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If you’re in your late 20s or early 30s, you might be starting to feel a lot of pressure to settle down and get married.
A lot of your closest friends might already be married, and you feel a pang of jealousy and anxiety whenever you attend another wedding.
It can be particularly hard when your best friend gets married. It completely changes the dynamic of your relationship, and you feel a loss of connection – like you’re not in the club anymore.
Women also often get pressure to marry from their parents. They’re waiting for you to produce grandchildren, and there are a lot of uncomfortable references to your biological clock ticking.
If you’re in a relatively new relationship, all this pressure can make you tempted to skip a few steps and rush ahead into marriage. And if you’re still single, you’re wondering how much you can compress the timeline when you finally meet that special person.
So what’s the shortest length of time you should date before getting married in your 30s?
How long to date before marriage in your 30s
Before we get into the details, I’m just going to give it to you straight. Every couple is different and there’s no set length of time the average couple should date before getting married.
Some people experience love at first sight and find their perfect match after the first date! They have a whirlwind romance and get engaged and married after just a few months of dating. But for most couples, it takes a year of dating or even much longer before they even consider tying the knot.
The research says that you should date for at least 1 or 2 years to reduce your likelihood of future divorce by 20%. To give yourself the least likelihood of divorce, you should date for at least 3 years before getting married.
But remember, there’s no perfect average time you should date. The most important thing is that you really know your partner inside and out, you share the same goals, and you know in your heart they’re the right person for you.
How to know when you’re ready to get married in your 30s
So what does it mean to know your partner and share the same goals? Here’s how you can tell you’re ready to take the next step and get married.
1. You’re past the honeymoon phase
Only consider getting married when you’re past the honeymoon phase of your new relationship.
The honeymoon phase of a relationship is all fun and games. You’re high on that dopamine rush, you can’t stop thinking about your significant other, and everything that would annoy a normal person only makes them more endearing to you.
Once the honeymoon phase is over, you’ll start to be more objective about the positive and negative attributes of your partner and get a clearer idea of whether you’re compatible for the long term.
For the relationship to succeed beyond this point, you’ll need to communicate well, compromise, and do all the hard work associated with committed, long-term relationships.
2. You share the same core values
One of the biggest red flags that you’re not compatible is if you have different core values.
Core values are those beliefs you have about what’s right and good in the world, as well as those things that are most important to you. Relationships can survive a few conflicting values, but if there are too many differences, they’ll sabotage your relationship from the inside out.
For example, if one of your core values is being honest with others and your partner doesn’t share that, it means they’re not a good match for you.
3. You’ve made future plans together
Your relationship will be stronger if you share a set of common goals and can plan for the future together. If you feel like there’s no clear path forward, then one or both of you might not be ready to get married yet.
For example, you shouldn’t get married until both of you are on the same page about having kids. If one person feels 100% ready to be a parent and the other person hasn’t even considered it, that relationship probably won’t work out in the long term. When you’re in your 30s, the question of having kids is even more important because you’re not getting any younger.
Career and work-life balance are also essential to consider. Are you both career-focused and want to build your careers together? Or is one of you okay with sacrificing their career to support the other?
4. You have a shared financial plan
When you’re thinking about marriage in your 30s, it’s essential to have a shared vision for how you’ll handle your finances as a couple.
At this age, you’re probably thinking a lot more about your future financial security, and you might even be bringing good money or significant assets into the relationship. If your partner has a very different view about how to spend the money you spent years working hard for, this will cause a lot of fights and resentment.
Financial disagreements are one of the biggest reasons for divorce in America. If you’re not on the same financial page, then you both might need to do some work before considering marriage.
5. You’re sexually compatible
It’s important to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs before you consider marriage.
If there’s something significant that you feel is missing from your sex life, or you don’t feel like your needs are being met, now is the time to talk about it.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s level of sexual desire and interest goes up and down over time. Like most things in marriage, it’s all about compromise and having open and honest discussions.
You might also enjoy: 21 sexy games for couples to spice up your relationship
8 essential tips for dating in your 30s
If you’re single or dating in your 30s, here are some essential tips to give you the best chance to meet potential partners and start a serious relationship that might lead to marriage.
1. Don’t settle because you feel the ticking clock
As a single woman, you might feel your biological clock ticking and be worried that you’re running out of time to get married and have a family.
These days, women can safely have babies up until the age of 40 and beyond, so there’s no need to rush into marriage and settle for the wrong person.
You have enough time to meet new people and find a good man, and even if you don’t, there are other options for having kids.
You should get married for the right reason, and it’s better to be single than in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy.
2. Don’t give in to pressure from friends, family, or society
You might feel a lot of pressure from the people closest to you and the entire world at large to settle down and get married ASAP.
In some cultures, it’s still expected for women to marry and have kids in their 20s, and your family might be worried about the negative perception a single woman has on the family name.
Your parents might also be pushy because they’re lonely, and they want some grandchildren to brighten up their lives.
You might also look at all your friends and coworkers and feel like everyone is married with a perfect life except you.
Don’t give in to all this pressure and do what’s best for you. If your family is close-knit enough, they won’t want to see you unhappy or with the wrong person.
3. Remember, there’s no such thing as the perfect partner
There’s no such thing as the perfect partner, and the search for perfection always leads to loneliness and unhappiness.
Don’t dismiss a potential partner because you don’t feel love at first sight or a powerful instant attraction. You don’t need to be with your soulmate to have a wonderful marriage.
You should feel excited and happy to be in a new relationship, but the best relationships take a long time to develop into lasting love and commitment.
4. Open yourself up to a wider age range
The best way to increase your chances of finding love in your 30s is to open yourself up to a wider age range.
Many people worry about the age factor, but dating outside your age bracket can have many benefits.
For example, if you’re a younger woman, don’t dismiss men that are a few years older. These guys tend to be more responsible, settled, and financially stable.
Related post: Dating a woman 10 years younger? Everything you need to know
5. Expand your dating pool size
To give yourself the best chance of finding a new partner in your 30s, you should expand your dating pool size as much as possible.
Dating apps like Tinder make it easy to meet potential partners within your local area. But you should also think about getting out there and meeting people face-to-face.
Making new connections every single day will give you more opportunities to meet someone special, and you should feel confident enough to approach people without being rejected.
Related post: 150 funny tinder pick up lines (that may actually work)
6. Be clear about what you want
When you’re looking for a long-term relationship in your 30s, it’s important to be clear about what you want.
Make sure you talk to your partners early about what you want. If you sense that they’re not on the same page as you, the best thing you can do is walk away before you waste a lot of time.
Don’t spend months or years in a relationship if you don’t feel like it’s going anywhere. If you’re not enjoying yourself or you feel like your needs aren’t being met, it’s okay to end things and move on.
7. Stay positive
I know it’s easy to say, but staying positive is one of the best things you can do to find love in your 30s.
When you’re constantly on the search for a new relationship, you’re going to have plenty of bad dates and disappointments along the way. Just remember that every unsuccessful relationship becomes a learning experience that you can use to figure out what you really want.
The right person will come along at some point, but you can’t force it to happen or spend your time waiting for them. Learn to love yourself and don’t put your other goals and dreams on hold while you wait for the perfect husband or wife to appear.
8. Accept that you can’t change someone
If you’re in a relationship, don’t waste a lot of time trying to change them into someone that you want. You can’t change someone and it will only result in unhappiness for both of you.
It’s okay to give your partner some constructive feedback if there are things they could work on, but don’t expect miracles overnight. If they’re not willing to listen and put the effort in, then you should probably move on.
Advantages of getting married in your 30s
The good news is there are lots of advantages to dating and getting married in your 30s.
You have years of dating experience (and life experience) which gives you a much better understanding of what you want from a relationship and your life.
You also have more confidence and experience, which will make dating a much more enjoyable process.
If you’ve managed to achieve some financial stability, this will also give you more freedom to enjoy the lifestyle that you want.
Is dating harder in your 30s?
There’s no doubt that dating in your 30s has some challenges.
The biggest one is the reduced size of the dating pool. There are significantly fewer single people in their 30s compared to 20s, so you have a much smaller selection of potential partners to choose from.
It also takes longer to meet someone special because there’s less chance of meeting people organically. But as I’ve discussed, online dating can help to solve this problem.
When you meet new potential partners in your 30s, they are also more likely to have had longer and more serious relationships in the past. This can be a good thing, but it might also mean they’re bringing past baggage and hurt into your relationship.
What are the chances of finding love after 30?
If you’re looking for love and marriage in your 30s, the chances of finding it are actually very good.
There are lots of older single people out there who want the same thing as you. You just need to go at your own pace, have realistic expectations, and above all – put yourself out there.
The good news is that if you do find someone who you really like, the chances of it working out and leading to a long-term relationship and marriage are very high for people in their 30s.
