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Being equally attracted to two guys is a tough problem to have. They both have amazing qualities, and you wish you could mash them together to make one perfect boyfriend. But this isn’t a fantasy, and eventually, you’ll have to choose between them.
Listening to your intuition is important, but you can also take a more practical approach. After all, once you decide, there’s no going back! Here are 27 questions to ask yourself that will help you choose between two guys and avoid regrets.
1. Whose values are most aligned with your own?
Your core values are the things that are most important to you in life. They guide your choices and actions and help you live a life that aligns with what you believe.
Values include your feelings on things like being honest and trustworthy, showing compassion toward other people, how important family is to you, and whether you see religion as a central part of your life.
Ideally, you want a partner whose values closely align with your own. You don’t have to agree on everything, but it helps if you’re on the same page regarding the big stuff.
2. Who wants the same things in life as you?
It’s important to be with someone who wants similar things in life as you do. Otherwise, you may find yourself constantly trying to convince them to see things your way or feel you’re being dragged along on a path you don’t want to be on.
Are you interested in studying at a far-away college? Do you want to get married and have kids one day? Do you want to settle down in the same city or travel the world?
It might be impossible to answer most of these questions if you’re still young. But it’s still helpful to think about what you want from life and whether the guy you choose shares those same goals.
3. Who is the most gentle and kind?
The idea of dating a mysterious and rebellious bad boy can be alluring. But trust me, you’re much better off with a gentle and kind guy in the long run. Over time, a bad boy is more likely to have problems dealing with his emotions, suffer from anger issues, and treat you with disrespect.
Think about whether one of your guys has more qualities of a good man. Is he respectful to you and others? Does he think about your needs as well as his own? Does he go out of his way to help people? He might seem less exciting now, but he might be the better choice if you’re looking for a long-term relationship.
4. Who accepts you as you are?
One of the essential things in a relationship is feeling accepted by your partner. You should feel like you can be yourself around them without having to put up a front or act like someone you’re not.
Do they accept all your weird quirks and embarrassing habits? Do they still love you even when you mess up and make mistakes? Do they encourage you to be yourself and not try to change you into someone else?
Consider which guy makes you feel more accepted to let your hair down and be yourself. If one of them tries to control you or manipulate you into acting like someone you’re not – he’s not the right guy for you.
5. Who is more emotionally mature?
Emotional maturity is about more than just being able to control your emotions. It’s also about understanding and empathizing with others, communicating effectively, and handling conflict constructively.
Think about how each of them deals with their feelings. Do they get angry easily or lash out when things don’t go their way? Are they able to have difficult conversations without getting too upset? Can they keep their cool in a fight and work towards a resolution?
Related post: 23 signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you
6. Who are you most sexually attracted to?
Sexual attraction isn’t everything, but it is an important part of any romantic relationship. If you’re not physically attracted to a guy, then it’s unlikely that the relationship will last long.
Which guy makes you feel weak at the knees whenever you think about him? Which one do you find yourself constantly daydreaming and fantasizing about?
If you want a serious relationship, it’s important to be aware of the difference between lust and love. Lust is an intense physical desire that fades as fast as it appears. It can also make you blind to someone’s faults and ignore obvious red flags.
On the other hand, love is a much deeper emotional connection. The best relationship starts with plenty of lust and transitions into love over time.
Related post: 25 signs you have intense chemistry with someone
7. Who do you miss the most?
Which guy do you miss the most when you’re not with him? Even if you haven’t thought about it, there’s probably one guy who sticks out in your mind more than the other.
Do you constantly think about a particular guy and wonder what he’s up to? Do you get more of a flutter in your stomach when his name pops up on your phone?
The fact that you miss one guy more than the other is a sign that he makes you feel special and loved. Whenever you’re with him, you feel like the most important person in the world. He makes you feel seen, heard, and cherished.
8. Who has your back the most?
If you’re going through a tough time or just having a bad day, which guy do you want to talk to the most? And when something great happens, who do you want to share it with first?
Your answer to this question will give you a clue about which guy is more supportive and understanding. A great partner will be there to support you during good times and bad and make you feel like you don’t have to go through anything alone.
9. Who makes you feel the most special?
Your partner should make you feel like the most special person in the world. They should make you feel loved, appreciated, and valued.
I’m not talking about buying gifts or taking you on lavish vacations (although those things are lovely, too). It’s about the small, everyday things that show you how much he cares. For example, maybe one guy always checks in to see how your day is going or goes out of his way to make you laugh when you’re feeling down.
These might seem like small things, but they show that he’s thinking about you and making you a priority in his life. That kind of thoughtfulness and consideration is worth its weight in gold.
10. Who can you be most vulnerable with?
Being vulnerable with someone means you can tell them anything without feeling like you have to put up a front or pretend to be someone you’re not.
It means being able to show your partner your true self, warts and all. It’s about feeling safe enough to share your deepest fears and insecurities, knowing they won’t judge you or think any less of you.
When you’re vulnerable with your partner, it creates a deep bond between you. That’s because vulnerability is the foundation of trust, and trust is the cornerstone of any lasting relationship.
So ask yourself, which guy do you feel you can be most open and honest with? Which guy do you feel like you can really let down your guard around?
11. Who makes you laugh the most?
It might seem like a small thing, but being able to laugh together is one of the most important aspects of a relationship.
When you can share the good and bad times with someone and still find humor in everything, it makes every experience much richer. It’s also a sign that you’re on the same wavelength and have similar senses of humor.
So, which guy makes you laugh the most? Which guy do you have the best time with, even when you’re just goofing around and being silly?
12. Who is more optimistic about life?
A pessimistic partner only sees the downside of everything and obsesses about future problems that haven’t even happened yet. The constant negativity makes your life feel dark and sad and can eventually destroy your relationship.
On the other hand, an optimistic partner will brighten up your life and make you feel like anything is possible. Which guy do you feel more inspired by? Who makes you feel like life is an adventure instead of something to be endured?
There’s nothing wrong with being serious and thoughtful sometimes, but a positive outlook is contagious and will rub off on you, too.
13. Who treats you with the most respect?
Feeling respected is table stakes for any successful relationship. If your partner doesn’t treat you with respect, it’s a major red flag that the relationship is not healthy.
Respect means listening to you when you’re talking and considering your opinions and feelings. It means valuing your time, effort, and energy and being willing to compromise.
So ask yourself, which guy treats you with more respect? Who makes you feel like your opinion matters and that your feelings are valid?
14. Who do your friends like more?
Your friends know you better than anyone, so their opinion is worth considering. If they like one guy more than the other, there might be a good reason for it.
Are they trying to protect you from getting hurt? Do they think one of your guys is taking advantage of you somehow? Perhaps they feel you’re better suited for one guy than the other.
Of course, you shouldn’t let your friends make decisions for you, but it’s worth considering why they have such a strong opinion.
15. Who are you most intellectually compatible with?
If you’re going to have a fun and interesting relationship with someone, it’s important you can have meaningful conversations and debates about topics you’re both interested in.
I’m not suggesting you give both guys an IQ test and pick the one with the higher score. But it is worth considering how well you connect with each guy on an intellectual level. A superficial relationship will quickly get boring and will leave you feeling unfulfilled.
So ask yourself, which guy challenges you and makes you think about things in new and different ways? Who would you want to spend hours talking to if you had the chance?
16. Who makes more effort with your family and friends?
Your family and friends are an essential part of your life, so your partner must be willing to try to get along with them and get to know them.
If a guy is constantly making excuses not to meet your family or doesn’t seem interested in getting to know your friends, it’s a sign that he’s not serious about the relationship.
17. Who’s family and friends do you prefer?
And, of course, choosing between two guys means you’re also choosing their family and friends. Which guy’s family and friends make you feel most welcome and accepted? Who would you rather spend holidays and special occasions with?
You should never base your decision purely on someone’s family and friends, but it’s worth considering how well you get along with them. After all, you’ll spend a lot of time with these people.
18. Who is the most committed?
If you’re looking for a committed relationship, the guy you choose must be just as ready and willing to commit to you.
If one guy seems like he’s always looking for an excuse to leave or bail on plans, while the other is always happy to make time for you, it’s pretty clear which one is more committed.
Of course, commitment isn’t always about time and plans. It’s also about trust, communication, and respect. So ask yourself, which guy do you feel like you can truly rely on? Who makes you feel comfortable communicating with and sharing your feelings with?
19. Who do you share the most interests with?
You don’t need to have the same interests as your man to enjoy a happy and fulfilling relationship, but it does help if you share some common hobbies and interests.
It’s essential to choose a guy you can have fun with, whether you’re going on adventures or just staying in and relaxing. If one guy seems bored or uninterested whenever you suggest doing something, it’s pretty clear which one is a better match for you.
20. Who are you better friends with?
Some people say being best friends with your partner is important, but I don’t necessarily agree. A friendship is very different from a romantic relationship, and what you need from a friend is different from what you need from a partner.
That said, you want to choose a guy you enjoy spending time with and consider a good friend. After all, you’ll spend a lot of time with this person, so you need to like them and enjoy their company.
21. Who has the same love language as you?
In case you’re not familiar with love languages, it’s the idea that everyone has a preferred way they like to express and receive love. There are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
For example, if your love language is quality time, you’ll feel most loved when your partner makes an effort to spend time with you and do things together. If your love language is words of affirmation, you’ll feel loved when they express how much they love and appreciate you.
Sharing the same love language doesn’t make or break a relationship but can help strengthen it. So if you’re trying to choose between two guys, it might be worth considering which one understands and speaks your love language.
22. Who do you enjoy spending quality time with?
Quality time doesn’t mean sitting next to each other, scrolling through social feeds, or watching TV. It’s about actively talking, listening, and engaging with each other without distractions.
Spending quality time with your partner is how you get to know them on a deeper level, share your thoughts and feelings, and grow closer together. So if you’re trying to choose between two guys, ask yourself which one you enjoy spending time with the most.
23. What are the red flags for each guy?
Does one or both of your guys have a serious red flag that you can’t ignore? If so, that’s definitely something to factor into your decision.
For example, if a guy has a known history of being abusive, lying, or cheating on previous girlfriends, you should think very carefully before choosing him. Unfortunately, it’s rare for someone to truly change their ways.
24. Who do you see a future with?
Who do you see yourself with most when you think about the future? If it’s one guy more than the other, that’s definitely a sign that he’s the one for you.
25. Have you given yourself enough time to choose?
Choosing between two guys is hard, and you must ensure you’ve given yourself enough time to consider every angle. Of course, you want to avoid stringing the guys along, but don’t feel under pressure to decide if you’re not ready. In the end, the decision is yours and yours alone.
Make sure you’re getting into a relationship for the right reasons, not just because you’re afraid of being single. Spend time alone, practice self love, and focus on your physical and mental well-being above anything else.
26. What does your gut tell you?
This entire article has been about logically and rationally choosing between two guys. But at the end of the day, sometimes you just have to listen to your gut. It’s hard to explain, but you might just have a strong intuition that one guy is the right one for you.
27. Should you choose neither of them?
Have you considered the possibility that neither of them is the right guy for you? Don’t feel like you need to be in a relationship just because all your friends are.
There’s nothing wrong with being single; you should never feel like you need to settle for someone just because they’re available. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, and if neither of these guys is suitable for you, then it’s time to move on.
What happens next?
1. Let the other guy down easy
Once you’ve chosen the guy you want to be with, you must let the other guy down easily. Try to be as kind and understanding as possible, and don’t rub your new relationship in his face.
Breaking someone’s heart is never fun, but if you handle it with grace and compassion, hopefully, he’ll be able to move on quickly too.
2. Commit to the guy you’ve chosen
Once you commit to one guy, you must let the other guy go. It’s not fair to string him along, and it’s not fair to yourself, either. Be confident in your decision, and don’t look back.
3. Don’t second guess your choice
It also won’t do you any favors to play the what-if game. What if you’d chosen the other guy? Would things have been better or worse? Stop second-guessing yourself, and trust that you made the right decision. If things don’t work out, then you can constantly reassess, but for now, it’s time to focus on making your new relationship the best it can be.
