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When you hear the term “dominant relationship,” you probably assume it’s a bad thing. After all, being in a relationship where one partner has control over the other sounds a lot like emotional abuse.
Of course, there are dominant relationships that are toxic and abusive – but they can also be perfectly loving, respectful, and healthy. Many couples enjoy a dominant and submissive partnership and get a lot out of it. As long as it’s consensual and both partners are happy, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of domination in your relationship.
In this article, I’ll look at all the positive and negative traits of dominant personalities and show you the signs to look for that your partner (or you) is dominant in your relationship.
What is a dominant relationship?
In a dominant relationship, one partner takes on a more controlling, decisive role while the other follows their lead. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the dominant partner makes all the decisions, but they tend to be the leader in the relationship.
The dominant partner usually has a stronger personality and is more confident and assertive. They might also be naturally protective and take charge when there’s a problem. The submissive partner tends to be quieter, more passive, and less likely to take control.
It’s easy to assume that the man in the relationship will be the dominant partner, but this isn’t always the case. Many women enjoy taking on a more dominant role in their relationships, and plenty of men prefer to be submissive. The important thing is that both partners are happy with the dynamic and feel they can freely express themselves.
There are many flavors of dominant relationships, each with a unique dynamic. Some couples have a very traditional dynamic where the man is always in charge, while others switch between being dominant and submissive depending on the situation. It all depends on what works for the couple and makes them happy.
What are the different types of dominant relationships?
Every couple is different, which makes it tricky to put definitive labels on dominant relationships. However, there are a few generally recognized types of dominant relationships:
Male-dominated relationships
Male-dominated relationships are the most common and traditional type of dominant relationship. The man is the “head of the household,” usually the primary breadwinner and the one who makes most of the decisions.
Female-dominated relationships
Female-led relationships are becoming more and more common as women take on a more dominant role in all areas of their lives. In a female-led relationship, the woman is in charge while the man takes on a more submissive role.
Master & slave relationships
Master-slave relationships often involve a sexual dynamic but can also be applied outside the bedroom. In a master and slave relationship, one partner is always in charge while the other submits to them.
Master and slave relationships can be very intense and require a lot of trust and good communication. It’s crucial that both partners feel comfortable with the dynamic and that their needs are being met.
Positive traits of a dominant personality
Even though a dominant personality has many positive traits, moderation is key. Many of these dominant characteristics can quickly become negatives if taken to extremes.
1. Confidence
Dominant people are usually confident, outgoing, and assertive. They know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. This confidence is attractive and inspiring but can quickly become egotistical or selfish if not kept in check.
2. Assertiveness
Dominant personalities stand up for their beliefs and know how to get what they want. This trait is essential in a leader but can become aggressive if not balanced with empathy and understanding.
3. Independence
Dominant people like to do things independently and aren’t afraid to go against the grain. Independence is usually a good thing in a relationship because it allows partners to maintain their identity and space. However, too much independence can lead to neglect or a feeling of disconnection in the relationship.
4. Determination
When a dominant person sets their mind to something, they’re determined to see it through no matter what. This quality is admirable but can become overbearing if not kept in check.
5. Courage
The confidence of dominant people often leads to them being courageous. They’re not afraid to take risks or put themselves in danger and will do anything to protect the people and things they care about.
Negative traits of a dominant personality
Not all dominant people exhibit the following negative traits, but it’s important to be aware of the potential negatives.
1. Controlling
Dominant personalities will often feel the need to control everything and everyone around them. In a dominant relationship, they may try to control their partner’s behavior, decisions, and even emotions. This need for control can quickly become toxic and abusive if both partners aren’t on the same page.
Related post: 20 signs of a controlling wife (& how to deal with her)
2. Impatience
Dominant personalities often have a low tolerance for anything they perceive as a waste of time. This can lead them to be impatient with their partners, especially if they feel like they are not keeping up intellectually or not moving fast enough for their liking.
3. Stubbornness
The confidence and determination of dominant people often make them stubborn and inflexible. They don’t like to be told what to do and refuse to budge, even when it’s clear that they’re wrong. This trait can make it very difficult for them to compromise or see things from another perspective.
4. Brutal honesty
Dominant people often don’t have a filter and say whatever is on their mind, regardless of how it might make others feel. This brutal honesty can be hurtful and off-putting, especially if the person on the receiving end is not expecting it.
Related post: 13 signs someone has an abrasive personality
5. Manipulation
The need for control sometimes leads dominant personalities to manipulate those around them. They might try to control the conversation or use other underhanded tactics to get what they want. In extreme cases, they might even resort to gaslighting – a form of emotional manipulation that involves making their partner question their reality.
Manipulation is never acceptable in a relationship – it’s a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic that can quickly lead to an abusive situation. A person can still be dominant without resorting to manipulation.
Signs of a dominant partner
Okay, now that we’ve looked at some of the positive and negative traits associated with dominant personalities, let’s look at the signs that you’re in a relationship with a dominant partner.
To be clear, not all dominant people will exhibit all of these signs. The goal here is to give you a general idea of what to look for so that you can make an informed decision about your relationship.
1. They make most of the decisions
A dominant partner will usually take charge and make most of the decisions in the relationship. In most cases, this is restricted to big decisions that affect both partners, such as where you live, where you go on vacation, or what you do on weekends.
However, a controlling partner might try to control every aspect of your life, from what you wear to who you see and what you do.
Financial control is also common in relationships where one partner is dominant. If your partner dictates how you spend your money or tries to control your finances, it significantly reduces your autonomy and can be tricky to escape.
2. They never ask for permission
Instead of consulting you or asking for your opinion, a dominant partner will just make decisions and expect you to go along with them.
This works well for some couples as long as the boundaries around decision-making are clear. However, it can quickly lead to frustration and resentment if you don’t have any input into significant decisions that affect you.
Even if you trust your partner to make good decisions, it can be challenging to feel like you have no say in your own life. If this bothers you, you must talk to your partner about it.
3. They aren’t afraid to say no
A dominant partner isn’t afraid to say no, even when they know something is important to you. In their mind, they know what’s best for both of you, and they won’t change their mind just because you don’t like it.
While this might work in some situations, it can be very frustrating if your partner constantly shoots down your ideas and suggestions. If you don’t appreciate always giving in to your partner’s demands, you need to clarify that your needs aren’t being met.
4. They want to feel needed
The need to be dominant often comes from a place of insecurity. Even though your partner might seem like they have all the confidence in the world, they might crave your approval and validation to feel good about themselves.
But instead of showing vulnerability and admitting they need you, they may try to control you in a misguided attempt to appear valuable and needed.
If your partner’s need for control comes from a place of insecurity, try to be understanding and supportive. However, you also need to set boundaries, so their behavior doesn’t start negatively affecting your life.
5. They always get what they want
If your partner always seems to get what they want, it shows that they don’t feel the need to compromise or consider your needs.
Think about the last time you disagreed. Did they listen to your side of the story? Or did they steamroll over you and do what they wanted anyway? If your partner regularly ignores your needs and concerns, it’s time to have a serious conversation about respect and compromise.
6. They can be stubborn and inflexible
Dominant partners can be very stubborn and inflexible, especially regarding their beliefs and opinions. They’re not interested in hearing your point of view if it’s different from theirs, and they’re not afraid to shut you down or dismiss your ideas outright.
This kind of behavior can quickly lead to arguments and conflict, especially if you like to have open and honest discussions about important topics.
7. They are critical
Dominant partners are often highly critical, both of themselves and others. They might be incredibly hard on themselves and expect you to always be there for them, even when they’re being unreasonable.
Even worse, they might criticize you in an attempt to change you into someone they think is better. Constructive criticism can be helpful, but constantly being on the receiving end of criticism is hurtful and will damage your self-esteem.
This behavior is often a manifestation of their own insecurity and low self-esteem. They’re trying to make you feel inadequate to feel better about themselves.
Related post: 15 ways to deal with a very critical husband
8. They are highly independent
In any successful relationship, both partners need to maintain a sense of independence and autonomy. However, a dominant partner will often take this to the extreme and refuse to rely on you for anything.
Perhaps they never include you in their plans or make important decisions without consulting you first. Or maybe they have a lot of secrets and keep important parts of their life hidden from you. Whatever the case, this behavior can make you feel unwanted and like you’re not a part of the relationship.
9. They expect you to anticipate their needs
A dominant partner might expect you to know what they need or want, even if they don’t express it verbally. They might get angry or withdraw from you if you don’t automatically know how to make them happy. Of course, it’s impossible to read someone’s mind, and no one should have to.
How to deal with a dominant partner
Now that we’ve gone over some signs that you might be in a dominant relationship let’s talk about what you can do if your partner is exhibiting these behaviors.
1. Set clear boundaries
First and foremost, it’s essential to communicate with your partner and set healthy boundaries. If you’re feeling disrespected or like your needs aren’t being considered, sit down with them and explain how their behavior is making you feel.
Be assertive and use “I” statements to describe your feelings. For example, “I feel like my needs aren’t important to you,” or “I need more respect in this relationship.”
It’s also important to be clear about what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not. If your partner is unwilling to change their behavior, you might need to consider whether or not the relationship is right for you.
2. Communicate honestly
Most dominant personalities favor honest and direct communication rather than small talk or beating around the bush.
If you need to get your point across to a dominant partner, be clear and to the point. They’ll appreciate your straightforwardness, and it will prevent any miscommunication or misunderstanding.
However, it’s still important to be respectful when you’re communicating. Avoid being confrontational or aggressive, as this will only make the situation worse.
3. Control your emotions
Keeping a handle on your emotions is also crucial when communicating with a dominant personality. Stay calm and rational at all times, use facts and logic to make your case, and be consistent in your stance. If you get emotional or upset, your partner will likely see it as a sign of weakness and dismiss your concerns.
4. Accept that you can’t change them
If you’re in a relationship with a dominant personality, you must accept that you can’t change them. You might be able to influence their behavior to some extent, but ultimately they are who they are, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
If you’re not willing to tolerate their behavior, it might be time to find someone who values equality in a relationship more than dominance.
