How soon is too soon to move in? (29 valuable tips)

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Moving in with your significant other is an exciting step in your relationship. It’s the start of a new chapter in both your lives and a big step toward commitment.

Everything will change once you move in together. You’ll become part of a team, and many of the decisions you make will now affect someone else. You’ll need to compromise, communicate effectively, and figure out how to live together harmoniously.

But how do you know it’s the right time? It’s not a decision to take lightly, and there are a lot of factors to consider before taking the plunge. Here are some useful tips to help you make the decision.

How soon is too soon to move in?

Most people agree that you should be in a committed relationship for at least one year before moving in together. However, every couple is different, and there’s much more to consider than just how long you’ve been together.

At a high level, there are two critical things to consider before making the leap. If you can answer yes to these, you have a good chance of making things work.

You’re comfortable having difficult conversations when they arise, and you know how to argue constructively and work together to reach a compromise.
You feel your life will be better, easier, and more supported if you live together.

Can moving in too soon ruin a relationship?

The initial period of a romantic relationship is known as the honeymoon phase, where everything is new and exciting. It’s the time when you’re getting to know each other and falling in love. The honeymoon phase generally lasts about a year, but sometimes it can last much longer.

Moving in together during the honeymoon phase is risky. You haven’t had enough time to really learn about each other – your core values, how you like to live, and how you deal with conflict. You’re also much more likely to ignore any red flags because you’re so in love.

For example, if you have your first serious argument when you live together, it’s much harder to walk away, process the fight, and figure out how to move forward. There’s a lot more at stake, and the problem feels magnified when you’re under the same roof.

If the relationship doesn’t work out, it’s also much harder to leave when you live together. You might have financial commitments together (like paying rent), mutual obligations to household pets, or simply nowhere else to live.

What to discuss before you move in together

Moving in together should be fun, but you also need to be practical. It might not be very romantic, but the best thing you can do is sit down and have an open and honest conversation that covers all the following areas. This will set the ground rules and help to avoid any surprises or disagreements later on.

1. Are you both committed to the relationship?

If you’re not both equally committed to the relationship, it’s not the right time to move in together. If one person is much more invested than the other, it will quickly become apparent when you live together and cause resentment and hurt feelings.

You don’t have to promise to be together forever, but you should both feel confident that this is a long-term relationship you’re committed to working on.

2. Are you both ready to lose some independence?

As soon as you move in, your idea of being an independent person will completely change. You’ll spend a lot more time together and have shared obligations, and many of your decisions will now affect someone else. Are you both ready for that?

3. Are you moving in for the right reasons?

It sounds obvious, but discussing why you want to move in together is important. Both of you should be equally excited about taking your relationship to the next level and planning for the future.

On the other hand, if you’re only doing it because you feel pressured, you’re trying to save money, or it’s a last-ditch attempt to save your relationship – it’s likely to fail.

4. Do your lifestyles align?

It’s important to discuss the kind of lifestyle you want upfront. For example, what happens if one partner is a party animal who likes to have friends over and play loud music while the other needs peace and quiet? How will you handle it if one of you wants to keep everything neat and tidy and the other is much more laid back and messy?

Having different lifestyles doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but planning ahead will allow you to set expectations and avoid any nasty surprises.

5. How will you maintain your independence?

When you first move in together, spending all your time together is easy. However, as you settle into a rhythm, one partner might start to pull away because they need more alone time. If you haven’t discussed this beforehand, it can cause disappointment and hurt.

Everyone has different needs when it comes to alone time, and it’s essential that you both maintain your independence. This means feeling comfortable doing things without your partner, continuing your hobbies, and spending time with your friends. When you have a life outside of your partner, it makes your relationship much more balanced and healthy.

6. How will the household chores and routines be managed?

It’s not exciting to talk about, but you need to discuss how you’ll handle things like cooking, shopping, cleaning, and paying the bills. It’s essential to be on the same page from the start so that no one feels like they’re doing all the work.

Feeling unappreciated and taken advantage of is one of the leading causes of relationship dissatisfaction, so you must have a plan for managing household chores.

7. How will your finances work?

It’s essential to discuss how you’ll handle your finances before you move in together. How will you split the shared expenses like rent, bills, and food? What happens if one person doesn’t have a job or earns much less money than the other?

Some couples open a shared account and pay into it each month, while others keep a list of their expenses and reconcile it over time. Do whatever works for you, but make sure you have a plan, so no one feels like they’re being taken advantage of.

It can be tempting to keep things loose and figure it will all even out in the wash, but this is a mistake. It’s too easy to lose track of your spending, and if one person consistently spends more than the other, it can quickly lead to resentment.

8. What are your rules around friends and family staying?

This might sound like a strange one, but it’s important to discuss your expectations around friends and family staying over.

For example, if you have a close-knit group of friends who are always coming over, will your partner be comfortable with that? And what happens if one of you has family who lives far away – are they welcome to stay for extended periods of time?

9. What are your expectations around privacy?

It’s one thing to share a wifi password, but what about your phone or social media passwords? What about your diary or personal emails?

It’s important to discuss your expectations around privacy before you move in together, as it can be a sensitive issue. For some people, sharing everything is a sign of trust and commitment, while it feels like a loss of independence for others. You need to find a balance that works for both of you.

10. Are there any deal breakers?

Before you move in together, it’s important to discuss any deal breakers. These are things that you absolutely will not budge on, and if your partner can’t respect that, it will not work out.

Signs it’s too soon to move in together

1. You have doubts about the relationship

If you’re having doubts about the relationship, it’s not the right time to move in together. It’s normal to have some nerves before taking such a big step, but if your doubts outweigh your excitement, then it might be best to wait a little longer.

2. You’re not ready to compromise

Moving in together is all about compromise. You need to be willing to give up some of your independence, and you won’t always get your way. If you’re not ready to compromise, you should wait until you feel more committed to the relationship.

3. You hope your partner will change

If you’re hoping your partner will change once you move in together, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s important to accept your partner for who they are and not try to change them or control them.

Some couples move in together because they think it will fix the problems in their relationship, but this is a mistake. If you’re not happy with your partner as they are, then moving in together won’t fix that.

4. Your life is in a transitional phase

If your life is in a transitional phase (for example, you just got out of a long-term relationship or you’re about to start a new job), then it might not be the best time to move in with someone. It’s important to have stability in your life before you make such a big commitment.

5. You don’t feel comfortable around your partner

Do you feel safe, supported, and comfortable in your relationship? If not, living together is a bad idea. Perhaps you have trust issues or haven’t been together long enough to feel comfortable opening up. Whatever the reason, you must feel secure before taking such a big step.

6. You’re worried about finances

If your partner isn’t financially stable, you should question whether or not it’s the right time to live together. It’s one thing to help each other out occasionally, but you don’t want a situation where your partner always asks you for money. You need to make sure you can both afford to live together before making such a big commitment.

7. You keep secrets from each other

You both have a right to privacy, but there should be no significant secrets between you. If you can’t be transparent and honest with each other, it shows that your relationship isn’t built on trust, and that’s not a good foundation to start a life together.

8. You avoid conflict

All couples argue occasionally, but it’s important to deal with problems when they arise and work together to reach a compromise. If you avoid conflict because you don’t want to upset your partner or create drama, it will cause relationship issues to fester and worsen over time.

9. You feel pressured to move in

If your partner is pressuring you to move in before you’re ready, it’s not the right time. It should be a decision you both make together, and no one should feel forced into it. Moving in is a big step in a relationship, so take your time and ensure it’s something you both want.

Signs you are ready to move in together

1. You pretty much live together already

If you already keep clothes and a toothbrush at your partner’s place, you’re basically living together already, so it might feel natural to take the next step and make it official. Just keep in mind that once you move in together, you won’t have the same freedom to come and go as you do now.

2. You’re comfortable being yourself around your partner

In the early days of a relationship, it’s natural to hold back certain aspects of your personality. You don’t want your partner to see all your quirks and weird habits too soon and get scared off! But if you’re comfortable letting it all hang out and you know your partner loves you for who you are, it’s a good sign that you’re ready to live together.

3. You communicate openly and honestly

Communication is vital in any relationship, but it’s even more critical when you live together. If you feel comfortable discussing relationship issues and sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner, it’s a good sign that you’re ready to take things to the next level.

4. You’re confident and independent

Maintaining your own identity is essential in a relationship, so you don’t become codependent or needy. You need to be confident in who you are and what you want in life, and you shouldn’t change yourself to please your partner.

If you feel supported to pursue your own interests, spend time with your friends, and have the space and alone time you need, it’s a good sign that your relationship is healthy and you’re ready to live together.

5. You’re ready for commitment

If you’re considering moving in together, hopefully, you both feel ready for a committed long-term relationship. Make sure you’re both on the same page about what you want from the relationship before taking such a big step.

You don’t have to have your entire life planned out, but you should at least have a general idea of where you see things going in the future.

6. You trust each other implicitly

Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. If you feel like your partner supports you, has your best interests at heart, and would never do anything to hurt you intentionally, then it’s a good sign that you can trust them enough to live together.

7. It feels like the right time

All the signs on this list are important, but it’s also good to listen to your gut and follow your heart. If the idea of living with your partner fills you with excitement and joy, then go for it! I wish you both a happy and healthy future together.