When is the right time to say I love you?

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Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time in a new relationship is an exciting and terrifying experience.

You’re filled with so many questions – Is it too soon to say it? What happens if they don’t say it back? Should I be the one to say it first?

The reality is, there’s no definitive amount of time to wait before saying ‘I love you.’ Everyone moves at their own speed, and every relationship is different.

However, there are a ton of signs you can look for in yourself and your partner to help reassure you it’s the right time.

It’s also important to keep in mind that they’re just words. Sure, they feel like the most important three words you’ll ever say – but saying ‘I love you’ is just a single milestone on the relationship journey.

Signs it’s the right time to say ‘I love you’

Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time is a massive step in your relationship. You’ve probably been agonizing over the decision for weeks, and it feels like it’s going to burst out of you.

But how can you be sure you’ve waited until the right time? And how can you be sure you’re actually even in love? It’s easy to confuse love with infatuation, especially if this is your first time dealing with such powerful feelings.

As I’ve already said, there’s no right time, and everyone is different. But here are some solid clues that you’re ready to take the leap.

1. You feel like bursting with joy when you think about them

If your heart feels like it’s going to burst whenever you think about your partner, it’s a pretty good sign that you’re in love.

This feeling can even border on being painful at times. It’s like a kind of ache or tension in your chest that never really goes away. You’re constantly distracted by thoughts of them, and you replay conversations and experiences you’ve shared with them over and over in your mind.

2. You want to be around them all the time (even for the boring stuff)

Not every moment with your partner is going to be exciting. In fact, there are a lot of mundane moments in any relationship – like when you’re both just hanging out at home or doing errands.

But if you find yourself genuinely wanting to be around them all the time, even for the boring bits, that’s definitely a sign of love. It means you’ve come to accept them for who they are and you’re not just fixated on the good times.

3. You miss them when they’re not around

Another big sign that you’re in love is when you start to miss them intensely when they’re not around.

You can’t stop thinking about them, and you feel a kind of emptiness when they’re not there. This usually happens when you’ve been apart for a while or when you go to bed at night and can’t get them out of your head.

4. You’re thinking about a future with them

If you find yourself dreaming about a future with your partner, that’s definitely another sign you’re in love.

You might be picturing what life would be like when you move in together or even get married and have kids. This usually indicates that you’ve already accepted them as part of your long-term plans.

Perhaps talking about longer-term plans has already come up in your conversations, and you’re both on the same page.

5. You’re happy to compromise and make sacrifices for them

A willingness to compromise and make sacrifices means you’re no longer just thinking about yourself. You’ve started to consider how your partner might feel in any situation and how your decisions affect them.

You’re also happy to do things that might not be your first choice for the sake of your relationship. Perhaps you’re willing to spend less time with your friends or give up something you really want for the sake of your partner.

6. You want to know everything about them

Part of being in love means wanting to know everything about your partner. You’ll be interested in their family, friends, hobbies, and even the mundane details of their life.

You’re not just content with superficial conversations – you want to know what makes them tick. This usually indicates that you see them as a long-term prospect, and you’re not just looking for a fleeting romance.

7. You can be completely vulnerable with them

When you feel like you can be completely vulnerable with your partner, it’s a sign that you trust them implicitly.

You’re not afraid to show them your flaws, and you know they won’t judge you for them. You might even find yourself sharing things with them that you’ve never told anyone else.

8. You trust them completely

You need to completely trust your partner before you even think about saying ‘I love you.’

Trust is about a lot more than being confident they won’t cheat on you. It’s about feeling that they have your back and they’ll be there for you when you need them.

You know that they’ll never do anything to intentionally hurt you, and they always have your best interests at heart.

9. You accept their faults and don’t want to change them

Nobody is perfect, and we all have our faults. But when you’re genuinely in love with someone, you’ll start to accept them for who they are – quirks and all.

You might even find yourself loving their faults because they make them unique and special. You don’t want to change them because you’ve come to appreciate them just the way they are.

10. You have open and honest conversations

Having open and honest conversations is a crucial part of any healthy relationship.

But when you’re in love, these conversations will be deeper and more meaningful than ever before. You’ll want to share everything with your partner, and you’ll feel like they understand you better than anyone else.

You’ll feel comfortable and supported when you need to talk about painful emotions, and you’ll resolve arguments maturely and respectfully.

11. They make you feel safe and comfortable

Being around them makes you feel safe, supported, and comfortable. They’re like a refuge from the world, and you know you can always rely on them.

I don’t mean that everything will always be perfect between you. Every couple has disagreements and argues occasionally. Feeling safe is about knowing that your partner will always be there for you when things get tough.

12. You want your family and friends to like them

If you really want your family and friends to like your partner, then it’s probably a good sign that you’re in love.

You know that your partner will probably spend a lot of time around these people, and you want them to feel comfortable.

When is it too early to say ‘I love you’?

Here are some signs you should look that you need to wait before saying ‘I love you.’

1. You don’t know much about them

If you don’t know much about your partner, it’s probably too soon to say ‘I love you.’ You need to take the time to get to know them inside and out before making such a significant declaration.

Even if you feel like you know them on a deep level, think about how much time you’ve actually spent with them. How much do you know about their friends, their past, and their hopes and dreams for the future? Are you confident that you’re compatible in the long term?

2. You’re still trying to impress them

If you’re still trying desperately to impress your partner, it’s not the right time to say the magic words. This is especially true if you feel like your partner is making you jump through hoops to prove yourself.

I’m not saying you should stop making an effort to excite them and keep things interesting – that’s important in any relationship. But being truly in love means that you’re completely at ease around them, and you don’t feel the need to put on a show.

3. You’re not ready for commitment

There are lots of reasons why you might not be ready for commitment. Maybe you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship, and you’re not prepared to jump back into the dating pool.

Or maybe you’re just not sure if this person is ‘the one.’ If you can’t see yourself committing to them in the long run, it’s too soon to say ‘I love you.’

It’s not fair to your partner to lead them on if you’re not ready for a serious relationship.

You may also enjoy: How to get him to commit: 18 essential tips

4. You’re only attracted to them physically

Physical attraction is essential in any relationship, but it can’t sustain itself long-term.

If all you feel for them is physical desire, it’s probably too soon to say ‘I love you.’ You need to develop a deeper emotional connection before making such a huge commitment.

5. You feel under pressure to say it

If your partner keeps pressuring you to say ‘I love you,’ it’s probably not the right time. This is a clear sign that they’re not ready to commit, and they’re just using words as a way to hold onto you.

If this is happening in your relationship, it’s important to have a serious conversation about your expectations. Be honest with each other about where you see things going in the future.

6. You’ve identified some red flags in the relationship

Red flags can be a warning sign that things aren’t going to work out in the long run.

Some common red flags include substance abuse issues, lack of good communication, different core values, and feeling suffocated or controlled.

If any of these are happening in your relationship, take some time to reflect on whether this is the right person for you.

And it goes without saying – if you feel like you’re being subjected to any kind of emotional or physical abuse, you need to leave immediately and make sure you’re safe.

7. The relationship feels like it’s going nowhere

If it feels like the relationship is going nowhere, it might be time to reconsider whether you should say ‘I love you.’

This doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed. But if there’s no progress happening and both of you are just coasting along, then you need to re-evaluate things.

If this is the case, have a serious conversation about what you want from the relationship. Is your partner on the same page as you?

When you should never say ‘I love you’

Figuring out when it’s too soon to declare your love is hard, but there are some situations where you should never say the words.

1. When you’re drunk

Saying ‘I love you’ when you’re drunk can be a huge mistake. Your emotions are running high, and you might not actually mean it.

Plus, when you sober up the next day, there’s a good chance you’ll regret saying anything at all.

2. When you’re lonely

If you’re feeling lonely, you should never say ‘I love you’ as a way to force yourself into your partner’s life and get them locked in.

It’s not fair to use the words ‘I love you’ when you’re not actually in a healthy, stable relationship. Instead, focus on self-love and learn to enjoy your own company before trying to find love.

3. To diffuse an argument

Every couple argues, but it’s never a good idea to use ‘I love you’ as a way to diffuse the situation or make your partner feel guilty.

This is a manipulative tactic and will damage your relationship in the long run. Saying ‘I love you’ should be a genuine expression of how you feel, not a way to get what you want.

4. Because you’re worried they’re going to break up with you

Even if you mean it, don’t say ‘I love you’ if you’re worried that your partner is about to break up with you.

This puts way too much pressure on the relationship, and it’s unfair to both of you. If you’re feeling this way, have a conversation with your partner about your concerns instead.

5. Because they said it first, and you don’t want to make them feel bad

Don’t make the mistake of saying ‘I love you’ just because your partner said it first and you feel bad for them.

If you’re not ready to say it back, it’s essential to be honest about how you feel. Express how much you care about them but make it clear you’re not ready for such a big emotional step. If they really do love you, they’ll understand.

What is the average time to wait before saying ‘I love you’?

It generally takes a couple of months before people start to think about saying ‘I love you’ for the first time.

Interestingly, men tend to say it before women. The average time for a man to say it is around three months, and women take about five months.

Keep in mind that these are just average figures. For some people, it’s much longer, and for others, love happens much more quickly.

Should I say ‘I love you’ first?

If you’re feeling nervous about being the first to say ‘I love you,’ I think the best thing to do is just go for it.

You might be worried about rejection, but there’s a great chance your partner feels the same way. Keep reading for all the signs to look for that your partner loves you back!

It also doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or woman. Even though men tend to make the first move, saying ‘I love you’ first is a brave and romantic thing to do, regardless of your gender.

What do I do if they don’t say it back?

Don’t panic if your partner doesn’t say ‘I love you’ back after you’ve said it to them.

They may not be ready to say it back yet. As I’ve discussed, everyone is different and falls in love at a different speed.

What’s important is having an honest conversation with them to find out where things stand. This is an excellent opportunity to take stock of the relationship and see if it’s really heading in the right direction.

If they really care about you, they’ll reassure you that they want to be with you and just need more time for the relationship to mature. And if they don’t love you and feel like they never will, it’s better to know sooner rather than later.

Also, try not to put timelines or pressure on your partner to say it back to you. This will only make them feel more stressed and could damage the relationship.

You might also feel like you’ve lost balance in the relationship but don’t get hung up on the power dynamics. There’s no shame in declaring your love, and it doesn’t mean you’re weaker than your partner.

What happens after I say ‘I love you’ for the first time?

Saying ‘I love you’ is loaded with a lot of meaning. But most of all, it’s a declaration of commitment you have to the relationship.

Once the words are out there, things will probably start to subtly change in your relationship over time. Your lives will begin to become more intertwined, and you’ll both start to make even more compromises for each other.

This is a good thing! It means that you’re both serious about each other and want to make things work in the long term.

Other things to consider before you say ‘I love you’

When you’re thinking about your relationship, here are some other things to consider before you take the brave step of declaring your love.

1. Are you actually in love or just infatuated?

Love and infatuation can sometimes be hard to tell apart. If you’re not sure, take a step back and look at your relationship objectively.

Infatuation is characterized by a strong feeling of lust and passion. It usually dissipates over time, especially when the initial excitement of a new relationship dies down. When you’re infatuated with someone, you generally only see the good in them and don’t think about their faults.

Love, on the other hand, is a more lasting feeling. It’s when you’re able to look past your partner’s flaws and see the whole person. You’re still physically attracted to them, but love is also based on friendship and mutual respect.

Many new relationships start off as infatuation and then evolve into love and emotional attachment over time.

2. Are your personality and values compatible in the long term?

Does it seem like you and your partner have the same goals for the future?

One of the key things to look for in a relationship is whether your personality and values are compatible. This is especially important when considering saying ‘I love you.’

If you decide that you want different things out of life down the road, it will be difficult to sustain the relationship. You’ll start to feel like you’re pulling in two different directions.

How can I tell if they are in love with me?

The main thing that can take away the stress of saying ‘I love you’ is feeling confident that your partner feels the same way. Here are some subtle signs that they do love you back.

1. They become even more affectionate

If they start cuddling up to you more or taking care of you when you’re not feeling well, it’s a good sign they love you.

2. They make more effort to listen and understand you

When your partner is tuned in to what you’re saying and really trying to see things from your perspective, it shows they care about you.

3. Their eyes light up when they see you

This one is pretty self-explanatory! If their face lights up with happiness when they see you, it means they’re head over heels for you.

4. They start talking in terms of ‘we’ instead of ‘I’

It’s a great sign if you notice your partner beginning to refer to your relationship in terms of ‘we’ instead of ‘I.’ It means they’re thinking of you as a team and want to be in it for the long haul.

5. You feel like a priority in their life

When they’re willing to put your needs above their own, it shows that you’re a priority in their life.

6. You can tell they want more than just sex

A relationship can’t just be about sex – it has to be based on trust, communication, and mutual respect. If your partner loves you, they’ll want more than just a physical relationship with you.

Final thoughts

Saying ‘I love you’ is a big step, but it’s one that can bring happiness and contentment into your life. If you’re feeling nervous about taking the plunge, just remember that there’s no right or wrong time to say it – as long as you’re ready for it!

No matter when you decide to say them, make sure they come from a place of genuine affection and care – not obligation or desperation. And lastly, enjoy the moment! Receiving and giving love is one of the best feelings in the world.