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When you first met your future husband, I’m sure his fun and flirty personality was extremely sexy. He knew exactly how to boost your ego and make you feel like the most special and attractive woman in the world.
Fast forward a few years, and now you’re married and settled down. The problem is, your husband has started flirting with other women, and it’s making you feel very uncomfortable.
You don’t know whether his flirtatious behavior is actually a problem or if you’re just overreacting and being paranoid. But the truth is, you need to do something about it before it drives you crazy.
Well, don’t worry – you’re in the right place. In this article, I will show you how to handle a flirting husband and help you figure out if you have anything to worry about.
Why does my husband flirt with other women?
To get started, let’s first look at all the reasons why your husband might be flirting with other women.
1. He flirts with everyone he meets
Is he a naturally flirtatious person? If your husband flirts equally with everyone he meets, it’s probably just his personality, and you shouldn’t worry about it too much. You might even find that he flirts with men just as much as women. It doesn’t mean he’s romantically interested in guys – it’s just how he connects with people.
Flirting is also much more accepted in some cultures than in others. For example, it’s perfectly normal in some Western European countries for men to flirt with women they don’t know, even if they’re married. So if your husband is French or Italian, you might need to accept that it’s just the way he is.
2. He craves validation
Your husband might flirt with other women if he suffers from personal insecurities, such as low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. He’s looking for reassurance that he’s still attractive and needs to feel like other people still find him desirable.
The good news is that his flirty behavior is not necessarily a reflection of your relationship – it’s more likely just his way of dealing with his own issues. If this is the case, you should encourage him to get some professional counseling to help him deal with his feelings.
3. He’s addicted to the chase
A lot of married men never quite get over the thrill of chasing women. They love the feeling of winning someone over, and they get a real ego boost from it. It’s a very masculine and primal urge, and some men can’t resist it.
Flirting with the opposite sex might be a way for your husband to feel this same thrill without taking things too far. You might not like it, but you can take some comfort from the fact that it has nothing to do with his feelings for you – he just enjoys the process of seduction.
4. He doesn’t feel secure in your relationship
A more troubling reason for flirting is if your husband doesn’t feel secure in your relationship. Legitimate problems in your marriage might cause his worries, or they may result from personal insecurities or negative experiences in past relationships.
For example, if one of you has cheated in the past, his flirting may be a way to test how committed you are to the relationship. He’s trying to provoke a reaction to make you jealous and reassure himself that you still care about him. Or perhaps his insecurities are making him fear that you’ll eventually get sick of him and leave. Flirting with other women makes him believe he still has options and won’t spend the rest of his life alone.
Of course, flirting is a very unhealthy way to deal with insecurity, and it’s something you need to address together as a couple. If you’re finding it hard to talk about these issues openly, a family therapist might be able to guide you through a more meaningful discussion.
5. There’s a lack of intimacy in your marriage
Emotional and physical intimacy is essential in a long-term relationship, and flirting may be the only way your husband feels he can fulfill his unmet needs.
Maybe your marriage lacks physical affection because you’re both too busy and stressed to make time for each other. Or perhaps his sexual interest in you has waned due to pregnancy, weight gain, or other physical changes. Or he might feel like you’ve grown apart, and he can’t talk to you about his feelings anymore.
Whatever the reason, flirting allows him to feel connected and close to someone else, even if it’s just a fantasy. These are difficult questions to confront, but you should have an open and honest conversation with him to re-establish the intimacy in your relationship before it’s too late.
6. He’s interested in someone else
If your husband only flirts with one particular woman, you might need to consider the possibility that he’s interested in her romantically. It might be an innocent crush that he’s not even aware of, or it could be a red flag for something more serious.
Even if he has no intention of having a physical affair, emotional affairs are just as damaging and can be very difficult to recover from. If your husband is emotionally invested in someone else, you need to confront the problem head-on.
7. He’s retaliating
You may have betrayed your husband’s trust somehow, and flirting with other women is his passive-aggressive way of getting revenge. Maybe you’ve been unfaithful in the past or flirted with someone yourself.
Retaliation is a very childish way for your husband to deal with conflict, and it won’t do anything to improve your relationship. Whatever you’ve done to damage your marriage, he needs to be honest about the source of his resentment so you can start rebuilding trust and respect.
8. He feels controlled
Do you micromanage his every move or try to control his social life? If your husband feels like your marriage is too restrictive or controlling, he might see flirting as a way to assert his independence.
It’s important to give your husband some space and allow him to have a life outside of your marriage. If you’re always demanding his attention, he might feel suffocated. Again, this is something you need to talk about together to find a happy medium and develop a more balanced relationship.
The secret ingredient that will make him obsessed with you
All men have a biological urge to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave the chance to step up and test their strengths and abilities.
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the “hero instinct,” and it explains why so many women struggle to attract guys and keep them committed.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in any man. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind.
When you trigger a man’s hero instinct, he becomes comfortable fully investing in your relationship because he knows he’ll never need anyone else. In a matter of days, you’ll notice him become more protective, committed, and attracted to you than you ever dreamed was possible.
Never again will you have to deal with his hot and cold behavior, distance, or silence. He’ll think you’re reading his mind, and he’ll thank you for it every day.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in a man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your man to trigger his hero instinct and make him want to work for your love and admiration.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but James’ techniques use proven psychology to tap into the deepest desires that all men feel.
If you’re struggling because your man seems distant or you can’t get him to commit, this will be the most eye-opening presentation you have ever seen.
Here’s the link to the free video again.
How to handle a flirting husband
Now that we’ve discussed the possible reasons behind his flirty behavior, let’s look at some tips for dealing with a flirting husband.
1. Understand why he’s flirting
The first step is to understand your husband’s motives better. If you can identify the root cause of his behavior, it will be much easier to develop a solution that works for both of you.
If he has a naturally flirty personality, it will probably be enough to assert your boundaries and let him know how his behavior makes you feel. But if his flirting is a symptom of a real problem in your marriage, you may need a relationship expert to help you get to the bottom of things.
Before you talk to him, think about his behavior and get a gut feeling about what is going on. Is it only single women he flirts with? Does he seem like he’s just being friendly, or does he have an ulterior motive?
2. Don’t let resentment build
Please don’t spend months or years quietly resenting your husband for his flirting. The resentment will only drive a wedge between you, and it could end up damaging your marriage beyond repair.
There’s also no point just nagging or blaming him without having a constructive conversation about the issue. Nagging will only make him defensive, and he’s likely to withdraw even further.
As soon as you rip the band-aid off and talk to your husband about his behavior, you’ll start the process of healing. At the very least, you’ll understand where he’s coming from, and you’ll be able to decide what to do going forward.
If it turns out that his flirting is innocent, then you can make some minor adjustments to ensure you feel respected. But if there’s a deeper issue at work, you can both start the hard work to rebuild a healthy marriage.
Related post: How to fix resentment in a marriage (15 practical tips)
3. Consider your reaction to his flirting
It’s also essential to think about your behavior and how it might be contributing to the problem. Perhaps you’ve got your own insecurities, and you’re making way too much out of his harmless flirting.
Are you being too controlling? Are you constantly nagging or criticizing your husband in some way? Is there a lack of physical or emotional intimacy in your relationship?
It can be tough to look at yourself objectively and be completely honest about your own flaws, but it’s an integral part of the process. If you need help, reach out to your best friend or a trusted family member and ask them for their honest opinion. Having an outside view may help you see things from a new perspective.
4. Don’t blame yourself for his flirting
If you see your husband flirting with a young woman, do you feel any temptation to believe it’s your fault somehow? Perhaps you think you’re not pretty enough, you don’t give him enough attention, or you’re not the perfect wife.
Many women are conditioned to feel guilt or blame when something goes wrong in a relationship, but it’s important to resist that urge. No matter what issues you might have in your relationship, it’s not your job to control your husband’s actions, and you’re not responsible for his inappropriate behavior.
5. Communicate honestly with him
Open and honest communication is the main thing that will help you handle your flirting husband. I wish there were some magic bullet that would instantly fix the problem, but unfortunately, it doesn’t exist.
You need to talk to your husband and explain how his flirting makes you feel. He needs to know that his behavior hurts you and is damaging your marriage.
So why is this conversation so hard? It’s difficult because it makes you feel vulnerable. You’re admitting that it bothers you when your husband gives another woman his attention, and you can’t help worrying that it makes you look needy.
I can assure you that it doesn’t. All you’re asking for is respect and a little compassion.
When you talk to him, make sure you’re calm and respectful and avoid accusations or blame. The best way to do this is to focus on explaining how his flirting makes you feel. For example, “I feel hurt and disrespected when I see you flirting with other women.” Speaking in this way makes it easier for your husband to understand your perspective, and he’s more likely to empathize with what you’re saying.
6. Listen to his perspective
It’s equally important to listen to your husband’s side of the story and try to understand his perspective. There might be a perfectly innocent explanation for his behavior, or there could be some deeper issues that he’s struggling with.
Even if you disagree with what he’s saying, show him that you’re willing to listen without judgment. This will help create an open and honest dialogue where you can both express your feelings without fear of being attacked.
Some questions you could ask him include:
- Why do you feel the need to flirt with other women?
- Do you feel like you’re not getting enough attention from me?
- What can I do to make you feel more loved and appreciated?
- Are there any other issues that might be contributing to this problem?
7. Set personal boundaries
Setting boundaries means that you and your husband agree on what is and isn’t acceptable behavior in your marriage. For example, you might decide that he can be friendly and chatty with other women, but he should draw the line at physical contact.
Your boundaries are your own, and you need to find the line that makes you comfortable. You might also need to be willing to compromise a little, but don’t agree to any compromises that make you feel like your needs aren’t being met.
8. Give him the benefit of the doubt
If your husband says he’s going to change his behavior, then trust that he has enough respect for you to do what he says. It’s always good advice to come from a place of trust rather than suspicion.
However, if he continues to violate your trust, you need to have another serious conversation with him. And if he refuses to make an effort, it’s clear that he doesn’t respect you, and you need to decide if you’re willing to stay in the marriage.
Related post: How to save a marriage with trust issues (17 tips)
9. Enforce your boundaries
Setting boundaries is useless if you’re not willing to enforce them. If your husband crosses the line, don’t be afraid to call him out on it. This will help him realize that you’re serious about the issue and you’re not going to let it slide.
Also, never make threats or ultimatums you’re unwilling to follow through on. For example, if you threaten to leave your husband if he doesn’t stop flirting, you need to be prepared to walk out the door. Empty threats send a clear message that you’re not serious, and he’ll continue doing whatever he wants.
10. Don’t try to control him
Remember that enforcing your boundaries is not the same as trying to control him. If you start telling your husband what to do or trying to brute force him to change his behavior, you’ll have the opposite effect and push him further away.
Instead, treat him with compassion and understanding and be willing to listen to his side of the story. This will help you both feel respected and understood, leading to better communication and more effective ways of dealing with the issue in the long term.
Related post: 20 signs of a controlling wife (& how to deal with her)
11. Increase the intimacy in your relationship
Working on your marriage’s physical and emotional intimacy can have two significant benefits. Firstly, it will help you feel more confident, secure, and loved in your relationship, so you’re not as worried about your husband’s flirting. Secondly, it will give your husband less reason to flirt with other women because he’s getting what he needs from you.
There are lots of easy ways you can increase intimacy, but some things you might want to try include:
- Make time for date nights on a regular basis.
- Write little love notes to each other or send text messages to stay connected throughout the day.
- Talk to each other about your deepest fears, desires, and fantasies.
- Enjoy more physical contact, such as hugging, kissing, touching, and sex.
Remember that this is a long-term process, so be patient. Things won’t change overnight, but the more you put into building a loving and committed relationship, the better things will become.
12. Focus on your own happiness
One of the best things you can do for your marriage is focus on your own happiness. I’m not suggesting you ignore your husband’s flirting and hope it goes away, but don’t let his behavior be the sole focus of your life.
Make sure you don’t neglect the things that make you happy, like spending time with friends and family and pursuing your hobbies. Taking care of yourself will make you feel more balanced and fulfilled, making it easier to deal with any issues in your marriage.
Is flirting cheating?
If a married man flirts, is it considered cheating? This is a commonly asked question, and the answer falls into a gray area. I think it comes down to the intent of the flirting.
If there is absolutely no romantic intention behind the flirting, it’s safe to say it’s not cheating. For example, if your husband is flirting with a waitress to get a free dessert, that’s not really cheating.
However, if any intimate feeling or sexual tension is involved in the flirting, it could be considered cheating. Remember that an emotional affair can be just as damaging to a relationship as a physical affair, so flirting can still be a serious issue even if there’s no sex involved.
Of course, there’s no definitive answer, and it’s up to you to decide what you consider to be cheating. Everyone has different boundaries and expectations, so it’s essential to communicate with your husband about what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationship.
