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There are millions of other people around the world asking themselves this very same question.
So many people lack direction, control and feel like they’re just going through the motions of life without any meaning or purpose. Over time, you might even have learned to accept a general state of permanent unhappiness.
In this article, I’ll help you understand all the reasons why your life feels so grey and lifeless. I’ll also look at the things you can do to find happiness in your life and experience lasting joy on a daily basis.
Why am I so unhappy?
There are many reasons why you might be feeling unhappy. The good news is that once you become aware of them, you can start to take action and change your life for the better.
1. You constantly compare yourself to other people
One of the biggest causes of unhappiness is constantly comparing yourself to others.
Maybe you can’t help comparing yourself to friends, colleagues, or neighbors who have a nicer house, fancier car, or much more money than you.
Or perhaps you’re constantly bombarded with beautiful people on social media who seem to have a perfect life.
Or you might even meet somebody at a party who’s got a great job, a fantastic relationship, and an enviable lifestyle, and you feel utterly inadequate by comparison.
It’s important to remember that everybody has their own unique strengths and weaknesses. You’re never going to be exactly like anyone else, so stop trying to compare yourself all the time.
There will always be people who are more intelligent, better looking, wealthier, and more “successful” than you. There will also be just as many people who wish they could have your life.
Your happiness needs to come from within, not from what other people are doing or how they’re living their lives.
And here’s something else to consider. All these people you’re comparing yourself two might be just as unhappy as you. They’re just comparing themselves to a different set of people and standards.
2. You’re jealous of other people’s success
Being jealous of other people’s success is a great way to live a life of unhappiness.
You see somebody else achieve something great, and your first reaction is to feel upset or angry. You might even start to resent that person for having what you want.
The truth is, you can’t be happy if you’re constantly focusing on what other people have instead of what you have.
You need to learn to be happy for other people’s successes and understand that their success doesn’t threaten your own or get in the way of your happiness.
Resenting the success of others often comes from a place of feeling inadequate or insecure. You need to start accepting yourself for who you are and recognize that you’re just as good as anybody else.
Success comes in many different shapes and sizes, so celebrate it when you see it in others – even if it doesn’t directly benefit you.
3. You’re bored all the time
Feeling bored with life is a massive reason so many people feel so unhappy.
Boredom and unhappiness are often very closely linked, and they usually stem from the same reasons.
Maybe life is just too comfortable, and you’re not challenging yourself enough. Or perhaps you don’t have any goals or ambitions that excite you anymore.
Whatever the reason, you need to start pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and doing things that make you nervous or insecure.
You need to find something in life that makes you feel alive, passionate, excited, or inspired – even if it’s a bit challenging at first.
Maybe that means taking up a new hobby, trying something you’ve never done before, or challenging yourself to achieve a small goal every day.
Or it might mean making a more significant change in life like starting a new job, moving to a new city, or traveling the world.
4. You don’t have any goals or direction in life
Do you feel like you’re just going through the motions every day and that your life lacks any real direction or meaning?
You might even think to yourself, “What’s the point in doing anything?”
You need to get your life together and find something that gives your life purpose and meaning. This could be as simple as helping others, spending time with your family or friends, or volunteering for a cause you believe in.
You might also find fulfillment in working towards a long-term goal, learning new things, or exploring different cultures.
It doesn’t have to be significant, important, or meaningful to anyone except you. It just needs to make you feel excited and alive, so you look forward to each new day.
5. You feel like nothing you do matters
Feeling like your life doesn’t matter or that you’re powerless to change anything is another major reason people feel so unhappy.
Maybe you’ve been through some tough times recently, and it feels like things will never get better. Or perhaps you’re just struggling with feelings of insignificance and worthlessness in your job or relationships.
Whatever the reason, it’s vital to start recognizing your own value – even if nobody else does. You need to start believing in yourself because that’s the only way you’ll be able to make a real difference in this world.
You can make a difference, no matter how small you think your impact might be. Every little thing counts, and every person has something unique and valuable to offer.
Not everyone can change the world, but everyone can make a difference in their own corner of it.
6. You feel anxious all the time
Anxiety is a common reason people feel unhappy, and it can be really tough to manage.
If you’re feeling anxious all the time, it’s going to be very difficult for you to enjoy life or find any happiness in it.
Anxiety can come from many different places, but some common causes are fear of the future, worry about things that might go wrong, perfectionism, and social anxiety.
You need to start finding ways to deal with your anxiety, so it doesn’t take over your life. This could involve talking to somebody about how you’re feeling, practicing mindfulness or relaxation techniques, or taking medication if necessary.
Anxiety is often closely linked to depression, so it’s essential to talk to a professional and be correctly diagnosed if you’re constantly feeling anxious.
7. You don’t feel in control of your life
Feeling out of control of your life is a common symptom of our chaotic and stressful world.
There are so many demands on our time and emotions that it’s often difficult to get a feeling of control over anything.
And unfortunately, this is one of the biggest reasons people feel unhappy nowadays. Nobody wants to feel like they don’t have any say in what happens next or how their life turns out.
You need to start finding ways to take back control of your own life – even if you can only do little things at first. Set achievable goals for yourself every day, make time for the things you’re passionate about, and learn how to say “no” to the things that aren’t important in life.
It doesn’t matter what small changes you make as long as they give you some sense of power and influence over your life once again.
As you feel more empowered, you’ll start to notice that your life starts moving more and more in the direction you want it to go.
8. You’re fixated on the future
Fixating on the future is another major reason why people feel so unhappy.
We all worry about what might happen in the future, but this can become an absolute obsession for some people. You spend all your time thinking about what could go wrong and how you’ll cope with it when it does.
You might also find yourself obsessing about an imaginary future where all your problems are solved and you have everything you want.
When you’re caught up in this kind of thinking, it’s hard to enjoy the present moment or appreciate what you do have. You’re always looking ahead and fixating on things that haven’t even happened yet.
The cure is to focus on the present and live in the moment. This isn’t easy, but it’s definitely possible with some practice. When you learn how to be mindful and live in the now, you’ll find that life becomes a lot more enjoyable.
9. You obsess about the past
Some people obsess about the future, but it’s also easy to get trapped thinking about the past.
Maybe you keep going over old arguments and fights in your head. Or perhaps you constantly replay your day and think about all the ways you embarrassed yourself or could have performed better.
On the other end of the spectrum, you might have enjoyed a wonderful youth and wish you could go back in time and live that life again.
It’s natural to reflect on past events sometimes, but for some people, it becomes an obsession that stops them from enjoying the present.
You need to start forgiving yourself for things that have happened in the past – both good and bad. Nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes at some point. As long as you learn from your mistakes and don’t keep punishing yourself, then you’re heading in the right direction.
10. You’re afraid of failure
We all want to achieve great things in life, but it can be difficult when you keep worrying about the consequences if you fail.
You might find yourself constantly thinking, “what will happen if I get rejected?” or “I hope I don’t mess this up.” This kind of thinking is extremely common, and many people spend their lives trying to avoid failure at any cost.
Unfortunately, this fear of failure leads you towards a very miserable existence where you’re constantly stressed out and worried that you’ll appear less than perfect. And when something goes wrong (and it always does), it feels like everything is falling apart around you.
You need to start accepting that failure is an inevitable part of life. Nobody is perfect, and you will make mistakes along the way. The key is to learn from these mistakes and keep moving forward.
11. You don’t learn from your mistakes
Everybody makes mistakes, but some people find it difficult to learn from them.
Instead of moving on and trying something new, you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You might even be so caught up in your old ways that you can’t even see that you’re making mistakes.
You need to surround yourself with people who can teach you that it’s okay to make mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and through making mistakes, we learn and grow as individuals.
12. You’re surrounded by negative people
Being surrounded by negative and toxic people is one of the quickest ways to bring yourself down.
They constantly complain about trivial things, and they refuse to see the positive side of life. Nothing ever goes their way, nothing is ever their fault, and they feel like the world owes them something.
Even worse are the people in your life that put you down and make you feel like everything is your fault. They belittle you, make you feel inferior, and make you doubt yourself at every turn.
Unfortunately, many people are too scared or embarrassed to get rid of these toxic friends and family members.
Instead, you put up with them for years on end out of obligation or duty while they drag you down into the mud with them.
Over time, this eats away at your self-esteem and leaves you feeling completely drained and unhappy.
For your own well-being, you need to find a way to distance yourself from negative people. It might be hard at first, but eventually, you’ll find that life becomes a lot more enjoyable.
13. You’re lonely
Loneliness is a modern epidemic that is often overlooked by society.
Many people feel detached from their friends and family these days, and modern society makes it harder to make meaningful connections.
You might think that social media means you never need to be alone, but ironically it can have the opposite effect.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of having a lot of superficial surface connections but very few deep and meaningful relationships that make you feel loved and valued.
You can also be surrounded by other people every day and still feel deeply alone. In fact, some of the biggest groups of lonely people live in bustling, vibrant cities.
If you have the option, it’s essential to prioritize your relationships with your friends and family. Take the time to really get to know them, ask questions about their lives and make sure they feel important in yours.
And if you feel like your family neglects you (or you don’t have one), then find other ways to make meaningful connections. It’s not easy, but there are some great resources out there to help you.
14. You see yourself as a victim
Constantly seeing yourself as a victim is a recipe for lifelong unhappiness.
You feel like life has dealt you an unfair hand, and nothing ever goes your way. You think all the bad things happen to you and everyone around you is luckier and less deserving of success.
This is a sad perspective to take through life, and unfortunately, it can also be self-fulfilling. You believe nothing good ever happens to you, so you don’t bother trying. This leads to fewer opportunities for good things to happen, and the cycle continues.
You need to stop blaming others and start taking control of your own life. You are not a passive observer, and you have the power to make a change and create the life you want to live.
15. You make everything too complicated
There’s no doubt that modern life can be complicated. We’re constantly bombarded with information, choices, and options, and it’s no wonder so many people feel overwhelmed and unhappy.
However, we often make life more complicated than it needs to be by trying to do too many things at once or overthinking every decision we make.
Simplify your life by focusing on what’s important to you and removing everything else. This might mean decluttering your house or saying no to social events that don’t appeal to you.
Or maybe it’s a more substantial life change like downsizing your job, moving to a smaller house, or spending more time outdoors.
The bottom line is that you need to find ways to simplify your life and make it less overwhelming. This will free up more energy and time for the things that really matter.
16. You can’t let go of grudges
Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
It’s a very harmful emotion that can ruin relationships, damage your health and leave you feeling bitter and unhappy.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful things we can do for our own peace of mind. It doesn’t mean that what happened was okay. It just means that you’re choosing to let go of the anger and resentment.
Try writing out your feelings or talking to a therapist about why forgiving someone is so hard for you. It’s not easy to forgive someone who has hurt us deeply, but it’s worth it in the long run.
17. You don’t like being alone
Fear of being alone can also harm your happiness.
So many people are uncomfortable with their own company because they don’t like silence or the feeling of emptiness that comes from not having anyone around.
They’re almost afraid of what they’ll find if they peel back the layers and explore their own thoughts and feelings.
If this sounds like you, it’s important to start spending more time alone. This doesn’t mean being lonely or bored – it just means getting used to your own company.
Spending time alone is a great way to practice self-reflection and reconnect with who you really are. It allows you to fully explore your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
You can also do whatever you want without worrying about anyone else’s opinion. You can watch your favorite movie, read a book or take a long walk without feeling like you’re missing out on anything.
Once you learn to enjoy your own company, I guarantee you’ll significantly grow as a person.
18. You need validation from others to feel good
If you need constant validation from others to feel good about yourself, you’re putting too much importance on other people’s opinions.
This is a very insecure way to live, and it leaves you open to disappointment and heartache.
It’s essential to learn to love and accept yourself just the way you are. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive to better yourself or work on your flaws, but it does mean that you shouldn’t base your self-esteem solely on the way other people treat you.
The more time and energy you spend worrying about what others think of you, the less time and energy you have to focus on why you are uniquely awesome.
19. You prioritize material possessions
When you value material possessions over everything else, it often leads to unhappiness and a feeling of emptiness.
You end up in a sad cycle where you’re always wanting more and never satisfied with what you have. Your sense of self-worth is tied up in what you own and how much money is in your bank account.
You also judge yourself and others by the material possessions they own, and you feel like a failure when you don’t live up to the standards of your materialistic friends.
It’s important to remember that true happiness doesn’t come from things. It comes from within yourself and your relationships with the people you care about.
You can break the cycle of materialism by reminding yourself why your life is full of meaning and purpose. What are the things that make you truly happy?
Spend more time doing those meaningful activities instead of spending money on material possessions. You’ll feel like a million bucks because you’re living in line with your values, not someone else’s standards.
20. You feel like you don’t belong anywhere
Feeling like you don’t belong anywhere is a common symptom of unhappiness.
You may not feel like you fit in with your family, friends, or colleagues or simply feel like you have no place in this world.
If this sounds like you, it’s important to find your tribe. A group of people who accept and understand you for who you are.
These people can come from all walks of life, and they don’t have to be perfect. They just need to make you feel accepted, valued, and supported.
You don’t have to go through life feeling like an outsider. There are plenty of people out there who will welcome you with open arms.
21. You always play it safe
If you don’t take any risks in life, you’re guaranteed to be unhappy.
This is because a life without risk is a life without adventure, passion, or excitement. It’s a life that’s dull and unfulfilling.
You may feel like playing it safe is the responsible thing to do, but it’s actually very limiting. You’ll never know what could have been if you don’t take any chances.
The next time you feel yourself hesitating, ask yourself why you’re holding back. What are you afraid of? Most likely, the answer is failure or disappointment.
But remember that these things are part of life, and they won’t kill you. In fact, smart risk taking can make you stronger and more resilient in the long run.
22. You push people away
If you constantly push people away, it’s a sign that you’re not comfortable with intimacy or vulnerability.
This often leads to loneliness and isolation.
The best way to overcome this is to start by being more open and vulnerable with the people closest to you.
Let them into your life and share your fears and doubts with them. They won’t judge you or think less of you. On the contrary, they will admire your courage for opening up, and you’ll form a deeper connection with them.
23. You’re always waiting for something to happen
People who are constantly waiting around for something magical and amazing to happen end up unhappy because nothing ever comes of it.
You sit on the sidelines, watching other people live their lives instead of taking action yourself. This can quickly lead to feelings of frustration and envy if you’re not careful.
The best way to combat this is to start taking small steps towards your goals. Don’t wait for the stars to align because they never will. Just get started and see where it takes you.
24. You can’t ask for help
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Many people avoid asking for help because they don’t want to be seen as incompetent or incapable. But the truth is, we all need help from time to time.
If you’re struggling with something, don’t be afraid to ask for help from your family and friends. They will probably be more than happy to assist you in any way they can.
People like to feel needed, so they will be glad that you asked for their help.
How to be happier in life
Okay, we’ve looked at all the reasons why you might be unhappy. But what can you do to feel happier in life?
It turns out there are lots of practical things you can do to get out of your rut, shake things up and start living your life rather than aimlessly floating through it.
1. Prioritize your relationships
The best thing you can do to increase your happiness is spend more time nurturing your relationships.
Social media has pushed us all apart, so we’ve become incredibly self-involved. This leads to loneliness and isolation, which are significant causes of unhappiness.
Spend quality time with your loved ones without the distraction of phones or other devices. It’s actually not easy to do, but it’s worth it.
You need to take the time to have meaningful conversations with the people you care about. Share your feelings and thought provoking ideas with them, as this will deepen your connection and bring you closer together.
Really engage with the people in your life and listen to what they have to say. Make them feel like they are the most important people in your world, and they’ll do the same for you.
2. Make time for yourself
You need to take regular time out for yourself to recharge and relax without feeling guilty about it.
It doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive, just something that makes you feel happy and relaxed. Read a book, watch a movie, go for a walk, or take a bath.
3. Get plenty of exercise
Not only is exercise good for the body, but it’s also good for the mind.
When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which are hormones that make you feel good. Endorphins have been shown to reduce depression and anxiety and increase self-esteem.
Exercise doesn’t need to be a chore. You just need to find something that you enjoy doing and do it regularly.
4. Get enough sleep
Sleep is one of the most underrated aspects of feeling healthy and happy.
When you don’t get enough sleep over a long time, it can lead to a range of physical and mental problems.
Aim for at least seven to eight hours of sleep per night. This will help you feel more rested and energized during the day.
And if you have trouble sleeping, there are lots of resources out there to help you diagnose the problem and fix it.
5. Get out of the house
It sounds simple, but just going outside can significantly increase your mood.
Try to get out of the house and do something every day, even if it’s just for 15 minutes. You don’t need an excuse or reason why you should go outside.
Even better, try and spend more time in nature. The fresh air and natural surroundings can be really soothing and calming.
You don’t need to go hiking in the wilderness to get the benefits of being in nature. Just find a quiet park and enjoy the lush green surroundings and the sounds of birds.
6. Practice mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness sounds complicated but doesn’t have to be at all.
At its core, mindfulness is about focusing on the present instead of constantly worrying about the past or future.
When you spend more time living in the moment, you appreciate your life so much more, and you feel more alive and fulfilled each day.
All you need is a few minutes to sit and focus on yourself without feeling anxious or stressed.
You don’t have to do anything special. Just breathe in and out slowly for five minutes and let your thoughts come and go.
The more you practice, the more you’ll learn about your mind and what makes you feel stressed, anxious, or joyful.
Once you understand these triggers, it’s so much easier to control your thoughts and not let them control you.
If you’re interested in learning more about mindfulness, I highly recommend checking out the Waking Up app.
7. Find your passion
Finding something you’re passionate about is one of the best things you can do for your happiness.
Passionate people are generally more content and fulfilled with their lives, as they have a sense of purpose and meaning.
What are you interested in? What makes you feel alive? Once you figure that out, start doing more of those things.
It might take some time to find what you’re genuinely passionate about, but it’s worth it in the end.
Finding a passion also doesn’t have to be some all-consuming thing that changes the world. It just needs to make you feel good.
You can have multiple passions in your life, so don’t feel pressure to find the one thing that will change everything for you. Just start small and see where it takes you.
6. Make goals
Having goals gives you a sense of purpose and can really help you feel happier in life.
When you have goals, it feels like there is something to look forward to. It gives your life structure and helps keep things feeling positive for the future.
I suggest writing down your goals and keeping them somewhere visible. This will help you stay motivated and on track.
It’s also a good idea to share your goals with someone close to you, as they can offer support and encouragement along the way.
Make sure your goals are realistic and achievable. Otherwise, you’ll just be setting yourself up for disappointment.
It’s also a great idea to divide your goals into short, medium, and long-term categories. Your short-term goals should all work together to help you achieve your medium and long-term goals.
Short-term goals are important because they give you plenty of chances to experience success as you work towards your more distant long-term goals.
9. Accept what you can’t control
It’s easy to get wrapped up in things happening around you, but we often have no control over them.
When you stop worrying about things you can’t change, you can live more in the moment and appreciate life.
I’m not suggesting you become a passenger in life and just let things happen to you. It’s about learning to focus on what you can control and not getting so worked up over the stuff that’s out of your hands.
10. Remove toxic people from your life
When you’re surrounded by negative or toxic people, it’s easy for their negativity and drama to take over your life as well.
They might be family members or friends that bring out the worst in you when they’re around. Or perhaps you work with someone who doesn’t respect you or makes you feel worthless and unvalued.
It’s often not easy to altogether remove toxic people from your life. Still, you should do everything possible to limit contact with them.
Start by distancing yourself from them emotionally. Spend less time with them and talk to them as little as possible. If they try to involve you in their drama, just walk away and don’t engage.
It’s also important to stand up for yourself and make sure that your boundaries are respected. If you feel like someone is crossing the line, let them know in a polite but firm way.
11. Be grateful for everything you have
It sounds a bit cliché, but being grateful for what you have is one of the best ways to be happier in life.
When you’re constantly focusing on all the things you don’t have, it’s hard to be content with your current situation.
Start by making a list of all the good things in your life, no matter how small they seem. This can include things like having a roof over your head, being surrounded by loved ones, or simply waking up each morning alive and well.
After you’ve made your list, take some time each day to think about why those things are important to you. Appreciate them and be thankful for them.
The more grateful you are, the happier you’ll become.
The difference between unhappiness and depression
It’s important to make the distinction between unhappiness and depression.
If you’re unhappy with your life for a long time, it’s worth seeing if you can make some changes to be happier.
However, if you find that the feelings of unhappiness are overwhelming or constant, then this may indicate clinical depression instead.
It might help to talk things over with someone close, like a friend or family member, but also consider seeking professional advice as well. You don’t have to suffer alone.
Depression is an illness like any other. These days, there are excellent treatments that can help you start enjoying your life again.
