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In this article, I’m going to look at all the signs your friend doesn’t respect you.
It’s a horrible feeling to deal with, especially if you’ve been friends for a long time. You might even be questioning yourself and wondering if it’s somehow your fault or you’ve done something to deserve it.
Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not your fault, and you don’t deserve it.
You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, especially by the people who are supposed to care about you the most.
At the end of this article, I’ll also offer some advice on how to handle a disrespectful friend and when you should consider walking away from the friendship.
Let’s get started.
Signs your friend doesn’t respect you
1. They try to control you
One of the biggest signs your friend doesn’t respect you is when they try to control you.
Perhaps they try to control how you spend your time or money. Or maybe they try to tell you who you can and cannot see as a friend.
In extreme cases, they might even try to control your physical appearance by telling you what clothes you should wear or how you should style your hair.
They may also get angry or disappointed with you if you don’t go along with what they want or try to stand up for yourself.
Controlling behavior is disrespectful because it takes away your personal power and makes you feel insecure.
It’s a way of saying, “I don’t think you can make good decisions for yourself, so I’m going to step in and do it for you.”
There is nothing wrong with wanting to help out or giving advice if someone asks for it. But when a friend is trying to manipulate you into doing things their way, it’s not coming from a place of kindness.
2. They make you feel guilty
Guilt-tripping behavior can be subtle, and it might take you a while to realize that your friend is trying to guilt you into behaving how they want.
Perhaps they frequently remind you of the times they’ve done something for you. Or maybe they try to persuade or intimidate you into doing what they want by implying that if you don’t do it, you’re a terrible friend.
They may even try and blame you for all the things that are going wrong in their life and make you feel like it’s your fault.
Another way to make you feel guilty is to force you to take responsibility for their happiness. They might use phrases such as, “you’re the only person I can count on” or “I don’t have anyone else.”
And when you finally get sick of the guilt trips, they’ll escalate even more and make you feel like everything will fall apart for them if you walk away. When this happens, you’ll hear phrases such as, “please don’t leave me,” “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” or “you’re all that matters to me.”
3. They lie to you
A friend who constantly lies to you is untrustworthy, and they definitely don’t respect you.
Perhaps they often make up excuses for why they can’t help you or lend you support. But as soon as you turn around, they’re helping someone else in the exact same way.
They might also exaggerate or makeup stories about how bad their life is to get your sympathy and attention. This is designed to play on your emotions and make you feel sorry for them.
Or maybe they invent lies or rumors about your other friends, so you don’t trust them anymore and will prioritize spending time with them instead. Even worse, they might try to create lies about you and turn your other friends against you!
Once you figure out that your friend is lying to you, it’s going to be very hard to rebuild the trust. You’ll never know when they’re going to lie again, and it’ll be too painful for you to trust them again.
If you confront them about their lies, be careful of their reaction. Compulsive liars will often try to gaslight you by making you feel like you’re overreacting or too sensitive.
4. They constantly put you down
The most likely reason your friend feels the need to put you down is because their own self-esteem is at rock bottom.
To make themselves feel better, they try to make you feel bad about yourself by highlighting everything that’s wrong with you and belittling your achievements.
They might be jealous that you’re more confident or happy with your life, or they might resent the fact that you don’t need them in your life.
Another possibility is that there’s something about you they can’t accept. Instead of talking to you about it, they push their anger onto you by insulting your appearance or personality.
Even if their put-downs are disguised as ‘jokes’ or ‘teasing,’ there’ll be signs in their body language that give away how serious they are when saying these things.
These constant put-downs can make you feel like your own self-esteem is in the gutter. It can put a real strain on your emotional wellbeing and make you anxious about seeing them.
If they’re constantly making light of all the things that are important to you, it might be time to question why this friendship is so damaging for your self-esteem.
5. Everything is a competition
Have you ever noticed that your friend seems to enjoy competing with you?
Whether it’s about who can get the most attention or who has the nicest body, they’ll always be trying to one-up you. They want all of your achievements and success in life to pale in comparison, so their ego doesn’t feel threatened.
Their competitive nature might also extend into other areas of life such as sports, social media likes, or even how many followers they have!
Although this kind of competition may sound like fun at first, it gets really exhausting when every conversation revolves around keeping score and comparing yourself to each other.
6. They’re unreliable
An unreliable friend is full of promises, but they never seem to deliver.
You never know when they’re going to bail on plans or what kind of an effort they will put in if you do get together. Half the time, they don’t even bother to tell you they can’t make it and just ignore your messages.
Even worse is when an unreliable friend isn’t there for you when you’re going through a tough time. This is the time when you need your friends the most, but they always have an excuse and are nowhere to be found.
They’re either too caught up with their own stuff, or they simply don’t care about you enough to commit the time and effort into being there for you.
7. They don’t support you
A true friend will support your goals and dreams and do everything in their power to motivate and inspire you. They’ll encourage you to do your best and give you a confidence boost when you need it.
On the other hand, a friend who doesn’t respect you will constantly hold you back and drag you down. They’ll always tell you what’s wrong with your ambitions and remind you that all your hard work isn’t worth the effort.
This negativity can have a significant impact on your confidence and self-esteem. You need to surround yourself with positive, supportive people who will encourage you to achieve your dreams.
8. Their problems are always more important
Another one of the signs your friend doesn’t respect you is when they always make their problems more important than yours.
They love to complain about small things like a bad day at work or school or that they’re swamped under deadlines. But as soon as you try to tell them about something serious that’s bothering you, they’ll brush it off and dismiss it as no big deal.
They don’t care about your feelings, and they’re just interested in moving the conversation back to them. They might even try to one-up your problems by saying how their situation is so much worse than yours.
This kind of behavior can make you feel very isolated and alone. The danger is that when someone constantly dismisses your feelings, you eventually stop trying to communicate and retreat into yourself.
9. They don’t value your opinion
As soon as you try to share your ideas, a disrespectful friend will talk over you, shoot you down, or ignore what you have to say altogether.
Even worse, they might make you feel stupid by making fun of your ideas in front of others.
They don’t care about what you have to say because deep down, all they want is someone who will support them and agree with everything they say.
By dismissing your opinions, they’re also making it clear that they don’t value who you are as a person.
If this keeps going, you might even start to feel like your opinions don’t matter and that you’re stupid or unworthy to be taken seriously.
10. They’re jealous of you
A disrespectful friend will be jealous of everything you have and believe they deserve it more than you do.
They’ll resent the success that you’ve achieved and never miss an opportunity to complain about how much better your life is than theirs.
Not only that, but they’ll find ways to make you feel guilty for being so successful. They’ll constantly remind you of how much harder they work than everyone else and complain about all the wrong things in their lives.
They might even try to sabotage you by encouraging you to make bad decisions or take poor advice. Or they’ll complain about your success behind your back to make other people dislike you.
When dealing with a friend like this, it’s important to recognize that their jealousy is all about their issues. They feel threatened by your success, so they do everything they can to bring you down.
You deserve to surround yourself with people who will celebrate your successes instead of trying to tear you down.
11. They hold a grudge
If your friend doesn’t respect you, they’ll pick at every little thing you do wrong and hold it against you for as long as possible.
Even if they apologize after the fact, it’ll never be genuine or heartfelt. Instead of forgiving and forgetting as a mature person would, they’ll continue to carry those grudges around with them forever.
And every time something goes wrong in their life, they’re quick to blame other people. But they never take responsibility for their own actions. It’s always someone else’s fault that they’re in their current situation.
It might seem like your friend is more of a perfectionist than you are, but what they’re really doing is making it clear how little respect they have for you.
If you want to be respected by someone, you need to show them the same respect in return. You deserve to surround yourself with people who can give and receive forgiveness instead of dwelling on mistakes forever.
12. They always need to have the last word
Does your friend need to have the last word in every argument? Do they constantly interrupt you when you’re trying to talk so that no one hears what you have to say?
By always needing to be correct and having the final say, your friend is sending you a clear sign that they don’t respect you and they don’t care about your feelings or opinions at all.
If you let them, they will continue to make you feel like their ideas are more important than yours.
It might be better to find friends who can have mature discussions instead of acting disrespectfully at every turn.
13. They don’t respect your boundaries
A boundary is a line between you and another person that you don’t want them to cross.
It might be physical, like the space around your body or property, but it can also refer to emotional or mental boundaries.
For example, you might have a friend who constantly invades your privacy and pressures you to talk about things that make you uncomfortable.
Or perhaps they don’t respect your need to take time for yourself.
They might even try to push their beliefs on you and force you into doing things that go against your values or morals.
Your friend’s lack of respect for your boundaries is a sign that they’re only in this friendship for themselves and their own needs.
They don’t care about how much they hurt you because deep down, all they really care about is what makes them feel good in the moment.
It can be challenging for someone like this to change because their behaviors are deeply ingrained into their personality. They might have grown up in an environment where their own personal space was never considered or respected.
The best way to keep yourself safe is to set clear boundaries with them and make it clear every time they cross the line.
14. They’re overly demanding
A demanding friend will expect you to drop everything for them whenever they feel like it.
They might demand that you lend them money, give them advice, or help them with a project they’re working on.
Or perhaps they pressure you to spend all of your free time with them, or they want to know every detail about what’s going on in your life.
It can be difficult to say no to a demanding friend who’s always asking things of you. And when you say no to their needs, they make sure to guilt-trip you into feeling bad. They want to make sure that the only thing on your mind is them.
Your friend is probably acting so demanding because deep down, all they really care about is themselves. It never occurs to them that you might have other responsibilities, and their demands interfere with your own life.
They might also be demanding because they have very high expectations of other people. Maybe they were raised in a household where their parents were overly demanding, and now they think that everyone should be able to meet or exceed the same expectations.
Either way, there’s a good chance that your friend’s demands in a friendship are signs of deeper emotional insecurities.
15. The relationship feels one-sided
A one-sided friendship means that you’re constantly giving to the other person, but they never return the favor.
You might be putting more time into this one relationship than all your other friends combined. But despite all your efforts, there’s no sign that your friend is ever going to meet you halfway.
If so, it’s likely that your friend doesn’t value the friendship as much as you do, and they’re just using you to meet their needs.
16. They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that one person uses to gain power and control over another.
It’s a form of emotional abuse where the perpetrator denies things that you know for sure have happened, or they twist your words around, so it feels like you’re going crazy.
Gaslighting can be very subtle, and it often happens over time so that the perpetrator gets away with their behavior more easily.
Some examples of gaslighting include:
- They claim not to remember things you know for certain they did or said until you start to doubt your own memories.
- They say, “you’re being too sensitive” every time you try to stand up for yourself or call them out for their bad behavior.
- They claim you misheard or misunderstood them when they said something rude, aggressive, insulting, or condescending.
- They tell you to “get over it” when they’ve done something unfair or hurtful.
- They create fake scenarios or memories and convince you that they occurred, so it feels like you’re losing your mind.
It can be tough to accept that a friend could treat you this way. But make no mistake, a friend who gaslights you is a toxic friend, and it’s time to cut them out of your life.
How do you handle a disrespectful friend?
1. Tell them how you feel
If you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, it’s normal to feel uncomfortable about bringing up their bad behavior. You might think that they’ll get angry or upset, and the friendship will be damaged beyond repair.
But if your friend is genuinely respectful of you, then there won’t be any hard feelings when you bring up how they make you feel. In fact, they may even apologize because they don’t want to lose your friendship either!
2. Be clear about your boundaries
It’s essential to be very clear about your boundaries with any friend, but especially a toxic one.
You have to be comfortable saying, “I don’t like it when you do that” or “It makes me uncomfortable when you behave this way.” If they’re a good friend, they’ll hear what you’re saying, and they won’t push those boundaries.
You should clearly communicate why you don’t like it when they treat you in a certain way. Your friend will be more likely to respect your boundaries if you explain why the behavior is unacceptable.
Be sure to practice self-love so that saying “no” doesn’t leave you feeling drained or exhausted because some friends may act entitled and try to guilt-trip you into changing your mind.
3. Judge them with empathy
It might be a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes the best way to handle a disrespectful friend is with empathy.
There’s a good chance that your friend’s behavior is a result of things going on in their life, and it probably has nothing to do with you at all.
Maybe they grew up in a difficult environment where their family didn’t care about them. This can have a massive impact on someone’s self-esteem and confidence.
Or they could be going through a tough time, and you’re the only friend left they can take their anger out on.
They might not even realize how their behavior makes you feel because it’s so ingrained in them. If this is the case, then your empathy will help them see things from your perspective.
If you want to be a true friend, find ways to support them and help them work through the problem instead of just cutting them out of your life altogether.
4. Set a timeline for change
Set a timeline for change after telling your friend how they make you feel and why their behavior is unacceptable.
It’s essential to give them enough time to work on the problem but not so long that it becomes too easy for them to get away with bad behavior in the meantime.
Be clear about what behavior falls within acceptable boundaries and what type of behavior will not be tolerated.
How to know when a friendship should end
If your friend doesn’t change their behavior after you’ve spoken to them about it, then the friendship needs to come to an end.
This is especially true if they’re gaslighting you, making you feel anxious or unsafe, or making you doubt your own recollection of events.
You deserve to have a friend that treats you with respect, and your friendship should bring out the best in both of you.
It’s okay to walk away
Don’t feel obligated to stay in a friendship with someone who mistreats you.
It’s completely fine to walk away and to cut ties with them, especially if they’re damaging your mental health.
You might initially feel guilty for walking away, but think about how you’ll feel if they remain in your life and continue to disrespect you.
Remember that everyone has the right to be respected by their friends, and you don’t deserve to feel bad about yourself because of someone else’s actions or words!
