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Deciding to break up with someone isn’t easy, but sometimes you have to accept that your relationship isn’t working out. If your partner is making you unhappy or damaging your mental, emotional, or physical well-being, it’s time to consider walking away. Here are 23 signs that it may be time to break up.
1. You want very different things in life
Successful relationships are all about compromise, but you have to be aligned on the big stuff to make it work. Moving to a different city to support your partner’s promotion might be fine, but what about if you want to start a family and they hate the idea of parenthood? Some sacrifices are too big to make and will lead to resentment and bitterness if you try to stick it out. It’s heartbreaking – but it might be better to accept that you want very different things from life and go your separate ways.
2. You have different values and beliefs
If you’re a Democrat and your partner votes republican, you can probably find a way to get along. But what if you have fundamentally different religious beliefs, or you find out your views on core ethical issues don’t align? Your core values and beliefs help define who you are, and if they can’t be reconciled, it might be time to part ways.
3. There’s a lack of trust and honesty
Your relationship can’t thrive if there’s no trust and honesty between you. How can you rely on your partner if you constantly worry they’re lying to you or keeping secrets? Trust helps you to feel safe and secure in the relationship and confident that your partner will be there for you. It also allows you to be vulnerable and share your concerns and anxieties without fear of being judged or ridiculed.
Related post: How to trust someone again (19 essential steps)
4. You’re stuck in toxic behavior patterns
Do you have the same argument over and over and never reach a resolution? Or maybe you constantly nag and criticize each other and feel smug when you score points and get the upper hand? Toxic behavior patterns like these can become embedded in the fabric of your relationship over time and lead to deep resentment and bitterness. If you can’t break out of these destructive cycles, it might be time to protect your mental health and end the relationship.
5. You feel unappreciated
Busting your gut to make your partner happy is all part of keeping the love alive. But is it too much to ask that they show a little appreciation in return? If they never notice or appreciate your efforts, you’ll quickly feel taken for granted and unloved. In fact, feeling unappreciated is one of the main reasons people cheat! They’re just looking for someone who will make them feel seen and valued. At some point, you need to ask yourself if it’s worth the effort.
6. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
Do you tiptoe around your partner’s “moods” and live in fear of them blowing up because you said the wrong thing? Constantly walking on eggshells around your partner is often a sign of emotional abuse. They are using fear to control and manipulate you into being submissive and deferring to their every whim. Over time this toxic dynamic can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. It’s also a clear sign that your partner has no respect for you and doesn’t value you as a person. Do yourself a favor and get out of the relationship.
7. You can’t be yourself around your partner
Your partner should make you feel safe and secure to be exactly who you are – quirks, weirdness, warts, and all. Do you try to change yourself or hide things from your partner because you know they will disapprove? Do you alter your opinions to agree with them because you’re scared they will make fun of you? If you can’t be your authentic self around your partner, it’s time to consider if this is really the right relationship for you.
9. The relationship feels one-sided
No relationship can ever be 100% equal – and that’s okay. Maybe you’re the more emotional and romantic one, and they take care of the practical stuff. But overall, it should feel like the trade-offs are worth it, and you’re both giving and receiving in equal measure. If you’re doing all the work in the relationship and making all the sacrifices, you’ll eventually feel like a martyr and start resenting your partner.
10. You sweep problems under the carpet
Every couple has arguments and disagreements, but how you deal with them is key to the success of your relationship. Sweeping all your problems under the carpet won’t make them disappear – they’ll just fester and grow and come back to haunt you. After all, if you can’t have difficult conversations with your partner, how can you work through issues to get to the root of the problem?
11. You feel controlled or manipulated
This one is serious. If you feel like your partner is manipulating or controlling you, you should get out of the relationship immediately. Obvious forms of controlling behavior include trying to control who you see, what you wear, and where you go. But there are also way more subtle forms of manipulation that are harder to spot. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where your partner makes you question your own memory, and guilt-tripping is when they make you feel guilty for doing something that’s actually perfectly reasonable.
12. The arguing never seems to end
Constant arguing is draining and exhausting and will negatively affect your emotional well-being. Especially if you keep arguing about the same things over and over without ever solving the problem. Occasional arguments are perfectly normal (and healthy), but some couples seem to think that constant fighting is just par for the course. That couldn’t be further from the truth! If you find yourself constantly arguing or picking fights with each other, then you need to take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship
13. Your physical or emotional needs aren’t being met
What are your physical and emotional needs? It’s different for everyone, but generally speaking, you need to feel loved, appreciated, safe and secure in your relationship. This can manifest in many different ways – from physical affection like sex, cuddles, and hugs to emotional support, such as listening when you have something important to say. If your partner isn’t meeting these needs, consider whether you will be compatible for the long term.
14. You feel constantly criticized and belittled
No one should have to put up with being constantly criticized and belittled by their partner. If your partner makes you feel like you’re never good enough, then it’s time to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. Constantly negative comments from your significant other will damage your self-esteem and suck away your self-confidence. Even after you’ve left the relationship, rebuilding your sense of self-worth can take a long time.
15. There’s physical or emotional abuse
Just like controlling behavior, physical and emotional abuse should never be tolerated. If your partner is hitting you, pushing you around, or using fear to control you, then get out now. The same goes for name-calling, putting you down, and manipulating your feelings to make you feel guilty. Abuse isn’t love!
16. You never have any fun together
What’s the point of being in a relationship if you never have any fun? Sure, not every day can be filled with unicorns and rainbows, but you should enjoy hanging out with your SO. You deserve to be with someone who makes you laugh, enjoys the same activities as you, and is up for trying things that make you happy. If your relationship is stale and boring, it might be time to move on. There’s no point in sticking with someone if you don’t enjoy spending time with them.
17. You don’t feel supported
Support is so important in a relationship – it’s the glue that binds two people together. If your partner isn’t there for you when you’re feeling down, or they don’t take an interest in your dreams and ambitions, then it’s a big red flag to break up with them.
18. There’s toxic jealousy
If you feel a twinge of jealousy when you see your partner talking to a smoking hot guy or girl, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Jealousy is a normal emotion, and it’s healthy for couples to feel a little bit possessive – it’s how you show you care. But if your partner’s jealousy becomes possessive and controlling, then it’s time to call it quits. Spying on you, interrogating you, and stifling your freedom is not what a healthy relationship looks like.
19. Your partner refuses to forgive you
Have you messed up badly? Maybe you cheated or said something really hurtful. If your partner is unable to forgive you after you’ve sincerely apologized, then your relationship isn’t likely to survive. Especially if they keep using it against you to make you feel guilty and win arguments. Without forgiveness and trust, a wall will always exist between you, and your relationship won’t progress.
20. You constantly think about breaking up
No relationship is perfect, but you should feel like the hard work and sacrifice is worth the effort. If you’re constantly thinking about breaking up or dreaming about single life, then maybe it’s time to call it quits. It doesn’t make you a bad person – you’re just not ready to be in a relationship, or the person you’re with isn’t right for you.
21. You keep breaking up and getting back together
Are you one of those couples caught in a cycle of breaking up and getting back together? No doubt all your friends roll their eyes whenever you get back together and wait for the train to come off the rails again. Even if you love your partner, the relationship is obviously broken. Ask yourself – are you really meant to be together? Life is short, and you might be much better off finding someone who will actually stay by your side when things get tough.
22. You don’t like who you’ve become
Being in a relationship is about growing and changing with your partner. But if you feel like you’ve completely lost yourself, then it might be time to ask yourself some tough questions. Are you becoming someone you don’t like? Are you acting in a way that compromises your values or ethics? You should never stay in a relationship if it’s making you a worse person – you deserve to be with someone who helps you become the best version of yourself.
23. You don’t love your partner anymore
You can’t force yourself to love someone, and sometimes the love just fades away. Even if your partner is a wonderful person, it’s time to break up if you don’t feel that spark anymore. Staying in a relationship out of guilt or obligation won’t make you or your partner happy – and it’s much better to be single than to stay in an unhappy relationship. You deserve a partner who makes your heart flutter, and they deserve the same.
Final thoughts
Relationships are hard work, and it’s normal to have doubts from time to time. But ultimately, you should want to stick around because of the satisfaction and joy you get from sharing your life with your partner. There’s nothing like having someone special by your side who unconditionally loves and supports you!
However, not all relationships are meant to last, and sometimes it’s best just to let go and move on. If you identify with some of the signs on this list, ask yourself whether it’s worth staying in the relationship. You should never be with someone because you’re afraid of being alone or worried that no one else will love you.
Finding someone right for you isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort and the wait. And sometimes, a breakup is what you need to make room for something better – even if it hurts.
