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If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, you know how hard it can be. He freaks out at any sign of emotional intimacy, and every time you try to get close to him, he accuses you of being clingy or needy.
He enjoys having sex, but emotionally he’s a closed book. You give him all your emotional energy but never get anything in return, and you don’t feel like you know him at all on a deep level.
Being constantly pushed away can make you feel insecure, and you even wonder if it’s your fault he won’t commit. But recently, you’ve started to notice a change in him. You’ve seen cracks in the walls he puts up, and it feels like he’s starting to get closer to you.
Has he finally taken the first steps towards opening up and expressing his love? Is there a possibility you might have a “normal” relationship in the future? If this sounds anything like you, read on to discover 23 signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you.
1. He’s more emotionally intimate
Couples with strong emotional intimacy feel supported to tell each other their deepest feelings and emotions. They aren’t afraid to be vulnerable and honest with each other. And more importantly, they know they can share their feelings without fear of being judged.
It’s not surprising that emotionally unavailable men have a hard time developing emotional intimacy in their relationships. The thought of sharing their innermost feelings is terrifying, and they do everything they can to avoid it. It’s like opening up a Pandora’s box of emotions he’s been desperately trying to keep hidden away.
If you’ve noticed your partner starting to open up to you, it’s an obvious sign he’s developing strong feelings for you. You’ve made him feel safe enough to express his emotional side, and he’s finally starting to let his guard down.
Even sharing little things is a big deal for an emotionally unavailable man. If he’s never been one for words, and suddenly he’s telling you all about his day, it shows he trusts you enough to confide in you, and he’s starting to include you in his life.
2. He’s more physically intimate
Physical intimacy refers to how you physically express your love for someone, and it goes beyond sex to include cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and any other form of touch.
Emotionally unavailable men often have no problem with sex, and they might even use sex as a substitute for other forms of physical affection. In some situations, sex can be surprisingly devoid of deep emotional connection, and a loving cuddle or kiss is much more physically intimate.
Any display of romantic affection from an emotionally unavailable man is a great sign he’s in love. And little displays of affection are often the most meaningful – like a kiss, a hug, or even a reassuring hand on the leg under the table when you’re out to dinner.
3. He’s more trusting
Difficulty trusting people is a common symptom of emotional unavailability. It’s a vicious cycle that allows an emotionally unavailable man to stay distant – he doesn’t trust people, so he doesn’t let himself get too close to them, which makes it impossible to trust!
Common signs of lack of trust include doubting your motives, questioning your intentions, and being suspicious of your behavior. But if your partner is starting to trust you more, it shows that he’s ready for a serious relationship. He’s no longer jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst of you, and he’s giving you the benefit of the doubt.
Related post: How to save a marriage with trust issues (17 tips)
4. Your relationship has less drama
Emotionally unavailable people often mistake drama for passion, and they believe that as long as there’s turmoil and conflict, they’re still in love. But the truth is, a healthy relationship does not need drama to be passionate and exciting.
If your relationship is starting to feel more peaceful and stable, it’s a good sign that your partner is falling in love with you. He’s no longer looking for ways to stir up drama, and he’s more interested in a calm and supportive relationship.
5. He doesn’t run away when things get hard
No relationship is perfect, and it’s normal to have disagreements and argue from time to time. The most important thing is that you and your partner work through your problems together and come out stronger for it.
Emotionally unavailable men often have a difficult time dealing with conflict, and they tend to run away when things get tough. They might not be able to handle difficult conversations, or they might withdraw from the relationship entirely when things get too complicated.
So, if your partner stays put even when things are tough, it’s a good sign he’s in it for the long haul. He might not be perfect, but at least he’s willing to work through problems and not run for the hills at the first sign of trouble.
6. He’s less angry and defensive
Emotionally unavailable men tend to lash out when they feel overwhelmed or threatened. At the first sign of a difficult conversation, they get angry and defensive because they’re afraid they might have to open up and talk about their true feelings.
If you can see that your partner is starting to handle his emotions more maturely, it’s a good sign that he’s ready for a committed relationship. He’s learned how to deal with his own feelings without taking them out on you, and he’s no longer afraid to talk about tough topics.
7. He opens up about his past
If your man is starting to open up about his childhood, his exes, or any other sensitive topics from his past, it’s a good sign he’s falling in love with you. An emotionally unavailable man will do everything to avoid talking about his history because it feels too intimate and personal.
But if he’s starting to share his past with you, it means he trusts you enough to handle that side of him. He knows you won’t judge him or think less of him, and he wants you to understand him better.
8. He’s actively working on his issues
If your man is actively trying to work through his emotional issues, it’s a good sign that he’s ready for a committed relationship. Maybe he sees a therapist, reads self-help books, or attends workshops. Whatever he’s doing, he’s taking concrete steps to improve himself and his relationship with you.
It shows that he’s not only aware of his issues, but he’s also willing to do something about them. He knows the type of relationship you deserve, and he’s ready to put in the effort to get there.
9. He’s more tolerant of mistakes
There is a good reason emotionally unavailable people are constantly looking for the perfect partner: they know deep down that it doesn’t exist. Demanding perfection allows them to latch on to every little mistake and negative detail and use it as an excuse to bail when things get too serious or hard.
But if your partner is starting to let go of his perfectionist tendencies, it’s a good sign he’s ready to commit to you. He knows that nobody is perfect and mistakes and imperfections are what make us unique and special. He’s no longer looking for excuses to end the relationship, and he’s ready to accept you for who you are.
10. He has meaningful conversations with you
One of the best parts of being in a relationship is having deep, meaningful conversations with your partner. The ones that make you feel like you really understand each other on a deep level.
These types of conversations are rare for an emotionally unavailable man. He’s not used to talking about his feelings or sharing his thoughts and emotions with others.
So if he’s willing to get deep with you, it’s a good sign he’s in love. Even if he’s not ready for long heart-to-hearts, it still shows he’s curious about your thoughts and feelings and wants to understand you better.
Related post: 250 questions to ask a guy (personal, fun & dirty)
11. He might run a bit hot and cold
Patience is a virtue when dealing with an emotionally unavailable man. Even if he’s trying hard to be more engaged in your relationship, there will be times when he pulls away or withdraws into himself.
When this happens, it’s essential not to get frustrated or worry that you’re fighting a losing battle. These hot and cold moments are just a warning sign that your partner is still working through some emotional issues, and with time and patience, he’ll master his own emotions. The important thing is that he ultimately comes back, and he’s willing to make your relationship work.
The secret ingredient that will make him commit to you
All men have a biological urge to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave the chance to step up and test their strengths and abilities.
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the “hero instinct,” and it explains why so many women struggle to attract guys and keep them committed.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in any man. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind.
When you trigger a man’s hero instinct, he becomes comfortable fully investing in your relationship because he knows he’ll never need anyone else. In a matter of days, you’ll notice him become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed was possible.
Never again will you have to deal with his hot and cold behavior, distance, or silence. He’ll think you’re reading his mind, and he’ll thank you for it every day.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in a man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him want to work for your love and admiration.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but James’ techniques use proven psychology to tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
If you’re struggling because your man seems distant or you can’t get him to commit, this will be the most eye-opening presentation you have ever seen.
Here’s the link to the free video again.
12. He listens to you and makes you feel heard
When you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, it’s easy to feel like he’s not really listening to you. He might respond to you with single-word answers, seem disinterested in your thoughts and feelings, or not offer his own opinion to show that he understands your point of view.
However, if he’s genuinely invested in your relationship, you’ll see him making more effort to listen to you and make sure you feel heard. He’ll give you his full attention, ask follow-up questions, and share his thoughts and feelings on the matter to show that he’s engaged in the conversation. He might not always say the right thing, but it will feel like you’re having an honest conversation with back and forth communication.
13. He makes future plans with you
Emotionally unavailable men are often scared of commitment, and they avoid making future plans to keep their relationship from getting too serious. It makes them feel like they have an easy way out if they need it.
However, if your partner is starting to make future plans with you, it’s a good sign he’s ready to commit to the relationship. He might talk about your future together, make plans for a fantastic vacation, or even be willing to discuss marriage and starting a family. These are all significant steps for him, and it shows that he’s ready to take your relationship to the next level.
14. He puts your needs before his own
Being in a relationship means knowing when to put your partner’s needs before your own. You want them to feel loved and supported, even if it means making a sacrifice on your part.
Emotionally unavailable men don’t understand this sacrifice, and it can make them appear very selfish. It’s not intentional; they’re just not used to being close to other people and thinking about someone other than themselves.
So, if your man is starting to put your needs before his own, it’s a good sign he’s developing deeper feelings for you. Even if he’s only doing small things, like offering support when you’ve had a bad day, it shows he’s willing to put your relationship first. He might never be big on grand gestures of love and affection, but he’ll be there for you when you need him.
15. He makes you a priority in his life
For an emotionally unavailable man, making you more of a priority is a big step in the right direction. It means he’s no longer keeping you at a distance, and he’s starting to see you as an important part of his life.
Maybe he’s finally invited you to meet his friends or family, or he’s started including you in his weekend plans. Or perhaps he just gives you more of his time and attention than he used to. Whatever it is, it’s clear that he’s making an effort to include you more in his life, and that’s a good sign he’s falling for you.
16. You feel like a real couple
Emotionally unavailable men can make you feel like you’re not really in a relationship at all. They keep you at arm’s length, refuse to put labels on your relationship, and don’t make any effort to make things feel more “official.”
If it feels like you’re finally a regular couple in an honest, committed relationship, he might be starting to admit his love for you. He’s finally ready to call you his girlfriend, he’s happy to introduce you to his friends and family, and he wants to make sure you’re comfortable and content in the relationship. He might not say “I love you” just yet, but his actions show that he’s falling for you.
17. He confides in you about his problems
Emotionally unavailable men find it hard to confide in other people, and they bottle up their problems rather than share them. This can create issues with anger management, anxiety, and depression, and it also severely hurts their relationships.
If your partner is starting to confide in you about his problems, it shows he’s developing trust and intimacy with you. He knows he can rely on you to listen and support him, and you’ll treat his feelings with respect. He might not share everything with you, but even allowing you to help him is a big step forward.
18. He treads carefully around you
If your relationship is starting to get more serious, your emotionally unavailable man is probably well aware that he has some issues to work through. He might not be ready to open up entirely, but he’s making an effort and treading carefully around you to avoid pushing you away.
Perhaps he’s trying to be more sensitive to your emotional needs, making an awkward effort to have difficult conversations, or generally just being more careful with his words and actions. Whatever it is, it’s clear that he’s trying to make things work and that he cares about your relationship.
19. He introduces you to his family & friends
Introducing you to his inner circle is a big deal for an emotionally unavailable man. You’ll learn much more about him once you meet his family and friends, and he won’t have anywhere to hide. It will be a scary step for him, but it’s also a sign that he’s ready to let you in and start sharing his life with you. He trusts you enough to introduce you to the people he cares about, and he wants them to get to know you.
20. He considers you when he makes decisions
Being in a loving, committed relationship means considering how your important decisions will affect your partner. If you’re thinking about taking a new job, moving to a new city, or making other significant life changes, you should discuss it with your partner and take their feelings into account.
Your man might not be ready to make joint decisions just yet, but if he’s considering your opinion and trying to involve you in his plans, it’s a good sign he’s falling for you. You’ve become an important part of his life, and he wants to make sure you’re happy too.
21. He remembers minor details about you
Learning little details about your partner’s life and preferences requires intimacy and closeness, which scares an emotionally unavailable man more than anything. As a result, he probably doesn’t know your dress size, favorite color, food, or movie.
But if he’s starting to pay attention to all the little things that make you, you, it’s a good sign he’s falling in love with you. Perhaps he buys you a gift with some special meaning behind it, or he plans a date based on something you mentioned you wanted to do. These gestures show that he’s not only listening to you, but he’s also paying close attention and going out of his way to make you feel understood.
22. He’s more reliable
Emotionally unavailable men are notoriously flaky and unreliable because they’re afraid of getting too close to someone. But if your partner is starting to show up when he says he will, follow through on his promises, and generally be more dependable, it’s a good sign he’s ready to commit to you. He knows he can’t keep running away from his feelings, and he’s finally ready to face them head-on.
23. He’s more present when you’re together
When you’re with an emotionally unavailable man, it can feel like he’s not really there. He might seem distracted, preoccupied, or even just checked out. But if your partner is starting to be more present when you’re together, it’s a good sign that he’s falling in love with you.
He’s no longer letting his thoughts drift to other things, and he’s fully focused on you. He’s interested in what you have to say, and he’s not afraid of the intimacy that comes with getting close to you.
Can an emotionally unavailable man change?
If your partner is emotionally unavailable, you’re probably asking yourself whether he can change. You might even be questioning whether it’s worth staying in the relationship if he’s never going to open up to you.
Your doubts are entirely understandable. Being constantly pushed away and emotionally neglected makes you feel frustrated and insecure, and you can even start to believe that you’re somehow causing the problem by acting too needy.
His behavior is a defense mechanism to protect himself from having to feel anything, and it’s not your fault. It might be due to childhood trauma, bad experiences in past relationships, or he may have grown up in an environment where displaying emotion was seen as a weakness.
The good news is that an emotionally unavailable man can change. If you’ve started to see the signs, it’s worth hanging in there and giving him a chance. I’m not going to lie; it will take a lot of patience and hard work. You’ll have to learn when to push him to express his feelings and when to back off and let him come to you in his own time.
But once you finally break through, your relationship will be stronger because of the challenges you’ve had to overcome along the way.
How to help an emotionally unavailable open up to you
Being with an emotionally unavailable man is frustrating, especially when you know you’d be perfect together if only he could deal with his issues.
If you’re lucky, you’ve already seen a lot of the signs I’ve discussed, and you’re confident that your man is well on the way to opening up and expressing his love for you. But even if he’s making good progress, there will still be times when he pulls away and retreats into his emotional shell. It’s important to know how to handle these situations so you don’t inadvertently push him further away.
Here are some tips on how to make an emotionally unavailable man open up to you:
Give him time and space
When your partner is feeling overwhelmed, you need to give him the time and space he needs to process his emotions. He’ll only pull away further if you try to push him to talk about his feelings before he’s ready.
Avoid being too clingy
Being needy and clingy is one of the quickest ways to push an emotionally unavailable man away. If you want him to open up to you, you need to give him the space to do so on his terms.
Express your needs
Patience is vital when dealing with an emotionally unavailable guy, but you also need to be honest about your needs. If you’re feeling neglected, let him know in a calm and understanding way.
He might have a long way to go, but you need to be confident that he’s at least making an effort to work through his issues. In the meantime, make sure you get emotional support from a friend or family member and don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist or clinical psychologist about your own needs.
Don’t try to fix him
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can fix your emotionally unavailable partner. He has to want to change himself, and he must be willing to put in the work to make it happen. If you try to take on his emotional baggage as your own, you’ll only feel overwhelmed and frustrated. The best way to help him is to support him, listen to him, and encourage him to express his feelings.
Make sure you’re on the same page
If you want a committed relationship, but your partner only wants something casual, then it’s only a matter of time before things start to fall apart.
Before moving forward, you need to make sure that you’re both on the same page about what you want from the relationship. Otherwise, you’ll only waste a lot of time and get hurt.
Encourage him to express his emotions
When your man does start to open up, gently encourage him to keep going. Let him know that you’re there for him and that he can trust you with his feelings. Don’t push too hard or treat him like a child, but create a safe space for him to express his emotions without judgment.
Seek professional help
If you’ve tried everything and your partner still isn’t opening up, it might be time to seek professional help. A therapist can provide the guidance and support you need to help your partner work through his emotional issues.
Final thoughts
It’s not easy being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. But if you love him and you’ve seen signs that he’s starting to fall in love with you, it’s worth sticking by him and making your relationship work. With a little patience and understanding, you can help him open up and let his guard down. And when he finally does, your relationship will be stronger than ever before.
