This post may include affiliate links to products we think you'll find useful. We may earn a small commission if you buy through these links. Read our affiliate disclosure.
Reading people is a skill that most of us have been subconsciously practicing since childhood.
It’s how we knew how to respond when a parent was upset with us or how we learned how to get our best friend excited for their birthday.
But what if you could learn how to read people as an adult and figure the meaning behind their body language, emotions and words.
It would feel like a superpower and give you a massive advantage in your social life, romantic relationships, and career.
Well, it turns out you can learn how to read people very effectively, and you don’t need to be an FBI agent or a psychologist to do it.
You just need to pay careful attention to all the subtle cues people give off when you’re interacting with them.
Today, I will show you all the psychological tricks you need to read people and make the most out of any social situation.
Let’s go…
How to read people by their body language
One of the most important aspects of reading people is learning to pick up on their body language and other nonverbal forms of communication.
These cues can tell you whether someone is attracted to you, confident, stressed, nervous, or excited.
1. Is their body language open or closed?
You can tell a considerable amount about how a person feels in a social situation by whether they display open or closed body language.
Open body language is characterized by having your palms visible, leaning forward in the conversation, and uncrossing your arms. Your body is relaxed, facing the other person and open to communication.
If someone displays open body language, it’s a good sign they like you or are romantically attracted to you.
On the other hand, closed body language is characterized by having your palms not visible, leaning back in the conversation, and crossing your arms over your chest or tucking them into your pockets. It’s a hunched-up, defensive posture that screams that you’re closed off to communication.
Closed body language shows that the other person is uncomfortable in the situation. They may be feeling nervous or painfully shy around you, or they may not like you.
Whatever the reason, they’re going to be much less receptive to anything you have to say.
2. Notice their posture
Posture is how a person holds their body when they’re standing or sitting.
It’s an excellent indicator of how confident and open someone feels in any given situation. Someone with good posture will sit or stand tall, have their shoulders back and their chest out. If you see this behavior, assume the other person has a very healthy ego.
Someone who slouches, has poor eye contact, and avoids conversation altogether likely doesn’t feel confident about the social interaction. They are nervous, intimidated, and would probably rather be anywhere else than talking to you.
3. What is the pitch and speed of their speech?
Take notice of the pitch of the person’s voice and how fast they’re talking. It helps to have a baseline understanding of their ‘regular’ relaxed pitch and speed to make this practical.
When someone feels sad or bored, their pitch tends to be lower. They may also speak slower as they lack the energy and enthusiasm for conversation.
Nervous or anxious people tend to have higher pitches, especially when talking with people that intimidate them or people they don’t know well.
A faster, higher-pitched voice can also indicate that someone feels excited, happy, or enthusiastic about your conversation.
4. Watch the way they walk
You can learn a lot about a person by watching the way they walk.
If someone feels confident and sure of themselves, they’ll take larger steps and walk more upright with their chest out. When someone approaches you like this, they likely want to make a positive impression on you.
On the other hand, someone shuffling along taking tiny steps that barely lift off the ground is probably shy or insecure. They might also be nervous and trying to control their movements, so they don’t stumble or trip over their own feet.
5. What is their tone of voice?
Tone of voice can also tell you a lot about someone’s mood. If someone is feeling relaxed, their tone of voice is going to be slow and comfortable.
Someone who’s feeling annoyed, frustrated, or stressed will likely speak more quickly and sound strained or tense. Their tone may also go up at the end of a sentence creating an interrogative inflection such as you hear in statements like ‘You’re not leaving?’
6. Notice their appearance
When reading people, take careful note of their appearance.
If someone is wearing a sharp suit and tie, fabulous shoes, and an expensive watch, it’s a sign that they want to be seen as ambitious and successful.
A more relaxed clothing and grooming style can indicate that they’re less concerned with how you might judge them.
In business, appearance can be very industry-specific, so you need to be aware of context. For example, dressing down in jeans and a hoodie is a badge of honor in the tech world and shows people’s creativity and casual vibe.
This casual style would never be taken seriously if you were seeking a job in politics or working for a bank or an older, more traditional company.
7. How are they breathing?
If someone is breathing fast and shallow, they’re probably feeling anxious. Their blood pressure is likely up, and they’re feeling like the walls are closing in around them.
If someone is breathing slowly, deeply, and calmly through their nose, it’s a sign that they feel relaxed and at ease.
Keep in mind that a faster pace of shallow breaths can also indicate that the person you’re talking to is excited or passionate about what you’re saying. If you’re interacting with a romantic partner, it could even indicate that you’re turning them on.
8. Look at their eyes
The eyes are the window to the soul, especially when learning how to read people.
If someone is staring into your eyes and not blinking much, it’s a sign that they’re feeling very intense emotions towards you. Most likely, it’s a sign that they like you, but it can also be aggressive behavior meant to intimidate you.
Confident people also tend to hold your gaze longer because it’s a sign of respect. It can also be used to communicate dominance and strength.
A person who looks away frequently or doesn’t hold your gaze for long probably feels uncomfortable around you. Again, this can indicate that they’re attracted to you but too nervous to stare directly into your eyes.
If they meet your gaze and look away just once or twice, it’s probably unintentional. But if you keep catching them glancing at you and looking away, you can be pretty sure that they’re interested.
You can also tell a lot about the way someone is feeling by looking at their eyes. Do they look angry, scared, bored, or excited?
9. Notice the way they touch you
Physical touch can communicate a lot of emotional cues in both professional and romantic situations.
If someone is sexually attracted to you, they’ll take every chance they can get to touch you. This might even feel ‘accidental’ like their leg brushes against yours under the table.
If someone is flirting with you, they might reach out and touch your arm or shoulder when they laugh at your jokes, or you say something interesting.
It’s also very easy to tell if a hug is warm and friendly or cold and standoffish like the other person wants it over with as soon as possible.
When you shake someone’s hand, how does it feel? A limp handshake with little or no eye contact conveys anxiety and stress or signals that they don’t like you.
On the other hand, a firm grip and steady eye contact indicate confidence. They might also signify that the person respects you or your position of power.
10. Are they leaning in when they talk?
Leaning in while talking to you means that the person feels engaged and interested in what you’re saying.
It’s a great cue to watch out for when learning how to read people because it shows how responsive they are to what you’re saying.
Someone who’s flirting will also lean in to indicate interest and as an excuse to get even closer to you.
If someone leans away from you or flexes their body backward while speaking, this could indicate defensiveness and discomfort with you or what you’re saying.
11. What are their hands doing?
If the person you’re interacting with has balled their hands into fists, it shows that they’re feeling stressed, defensive, or maybe even angry.
If they’re already holding something (like a pen or a glass), you might notice them gripping it tighter than usual.
Wringing their hands is also usually a sign of nervousness, but it can also indicate excitement.
If their hands are open and relaxed, it shows openness and confidence. When someone’s palms face upwards towards you, it also shows how ready they are to listen and engage with you.
Also lookout for a slight curve in the fingers. This is how we naturally hold our hands when feeling relaxed and happy.
12. Notice the way they smile
There are many different smiles, and not all of them signal that someone is feeling happy or excited.
Humans are very good at picking up on whether a smile is fake or not, even if we can’t always say exactly how we know.
The smile to look out for that indicates true happiness or attraction is the Duchenne smile. This smile always shows some teeth and is accompanied by crinkles around the eyes. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression ‘smiling with your eyes’.
Suppose a smile doesn’t fully reach the eyes and convey genuine warmth. In that case, it’s just meant to indicate general friendliness and social acceptance without any particular meaning.
A smile with no teeth and zero influence on the eyes often comes across as very fake and can be used to subtly signal that they don’t like or respect you.
13. Pay attention to their movement
If someone is fidgeting a lot, it’s often a sign that they’re feeling anxious or stressed about how the conversation is going.
You might notice them touching their face or hair more often, jiggling their leg or foot, or even biting their lip.
How to read people by their personality & emotions
So far, I’ve looked at body language signals that can help you learn how to read people. But you can also infer a great deal about someone by studying their personality cues and emotional state.
You can use all these signals to adjust how you interact with individuals to make them feel more comfortable or make yourself seem more likable or trustworthy.
1. Are they an introvert or an extrovert?
Extroverts tend to be more talkative and outgoing. They tend to prefer group settings and feel energized by social interactions with others.
Introverts, on the other hand, tend to have more trouble with verbal communication. They prefer smaller groups or one-on-one conversations and get drained of energy by spending too much time around people they don’t know very well.
An extrovert might signal how comfortable they are in a conversation (or how interested they are) through their level of eye contact. While an introvert will often give fewer or shorter answers to end or avoid long conversations that make them uncomfortable.
2. What flatters them or strokes their ego?
While you’re talking to someone, think about how you could flatter them or stroke their ego to make the conversation more meaningful for both of you.
If you’re trying to flatter someone, it’s important that what you say actually appeals to them and their desires. It can be easy for compliments to fall flat if they sound generic. The more specific you can be, the more you’ll show that you ‘get them’ and build a stronger connection.
Ego often plays a massive role in business, so use it to your advantage. Take an interest in the goals and accomplishments of the people you’re dealing with and let them know that you’re impressed with their achievements.
Some people care about money. Other people care more about being seen as intelligent or caring. Everyone has desires and important goals, so learn what they value most and stroke their egos accordingly.
3. Do they seem bold or risk-averse?
Does the person you’re talking to seem bold and willing to take risks, or do they prefer a more cautious approach?
A risk-averse person might show how nervous or uncomfortable they are in the conversation by fidgeting, looking away from you, or playing with their hair.
Someone very comfortable taking chances will appear relaxed and in control. They might even lean towards you when they speak to signal how engaged they are in the conversation.
If you’re negotiating with someone, you can use this information to gently push them in the right direction and get a more favorable result.
4. Do they mirror your body language or emotions?
When someone likes you or is attracted to you, they will often mirror your body language and mimic how you feel emotionally.
They might match the tone of your voice or even copy your gestures. For example, if you’re sitting back in your chair with an open body posture, they might do the same thing. If your facial expression is serious, theirs will be too.
Mirroring creates a sense of rapport and trust. It’s how people build a connection and show that there are feelings of empathy or understanding between them.
If someone doesn’t mirror your body language, it could be because they don’t trust you yet or feel threatened by your behavior.
Mirroring is a largely unconscious behavior, which makes it such a powerful clue that someone likes you. However, it is possible to learn to mirror someone on purpose to get them more comfortable with you.
5. Are they calm under pressure or quick to anger?
When a person is under stress or feels threatened, their body will release stress hormones such as cortisol. This makes them more cautious, alert, and suspicious. They might start to fidget or keep their arms close to the body as a way of protecting themselves.
A calmer person is likely to have lower blood pressure which means they will think more clearly under stress. You can often tell how well someone deals with stressful situations by how calm they remain in a conversation.
Someone quick to anger might show how uncomfortable they are in the conversation by fidgeting, looking away from you, or playing with their hair. They might even lash out verbally and make aggressive comments to vent how upset they feel.
6. Do they have a bias for action or consideration?
When they are faced with a problem, how do they decide what to do? Do they take action quickly or give themselves time to consider all the options first?
People who have a bias for action often make quick, decisive decisions and don’t like being told how to solve problems. They prefer to select from a few options and make a decision.
A more cautious person will take their time to think through all the possible options and how they will affect other aspects of the problem. They prefer long brainstorming sessions where they can keep talking until every detail is considered before taking action.
Knowing whether someone has a bias for action can be very useful when you hire someone or place them into a leadership role. Who you choose depends on the type of decisions that need to be made and the level of risk and uncertainty you can tolerate.
7. Do they show empathy to others?
When someone is empathetic, it means they can recognize and sympathize with how someone else is feeling.
This allows them to understand how best to interact with people and how they react to a given situation to make other people feel comfortable.
Empathetic people are usually better at building rapport because they can guess how others will react when spoken to in specific ways.
They also tend to be good at motivating people because they know how to speak about things from the other person’s perspective.
However, someone who is highly empathetic might struggle to make objective decisions and need more time before coming to a conclusion. They might also find it difficult to moderate their empathy when dealing with traumatic issues or difficult choices.
If you recognize that someone has strong empathy, it’s about finding the correct use for their gift. For example, a person’s empathetic skills can be beneficial when building rapport with customers, but it might not help them give a good performance review to an employee who needs negative feedback.
Other important factors to consider when reading people
1. Context is everything
Although the above factors are essential, you need to know how to use them in context.
It’s important to look at their body language & personality cues in the context of their behavior, reputation, and even the gut feeling you have about them.
For example, a person’s trustworthiness depends on how they behave and what their body language is saying. Someone might have shifty eyes and an aggressive stance but can prove how honest they’ve been throughout their career.
In the same way, a highly confident person might maintain good eye contact and a calm posture even if something is making them feel anxious or threatened.
2. Be conscious of your bias toward or against them
It’s tough to read someone objectively if you’ve already decided that you like them or don’t like them.
You’ll be very quick to pick up on the things that confirm how you feel and miss out on other vital pieces of information.
This can be difficult because it means trying not to form assumptions about someone before they’ve had a chance to show how they behave in different situations.
It also requires recognizing your own internal biases, which might lead you to make snap judgments based on their appearance or initial interactions with them.
No matter how much research is done into people’s behavior patterns, everyone has an individual personality and can surprise you when you get to know them.
3. You need to focus on patterns of behavior
When you’re learning how to read people, it’s important to look at how they behave over time.
You can tell a lot about someone from a single interaction. Still, it’s much more powerful to see how they act across various situations.
This gives you a baseline to work from and allows you to predict how they’ll act in the future. It also provides insight into how their behavior might change depending on different factors like how much stress or responsibility they’re under.
4. Trust your instincts but be willing to change your mind
Finally, remember that how you initially feel about someone isn’t always how you’ll end up feeling.
For example, if someone seems aggressive at first, they might turn out to be very open and friendly once they get comfortable with your presence.
Their body language will probably also change because their initial aggression was likely communicating how threatened or defensive they felt around a stranger.
So trust your gut, but make sure to keep an open mind and watch how a person’s behavior changes over time.
