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We all know that marriage is a lot of hard work, and every married couple goes through ups and downs. But now the unthinkable has happened – your husband has cheated on you and left you for another woman.
It’s hard to imagine a more painful experience, and I’m sure that you also have a lot of questions along with the hurt. Is it my fault? Could I have done something to prevent him from cheating? And the biggest question of all – how can I win him back?
Well, the good news is you can win him back and rebuild the true love you used to feel for each other. In this article, I’ll show you exactly how to win your husband back from the other woman.
Things to understand if you want to win him back
Before you can begin the journey to win back your husband’s heart, it’s essential to understand some of the realities around why he cheated and how he might react now that he’s been caught.
1. His affair is probably not about you
One of the most important things you need to understand is you’re not the cause of the infidelity. Even if you contributed to the problems in your marriage, your husband chose to cheat on you all by himself.
Your husband is almost certainly not cheating on you because of anything you did. He’s cheating because the other woman gives him something he’s looking for. It might be sex, it might be emotional intimacy, or he might just be feeling bored in your marriage.
Whatever his reasons, it’s not your fault, and you shouldn’t start from a default position of blaming yourself.
2. Men think about affairs differently to women
Even though we’re all human beings, men and women think about affairs differently.
For women, affairs are much more likely to have a strong emotional component that’s difficult to separate from their feelings about their husbands.
On the other hand, men often find it easier to compartmentalize their affairs and not let it affect how they feel about their wives. Their affairs live in a separate mental box that they can lock up and not think about when they’re at home. Men are often also less emotionally involved in their affairs, making it easier to cheat.
Of course, this doesn’t justify your husband’s actions in any way. But hopefully, it helps you understand a little more about why he cheated on you.
3. He will act like the victim
Once he gets caught cheating, it’s doubtful that your husband will do the right thing and admit he made a massive mistake. Instead, he’ll act like a victim and try to blame you for his affair. He’ll use the problems in your marriage as an excuse, and he might even try to suggest that you drove him to do it.
This blame game is just a feeble attempt to soften the impact of what he’s done and make himself feel better. Just remember that you’re not the cause of his affair, and it’s all on him.
4. He might ask for time to think things through
You should be suspicious of his motives if he asks you for a lengthy period to think things through. It might just be an excuse to keep the fun of his affair going as long as you keep tolerating it.
While he’s been cheating on you, he’s had plenty of time to understand his feelings, and I’m sure he knows exactly who he will choose when it comes down to it. Spoiler alert – it will probably be you.
5. He may have been cheating for a long time
How likely is it that this particular woman is the only woman he’s ever had an affair with? It sounds like a terrible thing to consider, but countless women have learned too late that their husbands have been cheating on them with multiple women over many years.
If you suspect that he’s a serial cheater, spying on his email, text messages, and phone calls can help you learn the truth. Just keep in mind that even cheaters have a right to privacy, and snooping through his phone is betraying his trust.
6. The other woman is not a bad person
It’s natural to want to hate the other woman in his life, but you should try to resist that urge as much as you can until you have all the facts.
It’s entirely possible she entered into a new relationship with your husband in good faith and didn’t even know he was married. And even if she did know, he may have told her that his marriage to you was all but over.
7. Don’t assume he doesn’t value your marriage
It’s easy to assume that he doesn’t care about you or your marriage because he cheated on you. The good news is that this isn’t necessarily the case. As I mentioned earlier, many guys cheat even though they still love their wives and don’t want to end their marriages.
If this is the case for your husband, rebuilding your emotional intimacy and ensuring excellent communication may be all that’s needed to get your marriage back on track.
8. Don’t worry if he says he loves her
Even if your husband says he loves this other woman, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your marriage. Words are free, and it’s easy to talk about love in the heat of the moment.
If he’s forced to make a choice, what are the chances the ‘love’ he feels for this other woman will stack up against the long-term marriage you’ve spent years or decades building with him?
If he genuinely does love her, then he’ll be willing to throw your marriage away right now, today, and you can go ahead and start the divorce process.
Can I win my husband back?
If the following four scenarios are valid for you, you have an excellent chance to win your cheating husband back from the other woman.
1. He’s not willing to sacrifice everything for her
Your long-term marriage is a commitment that took many years and a lot of hard work to build. If you’re lucky, you might even have kids together and a whole life full of memories.
Will your husband honestly be willing to throw all that away for a woman he has a good time sleeping with? Unless he’s highly committed to his other woman, it’s doubtful that he’ll throw away years of investment in your marriage.
It’s much more likely that he’ll leave you because he’s fallen out of love with you and not because he’s committed to his other woman.
2. His other woman isn’t looking for commitment
Women who have affairs are more likely to be emotionally invested and desire commitment from their affair partners. If this is the case, your husband will have to choose either you or her.
But his other woman might only be sleeping with him to have some fun. Having an affair with a married man might work for her because she’s not interested in commitment at all. If this is the case, then there’s really no contest. Unless your husband is very unhappy with your marriage, he’s not going to throw it all away for a fling.
3. Your relationship has a solid foundation
Your marriage might have some problems, but how solid is the foundation? This is one of the key things to consider when you’re thinking about winning your husband back.
There’s a good chance that if your marriage was built on a solid foundation in the first place, it could support you both through the process of rebuilding your relationship.
The trick will be restoring trust and rebuilding your emotional intimacy. You should let him know that you are willing to work diligently at getting your marriage back on track and let him know how much he means to you.
But, if your marriage was already completely falling apart and your husband’s affair just accelerated the process, then it might be too late.
4. You’re spending time with him
The only thing that will give you a chance to save your marriage is to spend a lot of quality time with him. After all, if you have no contact with him, you have no relationship to repair.
In the long run, spending time with your husband is the only way to rebuild your emotional intimacy and remind him of all the reasons why he fell in love with you in the first place.
This is especially true if you’ve separated and are living apart. In that case, you really need to get together frequently and talk things out face-to-face to understand each other’s feelings and concerns.
It’s also important to make sure all your time with him isn’t spent arguing about his affair. If you spend every moment telling him how badly he’s screwed up, it won’t do your relationship any good.
You need to focus on sharing quality time together and find ways of having fun again. You should try to rediscover why you enjoyed spending time with each other in the first place, just like when you first started dating.
How to win your husband back from the other woman
Okay, so what can you actually do to win your husband back from the other woman? Here are some concrete steps you can take to help you build up your relationship with him again.
1. Be honest about your relationship
The first thing you must do is be brutally honest with yourself about the state of your marriage. If you still love your husband and are willing to work hard for him, then it’s definitely worth trying. But if your marriage is already over, there’s no point in wasting your time.
Don’t try to win him back just because you’re lonely or scared of being single. Don’t bargain with yourself that you’ll stay in a loveless marriage if he only promises never to see the other woman again.
The next difficult thing you need to do is own your role in causing any problems you have in your marriage. Keep in mind that this isn’t about justifying your husband’s affair in any way. He may have cheated on you despite the fact that you’re happily married! The point is simply to do an audit and use this horrible situation to make your marriage the best it can be moving forward.
2. The secret ingredient that can win him back
All men have a biological urge to feel useful and needed in their relationships. They crave the chance to step up and test their strengths and abilities.
This urge comes from a time when men had to compete to survive and protect their families from wild animals and rival tribes. Even though life was hard, they were constantly challenged and lived lives of purpose and meaning.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the “hero instinct,” and it explains why so many women struggle to attract guys and keep them committed.
The stakes are much lower today, but the need to feel useful remains deeply rooted in male biology. If a man doesn’t feel useful and needed in his relationship, he constantly feels like something is missing. These lingering doubts prevent him from fully committing and eventually cause him to go cold, emotionally pull away, or even be unfaithful.
The amazing thing is that you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your husband. And when you do, you’ll give him exactly what he’s missing and make him feel deeply satisfied and content in your relationship. You’ll become his biggest priority and destroy any fear of commitment lingering in the back of his mind. You can reverse any loss of attraction he feels and make him utterly devoted to you forever.
So how do you trigger the hero instinct in your man?
This free video presentation from James Bauer will show you exactly what to say, what texts to send, and what to ask your husband to trigger his hero instinct and make him crave your love and admiration.
It sounds almost too good to be true, but James’ techniques use proven psychology to tap into the deepest desires that all men feel. If you’re trying to win your husband back, this could be the most the most eye-opening presentation you have ever seen.
Here’s the link to the free video again.
3. Forgive him
The first step to winning him back from the other woman is to forgive him for having an affair.
You need to find a way to let go of all the resentment and anger and deal with him from a place of empathy and compassion. After all, the whole point of this process is to win your husband back! If you can’t forgive him, you’ll never be able to get close to him and rebuild your connection.
You also don’t have to wait for your husband to come asking you for forgiveness. Regardless of who has contributed to the problems in your marriage, you can take the first step and forgive him.
Keep in mind that just because you forgive your husband doesn’t mean you endorse his actions. Forgiveness is about letting go of the past and looking to the future. You still need to make it clear how much he’s betrayed your trust and that he’s going to have to work to earn it back.
It’s also important to let go of your anger towards the other woman. Even if she’s the one he cheated on you with, your husband was the one who chose to betray your trust.
4. Set clear boundaries with him
The next step after forgiving your husband is to set some very clear boundaries with him. Exactly what these boundaries are depends on your specific situation.
For example, if he initially refuses to leave his other woman, eventually you’re going to have to force him to choose between you and her. You need to be very clear about this and give him a timeline to decide. Don’t let him lead you along and drag his affair out indefinitely. A lot of guys will do this if they can because it means they can continue to enjoy the best of both worlds.
As you begin to rebuild your relationship, you also need to provide clear boundaries around how and when you start to restore physical intimacy. For example, you might want to prioritize rebuilding your friendship and emotional intimacy before you feel comfortable sleeping with him again.
If he’s not willing to do this, then once again, you need to confront him and make it absolutely clear that he has a choice between the two of you. As long as he’s seeing other women on the side, there’s no way you’re ever going to be able to trust him fully again.
5. Give him some space
Even though you want to win your husband back fast, it’s essential to give him some space and not smother him.
If you’re feeling extremely traumatized by his affair, you might even want to consider initiating a no-contact period for a while. How much time you need is up to you, but a no-contact period might give you the space you need to start the process of forgiveness.
6. Spend a lot of time with him
If you’re still at the point where you can’t even be around him, or it makes you too angry, then spending quality time with him isn’t an option for now. But after forgiving your husband and setting some firm boundaries, being around him is the only way to start rebuilding your relationship.
Spending time with him will help you get back in touch with your marriage and remember why you fell in love. Most importantly, it’s going to give the two of you a lot of opportunities to talk about what happened and start rebuilding your connection.
This doesn’t have to be a 100% full-on commitment at first. You can start with taking little steps like having dinner together or watching a movie. As you begin to rebuild your relationship, you can start spending more time doing things together, even if they’re simple tasks around the house.
The fact that he wants to be around you is actually a good sign. It means that there’s still some love left between the two of you, which you can rebuild into an even stronger relationship than before.
7. Focus on the positive
This might be an obvious piece of advice, but make sure you try to focus on all the best qualities your husband has.
Instead of dwelling on what he did to hurt you, think about all the little things he does that make you happy. It might even be helpful to write down a list of everything that’s good about your husband. This can be a great way to remind yourself of all the positive things in your relationship, which you can work on rebuilding.
8. Reminisce about the past
A great way to rebuild your connection with him is to spend time reminiscing about the past. This can be anything from sharing memories of your first date, laughing about the first time he tried to kiss you, or even just talking about your favorite moments of being together. Looking through photo albums is also a great way to remind you both of all the good times.
By spending time reminiscing, you’ll start to rebuild some happy memories that can be the foundation of your new relationship. It’s about reminding each other of the great times you’ve shared and the positive things that attracted you to each other in the first place.
9. Don’t fight with him
You might (understandably) feel a lot of anger resentment towards your husband. But you need to find a way to remain calm when communicating with him if the two of you are going to rebuild your marriage.
If you constantly give him a hard time by yelling, blaming, or using hurtful language, it will just make him defensive and push him further away.
This could be extremely difficult for you, especially if your husband tries to defend or justify what he did. If this happens and you feel like the anger is getting too much, it might be a good idea to take a break and try talking about it later.
Remember – rebuilding your marriage won’t happen overnight. It’s going to require a lot of work from both of you. Just make sure you give each other regular opportunities to talk about your feelings because this will be an essential part of rebuilding a successful marriage.
10. Be patient with him
It’s only natural to want your husband to make up for the mistakes he made, but this is going to take time. He needs to prove to you that he can change and that he’ll never do something like this again in the future. This might take weeks or even a couple of months, and it might take much longer for you to fully trust him again.
Be patient with him while he’s trying to prove himself, and remember that the trust you share is something that needs to be rebuilt, not something that appears overnight.
11. Never beg or plead
You might feel desperate to win your husband back but never beg or plead with him to come back. Begging and pleading makes you look very unattractive and gives the impression that you’re desperate.
By appearing lonely and desperate, you’re giving him permission to keep cheating on you. He knows that you’ll always beg him to come back so he can go ahead and cheat on you whenever he likes.
The other reason not to beg and plead is that it simply won’t work. As I discussed earlier, your husband’s affair is less about you and more about what he was getting from the other woman. All you can do is show him that your marriage is worth more than his mistress.
The same is also true for apologizing. You should own any of the mistakes you’ve made, but trying to apologize your way back to a happy marriage won’t work because it doesn’t solve the underlying reason why he cheated.
12. Show him you’re a better choice than her
Simply put, the reason your husband is seeing this other woman is that she’s giving him something he wants.
If you want to win him back, then you need to show him that your marriage is worth more than anything he’s getting from his mistress. This means focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship and making sure you’re doing everything possible to make each other happy.
By showing him that you’re a better choice, you’ll avoid coming across as desperate and needy. And when it comes to making a choice between you and her, he’ll choose you because he knows that your marriage is worth saving.
13. Make him choose between you and her
After you’ve done everything you can to show your husband that your marriage is worth saving, he needs to choose between you and his other woman.
This is really what it all comes down to. You need to make it clear to him that you’ll walk away from the marriage if he doesn’t choose you and end things with her.
Hopefully, by this stage you’ll have a good feeling about the choice he’s going to make. But it still doesn’t hurt to be emotionally prepared for anything.
14. Seek out professional help if you need it
Don’t be afraid to seek professional help from a marriage counselor if you think you and your husband can benefit from it. Talking to a neutral third party can help give you a fresh perspective and make sure you don’t fall into the trap of blaming and criticizing each other.
At the very least, having a close friend around to give you advice and offer moral support is always a good idea.
15. Work on yourself
The biggest mistake many people make when going through emotional turmoil is failing to look after their physical and mental health. How can you expect to win your husband back if you’re in poor shape physically and mentally?
So make sure you do everything possible to take care of your physical health. Get enough sleep, eat well, drink lots of water, and exercise regularly. The best thing is you’ll also get the added benefit of looking amazing for your husband.
As for your mental health, remember that it’s okay to be devastated about what happened. Just remember always to stay positive and focus on the future.
Final thoughts
I hope this article has given you the inspiration you need to win back your husband’s heart and start a new life together. It won’t happen overnight, but it’s totally possible if you set clear boundaries and focus on rebuilding your emotional intimacy.
