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A shallow person seems like they would be easy to deal with. They’re vain and annoying, but what harm can they really do? Surely you can just ignore their superficial banter and concentrate on the people in your life that have real substance.
Unfortunately, it’s often not that easy. Shallow people can be some of the most manipulative and hurtful people out there. They are disloyal and unreliable and will infect your life with petty games and drama.
Here are 19 traits of a shallow person and how to deal with them so they don’t drag you down.
1. They fixate on appearance
A shallow person is all about style over substance. They fixate on their appearance and spend too much time and money on clothes, hair, makeup, and other superficial things.
They also judge everyone else by how they look rather than who they are as a person. If you don’t look a certain way, follow the latest fashion trends, or meet their beauty standards, they will write you off completely.
When it comes to dating, a shallow person only cares whether or not you are physically attractive. They aren’t interested in getting to know you or discovering what makes you tick.
2. They never give you their full attention
When talking to a shallow person, you get the impression that they’re never quite present. Their mind seems elsewhere, and they’re always looking over your shoulder for someone more interesting to talk to.
They never seem to actually listen to what you’re saying and never ask follow-up questions. You could introduce yourself fifty times, and they would still probably not remember your name.
3. They need constant validation
A shallow person is never happy unless everyone tells them how great they are. They need constant validation and reassurance that they’re attractive, popular, and successful.
They quickly become sullen and withdrawn if you don’t give them the attention they crave. At this point, the criticism usually begins, and they find fault with everyone around them in a vain attempt to massage their fragile ego.
4. They crave attention
Nothing is more critical to a shallow person than being the center of attention. When they walk into a room, they want all eyes to be on them, and they need to be the life and soul of every party.
They will quickly turn on you if you try to upstage them or steal their thunder. They can’t stand it when someone else is getting more attention, and they will go out of their way to sabotage you.
Even negative attention is better than no attention as far as a shallow person is concerned. They might flirt outrageously, start arguments, or do something outrageous to get a rise out of people and shift the focus back onto themselves.
5. They love to create drama
If there’s one thing a shallow person loves, it’s drama. They love to start arguments and stir up trouble just to watch other people squirm. They will even fan the flames and make the situation worse to enjoy the spectacle.
Creating drama makes them feel important and puts them in the middle of all the excitement. It’s a chance to show off their acting skills and play the hero or heroine in their own little soap opera.
6. They gossip and spread rumors
A shallow person is never happier than when they have juicy gossip to share. They will spread rumors, talk about you behind your back, and then enjoy watching your discomfort.
If you confront them about what they’ve said, they will deny it and try to turn the tables on you. Instead of owning up to their bad behavior, they will accuse you of being overly sensitive and unable to take a joke.
7. Their conversations are superficial
The last thing a shallow person wants to do is have a deep and meaningful conversation. They would rather talk about superficial things like clothes, makeup, and celebrities.
If you try to steer the conversation in a more serious direction, they will quickly change the subject or find an excuse to leave. They have no interest in hearing about your problems or sharing their own.
8. They have no conviction
A shallow person lacks conviction and is easily influenced by other people. Instead of thinking carefully about an issue, they blindly agree with whoever is the most popular or influential at the time.
Even worse, their values constantly change, and they have no problem flip-flopping their stance. One day they might agree with you, and the next day they will be parroting the opposing view. It all depends on who they are trying to impress at the time.
9. They are obsessed with status and wealth
Status and money are at the top of a shallow person’s priority list. They are always trying to move up in the world and will do whatever it takes to improve their social status.
If they aren’t wearing the latest designer clothes or driving the newest car, they feel like a failure. They are always trying to keep up with the Joneses and will never be satisfied with what they have.
Even if a shallow person can’t afford to live a luxurious lifestyle, they will find a way to fake it. They will rack up huge credit card debt, take on extra jobs, and make all kinds of personal sacrifices to keep up appearances.
10. They will pretend to be your friend
Friends are important to a shallow person, but only because they can be useful. They will pretend to be your friend and act interested in your life, but only so they can use you to make themselves look good. Their only loyalty is to themselves, and they will quickly turn their back on you as soon as you stop being cool or popular.
Related post: 16 signs your friend doesn’t respect you (and what to do)
11. They are always trying to one-up you
A shallow person will never be happy for you if you succeed and will always try to one-up you. If you get a new car, they have to go out and buy a better one. If you get a promotion, they have to mention that they are in line for a bigger one. They are always trying to make themselves look better than you and will never miss an opportunity to put you down.
12. They make everything about them
Even if you’re going through a tough time and looking for support, a shallow person will still find a way to flip the conversation around and put the focus back on them.
They will never really listen to you or care about your problems because they are too busy thinking about themselves. Everything you say will be filtered through their ego and used as an opportunity to talk about their issues or accomplishments.
13. They are judgmental
Judging other people is one of the favorite pastimes of a shallow person. Putting others down makes them feel better about themselves and boosts their self-esteem.
They will be openly judgmental of your clothes, job, relationship status, weight, and anything they think doesn’t measure up to their lofty standards.
But, of course, a shallow person is utterly blind to their faults and will never take any constructive criticism. They will instantly become defensive and lash out if you dare to suggest they have a flaw.
14. They give backhanded compliments
A backhanded compliment is when someone pretends to compliment you, but it’s actually an insult disguised as flattery. For example, a shallow person might say something like, “That dress looks great… for your body type,” or “You’re so much smarter than I thought you would be.” It’s the perfect way to make themselves seem better than you without overtly insulting you.
15. They are unreliable
A shallow person always keeps their options open and will ditch you in a heartbeat if they get a better offer. They will never give up a last-minute opportunity to be seen at the hottest party or the coolest new club. Never count on them to be there for you when you need them because they will always put themselves first.
16. They project the perfect life
The most important thing to a shallow person is how others perceive them. They will go to great lengths to create the perfect image and project the perfect life.
They will only hang out with the coolest people, post pictures of themselves at the hottest locations, and brag about their latest conquests on social media. Of course, this is just an act designed to make other people jealous and keep up appearances.
17. They are obsessed with social media
When a shallow person isn’t talking about themselves, you’ll probably find them scrolling through social media. They are obsessed with seeing what other people are doing and comparing their lives to everyone else’s.
They will spend hours taking the perfect selfie, editing their photos, and coming up with clever captions to show how popular and in demand they are. And if a picture doesn’t get enough likes, they will get upset and post even more pictures until they get the attention they crave.
18. They like to keep things casual
As soon as things get serious, a shallow person will bail. They don’t want anything that requires work or commitment because they are too lazy and self-centered to put in the effort. For them, life is all about instant gratification, and they will move on to the next thing as soon as they get bored.
19. They love to play the blame game
A shallow person is the first to take credit for success, even if they had nothing to do with it. But they will always find someone else to blame when things go wrong. They are never at fault and never take responsibility for their actions.
How to deal with a shallow person
If you’re unlucky enough to have a shallow person in your life, how do you deal with them? Here are some tips to keep in mind.
1. You can’t change them
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do to change a shallow person. Any attempt to give them critical feedback will likely fall on deaf ears, so it’s best to accept them for who they are.
However, you can change how you react to their superficial games and avoid getting drawn into their gossip and drama.
2. Don’t let them get close to you
A shallow person is often toxic and manipulative, so keeping them at a distance is best. Don’t share too much personal information with them, and don’t confide in them about your problems.
3. Don’t take their criticisms to heart
A shallow person’s criticisms are usually based on their own insecurities and prejudices, so don’t take them too seriously. Their opinion of you says more about them than it does about you.
4. Set clear boundaries
The best defense against a shallow person is to set clear boundaries. Let them know what behavior is and isn’t acceptable, and don’t hesitate to call them out when they cross the line.
5. Don’t be afraid to walk away
If all else fails, don’t be afraid to walk away from a shallow person. Life is too short to waste on people who only care about superficial things.
