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Love is one of the most beautiful aspects of the human experience. It can make us feel complete, give us a sense of purpose, and provide us with immense happiness.
Sometimes it feels like all anyone thinks about is love, and love is so often a central theme in our favorite movies, music, TV shows, and books.
But the truth is, finding love isn’t as easy for most people as it looks in the movies. If you’ve been struggling for years, it’s easy to get depressed and start asking yourself, “will I ever find love?”
Unfortunately, there’s no surefire way to guarantee that you’ll ever find love. But the good news is there are many things you can focus on to increase your chances. Whether your relationships keep failing or you can’t seem to find that special someone, here are 35 tips to help you finally find the love you deserve.
1. Learn to love yourself
It might not seem like it, but learning to love yourself can teach you how to find love.
Loving yourself means knowing yourself on a deep level, which allows you to be honest about what you want from your relationships. This knowledge makes it much easier to narrow the search for your perfect match and not waste time on relationships that ultimately won’t work for you.
Loving yourself also makes you a kinder, more caring person. You’re honest about your own flaws and insecurities, and you realize that no one is perfect. These qualities help make you less obsessed with finding the ‘perfect’ partner, and they naturally draw people to you.
Healthy self-love also breeds self-confidence and makes you seem much less desperate. You’re proud of who you are, which makes it easier to get out and meet someone and be open to the possibility of falling in love.
2. Get out and be social
Finding love might happen magically in the movies, but we’re talking about this reality. If you never leave your house or work all the time, how will you ever find love? You need to intentionally put yourself in social situations where you can meet other people.
This doesn’t mean you have to be a social butterfly and go out clubbing every night. But it does mean getting involved in activities and groups that interest you and making an effort to talk to people.
There are lots of things you can do to get out there and be social. Join a club or take a class, volunteer for a charitable organization, go to networking events, or start going out with your friends more often.
3. Believe you deserve to find love
The sad fact is that many people go through life thinking they don’t deserve to find love. They might have had a bad experience in a previous relationship, and as a result, they believe finding love just isn’t meant for them.
If you don’t believe you deserve love, it will be very difficult for someone else to love you. All your thoughts and actions will be trying to push them away and make it hard for them to get close to you.
A great way to start thinking more positively is to list all the things you love about yourself. Write down your strengths, qualities, and accomplishments. Read this list every day until you start to believe it.
You can also try positive affirmations, which are short statements that you repeat to yourself every day. For example, “I am worthy of love” or “I am open to finding love.” It sounds a little cliche, but these affirmations can work if you say them often enough.
4. Work on your communication skills
Relationships are all about communication, and it will be tough to find love if you can’t communicate effectively. We can’t all be naturally charismatic, but there are things you can do to improve your communication skills.
Whenever you talk to someone, practice active listening, which means really paying attention to what the other person is saying and responding in a way that shows you understand. Listening carefully also helps you think of follow-up questions, which keeps the conversation flowing naturally.
Most people love to talk about themselves, so asking lots of questions is a great way to get the other person talking and take the burden off you. It also helps you learn more about them and form a deeper connection.
5. Work on your body language
Don’t underestimate the power of body language when building a connection with someone. According to research, more than 50% of communication is nonverbal. This means that how you carry yourself, the expressions on your face, and even your smell can all affect how someone else feels about you.
Fortunately, there are lots of easy ways to improve your body language. For example, you can practice smiling more, making eye contact, and keeping your body open and relaxed to appear more friendly. Pay attention to your posture and make sure you’re not crossing your arms or legs, which can make you seem closed off and unapproachable.
You should also be aware of your personal space and how it makes other people feel. Invading someone’s personal space makes many people feel uncomfortable, so it’s important to be aware of how close you are standing to someone and allow them to move away.
6. Say yes to new opportunities
If you’re having trouble meeting new people, make sure you take advantage of any social opportunities that come your way.
If a best friend or coworker asks you to join them for lunch, go out for drinks after work, or come to a party, say yes! It may feel awkward at first, but you’ll never meet anyone new if you don’t get out of your comfort zone.
You can also look for social events in your area that sound interesting to you and make an effort to attend them. For example, you might go to a book club meeting, a wine tasting, or a singles event.
Don’t join in with the express intention of finding love but be open to it. If nothing else, it will expand your network and put you in contact with even more exciting people.
7. Don’t give up hope
It can be easy to lose hope and give up when months or years roll past, and you’re still searching for love with no success. I completely understand how depressing and lonely it feels, but please don’t shut yourself off from the possibility of love forever.
You need to think about the search for love as part of life’s journey and not the destination. Finding love won’t magically make your life amazing because even the best relationships take a lot of work to keep them strong. So work on loving yourself and enjoy the day-to-day joy that life brings. And when love comes along, you’ll be ready for it.
If you put yourself out there and meet new people, there’s a strong chance you’ll find love. You have the opportunity to meet thousands of people in your life, and all you need is the right person who changes everything.
8. Don’t focus on physical attractiveness
A lot of people have unrealistically high standards when it comes to physical attractiveness. This isn’t surprising because social media and advertising bombard us with images of perfect-looking people, making it seem like everyone around us is gorgeous.
It’s important to remember that physical attractiveness is subjective and what one person finds attractive, another may not. And even if you don’t consider yourself to be traditionally “good looking,” plenty of people out there will find you attractive.
Also, physical attractiveness isn’t always an indicator of a good personality or compatibility. You might meet someone who’s drop-dead gorgeous but has the personality of a doormat or someone who isn’t traditionally attractive but is kind, funny, and intelligent.
I’m not suggesting you lower your standards to zero – when you meet someone, you need to be physically attracted to them for your feelings to evolve into love. Just be realistic and understand that attractiveness is a combination of physical features and personality.
The same is true when you’re thinking about your physical appearance. You might be worried that you’re overweight or too ugly for anyone to find attractive, but that’s not true. I guarantee you there is someone out there who will find the combination of your looks and personality irresistible.
9. Stop searching for the perfect partner
Some people fail to find love because they’re constantly searching for the perfect relationship with the ideal person. They’re always worried about “settling,” and even the slightest thing they don’t like is a reason to break up with the person they’re dating.
I’m reminded of Seinfeld when I think of this. Jerry broke up with every one of his amazing girlfriends for the most trivial reasons (like their hands were too big).
It’s essential to remember that the perfect relationship is a fantasy that doesn’t exist. Relationships are hard work, and there are always ups and downs. And even if you think you’ve found the hottest person in the world, guess what – they’re going to get old and “less attractive” every year.
10. Understand what you’re looking for
Some people have an idealized image of the perfect romantic partner in their head, but they’re often not aware of what they actually want. Take the time to think about what you want from life and love, and be honest with yourself about what will make you happy. This will help you weed out the people who aren’t right for you and focus on finding someone who meets your own needs and wants. Just remember that the perfect partner doesn’t exist.
If you’re in a new relationship, think about the most important things to you and make sure you communicate them to your partner. For example, if you need a lot of alone time, make sure your partner knows that. Or, if you’re not ready for a serious relationship, be honest about that from the beginning.
11. Use online dating apps
Dating apps are an excellent option for meeting people if you don’t have a great social life. They are also incredibly successful at helping people find love. A massive 22% of couples meet online and end up getting engaged.
Some dating apps like Tinder have a reputation for being focused on hooking up, but don’t let that put you off the idea. There are also hundreds of dating websites focused on niches and interests that might drastically increase your chances of finding love.
It can be daunting to start playing the dating game online, but once you know what you’re doing, it’s really not that different from meeting someone in person. The key is to be honest about who you are and what you want from the relationship.
Related post: 150 funny tinder pickup lines (that may actually work)
12. Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Some people have a hard time being vulnerable because they’re worried about being judged or rejected. They put up emotional walls to protect themselves from getting hurt and refuse to let anyone in.
But if you want to find love, you need to be okay with letting yourself be vulnerable. You need to be willing to open up to someone and share your thoughts, feelings, and fears. Only then will you be able to form a deep emotional connection and take your relationships to the next level.
13. Start from a place of trust
Trust needs to be earned over time, but it’s good to start from a place of trust when meeting someone new. Don’t be quick to judge or assume the worst about someone. Instead, give them the benefit of the doubt and see where things go.
It’s also important to trust yourself and your own instincts. If you feel like something is off, it probably is. But don’t let your fear of being rejected stop you from taking the leap and reaching out to someone you’re interested in.
If you have trouble trusting people because you’ve been hurt in past relationships, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist. They can help you work through your trust issues and learn how to move forward.
14. Control your negativity
It’s perfectly understandable to feel negative about yourself (and the world) when you can’t find love. It feels unfair that everyone around you seems happy and in love while you’re still searching in vain.
However, having a negative attitude will impact how others perceive you and make it even harder to find love. If you’re constantly putting yourself down, complaining, or being negative, people will pick up on that, and they’ll be less likely to want to be around you.
It’s important to focus on the positive and be grateful for what you have in your life. This doesn’t mean you should pretend to be happy all the time – it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. But try to balance out the negative emotions with positive ones.
Again, this comes down to learning how to love yourself. The more positive you feel about yourself, the more you’ll project that positive mindset into the world, and people will find you attractive. Don’t believe me? This study found that even photos of people were rated more physically attractive when paired with a positive personality description.
15. Don’t be needy
Feeling needy is an understandable response when you’re struggling to find love. Whenever you feel hope that a relationship might work out, you also worry that your partner will leave you and you’ll be alone again.
But if you come across as needy or clingy, it will just push the person away. No one wants to feel responsible for another person’s happiness. And if you’re constantly texting, calling, or checking up on your partner, it will make them feel suffocated.
It’s essential to have your own life and hobbies outside of your relationship. You should never stop seeing your friends or doing the things you love just because you’re in a relationship. And if your partner wants some space, don’t take it personally – give them the time they need.
16. Don’t play games
There’s a time and place to play hard to get, but if you’re doing it just for the sake of games, it will backfire. Trying to make someone jealous or leading them on will only make them frustrated and cause them to lose interest in you.
If you want to find love, be honest about your feelings from the beginning. Don’t try to play games or manipulate the situation. Just be yourself and let things happen naturally.
17. Don’t believe everything happens for a reason
There’s a lot of advice online that suggests everything happens for a reason. I respectfully disagree with this advice, and I think you need to be very proactive when it comes to meeting someone special.
There’s no harm in trying to manifest your desires, but you also need to take concrete steps to make them a reality. Seek out every opportunity to meet new people, put yourself out there, and don’t be afraid to take risks.
The bottom line is that if you want to find love, you need to put in the effort. It’s not going to happen overnight, and it’s not going to happen by sitting at home on your couch. You need to get out there and make it happen.
18. Get fit and healthy
Staying fit and healthy is one of the best ways to give yourself a better chance of finding love. Not only will it make you more attractive, but it will also improve your self-esteem and make you feel better about yourself.
Plus, being active is a great way to meet new people. There are tons of group fitness classes, sports leagues, and other activities you can get involved in. And even if you don’t meet someone special, you’ll at least get to improve your health.
19. Dress to impress
It’s tempting to give up on your appearance when you’re feeling down about yourself, but that’s a mistake. The way you dress and take care of yourself says a lot about your self-esteem. If you want to find love, make sure you look your best at all times.
After all, you never know when you’ll run into someone special. It could be at the grocery store, in line at the coffee shop, or even on the street. So make sure you always look presentable and put together.
This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot of money on designer clothes. Just wear clothes that fit well and make you feel confident. And don’t be afraid to experiment with different styles. You might be surprised at how good you look in something new.
20. Make the first move
Don’t be afraid to take the initiative and make the first move if you want to find love. In many cases, the person who makes the first move is the one who ends up in a loving relationship.
You can start by striking up a conversation with someone you’re interested in. Or, if you’re really bold, you can ask them out on a date. The worst that can happen is they say no, but you’ll never know if you don’t try.
21. Embrace different types of love
If you’re reading this, you’re probably looking for traditional, romantic love. But it’s good to be aware that other types of love exist. And if you’re open to it, you might find that a different kind of love gives you the satisfaction and meaning you’ve been searching for.
For example, philia love is the love of friendship, and it shares many qualities with romantic love. It’s possible to have a deep, intimate connection with someone without being in a romantic relationship.
Agape love is the love of giving, and it’s often directed towards strangers or society as a whole. This type of love can be fulfilling in its own right, and it can also lead to positive changes in the world.
So if you’re having trouble finding romantic love, don’t be discouraged. There are other types of love that can provide you with the fulfillment you’re looking for.
22. Accept love when it’s offered
When it comes to love, we often think of it as something we have to go out and find. But sometimes, love finds us. And when it does, it’s important to accept it.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should settle for less than you deserve. But if someone comes into your life and offers you their love, don’t dismiss it outright. Consider it carefully and open yourself up to the possibility that this might be exactly what you’ve been looking for.
23. Work on your bad habits
When you’re single, it’s easy to let your bad habits slide. There’s no one to tell you what to do or hold you accountable. But if you want to find love, you should take a close look at your behavior and make sure you’re putting your best foot forward.
Do you have any bad habits that might be turning people off? Maybe you smoke cigarettes or never turn up to anything on time. Or perhaps you’re always talking about yourself and don’t listen to others.
Whatever the case may be, now is the time to start working on your bad habits and get your life together. Not only will it make you more attractive to potential partners, but it’ll also improve your self-esteem and make you feel better about yourself.
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24. Don’t try and force love
The worst thing you can do in a new relationship is force yourself to feel something that isn’t there. Love should be natural and effortless, and you can’t expect to fall in love with someone just because you want to.
If you find yourself trying to force love, step back and do some serious soul-searching. Ask yourself why you’re in the relationship and what you’re hoping to get out of it. It might be that the person you’re with just isn’t right for you.
If you find yourself trying to make things work with someone who isn’t right for you, it’s time to walk away. Someone out there will love you for who you are, and there’s no need to settle for anything less.
Also, never tell someone you love them before you’re sure of your feelings. There’s no going back once those words are said, so make sure you mean it before you say it.
Related post: How long should you wait before saying I love you?
25. Don’t compare yourself to other people
Comparison is the thief of joy, so instead of looking at other people’s relationships and wondering why you don’t have what they have, focus on your own life and how you can be the best version of yourself.
Also, remember that the grass always looks greener on the other side. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, and even the happiest couples have their fair share of problems.
26. Lean on your friends
Romantic relationships often come and go, but your close friends are likely to be with you for life. If you’re feeling lonely or depressed about single life, lean on your friends for support. They want you to be happy, and they’ll do anything to help you.
Your friends are also a great way to meet new people and expand your social circle. So many people I know have met their partners through mutual friends. So if you’re struggling to meet someone new, ask your friends to set you up on a blind date or introduce you to someone they think you’ll like.
27. Don’t obsess over finding love
If you want to meet the love of your life, you have to go out and find them. But that doesn’t mean you should obsess over finding love. Don’t spend all your time and energy searching for “the one,” or you’ll miss out on all the other great things life has to offer.
Live your life to the fullest and enjoy what each new day brings. Be social, have fun, and make the most of your life. The more you focus on living a great life, the more likely you’ll meet someone who wants to share it with you.
28. Overcome your fear of commitment
Fear of commitment is a big problem for many people, and it can make it very difficult to find love. If you’re afraid of commitment, you might sabotage a healthy relationship or constantly look for an excuse to break up.
The best way to overcome your fear of commitment is to face it head-on. Work on building trust and communication with your partner, and take things one step at a time. Don’t try and force yourself to commit if you’re not ready, but don’t run away from it either.
Here are some of the most common reasons people struggle to commit to a long-term relationship.
- Fear of being rejected or hurt.
- Fear of losing independence or identity.
- Fear of showing vulnerability.
- Fear of inadequacy or not measuring up.
- Fear of trusting others.
- Fear of responsibility and making decisions.
29. Accept that you might get hurt
Giving someone your love comes with the risk of getting hurt. In a way, that’s what makes love so special. You’re putting your heart on the line and trusting that the other person will take care of it.
Of course, there’s no guarantee that your heart won’t get broken. But if you never take the risk, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been. So if you’re afraid of getting hurt, ask yourself why. Is it because you’re scared of being rejected? Or because you’re afraid of being hurt again?
Once you know what your fear is, you can start to work on overcoming it. You’ll never find true love if you’re unwilling to take the risk.
30. Don’t be afraid of single life
There’s nothing wrong with being single. In fact, there are a lot of benefits to it. You have more free time to focus on your career, hobbies, and personal development. You can also enjoy the freedom of not being tied down to a relationship.
So don’t be afraid to enjoy your life as a single person. There’s no need to rush into a relationship because you think you should. If you’re happy and content with your life, don’t let what other people think stop you from enjoying it.
31. Learn the art of compromise
Single people tend to become a little bit set in their ways. But if you want to find love, you have to be willing to compromise. That means giving up some of your independence and learning to work with someone else.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should completely change who you are. But it does mean keeping an open mind to new experiences and trying things that you wouldn’t normally do. Who knows, you might just find that you like them.
32. Don’t expect love to solve all your problems
Many people think that finding love will solve all their problems. However, changing your situation is never the answer to your problems. The only way to truly solve your problems is to work on yourself.
If you’re not happy with your life, don’t expect finding love to fix that. Work on improving yourself and your life first, and then you’ll be in a much better position to find a relationship that makes you happy.
33. Overcome your fear of being alone
The worst reason to look for love is that you’re afraid of being alone. Loneliness usually comes from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem, and it’s not a healthy reason to enter into a relationship.
If you’re afraid of being alone, work on building your self-confidence. Learn to love and accept yourself, and don’t be scared to spend time by yourself. The more comfortable you are with being alone, the less you’ll feel the need to be in a relationship.
34. Consider professional help
If you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness, insecurity, or general anxiety about finding love, it may be helpful to talk to a relationship expert. A therapist or counselor can help you work through your issues and give you the tools to deal with them.
The beauty of therapy is that it gives you an outside perspective that helps you get out of your own head. If you’re feeling stuck, talking to a therapist may be just what you need to find the clarity and direction you need.
