This post may include affiliate links to products we think you'll find useful. We may earn a small commission if you buy through these links. Read our affiliate disclosure.
If you’re facing trust issues in your marriage, it’s essential to take action to fix the problem. A lack of trust can quickly destroy a healthy marriage and lead to feelings of betrayal, resentment, and insecurity.
This article will discuss everything you need to know to save a marriage with trust issues. The good news is that you can repair the damage and rebuild a strong, healthy marriage with patience, communication, and understanding.
Why is trust so important in a marriage?
Trust is the foundation of all successful relationships, and a lack of trust causes many serious marital problems. Here are a few key reasons why trust is essential in a marriage.
Trust is the foundation of vulnerability & intimacy
Being vulnerable means that you feel comfortable sharing your deepest feelings, fears, and insecurities with your partner. If you don’t trust your partner, opening up and being truly vulnerable and intimate with them will be impossible. You’ll hold back, afraid to show your true self because you’re worried they will judge you or use your vulnerability against you.
Trust creates feelings of safety & security
When you trust your partner, you feel safe and secure in your relationship. You know that they have your best interests at heart and that you can rely on them when you need them. This feeling of safety and security is essential for a happy, healthy marriage.
Trust helps you to overcome problems in your marriage
If you don’t trust your partner, it’s much harder to work through tough times together. You’re constantly doubting their motives and questioning their actions, making it very difficult to move forward.
Trust gives you room to be independent
In a marriage, it’s essential to have some independence. Trust gives you the freedom to pursue your own interests and hobbies without feeling guilty or worried that your partner will disapprove. This independence is essential for maintaining a sense of self in a committed relationship.
Signs you have trust issues in your marriage
The trust issues in your marriage might be caused by a severe betrayal (like lying or cheating), or they might result from a series of little things that have slowly eroded your confidence over time. Here are a few signs that you lack trust in your marriage.
You feel anxious when you don’t know what your partner is doing
Constantly worrying about what your partner is doing when you’re not together is a sign that you don’t trust them. It means you’re always assuming the worst and wondering if they’re cheating or lying to you. This feeling of anxiety can be very draining and lead to feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
Your partner gets defensive when you ask about their day
Getting defensive or evasive when you ask about their day means your partner doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to you. This lack of transparency is very frustrating and makes you feel shut out of their life. They might be hiding something from you, but long-term trust issues can also lead to you both putting up walls and becoming detached and emotionally distant.
You’re suspicious of your partner’s phone use
Do you feel a rush of fear or jealousy when you see your partner glance at a message and put their phone away without a word? Or perhaps you wonder why they always seem to guard their phone carefully and never it unattended, even for a second. You might feel this way because you’re worried they are cheating on you, or perhaps you simply feel ignored and like they never share any details of their life with you.
You never let your guard down
If you feel like you can never truly relax and be yourself around your partner, it’s a sign that you don’t trust them. There are many reasons you might feel like you can’t let your guard down. Maybe you’re consumed with worry that they’re being unfaithful, or perhaps the lack of emotional connection in your marriage has pushed you so far apart that you feel like you don’t even know them anymore. Whatever the reason, not being able to relax and be yourself is very unhealthy for a marriage.
The physical or emotional intimacy has faded from your marriage
When trust is lacking in a marriage, the physical and emotional intimacy often fades away. As a result, you might feel less inclined to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner or avoid being physically close to them. Over time, this pushes you further apart and makes it even harder to rebuild trust.
You sabotage your relationship to avoid disappointment
Constant worry and insecurity can lead you to sabotage your relationship to avoid the pain of being betrayed or disappointed. You might start arguments with your partner for no reason or pick fights over minor issues that could easily be resolved. This pattern of behavior is a form of self-protection, and it will lead to further distance and mistrust in your relationship.
What are the causes of trust issues in a marriage?
There are various underlying causes for lack of trust in a marriage. In some cases, mistrust is entirely justified – for example, if your partner has cheated on you in the past. But often, trust issues are caused by insecurities or past life experiences that have nothing to do with your current relationship. For example, if you’ve been hurt or disappointed in other relationships, you might find it hard to trust your partner. Or, if you grew up in a family where there was a lot of fighting or deception, you might have trouble trusting people in general.
If you’re struggling to trust your partner, you need to try and understand the root cause of your mistrust. Only then can you start to address the issue and rebuild trust in your relationship.
Lack of communication
It’s impossible to build trust without effective communication. If your partner has an air of secrecy about them and doesn’t share their thoughts and feelings, you can’t help feeling like they are hiding something. This is especially true when it comes to important matters like financial issues or planning for your family’s future.
Lack of communication can also lead to misunderstandings and resentment, which further erodes trust in your marriage. If you’re not talking about your needs and wants, it’s easy for one or both partners to feel neglected or taken for granted.
A history of lying or cheating in the relationship
If your partner has lied or cheated in the past, it’s only natural that you have trouble trusting them. But even if your partner has never cheated, a past betrayal by an ex-partner or friend might cause you to have unresolved issues with trust. If you’ve been hurt in past relationships, it can be hard to let go of that fear and mistrust and let yourself be vulnerable again.
Lack of emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is about feeling close to your partner and being able to share your hopes, dreams, and darkest fears. When trust starts to fade in a relationship, emotional intimacy often disappears along with it.
When there’s a lack of emotional intimacy in your relationship, you might begin to feel like your partner is a stranger. You might find yourself withdrawing from them, both physically and emotionally. Over time, this emotional distance creates a vicious cycle that only furthers the mistrust in your relationship.
Being excluded from your partner’s friendships
You don’t have to share the same friends to have a successful marriage, but you need to feel included in your partner’s social life. If they intentionally exclude you from social events, you feel like they have a secret life.
This feeling of being left out can be especially damaging if your partner’s friends are people you don’t get along with. It makes you feel like your partner is choosing their friends over you, which deepens the mistrust and resentment in your relationship.
Lack of financial transparency in your relationship
Financial infidelity is one of the biggest causes of mistrust in marriage. Some signs of financial infidelity include hiding money from your partner, keeping secret bank accounts or credit cards, hiding debts, or lying about income or spending.
Money is one of the most stressful aspects of a marriage, and it’s essential to be open and honest with each other about your finances. This is especially true if one partner is stay-at-home and relies on the other’s income. In this case, the working partner can abuse their position of power and control the family finances, leaving the stay-at-home partner feeling helpless and mistrustful.
Low self-esteem & insecurities
In some cases, the trust issues in your marriage may have nothing to do with your partner at all. Low self-esteem and personal insecurities can make it difficult to trust anyone, even your spouse. Even if your partner has never given you a reason to doubt their fidelity, you might still find yourself second-guessing their motives and wondering if they’re really being truthful with you.
These feelings of insecurity can be caused by many things, such as a traumatic event in your past, body image issues, or even just feeling like you’re not good enough. Over time they can become all-consuming and cause severe damage to your relationship.
If you’re struggling with low self-esteem or personal insecurities, it’s essential to seek professional help to deal with these issues. Otherwise, they will continue to cause mistrust in your marriage and could eventually lead to its downfall.
How to rebuild trust in your marriage
Whether there’s been a significant breach of trust in your marriage or the trust has slowly eroded over time, you need to take action to rebuild it. Trust is the foundation of a loving relationship, and without it, your marriage will quickly crumble.
Building trust is hard work, and it requires patience, commitment, and time. Here are some concrete steps you can take to start rebuilding the trust in your marriage.
1. Identify why the trust has eroded
The first step of the healing process is to identify why the trust in your marriage has eroded in the first place. The cause might be easy to identify (such as an affair), or it might be something less obvious, like resentment or jealousy that has slowly grown over time.
Whatever the cause, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner about why the trust has been lost. Once you clearly understand the problem, you can start taking practical steps to fix it.
If the lack of trust results from personal insecurities or mental health issues, it’s important to seek professional help to address the problems. It’s not your fault that you feel this way, and you don’t have to suffer alone.
2. Talk about how the lack of trust makes you feel
Once you know what is causing the mistrust in your marriage, it’s time to have an honest conversation with your partner about how it makes you feel.
Be sure to approach this conversation with kindness and understanding. Share your inner thoughts and feelings honestly, and listen to their perspective on the situation without blaming or judging them. In some cases, your partner might not even realize that their actions are causing you to doubt them!
An excellent way to avoid being judgmental or critical is to keep your conversation focused on how your partner’s behavior makes you feel. Avoid bringing up past hurts and bombarding them with a laundry list of all the things they’ve done wrong. This will only make them defensive and less likely to be open to hearing you out.
3. Take accountability for your role in the loss of trust
In most cases, it’s doubtful that the loss of trust is entirely one person’s fault. Before you can truly start rebuilding the trust in your marriage, you need to take accountability for your own role in the problem. This doesn’t mean that you’re to blame for what happened, but it’s important to acknowledge your part in the situation.
For example, if you had an affair, you need to take responsibility for your actions and be willing to apologize for the hurt you caused. If jealousy or insecurity led you to snoop through your partner’s phone or emails, you need to own up to that and ask for forgiveness.
4. Sincerely apologize
A sincere apology isn’t going to fix everything magically, but it’s an important step in rebuilding the trust in your marriage. Your partner needs to see that you’re genuinely sorry for what you did and that you understand the pain you caused.
Apologizing means taking responsibility for your actions and showing a willingness to make things right. It also means making a genuine commitment to change your behavior and not repeat the same mistakes.
Your partner might not be ready to forgive you right away, and that’s okay. It takes time to heal from this type of betrayal. Just keep communicating with them and let them know that you’re committed to rebuilding the trust in your marriage.
5. Make a plan to maintain trust in the future
Once you’ve had an open and honest conversation with your partner about the mistrust in your marriage, it’s time to start setting some small, achievable goals to help rebuild the trust.
Talk about what you need to feel safe and secure in the relationship, and make a plan to help address those needs. For example, if you’re feeling insecure about your partner’s commitment to the marriage, you might set a goal of spending more quality time together.
If your partner has been unfaithful in the past, they might need to give you regular updates on their whereabouts and be more transparent about their activities. Whatever the case may be, make sure you’re both on the same page about what needs to happen to rebuild the trust in your marriage.
6. Set realistic expectations
It’s important to set realistic expectations when rebuilding the trust in your marriage. It’s not going to happen overnight, and there will likely be some bumps along the way. But as long as you’re both committed to working on it, the trust will eventually be restored. Just be patient and understand that it will take time, effort, and patience from both of you.
7. Schedule frequent check-ins
Make sure you schedule regular check-ins with your partner to assess how things are going. Checking in will give you both a chance to identify any potential problems early on so you can address them before they become more significant issues. It’s also an excellent opportunity to reaffirm your commitment to each other and focus on the good things in your relationship.
8. Consider marriage therapy
There is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help to rebuild the trust in your marriage. In fact, couples therapy can be a constructive way to identify any underlying issues and develop a plan to address them.
If you’re not sure where to start, consider meeting with a family therapist or counselor specializing in relationships. Having a neutral third party to help facilitate the conversation can be really helpful, and they might have some insights and perspectives that you wouldn’t have thought of on your own.
How to maintain trust in your marriage
Whether you’re recovering from a betrayal or just trying to strengthen your relationship, you can do lots of things to maintain trust in your relationship.
1. Work on deepening your physical & emotional intimacy
An intimate relationship means that you’re emotionally and physically close to your partner. You share a deep connection with them, and you can be vulnerable without feeling like you’re being judged or misunderstood.
There are no shortcuts to deepening your intimacy. You need to spend lots of quality time together, show affection for each other, and openly share your thoughts and feelings.
If you’re struggling to connect, consider planning date nights where you can focus on being present with each other without any distractions. Date nights don’t have to be expensive or fancy; even cooking dinner together or walking in the park can be a great way to stay connected.
Intimacy also means being there for each other during bad times. When your partner is going through a tough time, be their support system. And when they’re celebrating success, be their biggest cheerleader.
2. Share your daily lives
A big part of emotional intimacy is feeling connected to your partner by sharing the good and the bad of your day-to-day lives. If you’re not used to doing this, it might feel a little awkward at first. But the more you open up, the easier it will become. And pretty soon, it will start to feel like second nature.
There are lots of ways to stay connected throughout the day. You can send each other text messages, chat on the phone, or even check-in via social media. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation; a quick “how’s your day going?” can go a long way.
3. Confide in each other and share secrets
Your spouse should be your partner and your best friend, which means that you should be able to confide in them about anything and everything. Be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings, even when it’s not easy.
Having a confidant and trusted advisor in your spouse is a beautiful feeling. It means you never have to tackle life’s challenges alone, and it can make even the most difficult times much easier to bear.
4. Build your partner’s self-esteem
Part of your role as a spouse is to build up your partner’s self-esteem by making them feel good about themselves, both inside and out. It might seem like a small thing, but it can make a big difference to their overall happiness and wellbeing.
There are lots of ways to build up your partner’s self-esteem. You can compliment them, tell them how much you appreciate them, or just take the time to listen to them vent about their day. The key is to make them feel valued and appreciated. And if you see them struggling, offer your help and support – just knowing that you’re in their corner can make all the difference.
5. Practice forgiveness
No relationship is perfect, and there will be times when your partner makes a mistake and does something to erode trust in your relationship.
Forgiving mistakes doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened. It just means that you’re willing to move on from it and not let it define your relationship.
If you’re having trouble forgiving your partner, try to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine how you would want them to react if you were the one who made a mistake. Would you want them to hold a grudge forever? Or would you want them to forgive you and move on?
6. Assume your partner is doing the right thing
Trusting your partner means assuming they’re doing the right thing, even when you’re not around. If you constantly feel the need to spy or check up on them, it’s a sign that you need to do more work to build trust in your relationship.
If you find yourself plagued by thoughts of your partner lying or cheating, challenge your assumptions. Instead of assuming the worst, give them the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe they’re being honest with you. It might not be easy, but it’s important to remember that trust is a two-way street.
Of course, there are always going to be exceptions to this rule. If your partner has a history of cheating or if there are other red flags in your relationship, it’s perfectly normal to feel a little suspicious. This is where making a plan is helpful to set some ground rules and help put your mind at ease.
7. See things from your partner’s perspective
The only way to really understand how your partner is feeling is to try and see things from their perspective. It’s important to remember that we all have different ways of seeing the world and what might seem inconsequential to you could be a big deal to them.
If your partner is struggling with something, take the time to listen to them and understand their point of view. It might not change how you feel about the situation, but it will help you see things from their perspective and make them feel heard and valued.
8. Keep your promises
If you want your partner to trust you, you need to be trustworthy. That means keeping your promises and following through on your commitments.
It might seem obvious, but keeping promises is essential to building trust in any relationship. Whether it’s something as simple as taking out the trash or something more significant like being there for your partner when they need you, following through on your promises shows that you can be trusted.
9. Set healthy boundaries for privacy
If you’re constantly keeping tabs on your partner, it’s a sign that you’re not respecting their need for privacy. It’s perfectly normal to want to spend time with your partner and share everything with them, but you need to have healthy boundaries and give each other some space.
If you’re not sure what constitutes a healthy privacy boundary, talk to your partner. Discuss what you’re both comfortable with and set some ground rules. For example, you might agree to check in with each other if you’re going to be out late or if you’re going to be away for an extended period.
Final thoughts
Trust is an essential part of any relationship, and your relationship is unlikely to survive without it. If you’re struggling to trust your partner, keep the lines of communication open and be honest about how you’re feeling. Take small steps to build your emotional intimacy and work together to develop a plan that works for both of you.
With hard work and dedication, you can overcome the trust issues in your marriage and build a stronger, more trusting bond with your partner.
