who you’re dating and how things are going. But if he’s into you, he’ll want to know far more than that. He’ll want to know what kind of guys you like, whether you’ve ever been in love, and how long it took you to get over your last relationship. He might even ask for details about the breakup.
The fact that he’s so interested in your love life is a great sign he’s thinking about you in a romantic way and planning to make a move. After all, why else would he care so much?
6. He teases you differently
When a flirty guy teases you, it can be hard to tell whether he’s just being friendly or he’s interested in something more. After all, friends tease each other all the time, and it’s a way to show that you understand each other and trust each other with your insecurities and vulnerabilities.
But when a guy is into you, he’ll tease you in a subtly different way. He’ll use it as an excuse to touch you, get closer to you, and test if you have a good sense of humor. The difference can be subtle, but you’ll know it when you see it.
Teasing is also a way for him to flirt without having to risk rejection. He can gauge your reaction and see how you feel about him before he makes a move. If you don’t respond well to his teasing, he can back off without losing your friendship or feeling embarrassed.
7. He treats you differently from other people
Watching how he treats you compared to other people is one of the easiest ways to determine if he’s interested in you or just being friendly.
The next time you’re in a group situation with him, notice how he treats you compared to other girls. If he’s super friendly and flirty with all the girls and treats you the same way, he’s probably just being nice. But if he flirts with you a lot more or pays way more attention to you, then it’s pretty clear that he’s interested.
Another thing to look for is if he acts weird or nervous around you compared to everyone else. If he’s fidgeting, touching his face more, or preening himself around you, then he wants to be more than friends.
You might even notice that he speaks differently around you. Some research has shown that a man’s voice gets deeper when talking to a woman he’s attracted to.
8. He gives you personal compliments
Lots of guys give out casual compliments, and it doesn’t mean much. For example, a friendly guy might give you a simple compliment if you get a new haircut.
But if a guy is interested in you, he’ll give you personal compliments specific to you. He’ll find unique and particular ways to compliment you that show he’s been paying attention to you. For example, he might say something like, “I love your laugh, and it’s so contagious.” Or “You have such a great sense of style, and I love how you always put together such unique outfits.”
9. He tries to find common ground
If a guy is being friendly, he might try to impress you with how successful or intelligent he is. But a guy interested in you will try to impress you in a completely different way.
He’ll try to find things in common with you to prove that you share the same values and have a special connection that makes him worthy of your attention.
This is a good thing, and it doesn’t mean he’s lying to you or trying to manipulate you in any way. He’s just searching for common ground to build trust and make a good impression more quickly.
10. He wants you to know he’s single
A friendly guy might tell you his relationship status in passing, but he won’t make a big deal of it. But a guy who wants to get closer to you will take every chance he gets to make sure you know he’s available.
If he’s recently single, he’ll probably mention his ex a lot as well. He wants you to know that it’s definitely over with her, and you’re not going to face any competition.
If you’re already good friends with this guy, it’s also a good sign if he stops talking about other girls altogether. It means he doesn’t want you to mistakenly think he’s interested in anyone else.
Related post: 10 signs a guy is in love with you but scared (and why)
11. He leans in when he talks to you
Leaning in is a body language cue that means a guy is interested in what you have to say. It shows that he’s paying attention and wants to get physically closer to you.
Getting closer to you also allows him to smell you. Research has shown that men are more attracted to women with certain scents, so he might be trying to get a better whiff of you at the same time.
Watch closely to see if he does this when he talks to other people. If he leans in toward everyone, then it’s probably just his default way of talking. But if he only does it with you, he might be interested in you specifically.
12. He points his feet at you
If a guy is sitting or standing with his feet pointed toward you, it means he’s subconsciously attracted to you and wants to get closer. This is because people tend to point their feet in the direction they want to go.
People often point their feet toward the person they are most attracted to in a group situation. If your man is talking to someone else, but his feet are still pointing at you, it means he’s not really interested in that person, and he’s just making small talk until he can talk to you again.
13. He removes any physical barriers between you
Removing any barriers between you allows a guy to get closer to you and enter your personal space. For example, he might move a glass between you, so he has clear access to reach out and touch your hand. Or he might move his chair, so he’s facing you directly instead of at an angle.
14. He goes out of his way to help you
When a guy wants to be more than friends, he’ll make an extra effort to help you in any way he can. You can tell it’s more than a friendly gesture when he drops everything to come running and is happy to give you lots of his free time.
Another sure sign he’s interested in you is when you know he’s sacrificing something important just to help you out – like giving up a night out with the guys or missing an important family event.
His desire to help you relates to the hero instinct I mentioned earlier. Men crave feeling needed and essential to women – especially women they are attracted to.
Check out this fascinating free video to learn more about the hero instinct. It will give you fantastic insight into how men think and the type of women they choose to be with.
15. He tries to get alone time with you
If a guy isn’t interested in you, it won’t matter to him if he only sees you in a group situation with other mutual friends. But if he’s attracted to you, he’ll start finding opportunities to be alone with you.
Spending alone time with you is his best chance to deepen your connection. There are no distractions, and he can focus all of his attention on you without worrying about what anyone else thinks.
Texting with you is another excellent way to get alone time if he can’t be with you in person. He might start texting you more frequently or even ask to video chat so he can see your face while you’re talking.
16. He remembers the little things you tell him
A guy interested in you will often develop a near-perfect memory for any little detail you share with him. He’ll remember what you were wearing the first time you met, your favorite color, or what you like to eat for breakfast on Saturdays.
There’s no way he would remember all this detail if he was being friendly. How much detail of the random conversations you have with your friends do you remember?
He remembers all of these things because he’s giving you his undivided attention. He wants to know everything about you to understand you better and build rapport.
17. He watches for your reaction
When you’re in a group, watch if he looks for your reaction when he says or does something funny or impressive. If his eyes roam around the entire group, it’s obvious he’s trying to make a good impression on everyone.
But if he locks eyes with you and smiles when he does something funny, it’s a big sign he’s specifically trying to make you laugh and impress you. It’s like he has a built-in radar that goes off every time you have a strong reaction, good or bad. And he just can’t help but pay attention to it.
18. His friends act weird around you
Are his male friends suddenly giving you weird looks or smirking at each other when you’re around? It might be because he’s told them how he feels about you, and they can barely contain their excitement.
They might be trying to subtly hint to you that he likes you, or they might take every chance to tease him about it and make him feel uncomfortable.
If you really want to know whether he likes you, you could try asking his best friend point-blank. I’m sure you won’t get an honest answer, but you might be able to read between the lines.
19. He mirrors your body language
Mirroring is when someone unconsciously copies the body language or vocal patterns of the person they’re talking to. It’s an easy way to build rapport and make the other person feel more comfortable.
When a guy mirrors your body language, it’s a sure sign he’s attracted to you. For example, if you cross your legs or tilt your head to one side, he might do the same.
Just keep in mind that friends often mirror each other because they spend so much time together and feel comfortable around each other. So this sign is best used in conjunction with others to get a more accurate picture of how he feels.
20. He can’t stop smiling around you
If a guy can’t stop smiling when he’s around you, it’s a clear sign that he’s attracted to you. Especially if you see his face light up the moment he sees you.
A guy who’s just being nice might still smile when he sees you, but his smile won’t be as big or as genuine. And it definitely won’t be accompanied by all the other signs on this list.
21. What does your gut tell you?
You should always trust your gut instinct when trying to figure out whether a guy likes you. If it feels like he’s into you, then he probably is. When you put all the signs on this list together, it should be pretty clear.
If you’re still not sure and you really need to know, the best thing to do is ask him directly. Just make sure you understand your own feelings before you put him on the spot. If you like him back and he rejects you, you need to be emotionally prepared to deal with the fallout.
How to tell if a guy is interested in you over text
A lot of guys like to use text to show that they’re interested in a girl. It’s a lot less nerve-wracking than flirting face to face and gives them plenty of time to compose each message.
Many of the signs a guy is flirting with you over text are the same as in person. He’ll still give you compliments and ask you lots of personal questions. But there are also some text-specific flirting signs you can look for to be sure he’s not just being friendly.
22. He often texts you first
Sometimes, a friendly guy might text you first, but you’re just as likely to start the conversation. On the other hand, a guy interested in you will almost always text you first.
He’s looking for any excuse to start a conversation so he can get to know you better. And he knows that if he doesn’t text you first, there’s a good chance the conversation will fizzle out before it gets started.
23. He texts you a lot
The same is true when a guy starts texting you a lot. A friendly guy will text you every once in a while, but a guy interested in you will text you daily (or even multiple times a day).
Again, he’s looking for any excuse to keep the conversation going and increase his chance to be with you. And he knows that the more he texts you, the more likely you’ll start to return his feelings.
24. He uses flirty emojis
You can tell a lot about whether a guy is trying to flirt with you over text by looking at the emojis he sends.
Emojis can be used to say a little or a lot, and it all depends on context. Here are a few examples of pretty obvious flirty emojis to look out for:
Subtle & flirty emojis
- The hug 🤗
- The tongue & wink 😜
- The hot face 🥵
Less subtle emojis
- The strawberry 🍓
- The hot pepper 🌶
Explicit emojis for sexting
- The peach 🍑
- The eggplant 🍆
- The taco 🌮
25. He texts you before bed or when he first wakes up
If a guy texts you before he goes to bed or as soon as he wakes up to say good morning, it’s a good sign that romantic feelings are involved.
If you’re already good friends with this guy and you’ve never noticed him texting you at night before, then there’s definitely something more going on. You’re obviously the last thing he thinks about before bed and the first thing on his mind when he wakes up.
What’s your next move?
If you like each other, then all you need to do is let him know and let the magic happen. But what happens if he’s only being friendly and you want to take things to the next level? You need a plan to seduce him to make sure you don’t end up in the friend zone.
The easiest way to make him attracted to you is to trigger his hero instinct. I know it sounds a bit weird to make a guy feel like your hero. Especially because you’re a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need to rely on a guy for anything. But the fact is, guys still feel the urge to feel like a hero. It’s been written into their DNA over thousands of generations.
When you trigger the hero instinct in a guy, you’re using psychology to make him feel needed and essential. This makes him feel incredibly satisfied and unlocks his deepest feelings of attraction and commitment.
And just to be clear – you don’t need to act like a delicate flower or compromise your own independence in any way. The hero instinct is just about showing a guy how he can feel useful and make you happy.
Thousands of women have successfully used the hero instinct to make the guy they like chase them and fall madly in love. And it’s a lot easier than you think.
