This post may include affiliate links to products we think you'll find useful. We may earn a small commission if you buy through these links. Read our affiliate disclosure.
After you’ve been married for a while, it’s not uncommon for the passion and attraction to start waning in your relationship. You get comfortable and stop making much effort to look good and feel desirable. And life is so hectic you barely have time to take a shower, let alone think about impressing your husband.
It’s important to get the spark back into your relationship before you take each for granted and feel more like roommates rather than husband and wife. The good news is, there are lots of things you can do to be more attractive to your husband and remind him of the amazing girl he married.
1. Learn his love language
If you’re not familiar with the concept of love languages, it’s the idea that everyone likes to express and receive love in different ways. There are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
For example, if your husband’s love language is words of affirmation, he’ll be happiest when you tell him how much you love him and appreciate all the things he does for you. If he prefers acts of service, he’ll be happiest when you help out around the house or with projects.
By figuring out your husband’s love language, you can start showing him love and affection in the way he most responds to, which will make him feel more loved, appreciated, and attracted to you.
2. Be mysterious
If you’ve been married for a while, you probably don’t feel like there’s too much mystery left in your relationship. You basically know everything about each other, and there’s not much left to discover.
The feeling of knowing someone completely is wonderful, but injecting a little mystery into your marriage can do wonders to reignite the passion and desire you felt when you first met. Mystery represents the unknown, which is exciting and makes people want to know more.
There are many ways to seem more mysterious and alluring to your husband. Every once in a while, do something spontaneous that catches him off guard. Plan a surprise trip, buy some sexy new lingerie, or break out a well-kept secret from your past. Even cooking his favorite meal when he’s least expecting it will surprise him and make him feel more attracted to you.
3. Play hard to get
Playing hard to get may sound counterintuitive since you’ve already caught your man, but it’s a great way to make your husband more attracted to you. If you’re not always immediately available, he’ll appreciate you more when he does get your attention.
You don’t have to make yourself completely inaccessible – just let him know that you have a life outside of your marriage and that he’s not the only one in your world. Make plans with your friends, sign up for a new class, or take a weekend trip without him. He’ll be more than happy to accommodate your busy schedule when he knows he won’t always have you to himself.
Of course, you don’t want to take it too far and start acting like you’re not interested in him, but making yourself a little less available and giving him the chance to miss you can actually increase his feelings of desire for you.
4. Flirt with him
Even when you’re married, flirting with your husband can be a powerful way to make him feel more attracted to you. Flirting is playful and fun, and it will remind him of the early days of your relationship when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other.
Use body language cues such as open body posture, intense eye contact, and a warm smile to let him know how happy you are to be with him. Let him see you look at him with a hint of heat and desire, and he’ll instantly feel more attracted to you.
When you’re feeling flirty and sexy, touch him casually in a way that suggests intimacy. Be playful with your words and gestures, and let him know how much you desire him. Men are visual creatures, so wear something that showcases your best features to get him in the mood.
5. Passionately kiss him
Nothing is more romantic and sexy than giving your husband a long, passionate kiss. If you usually just give him a peck on the lips when you greet each other or say goodbye, show him how much you love him by really kissing him.
To give your husband an unforgettable kiss, start by getting close to him and looking into his eyes. Slowly lean in and place your lips on his, lightly pressing at first and then increasing the pressure. Slide your lips across his and part them slightly so you can start exploring each other’s mouths with your tongues.
Not every passionate kiss has to turn into a make-out session or lead to sex, but if you want your husband to feel more attracted to you, kissing him deeply and passionately will definitely do the trick.
6. Make time for intimacy
Emotional and physical connection is an important part of a happy marriage, and it’s essential to make time for intimacy, even when you’re busy. Stay connected to your husband by holding hands, cuddling, and being physically affectionate with each other.
Do your best to maintain an active sex life, even when you’re tired, stressed, or super busy. There are many fun things you can do to ignite your sexual relationship. Try some role play, talk dirty to each other, or try some sexy games to get you both in the mood! Just beware that sexual desire ebbs and flows throughout a marriage, and it’s often the case that one partner is more interested in sex than the other at any given time.
7. Laugh & have fun with him
If you haven’t been feeling very playful lately, try to make a conscious effort to have more fun with your husband. Laughing together and having fun can reignite the spark in your relationship and make him want you even more.
Let your inner child out from time to time and enjoy doing something completely frivolous together. Watch a silly movie, play some board games, prank each other, or just goof around. And don’t forget about the importance of physical touch – make time for regular hugs and kisses to remind your husband how much you love him.
8. Use your voice
Instead of rushing your words or speaking in a monotone, take your time and enunciate each word. Use inflection to emphasize certain words, and let your voice rise and fall naturally. It will make you sound more confident and interesting, and it will instantly make your husband more attracted to you.
Keep the effect very subtle to avoid seeming fake and off-putting. All you need to do is very slightly slow down the speed of your speech and be mindful of your tone.
The secret ingredient that will make him obsessed with you
All men have a biological urge to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave the chance to step up and test their strengths and abilities.
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the “hero instinct,” and it explains why so many women struggle to attract guys and keep them committed.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in any man. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind.
When you trigger a man’s hero instinct, he becomes comfortable fully investing in your relationship because he knows he’ll never need anyone else. In a matter of days, you’ll notice him become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed was possible.
Never again will you have to deal with his hot and cold behavior, distance, or silence. He’ll think you’re reading his mind, and he’ll thank you for it every day.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in a man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him want to work for your love and admiration.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but James’ techniques use proven psychology to tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
If you’re struggling because your man seems distant or you can’t get him to commit, this will be the most eye-opening presentation you have ever seen.
9. Compliment him
The most genuine compliments are personal and specific. Try to notice the little things that most people would miss instead of saying something generic, like “you’re a great husband.” For example, maybe he’s always very kind to your parents, or perhaps he’s an incredible listener.
The most important thing is to not go overboard with compliments, so your positive words don’t lose their meaning. Just make sure you’re sincere, and focus on praising his character and behavior, not just his physical attractiveness. He’ll appreciate the thoughtfulness of your words, and he’ll feel even more attracted to you as a result.
10. Take control
Many women make the mistake of waiting for their husbands to take charge and make decisions. However, most men find it incredibly sexy when their wives take control and assert themselves. It’s a sign of confidence and empowerment, and it will definitely make your husband more attracted to you.
So don’t be afraid to make the first move sometimes, whether initiating sex or planning a date night. He’ll love seeing you take charge, and he’ll be more than happy to let you take the lead.
11. Engage his senses
One of the best ways to be more attractive to your husband is to engage all his senses. Taste, touch, and smell can all be potent aphrodisiacs, and they can be used to increase his attraction to you.
If you have a date night planned, wear a perfume you know he loves. Even something as simple as cooking a meal together can be a sensual experience if you do it right. The smell of delicious food will fill the air, and offering him a spoonful of food or a sip of wine creates an intimate and sexy atmosphere.
You can also use touch to your advantage. Walk over to him and casually massage his shoulders or run your fingers through his hair. And don’t forget about the power of a great kiss! If you really want to turn up the heat, try kissing him passionately and see how he responds.
12. Be positive & optimistic
Positive people radiate an inner light that is incredibly attractive. If you want to make your husband more attracted to you, make an extra effort to see the bright side of things. Be mindful of living in the moment and enjoy spending time with your partner. Reminisce about all the good times you’ve shared and have fun dreaming and planning together for the future.
And when you’re feeling down, there’s no harm in trying to fake it until you make it. The more you act like a positive person, the more your brain will believe it and start to produce positive feelings. Soon enough, you’ll actually become a happier person, and your husband will be more attracted to you as a result.
13. Become his confidant
Make an effort to become your husband’s confidant. Be someone he can trust and rely on, and create an environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and feelings with you.
Give him well reasoned and honest advice, and be there for him when he needs you. And in return, ask for his advice and guidance and always make him feel like you value his opinion.
When your husband feels like he can trust you completely, it will make him more attracted to you. He’ll be more open and honest with you, and you’ll find that you can connect with him on a deeper level. And that’s when your relationship will really blossom and thrive.
14. Communicate with empathy
The words you choose when communicating your feelings can significantly impact your relationship. If you want to be more attractive to your husband, you need to learn how to make him listen up and really understand what you’re saying.
When you argue, avoid playing the blame game and cultivate an atmosphere of compassion and understanding. One way to do this is to frame your words to reflect how you feel rather than what he did wrong. So instead of saying, “You never take out the trash!” try saying, “I feel frustrated when you don’t take out the trash.”
Always be specific with your examples, and avoid generalizations. Saying things like “You constantly disappoint me” will only make him feel defensive and can quickly lead to resentment in your marriage. But if you say something like, “I felt disappointed when you forgot our anniversary,” he’ll be more likely to understand how you’re feeling and take responsibility for his actions.
15. Be strong & confident
There is nothing more attractive than a strong and confident woman. Start by setting healthy boundaries for yourself and refusing to let other people walk all over you. Stand up for yourself when necessary, but always maintain grace and composure.
As you become more confident in your own skin, it will make you a much more attractive person to your husband. He’ll feel more secure knowing that you’re not afraid to rely on yourself, and he’ll admire your strength and independence every single day.
16. Trust him
Trust in a marriage is much more than just being confident your husband won’t cheat on you. It’s about having faith in him to make good decisions and trusting that he has your best interests at heart.
This doesn’t mean you should be naïve or ignore important red flags; it’s just about believing that your husband is a good man who wants to make you happy.
Avoid questioning every little decision he makes, and don’t second guess his motives. If you send him to the store, trust him to come back with what you asked for. If he says he’ll take care of something, trust that he will follow through without you nagging him about it.
You are a partner in this marriage, not his parent. Let him have the freedom to be who he is and do things his way. He’ll be more attracted to you when he sees that you trust him to take care of himself and make his own decisions.
17. Respect him & yourself
Respect is one of the most essential ingredients in a happy and healthy marriage. If you want your husband to be more attracted to you, start by showing him the respect he deserves.
Always speak to him with kindness and avoid saying hurtful things, even during an argument. Respect his opinions and listen to what he says, even if you disagree. He’ll appreciate that you’re sympathetic to his point of view, and it will make him feel more connected to you.
In addition to showing respect for your husband, also show respect for yourself. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally, and avoid putting yourself down in front of him. He should be your biggest cheerleader, and you should be your own as well.
18. Encourage his hobbies
It becomes harder to make new friends and find new activities we enjoy as we get older. If your husband’s passion is playing basketball with his buddies every Saturday, encourage him to keep doing it. He’ll be more attracted to you when he sees how much you support him and care about his happiness.
Don’t stifle his individuality or try to change him, even if you don’t understand or agree with what he enjoys. Respect his hobbies and his need for space to do the things that make him happy.
19. Give him independence & space
For a marriage to be successful and satisfying, you need a little space to assert your independence and maintain your sense of self. Whether your husband wants time alone with his best friends or he just needs some time by himself to recharge, give him that freedom and try not to be clingy, needy, or controlling.
Not only will this make him more attracted to you, but it will also give you some time to focus on your own hobbies and interests. You’ll be a happier and more well-rounded person when you have time for yourself, and he’ll appreciate being with a confident and independent woman.
20. Keep learning
Make an effort to learn new things and expand your horizons. Stay informed on current events, read books, and get out of your comfort zone by trying a new hobby or activity. Your husband will be impressed by your intelligence and will find you more attractive when he sees how engaged you are with the world around you.
If there is something that interests him, learn more about it so you can have conversations with him on a deeper level. He’ll appreciate your interest, and it will make him feel much closer to you.
21. Keep good hygiene
It might sound obvious, but maintaining good hygiene is essential to physical attraction. Shower on a regular basis, maintain good oral hygiene, and always wear clean clothes. Pick a pleasant scent that you like and wear it every day so he’ll associate you with that smell.
22. Prioritize your health
When you take good care of yourself, it shows that you’re confident and comfortable in your own skin. Eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep will make you look and feel better and improve your mood and energy levels.
If you have any physical health issues, make sure you do what you can to manage them. Your husband will find you more attractive when he sees that you’re taking care of yourself and working to be the best version of yourself.
23. Take time out for yourself
Spend time with your friends, pursue your passions, or just take the occasional day to relax by yourself. When you’re happy and well-rested, you’ll have more energy and positivity to bring to your marriage. Your husband will also find you more attractive when he knows that you’re not dependent on him for your happiness.
Final thoughts
Remember that your husband married you because he loves you for who you are, so don’t try to change yourself too much. Being more attractive to your husband is simply about being the best version of yourself, so be confident, and stay true to your own identity.
