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Are you worried that your boyfriend is taking you for granted? It’s an awful feeling. It makes you feel used and like he doesn’t value you at all. You’re pretty sure he loves you, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s treating you like a doormat.
You’re probably also wondering if you’re just overreacting and imagining things. You might even have chosen to ignore it and hope things will change by themselves.
Unfortunately, being taken for granted is a common problem in relationships. It’s unlikely to go away by itself, and you’re going to have to do something about it. If you don’t deal with the problem now, he’ll continue to mistreat you, and it’ll probably get worse over time.
The good news is that he might not even realize that he’s doing it. Once you point out the problem, he might feel terrible about himself and work hard to change his ways.
And if he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong, then it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. You deserve a boyfriend who treats you with love and respect and appreciates everything you do for him.
1. He won’t compromise on anything
Relationships are all about compromise, and it’s impossible to get exactly what you want 100% of the time.
A lot of compromises aren’t a massive deal at all. Maybe you want to try a new restaurant, and he wants to eat at his favorite pizza place. Or perhaps you want to vacation in Hawaii, and he wants to go skiing in Canada.
In other cases, they might be more important life decisions requiring discussion and soul searching. You might have been offered a new job in a different city, and he doesn’t want to move. Or maybe you don’t want kids, and he does, so one of you will have to change your mind if the relationship will last.
Whatever the issue is, if he’s not willing to make a compromise, then he’s taking you for granted. He doesn’t care about what you want or need and is only thinking of himself.
2. He only texts when he wants something
Checking in throughout the day via text or a quick call is how many couples maintain their connection and intimacy. Sometimes it only takes a quick “I hope your day is going well” to make you smile or feel loved.
If your boyfriend only texts or calls you when he wants something, then he’s taking you for granted. Maybe it’s a booty call, maybe it’s a lift somewhere, or perhaps he needs to borrow money.
Even if he’s busy, a boyfriend who loves and respects you will make an effort to stay in touch just to let you know he loves you and is thinking about you.
3. He’s not treating you with respect
Respect means treating your partner with kindness and consideration and thinking about how your words and actions make them feel.
If your boyfriend is taking you for granted, you might have noticed that he’s stopped caring about your feelings, and he’s only thinking of himself.
Perhaps he ignores your opinions and suggestions and never asks for your advice. Maybe he’s unhelpful around the house and doesn’t pitch in with chores. Or it could be that he constantly criticizes you, puts you down, and makes fun of you to his friends.
Whatever form his lack of respect takes, it’s never okay. He’s taking you for granted by not caring about your feelings, and he’s treating you like you don’t have a voice.
If he doesn’t change his behavior, you need to consider whether you can stay in the relationship. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who won’t respect you?
4. He doesn’t include you in his plans
If your boyfriend always keeps his plans to himself and never invites you along, then he’s taking you for granted.
It shows that he’s only interested in spending time with you when it suits him. As soon as he gets a better offer, he’s off somewhere having fun and doesn’t even think about including you.
But when he’s bored or looking for sex, he’s suddenly available and expects you to drop everything to entertain him. He assumes you’ll always be there when he needs you and doesn’t even consider that you have a life outside of him.
5. He doesn’t support you
When you’re going through tough times, your boyfriend should be there to give you the emotional support you need.
A lot of guys have trouble expressing their feelings and showing emotion, but that’s no excuse for him to ignore you when you’re having a tough time.
All you need is for him to listen to you, give you a hug and offer some kind and supportive words to show that he cares. “I’m sorry that happened. Tell me about it and let me know if I can do anything.”
If he can’t even muster the energy to give you a little emotional support, then he’s taking you for granted. He doesn’t care about your feelings and just expects that you’ll be there waiting with open arms whenever he needs something from you.
6. He’s only affectionate when he wants sex
He’s not interested in touching you or showing you any affection most of the time, but as soon as he’s horny, he’s all over you.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with him wanting sex and trying to get you in the mood. But it feels like he’s taking you for granted when that’s the only time he shows you any physical affection at all.
7. You feel completely ignored
Do you feel completely ignored by your boyfriend? If so, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t care about you and is taking you for granted.
The worst feeling of all is when you’re spending time with him, but you still feel lonely and unwanted even though you’re in the same room.
Maybe he’s always on his phone and mumbles one-word answers when you try to talk to him. Or perhaps he barely looks away from his video game when you enter the room.
Feeling ignored like this is often a subtle feeling that slowly grows over time. You might not even notice it at first, but little by little, you start to see that his mind is always somewhere else.
8. He’s always too busy to spend time with you
If your boyfriend is always too busy to spend time with you, it’s a clear sign he doesn’t care about making you a priority in his life.
I get it, we all have a lot going on in our lives, and sometimes we have to carefully prioritize our time. But if he really cared about you and wanted to be with you, he would rearrange his schedule and make the time. Or if that’s not possible, he’d do everything he can to reassure you that you’ll be able to make up for lost time later on.
Even worse, he always expects you to work around his schedule and be available when it suits him. He obviously thinks his time is more important than yours, and he doesn’t care about anything you’ve got going on in your life.
9. His problems always take priority
Does it feel like your boyfriend’s problems always take priority over yours?
When something is going on with him, he expects you to drop everything and help him. Even if it’s a problem he could quickly solve himself, you’re the one who always ends up getting involved.
But as soon as you need some support, he doesn’t give you the time of day. It’s like your problems don’t matter, and he can’t be bothered to help you out.
He expects you to listen to him when he’s venting about his latest drama, but the second you need to talk, he gets annoyed or bored.
And if something comes up that requires even a small amount of self-sacrifice from him (like an errand), then forget about it! Everything is always about how challenging the task will be for him.
10. He never appreciates what you do for him
If your boyfriend is taking you for granted, he’ll never appreciate all the things you do for him. He won’t acknowledge all the effort you put into making your relationship work or how much time and energy you devote to making him happy.
He just expects you to be there whenever he needs something, without even taking a moment to show how much you mean to him.
The secret ingredient that will make him commit to you
Relationship psychologist James Bauer has spent over ten years studying the science of attraction, and he’s discovered that all men share a powerful biological urge.
What men want more than anything, is to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave it more than love or sex, and it often makes the difference between “like” and “love.”
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in any man. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind.
When you trigger a man’s hero instinct, he becomes comfortable fully investing in your relationship because he knows he’ll never need anyone else. In a matter of days, you’ll notice him become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed was possible.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in a man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him want to work for your love and admiration.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but James’ techniques use proven psychology to tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
Why is your boyfriend taking you for granted?
1. He’s cheating on you
This one is tough to accept, but is it possible your boyfriend is taking you for granted because he’s cheating on you?
There are many signs you can look for to figure out if he’s cheating on you and help you decide if it’s worth staying in the relationship.
If you suspect cheating, make sure you don’t jump to conclusions or start accusing him of anything. You’ll need to collect as much evidence as possible and then confront him about it in a calm, non-accusatory way.
2. He’s emotionally unavailable
If your boyfriend is emotionally unavailable, it can easily lead you to believe that he’s taking you for granted. He has a tough time opening up to you and sharing his feelings, so it can feel like he isn’t fully present when you’re together.
This can make him appear selfish or self-centered and like he’s not interested in your life or forming a deep connection with you.
Many emotionally unavailable men are totally fine with sex, which can make the problem worse because it feels like he’s just using you for sex and doesn’t want any more emotional commitment.
The best thing you can do is look for the signs and decide if it’s something you can deal with in the long term. And remember, many emotionally unavailable men are capable of loving and caring for their partner – they just have a really hard time expressing that love openly.
3. He wants to break up with you
Another hard-to-accept reason he’s taking you for granted is that he wants to break up with you. This can be a confusing and painful feeling, especially if your boyfriend hasn’t said that he’s unhappy in the relationship.
But as much as it hurts, there are lots of reasons why he might choose not to end things. He might be scared of your reaction, he might be scared of being single, or maybe it’s just too painful for him to admit that the relationship is going nowhere.
If this sounds like your situation, make sure you’re on the lookout for signs that he’s about to break up with you. This way, you’ll know exactly what’s happening and won’t waste any more time hoping that things will magically get better.
4. He’s using you for sex
If your boyfriend is just using you for sex, he’s probably going to take you for granted in all other areas of your relationship. The easiest way to figure out if this is happening is to withhold sex with him and see what happens.
If he pulls away and only seems interested when sex is back on the table you can be sure that he’s only interested in your body.
5. You’re spending too much time together
It sounds simple, but spending too much time together can cause you to feel taken for granted by your boyfriend.
If you’re always available to him, he might start to assume that you’ll always be there for him and willing to drop everything to do what he wants. Since he doesn’t have to make any extra effort to spend time with you, he might stop putting effort into your relationship.
It’s essential that you find a balance between spending time together and having your own space, so he doesn’t start taking advantage of you.
The key is balance. You want enough space so things stay fresh and enough quality time together so he feels like you’re an essential part of his life. He needs to feel like the time he spends with you is special and that you only want to spend time with him because he makes it worth your while.
6. He’s going through some stuff
Is it possible that your boyfriend is taking you for granted because he’s going through a difficult personal time?
He might be so caught up in his own problems that he doesn’t even realize that he’s treating you poorly. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it does make it a lot more understandable.
There are tons of reasons he might be acting this way, from depression to a problem at work or in his family life.
If you can’t figure out what’s wrong with him, the best thing you can do is talk to him and see if he’ll open up to you. If he won’t, then you need to convince him to get the help he needs elsewhere.
It’s okay to be there for him while he goes through a rough time, but you need to put a timeline on how long you’re willing to be taken for granted while he deals with his issues.
You also need to make sure that his problems aren’t an excuse he’ll constantly use to justify taking you for granted. If you feel that this is the case, you need to end things with him ASAP.
What should you do if your boyfriend is taking you for granted?
1. Figure out what you want from the relationship
The first thing you need to do is figure out what you want from the relationship.
Do you just want to keep things casual, or are you looking for something more serious? Does it even matter that he takes you for granted because you’re using him just as much, and you’re not planning on sticking around for the long term?
If you’re serious about the relationship, you need to be clear about how much commitment you want, how you want to be treated, and what you feel you deserve.
Once you understand all this, you can have a conversation with him and articulate what needs to change to make you feel valued and respected in the relationship.
2. Tell him what you need from him
Once you understand what you need from the relationship, you need to clearly communicate what you want to your boyfriend.
Don’t just say that he needs to do x and y like it’s an ultimatum. You need to explain how his taking you for granted has made you feel and the impact it’s had on your self-worth.
That will make him more likely to listen because it will show him how serious you are and how important it is for the future of your relationship.
3. Make him chase you
Men love the thrill of the chase, and if they think that you’re not interested, they’ll work even harder to get your attention and win you over.
When your boyfriend realizes that he needs to make an effort with you, then his taking you for granted will fade away, and a new sense of respect and admiration will take its place.
This doesn’t mean you need to turn into an ice queen, but you should definitely make yourself less available. If he wants to see you, he needs to ask instead of expecting it like before.
It might go against your instincts to play hard-to-get but trust me on this one. It will make him appreciate you and feel lucky to have a girl like you so much more.
4. Give yourself an air of mystery
Maintaining an air of mystery is a great way to make your boyfriend want you and keep him interested and intrigued. He’ll appreciate you more if he feels like you’re not giving yourself away too easily and there are still sexy and exciting things for him to discover.
That might sound like some kind of game that you need to play where you act cold and aloof, but it’s not actually about ignoring him or making him feel unwanted. It’s more about giving him the impression that he hasn’t figured out everything about you yet.
Some examples of being mysterious include being coy about your past relationships, making him constantly wonder what you’re capable of in the bedroom, or changing your style on a whim to keep things fresh.
5. Make plans without him
Give him a taste of his own medicine and don’t always be available for him. When he asks to see you, it’s totally fine to tell him you’re busy (even if you’re not). Make him work for his time with you, so it feels more special and like he needs to make it count.
Make plans with your friends that don’t include him and don’t give him all the details of what you’re up to. Not knowing and not being included will make him burn with curiosity and make him want you so much more.
It might feel wrong at first, but it will be so liberating and empowering when you realize how much less he takes you for granted and how excited he is to see you.
6. Ignore his texts and calls
If your boyfriend is taking you for granted by ignoring your messages, do the exact same thing to him.
When he texts you, don’t always reply right away. Make him wait hours for your response, or tell him that you’re busy and can’t talk to him right now.
If you promise to call him later, occasionally forget to call him back at all. This isn’t something you want to do too often, but it’s a gentle reminder that you have your own life, and sometimes he’s not the most important thing in your world.
All these subtle techniques will show your boyfriend that you’re not at his beck and call and you’re not the kind of girl who is willing to be taken for granted.
7. Make him jealous
There’s nothing wrong with making your boyfriend a little jealous to show him what might happen if he keeps taking you for granted.
You don’t want to do anything that will make him feel insecure or like he doesn’t have you anymore, but there are some things that it’s totally fine to do.
If you’re out in a group, don’t be afraid to act a little flirty and get some attention from other guys. Give his male friends plenty of compliments and be chatty with them.
Even though you’re just being nice, he’ll be forced to realize that you have options, and he needs to step up his game.
8. Embrace alone time
Regardless of how strong and healthy your relationship is, you should always cherish your own independence and be comfortable spending time by yourself. Spending time alone will make your boyfriend respect you so much more when he sees how happy and fulfilled you are by yourself.
It will make him realize that your life isn’t defined by your relationship with him, and he should feel lucky and proud to have such an amazing woman in his life.
