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The reality of marriage is nothing like you see in romantic comedies. It’s hard work, and keeping the love alive takes effort from both partners.
Every marriage goes through tough times, and it’s normal to feel a little insecure in your relationship occasionally. But if you’re constantly feeling neglected, unimportant, or unloved, you might be starting to think that your husband doesn’t love you anymore.
Whether it’s true or not, you need to know the truth, so you can take action and save your marriage before it’s too late. Here are 30 signs your husband doesn’t love you and how to deal with it.
1. He never shows you any physical affection
Your husband might not be the most romantic soul, but recently you’ve noticed that he’s stopped showing you any kind of physical affection.
He used to give you a loving touch when he walked past, a cuddle on the couch while you watched tv, or steal a quick kiss when you least expected it.
But now he’s acting like a robot, and any attempts on your part to rekindle the romance are instantly rebuffed. He’s pulling away from you and becoming more and more emotionally distant.
2. Your sex life is nonexistent
You used to have a fun and active sex life, but now you can’t even remember the last time you were intimate. No matter what you do to try and get him in the mood, he shows no interest and won’t even talk to you about what’s going on.
When he constantly rejects you, it’s natural to feel unloved and assume that he simply doesn’t love you anymore. But the good news is there may be another reason for his lack of interest.
Everyone experiences natural fluctuations in their libido over time. These can last for months or even years and put you out of sync with your partner’s sexual needs. He might also be stressed, tired, or dealing with some sort of sexual performance issue.
If you’re not sure what’s causing his low sex drive, talk to him about it and see if you can work together to find a solution.
3. Your sex life is missing emotional intimacy
Lack of emotional intimacy during sex can make you feel worse than no sex at all. His libido is obviously fine, but he barely looks at you, makes no effort to please you, and it feels like he’s just using you for a physical release.
Of course, not every sexual encounter has to be a soul-baring emotional experience. Sometimes you just want a quickie without all the fuss. But if you’re starting to feel like a piece of meat, it’s a good sign that he no longer respects your needs.
4. He never compliments you
When you love someone, you naturally want to make them feel good about themselves. You feel proud when they do something great, and you want to boost their confidence when they feel down.
But you can’t remember the last time your husband paid you a compliment or even said something nice to you. It feels like he doesn’t even see you anymore, let alone love and respect you.
In fact, he seems to go out of his way to point out your flaws. He criticizes the way you look, dress, and do things, and it feels like he’s constantly putting you down.
5. Communication has completely broken down
Open and honest communication is one of the most important foundations of a healthy marriage. If you can’t talk to your husband about what’s bothering you, it will be tough to resolve any issues in your relationship.
Maybe you feel like he’s stopped listening to you, or he gets defensive whenever you try to talk about what’s wrong. Perhaps you’ve even given up trying to communicate altogether because it always ends in a massive argument.
If this sounds familiar, it’s a sign that your relationship is in serious trouble. You need to be able to talk to each other openly and honestly if you want to make things work.
Related post: 21 ways to deal with a husband who won’t communicate
6. He takes no interest in your day to day life
Day-to-day banter and conversation with your spouse is just as important as discussing the critical issues in your marriage. It’s a way to check in on a regular basis and stay connected.
You used to catch up over dinner or spend a few moments chatting about your day before bed. But now, it feels like your husband has no interest in hearing about your day. He doesn’t ask you any questions or volunteer any information about his own life.
This complete lack of interest is incredibly hurtful and makes you feel like he doesn’t care about you at all. It’s no wonder you feel like he doesn’t love you anymore.
7. He’s stopped texting you throughout the day
Like many couples, you’ve always texted each other throughout the day. Maybe to plan dinner, tell each other something funny that happened at work, or just check-in.
But now, there’s radio silence. He doesn’t text you anymore, and when you do manage to get ahold of him, his responses are short, and he seems distracted.
8. He’s become highly critical of you
Instead of building you up and supporting you, all he does these days is tear you down. He’s constantly pointing out your flaws, criticizing your choices, and making snide comments about how you look or act.
It feels like he’s trying to find any reason to pick a fight with you. And when you’re not arguing, he’s giving you the silent treatment. You can’t remember the last time you had a pleasant conversation without him getting angry or upset about something.
The problem is, it’s only you that he treats this way. When he’s around other people, he’s charming and charismatic. He knows how to put on a good show, but he’s a completely different person at home.
Related post: 15 ways to deal with a very critical husband
9. He no longer confides in you
You used to tell each other your innermost thoughts and feelings, but now it feels like he’s completely shut you out of his life. He doesn’t share anything with you anymore, no matter how much you try to pry it out of him.
10. He doesn’t want your support
When your husband felt stressed or worried, he would always lean on you for advice and support. But now, any comfort or guidance you give him is greeted with anger and resentment, and he just pushes you away.
This is a major red flag in any relationship. If your husband is dealing with a problem and he won’t let you help him, it’s a sign that he doesn’t see you as a partner anymore.
11. He blames you for everything
Not only has he stopped wanting your support, he even tries to blame you for all the problems in his life. It’s your fault that he’s unhappy, that he’s lost interest in sex, and that he doesn’t want to spend time with you.
Blaming you for his unhappiness is easier than working with you to try to fix the problems in your relationship. It makes it easier to justify giving up and walking away from the life you’ve built together.
12. He doesn’t give you any support
You used to be able to count on him to have your back, but now it feels like he couldn’t care less about your problems.
Whether you’re dealing with a personal issue or struggling at work, he doesn’t offer any words of comfort or reassurance, and he certainly doesn’t try to help you solve your problems.
13. He puts you down in front of other people
Being critical in private is bad enough, but now he’s started doing it in front of other people. He puts you down in front of your friends and family, and he’s always the first to point out your flaws or make a joke at your expense.
It’s embarrassing and humiliating, and it makes you feel like he has no respect for you as a person. Only someone who doesn’t love you anymore could be so intentionally cruel or hurtful.
14. He spends a lot more time alone
Everyone needs a certain amount of time alone to recharge their emotional batteries and process their feelings. This is particularly true for men, who often need more time alone than women.
But recently, it feels like your husband is gone more often than he’s home. He’s always going out for drinks with the guys, taking solo trips, or disappearing for hours at a time without telling you where he’s going.
It’s becoming pretty apparent that he’s looking for any excuse to get away from you. And when he is around, he acts more like a moody teenager than a loving husband.
15. He’s given up helping you
It’s common knowledge that many women do the majority of the household chores and child-rearing, even when they work full-time.
But your husband has completely given up and refuses to lift a finger to help you out. He ignores all the household chores you ask him to complete, and he doesn’t do anything to help with the kids.
Of course, this is incredibly unfair to you. But more than that, it’s a sign that he doesn’t see you as equal anymore. He doesn’t consider your needs or feelings, and he has no problem treating you like a maid or a nanny instead of a wife.
16. Nothing you do makes him happy
Your once happy and easygoing husband has turned into a grumpy and irritable man who’s always snapping at you. There’s nothing you can do to please him, and everything you do is wrong.
You cook his favorite meals, buy him thoughtful gifts, and you always try to look your best for him. But he always manages to find something to complain about, and you never receive a single word of thanks or appreciation. It feels like he’s just looking for an excuse to criticize and belittle you.
17. He makes personal attacks when you argue
Healthy and constructive arguing involves listening to your partner and trying to see things from their perspective. The goal is to work through the problem together and come up with a solution or compromise that you can both accept.
However, all the arguments you have with your husband have devolved into personal attacks. He doesn’t listen to what you have to say, and he doesn’t care about your point of view. All he wants to do is tear you down and make you feel as small and worthless as possible.
He calls you names, says hurtful things about your appearance or intelligence and accuses you of being the cause of all the problems in your relationship. And he’s got a magical memory that allows him to bring up all your past mistakes and use them as a weapon against you.
18. He makes no effort to please you or impress you
After you’ve been married for a while, it’s easy to stop making such a big effort to impress your partner. You’ve seen each other at your worst, and they still love you, so why bother?
But your husband has completely given up caring what you think. He doesn’t bother trying to look good for you, he doesn’t put any effort into being romantic, and he couldn’t care less if you’re happy with him or not.
19. He makes plans without you
He used to include you in all his plans, whether it was a night out with the guys or a weekend getaway. But now it seems like he’s constantly making plans without you. He goes out drinking with his buddies, takes solo trips, or disappears for the day without even letting you know where he’s going.
Even more serious, he’s started making important decisions without consulting you first. It’s like he doesn’t consider you part of his life anymore, and he’s not interested in sharing anything with you.
20. He’s abandoned your regular routines
Even when things are tough, you’ve always managed to make time for each other to relax and have some fun. Maybe it’s a weekly date night, a regular weekend away, or just watching your favorite TV show together.
But now, your husband has started abandoning your regular routines. Even worse, he can’t even be bothered making up a good excuse. He just mumbles something about being too tired and goes back to ignoring you.
21. He flirts with other women
A little flirting is mostly harmless, and it usually doesn’t mean that your husband is thinking about cheating on you. He’s just reassuring himself that he’s still attractive and desirable.
But your husband has completely crossed the line. He can’t keep his eyes or hands off other women and doesn’t even try to hide his flirting.
He stares at other women when you’re out together, openly flirts with them in front of you, and makes lewd comments about their bodies. Even worse, he’s started comparing you to other women and pointing out everything he thinks you’re lacking.
Related post: How to handle a flirting husband (12 useful tips)
22. You aren’t even arguing anymore
When an unhappy couple stops arguing altogether, it’s a bad sign. It usually means that one or both partners have given up on trying to fix the problems in the relationship.
If your husband has stopped arguing with you, it’s because he doesn’t think there’s any point. He doesn’t see any reason to try to improve things between you because he’s already checked out of the relationship.
23. He doesn’t include you in his future plans
When you first got married, you used to talk for hours about the kind of life you wanted to build together. It was fun to think about where you were going to live, the trips you would take, and how many kids you wanted.
But now it seems like he’s stopped making any future plans that include you. He refuses to discuss your next vacation, let alone what you will do when you retire.
Why? Because he’s given up on your marriage and started planning for a future that doesn’t include you.
24. He’s got unrealistic expectations
Your husband used to be a pretty relaxed guy, but now he expects you to be the perfect wife. He gets annoyed when you make a mistake, irritated when you don’t agree with him, and doesn’t think twice about making completely unreasonable demands.
Even though he’s acting like a demanding jerk, there might be a deeper reason why he’s acting this way. He doesn’t love you anymore, and he’s trying to justify his feelings by finding fault with everything you do.
25. He compares you to other women
In the beginning, your husband couldn’t stop talking about how amazing you are. He was constantly telling you how lucky he was to be with you and how no other woman could compare.
But now it seems like he’s always comparing you to other women, whether it’s his coworkers, your friends, or even random strangers. He points out everything he thinks you’re lacking and makes it clear that he thinks you should be prettier, thinner, or more devoted to making him happy.
26. He’s become secretive
Your husband used to be an open book, but now he’s started keeping secrets from you. He’s got a new group of friends that he won’t introduce you to, he’s started hiding his phone, and he’s stopped telling you about his day-to-day life.
The reason he’s being so secretive is because he’s got something to hide. He might be cheating on you, or he might be desperately unhappy in your marriage and doing everything he can to avoid confronting his feelings.
27. He’s become insensitive
Your husband used to be so in tune with your feelings, but now it seems he couldn’t care less about your needs. He says hurtful things, dismisses your concerns and doesn’t bother trying to make you feel better when you’re upset.
28. He forgets important dates
Forgetting your birthday or anniversary might not seem like the worst crime in the world, but it’s part of a pattern that shows he doesn’t care about your happiness.
You’re no longer a priority in his life, and he’s got more important things to focus on than remembering to celebrate the important milestones in your life.
29. He doesn’t listen to anything you say
You might as well be talking to a brick wall for all the attention he pays you. He doesn’t listen to what you have to say, tunes out of conversations, and has no interest in hearing about your day-to-day life.
And when you ask him to do things, you have to nag him and remind him to follow through constantly. It’s like he’s stopped taking you seriously, and he doesn’t care about anything that comes out of your mouth.
30. He talks like your marriage is already over
Your husband might not come out and say that he wants a divorce, but his words and actions make it pretty clear that’s what he’s thinking. He constantly talks about how unhappy he is and how things will never get better.
It’s a pretty clear sign that he’s given up on your marriage and doesn’t see any future for you.
Why doesn’t your husband doesn’t love you anymore?
So far, we’ve looked at all the typical signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. But what’s caused this change in his feelings? There could be any number of reasons, but here are some of the most common causes of marital unhappiness.
- He’s fallen in love with another woman.
- He feels controlled or manipulated.
- He doesn’t feel appreciated.
- Constant arguing has worn him down.
- You’ve grown too far apart.
- He doesn’t feel intellectually stimulated.
- His sexual needs aren’t being met.
What to do if your husband doesn’t love you anymore
There’s nothing worse than realizing that your husband doesn’t love you anymore. It’s a painful and devastating experience that leaves you feeling lost and alone. If you’re struggling to accept that your husband doesn’t love you, here’s what you need to do.
1. Be honest about your relationship
The first step is to take a hard look at your relationship and be honest about the state it’s in. If you’re in denial about the problems in your marriage, you’ll never be able to fix them. Be honest with yourself and ask if your relationship is truly happy and healthy.
What behaviors are you and your husband guilty of? Are you constantly arguing? Is there a lack of communication? Are you constantly criticizing each other? Be brutally honest in your assessment, and don’t make excuses for your own negative behavior patterns.
2. Talk to him
Even if your husband has managed to completely shut you out of his life, at some point, he’s going to have to agree to sit down and talk to you about the way he feels. You can’t continue to live in limbo, not knowing where you stand.
This is likely to be one of the most challenging conversations you’ve ever had, so it’s vital that you set some ground rules and go into it prepared.
- Avoid getting emotional and keep the conversation as calm and rational as possible. If things get heated, agree to take a break and come back to it later.
- Listen carefully to what he has to say, and try to understand things from his perspective without judgment. You need to give him a chance to express how he feels without interruption.
3. Discuss the next steps
Once you understand why your husband doesn’t love you and you’ve had a chance to express your own feelings, it’s time to start thinking about the next steps.
This will be different for every couple, but you must come to some kind of agreement about what happens next. If your husband wants to end the marriage, you need to start thinking about life after divorce. But if there’s still some love there, you need to work out how to rekindle the spark and get your relationship back on track.
4. Seek professional help
If your husband refuses to talk to you about his feelings, or if you just can’t seem to communicate effectively, consider getting professional help. A trained counselor or marriage therapist can help you understand the root causes of your marital problems and figure out the best way to fix them.
Having an outside perspective can be very helpful, as it’s easy to get stuck in negative behavior patterns when you’re too close to the situation.
If your husband is resistant to the idea of counseling, try attending some sessions on your own. This will give you a chance to explore your own feelings and start to work on some of the issues in your marriage.
5. Work on your marriage every single day
I’ve no doubt that your therapist will give you lots of excellent tools to help you restore communication and intimacy in your marriage. But it’s important to remember that the work doesn’t stop there.
You need to be committed to working on your relationship every single day if you want things to improve. It won’t happen overnight, but if you’re both willing to put in the effort, it’s incredible how much a struggling marriage can turn around.
How to accept that your husband doesn’t love you anymore
If your marriage is beyond repair, you need to figure out how to accept his decision and move on with your life. It won’t be easy, but just know that millions of men and women have gone through this before and come out the other side.
1. Allow yourself time to grieve
The first step is to allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage. You’re going through a huge change, and it’s normal to feel sad, scared, and overwhelmed.
Try not to bottle up your emotions – instead, find healthy ways to express them. Write in a journal, talk to a friend or therapist, or join a support group for people going through a divorce.
2. Focus on taking care of yourself
It’s also important to focus on taking care of yourself during this difficult time. Make sure you eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. These positive behaviors will help you cope with stress and deal with the emotional roller coaster.
3. Build a support network
Divorce can be an isolating experience, so it’s essential to build a support network of friends and family members who understand what you’re going through. These people can offer practical and emotional support when you need it most.
4. Learn to forgive him
This is one of the hardest things you need to do, but it’s also one of the most important. Learning to forgive your husband – even if he doesn’t deserve it – will help you move on with your life.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to forget what he did or pretend it never happened. It just means letting go of the anger, hurt, and resentment eating away at you.
5. Don’t fixate on the past
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to fixate on the past and what might have been. Yes, it’s important to learn from your mistakes, but dwelling on them will only make you feel worse.
Instead, focus on the present and the future. What kind of life do you want for yourself? What are your goals and dreams? Start taking steps to make them a reality, and you’ll find that the pain of divorce fades into the background.
Final thoughts
Ultimately, the only way you will honestly know whether your husband doesn’t love you anymore is to talk to him about it.
With any luck, you’ll both realize that there’s still enough love and respect to save your marriage. Talk to a professional and get the tools you need to work on your relationship and get things back on track.
But if he’s adamant that he wants to end things, you need to accept his decision and move on. Just remember that the end of your marriage doesn’t mean the end of your story. With patience, courage, and hard work, you can rebuild your life and find happiness again.
