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Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your relationship? Perhaps you’re constantly worried about saying the wrong thing and setting your partner off, or maybe you force yourself to act happy and positive when inside, you feel trapped and powerless.
Your relationship should make you feel safe and supported, not like you’re tiptoeing around a minefield. If you’re unsure whether your relationship is healthy, here are 15 signs that you’re walking on eggshells and how to break this toxic pattern.
What does walking on eggshells mean?
When you’re walking on eggshells, it means you’re constantly worried about upsetting or angering your partner. You might bend over backward to please them or avoid topics that could start an argument. This can damage your mental health and the relationship itself, stifling open communication and creating an environment of fear and mistrust.
You’re walking on eggshells because you can’t predict your partner’s reaction. They might shout, cry, withdraw or become violent, and you never know when it might happen or what might trigger it. This unpredictability is very anxiety-inducing, and over time, it can lead to feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.
Let’s be clear. Making you feel like you’re walking on eggshells is a form of emotional abuse, and it’s not okay. If you’re in a relationship where you feel like you can’t be yourself or voice your opinion, it’s time to seek help. Whether that means getting professional counseling or simply ending the relationship, you deserve better than constantly living in fear.
Signs you are walking on eggshells in your relationship
Okay, now that you know what walking on eggshells is and why it’s so damaging, let’s take a look at some signs that you might be in this situation. If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to start taking steps to protect yourself.
1. You feel tense and uptight
Do you find yourself holding your breath or getting tense when your partner comes home from work or enters the room? This clearly shows that you’re afraid of their reaction and expect them to be angry, hostile, or unpredictable.
Of course, everyone goes through tough times and has bad days, but it’s not normal or healthy to constantly live in fear of your partner’s mood. Your relationship should be an environment where you feel safe to be yourself and share your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.
Over time, the constant stress and anxiety will take a toll on your mental and physical health. If you’re constantly on edge, you’re more likely to experience physical symptoms of stress such as headaches, digestive problems, and difficulty sleeping. Long-term, this can lead to chronic health conditions like heart disease and depression.
2. You ignore problems to avoid upsetting your partner
Do you avoid difficult conversations or sweep problems under the rug to keep the peace? This is a common defense mechanism when you’re walking on eggshells. You might tell yourself it’s not worth arguing about something minor, but in reality, you’re just afraid of how your partner will react.
It’s normal to feel some anxiety about conflict, but you should still be able to have honest conversations with your partner without fearing for your safety or emotional well-being. Of course, picking your battles in any relationship is important, but ignoring major issues will only make them worse.
3. You choose your words carefully
When you’re constantly worried about how your partner will react, it’s only natural that you start to edit and censor what you say. You might avoid specific topics altogether or sugarcoat your words to avoid any potential conflict.
However, this kind of self-censorship is not healthy for either you or the relationship. It stifles communication and creates an environment of tension and mistrust. Over time, it also leads to feelings of isolation and loneliness, as you can’t be yourself around your partner.
4. You constantly second-guess yourself
When you’re walking on eggshells, you find yourself questioning your every move. You second guess what you say and how you say it. You agonize over whether you’re doing something wrong and worry your partner will be upset with you. This constant self-doubt takes a toll on your self-esteem and makes it difficult to trust your judgment.
It’s normal to occasionally question yourself in a relationship, but if you constantly doubt your actions and words, that’s a red flag. Your partner should make you feel valued and appreciated, not like you’re always one step away from screwing up.
5. You force yourself to be happy and positive
To avoid conflict, you put on a happy face even when you’re feeling sad or angry. You laugh off your partner’s hurtful comments and dismiss your own negative emotions.
It might seem like a harmless way to diffuse the tension, but in reality, it’s just another form of self-censorship. The constant fake positivity is mentally exhausting. It takes a toll on your well-being and makes it difficult to connect with your partner on a real level.
6. You’re overly eager to please
When walking on eggshells, it’s common to go to extraordinary lengths to please your partner. You say yes to everything they ask, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. Even worse, you spend your life constantly trying to anticipate their needs to avoid potential conflict.
And, of course, they are incredibly difficult to please and have a way of making you feel like you can never do anything right.
It’s good to be accommodating in a relationship, but you should never sacrifice your well-being or allow yourself to be treated like a doormat. Your partner should appreciate and respect you for who you are, not for what you can do for them.
7. You come running when your partner calls
Both partners in a relationship should respect each other’s time and space. They’re not afraid to let each other have time to themselves, and they understand that sometimes it’s necessary to say no.
However, you bend over backward to accommodate your partner’s every whim. You drop everything at their beck and call, even if it means neglecting your needs. This constant availability makes you feel like you’re always at your partner’s beck and call and leaves you feeling exhausted.
8. You’re constantly apologizing
When you’re walking on eggshells, you constantly apologize for things that are not your fault. You say sorry for your partner’s bad mood and take the blame to avoid any potential conflict.
However, this only makes you feel guilty and powerless in the relationship. It also gives your partner a false sense of control. Your partner should be taking responsibility for their own actions and emotions, not making you responsible for them.
9. You can’t do anything without permission
In a healthy relationship, both partners feel free to make their own decisions. They trust each other to act in the best interest of the relationship and are not afraid to disagree.
However, when walking on eggshells, you wait for your partner’s permission before making even the smallest decisions. You consult with them about every little thing, from what you’re going to wear to where you’re going. This constant need for approval makes you feel like you’re not in control of your life.
Your partner should trust and respect you enough to allow you to make your own decisions. If they don’t, it’s another sign they are trying to control you.
10. You can never do anything right
Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader, not your harshest critic. If they constantly put you down, it’s a sign they don’t respect or appreciate you.
The constant criticism takes a toll on your self-esteem and makes it difficult to feel good about yourself. Eventually, you start to doubt your abilities and question whether you’re good enough for your partner. This makes you try even harder to please them, which only reinforces the toxic cycle.
11. You feel trapped and powerless
The overall feeling of walking on eggshells is one of powerlessness. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to please your partner or avoid their wrath. The constant criticism, silent treatment, and emotional manipulation make you feel trapped and hopeless.
It’s important to remember that you always have the power to walk away from a toxic relationship. Walking on eggshells isn’t a healthy way to live, and it’s not sustainable in the long term. If your partner is unwilling to change, you must consider ending the relationship to prioritize your well-being.
Why are you walking on eggshells in your relationship?
If you’re constantly walking on eggshells, it’s a sign that you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, but it’s often harder to spot because there’s no physical violence involved.
But why are you willing to be treated this way?
It often stems from growing up in a neglectful or abusive environment. You become hyper-aware of the signs that you’re about to be physically or verbally abused, and you learn to modify your behavior to avoid it.
This conditioning persists into adulthood, and you constantly walk on eggshells around your partner. Even worse, you seek relationships with partners who treat you like your parents did because you believe that’s what normal relationships look like.
You might also stay in an abusive relationship because you have low self-esteem. Your partner tells you you’re not good enough, and you start believing it. As a result, you stay in the relationship because you think it’s the best you can do.
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How to stop walking on eggshells
So how do you break the cycle and stop walking on eggshells in your relationship? Here are a few practical steps you can take to improve your situation.
1. Stop blaming yourself
The first step is to stop blaming yourself for the situation. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the situation would improve if you just tried harder or were better in some way.
But the truth is, you can’t control another person’s behavior. So instead of beating yourself up, focus on what you can control, which is your own behavior and reactions.
2. Work on your self-esteem
Low self-esteem is the root cause of many people’s anxiety in relationships. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s natural to seek validation and approval from others.
When your self-esteem is low, you’re more likely to put up with bad treatment. So work on building your self-esteem by accepting yourself for who you are, setting boundaries in your relationships, and asserting yourself when necessary.
Building self-esteem isn’t easy, and many people benefit from therapy to work on this issue.
3. Communicate with your partner
If you don’t communicate with your partner, you’ll never be able to improve the situation. It’s important to express your needs and wants in a relationship and to be open to hearing your partner’s perspective.
Some people find it helpful to write out what they want to say before a conversation. This can help you organize your thoughts and ensure you don’t forget anything important.
Additionally, try to avoid arguing with your partner. If you can have a calm, rational discussion about the situation, you’re more likely to be able to come to a resolution that works for both of you.
Using “I statements” is a valuable technique for communicating in a way that doesn’t put your partner on the defensive. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “I feel like I’m not being heard.”
4. Set clear boundaries
If you’re not used to setting boundaries, it can be challenging to know where to start. But it’s important to remember that you have a right to say no and set limits in your relationships.
Start by thinking about what you’re willing and not willing to tolerate. This can be anything from not wanting to go to a particular restaurant to more severe issues like putting up with criticism, yelling, or other forms of abuse.
Then communicate your boundaries to your partner clearly and concisely. For example, you could say, “I’m not comfortable with being yelled at, so I’m going to leave the room until you’re ready to talk calmly.”
It’s also important to be prepared to enforce your boundaries. In extreme cases, you may need to follow through on ending the relationship if your partner continues to violate your boundaries.
5. Make your own decisions
Another way to stop walking on eggshells is to start making your own decisions. This can be difficult if you’re used to deferring to your partner or waiting for their approval. But it’s important to remember that you have your own needs and wants.
6. Consider therapy
If you’re finding it difficult to make changes on your own, therapy can be helpful. A therapist can help you work on issues like low self-esteem, anxiety, and communication. They can also provide support and guidance as you make positive changes in your life.
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