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It’s not uncommon for married couples to become less affectionate after years of being together. Husbands often become less physically affectionate than their wives, making you feel neglected and ignored.
Just because your husband isn’t affectionate doesn’t mean that he’s stopped loving you. However, physical affection is very important in a marriage, and you need to rebuild your intimacy before your marriage becomes stale.
The good news is, there are many things you can do to get your husband to be more affectionate and reignite the spark in your marriage. Here are 27 easy ways to get started.
1. Identify his love language
The first thing I recommend doing is learning your husband’s love language. Dr. Gary Chapman developed the five love languages theory, which states that everyone has different ways they need to feel loved.
The five different love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. For example, if your husband’s primary love language is words of affirmation, this means that he feels loved when you compliment him, tell him how much you appreciate him, or write him a love letter.
If you can identify your husband’s love language and start showing love to him in the way he most enjoys, it will make him feel more loved and appreciated. This is a great way to help boost the level of affection in your marriage and break the cycle of neglect.
2. Respect him as a man
When you’ve been married for a long time, it’s easy to start taking your spouse for granted. You’re so busy just trying to get through the day that you stop seeing your husband as the wonderful individual you first married. Over time, this can slowly evolve into a lack of respect for each other, which will negatively impact all aspects of your marriage.
Making extra effort to respect your husband as a man can completely change the dynamic of your marriage. It will show him that you still see him as a fantastic person and help reignite the spark that may have faded over time.
Respect him for his qualities, accomplishments, and the fact that he’s trying to do his best even when he’s not perfect. It will go a long way toward making him feel loved and appreciated and make him much more likely to show physical affection toward you.
3. Recognize any stressors in his life
Your husband may have stopped being affectionate toward you because he’s dealing with a lot of stress in his life. When you feel under pressure, you quickly lose the focus and energy to deal with anything else, including your spouse.
The most common causes of stress in men are work-related issues, money problems, and worries about taking care of family. If you can identify any stressors in your husband’s life and try to help him reduce or eliminate them, it will free up more energy, and he’ll be able to focus on being more affectionate with you.
4. Spend more quality time together
Everyone’s lives are so busy that it’s hard to find time for anything other than work and sleep. This is especially true when you’re married and have kids. However, if you want your husband to be more affectionate, you need to spend quality time together to keep the intimacy alive.
Quality time doesn’t need to be anything fancy, and it can be as simple as eating dinner together, taking a walk after work, or watching a movie together. Many couples schedule regular date nights to make sure they have time to connect and catch up on each other’s lives.
The key is to make sure that you’re both focused on each other and not doing anything else. It will help strengthen your connection and help to increase the amount of affection your husband shows you.
5. Communicate your concerns
If you feel like you’re not getting enough affection from your husband, you first need to talk to him about it and reach a mutual understanding. Many couples avoid communicating their concerns because they’re afraid of upsetting the other person or causing a fight. However, bottling up your feelings will only worsen things in the long run.
Your husband may not even be aware that he’s been neglecting you and may be happy to change his behavior once he’s aware of the issue. The key is to communicate calmly, rationally and avoid attacking or blaming him. Blame will only make him defensive and less likely to want to help resolve the problem.
6. But don’t constantly bring it up
While it’s important to raise your concerns and feel heard, you also don’t want to nag your husband about it. Constantly bringing up his lack of affection will make him feel like you’re attacking him and aggravate the situation.
If you’ve already communicated your concerns, give him time to resolve them. If he’s not making any progress or seems unwilling to make any effort, you can bring it up again, but make sure that you’re doing it in a constructive way to help resolve the issue.
7. Don’t force him to open up
A lot of guys have trouble expressing their feelings, especially when it comes to relationships. If your husband is one of those people, don’t force him to open up and share his feelings with you. If you try to force him to show verbal affection, you might start a vicious cycle where he’ll become less and less likely to open up and less affectionate in general.
There are different ways to show affection for your partner, and not everyone expresses themselves in the same way. If he’s not ready to start talking about his feelings, try offering him some other forms of affection such as kissing, touching, or just spending time together. Over time, he may become more comfortable opening up and expressing himself verbally.
The secret ingredient that will make him obsessed with you again
All men have a biological urge to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave the chance to step up and test their strengths and abilities.
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the “hero instinct,” and it explains why so many women struggle to attract guys and keep them committed.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in any man. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind.
When you trigger a man’s hero instinct, he becomes comfortable fully investing in your relationship because he knows he’ll never need anyone else. In a matter of days, you’ll notice him become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed was possible.
Never again will you have to deal with his hot and cold behavior, distance, or silence. He’ll think you’re reading his mind, and he’ll thank you for it every day.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in a man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him want to work for your love and admiration.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but James’ techniques use proven psychology to tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
8. Flirt with him
Flirting with your husband is a great way to introduce physical touch back into your relationship, and it can also help to increase the amount of verbal affection he shows you.
Start by simply flirting with him when you’re both sitting together or walking around the house. Make eye contact, touch him lightly on the arm, and smile at him. If he responds positively, you can start to ramp up the flirting and introduce some more physical contact.
Just make sure that you’re doing it in a playful way and not coming on too strong. He may not be ready for anything more than light flirting, and that’s perfectly okay. Just continue to show him affection in other ways and let things progress naturally.
9. Praise him
When was the last time you praised your husband for all the good things he does for you and your family? Giving compliments is the best way to show your husband that you appreciate him and his hard work.
The more manly you can make your compliments, the better. For example, “You’re such a great provider” or “You’re so handy around the house” will make him feel useful and appreciated and trigger his hero instinct. He’ll be much more affectionate towards you when he feels genuinely appreciated.
10. Learn how to argue constructively
If you’re constantly fighting and bickering with your husband, it will be difficult for him to feel affectionate toward you. Arguing is normal in any relationship, but learning how to argue constructively can help to reduce the amount of fighting and make your relationship much more peaceful.
When you need to argue, try to stick to the facts and avoid bringing up personal attacks or past arguments. If you can focus on solving the problem at hand, it will be much easier for you to resolve it. And once the fight is over, make sure to apologize and forgive each other. This will help smooth things over and get the relationship back on track.
Related post: How to fix a broken marriage: 13 essential steps
11. Show him what you need
It might help your husband be more affectionate if you demonstrate your physical or emotional needs to him. For example, if you need more physical affection, show him how you like to be touched. If you need more verbal love, tell him what kind of things you’d like him to say to you.
The more specific you can be, the better. He’s not a mind reader, so it’s up to you to create more intimate moments and let him know what makes you feel loved and appreciated.
Don’t expect a grand romantic gesture once you’ve shown him what you need because he’s not going to change overnight. However, he may start to become more aware of your needs and be more willing to meet them with time and patience.
12. Reward his attempts at intimacy
Even though you might have to make the first move, you should always reward his displays of affection to give him positive reinforcement.
Let him know how much it means to you when your husband does something that makes you feel loved, appreciated, or desired. A simple “thank you” or “I really appreciate that” can go a long way toward making him feel good about himself and encourage him to continue being affectionate.
13. Always be consistent with him
Consistency is key when you’re dealing with your husband. If you’re hot one day and cold the next, he will feel confused and uncertain about how you feel towards him. Try to be as consistent as possible with your displays of affection because it will help him understand what you expect and make it easier for him to know how to please you.
14. Be compassionate and understanding
It’s also essential to show your husband compassion and understanding. There are many reasons why he might be struggling to show affection, and it may have nothing to do with how he feels about you.
Maybe he’s feeling overwhelmed at work, or he’s going through a personal issue with his mental health. Being understanding and patient will make it easier for him to feel comfortable opening up to you about his feelings. And when he knows that you’re there for him, he’ll be more likely to want to show his affection for you.
15. Focus on loving yourself
The best thing you can do for your marriage is focus on loving yourself. If you’re not happy with yourself, it will be tough for your husband to make you happy.
You also need to have your own life and not let your identity and self-worth be wrapped up in your relationship. Being dependent on your marriage for your happiness is a surefire way to make your husband feel trapped and push him further away.
Don’t neglect your career or hobbies, and spend time each day doing something that makes you feel good about yourself. Whether diving into work, taking a long bath, or hitting the gym, make sure to find something that makes you feel good and services your own needs.
16. Create a safe space for him to be vulnerable
I’ve already mentioned that many guys find it hard to express their emotions, which is why it’s so crucial for you to create a safe space for your husband to be vulnerable. Make it clear that you want to offer him emotional support, and he can open up to you about anything without fear of judgment or criticism.
When he knows that he can trust you, he’ll be more likely to want to confide in you and share his innermost feelings. And as he gets more comfortable opening up, his physical closeness and affection levels will also increase.
17. Have fun with him
There’s no denying that marriage is hard work, but it’s supposed to be fun as well! When life gets busy, it’s easy to let the fun stuff fall by the wayside because all you do is work, pay the bills, and keep your family happy.
But if you want your husband to be more affectionate, you need to make time for fun. Play games together, watch funny movies, take walks in the park, or go out dancing. When you engage in fun and enjoyable activities, it will help strengthen your marriage and bring you closer together.
18. Remind him of the early days of your marriage
A great way to increase the affection in your marriage is to remind your husband of the early days of your romantic relationship.
Talk about your first date and all the wonderful things you used to do together. Tell him how you felt when you first realized it was true love and how happy and content he made you feel. Remind him how you couldn’t keep your hands off each other and felt like you could conquer the world together.
When your husband remembers why he fell in love with you in the first place, it will help him to feel more connected to you and increase his desire to show his affection.
19. Engage with his hobbies and interests
Taking an interest in your husband’s hobbies is one of the more subtle ways you can increase the affection level in your marriage. If he likes to play golf, take the time to learn about the game and ask him questions about it. If he wants to watch football, sit down with him and watch the game. If he enjoys cooking, offer to help him in the kitchen.
When you show any interest in what he’s interested in, it will make him feel understood and help you connect with him on a deeper level. Over time, a deeper level of connection will also increase the intimacy and affection between you.
20. Give him the alone time he needs
It’s important to remember that your husband needs time alone to recharge his batteries just like you do. If he’s always with you and never has any time to himself, it will lead to resentment on his part. Make sure to give him some space now and then, and don’t take it personally if he wants to go out with the guys or stay in and watch TV by himself.
You’ll start noticing positive changes in your husband’s behavior as soon as you give him the alone time he needs. He’ll be more relaxed and less stressed, and he’ll have a better attitude towards you and your relationship. He’ll also be more affectionate with you because he’ll appreciate your company more.
21. Don’t take him for granted
Married couples often take each other for granted and stop appreciating what their spouse does for them. This is a big mistake and can lead to resentment and unhappiness.
If you want your husband to be more affectionate, you need to start by showing him how much you appreciate him. Thank him for doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or filling your car with gas. Let him know that you appreciate the little things he does for you and that you love him very much.
22. Don’t mother him
Your husband doesn’t need a mother; he wants a wife. If you’re constantly nagging him and telling him what to do, he will start feeling like a child instead of a partner.
When your husband feels like he’s being mothered, it will decrease his affection for you. He’ll feel overwhelmed and suffocated by your presence, and he’ll start to pull away from you. So, instead of mothering him, try to be more supportive and understanding. Listen to what he has to say and offer your advice and opinion when he asks for it.
23. Don’t try to control him
The worst thing you can do to increase the lack of affection in your marriage is to try to control your husband. If you constantly tell him what to do and how to behave, he will quickly start feeling like a caged animal.
When your husband feels like he’s being controlled, it will make him very resistant to showing any affection towards you. He’ll feel like you don’t trust him and that you don’t think he can make good decisions on his own. So, instead of controlling him, try to give him some space and let him make his own choices.
24. Accept his personality
You can change some things about your husband by understanding how he thinks and what he needs, but you can’t change his personality. If your husband is more introverted, he’s not going to suddenly start giving you grand displays of affection just because you want him to.
The only thing you can do is accept him for who he is and learn to love him for his quirks and personality traits. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you feel loved and wanted, so help him find his way to show you that he cares.
25. Keep your expectations reasonable
It’s also essential to manage your expectations around how much affection your husband should show you. If you’re always expecting him to do something extravagant like buy you a ring or take you on a romantic getaway, you will be disappointed every time he falls short.
Try to keep your expectations reasonable and focus on the small things he does for you. If he wants to hold hands or kiss you goodbye in the morning, be thankful for those moments and don’t expect him to do something bigger and better every time.
What causes a lack of affection in marriage?
There are several reasons why marriages can lack affection, and one of the most common reasons is a lack of communication. If couples don’t talk openly and honestly, they’ll start to drift apart and feel like they’re living in two different worlds.
A change in the mental health of one partner can also lead to a lack of affection. If one partner becomes depressed or withdrawn, they’re less likely to want to be physically close to their spouse.
Lack of trust is also another common issue. If one spouse feels like the other is always hiding something or being dishonest, it will make it difficult for them to feel close to that person.
Another reason could be a lack of physical or emotional intimacy. If one or both spouses aren’t feeling physically or emotionally close to each other, they’re less likely to show signs of affection.
And finally, a lack of affection can be due to unresolved problems or resentments in the relationship. If couples cannot move on from past arguments and forgive each other, the lack of affection will only worsen over time.
FAQs
Is it normal that my husband doesn’t show affection?
Everyone is different, and some people are more affectionate than others. So, it’s not necessarily abnormal if your husband doesn’t show much physical affection. However, if you feel like he’s pulling away from you or not interested in being close to you, then it might be time to take steps to improve the situation.
Can my marriage survive without any affection?
There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. Some couples can survive without showing much physical affection, while others need it to feel close and connected. The key is to find out what works for you and your spouse and make an effort to maintain that level of intimacy in your relationship.
How do I know if my husband doesn’t love me anymore?
If your husband doesn’t show any signs of affection toward you, he may no longer be in love with you. However, there are several other reasons he might be pulling away, and it’s important to talk to him about what’s going on. If he’s unwilling to open up or talk about the situation, it might be time to consider seeking professional help.
Final thoughts
I hope this article has given you some valuable tips to get your husband to be more affectionate. Remember, it’s important to manage your expectations and not put too much pressure on him. Learn his love language, focus on compassion and understanding, and create a safe environment for him to express himself.
