This post may include affiliate links to products we think you'll find useful. We may earn a small commission if you buy through these links. Read our affiliate disclosure.
Selfish people put their own needs above everything else. They only care about their feelings and desires and don’t consider how their words or actions affect others.
Most selfish people don’t actually realize they’re being selfish. They genuinely believe they’re doing nothing wrong, and it’s okay to walk over everyone else to get what they want.
Being in a relationship with a selfish person is frustrating and emotionally draining. If they can’t understand why selfish behavior is so toxic, how can you ever help them change? The honest answer is – you probably can’t.
Here are 22 traits of selfish people and some valuable tips on how you can deal with them.
1. They are manipulative
Emotional manipulation is one of the defining characteristics of selfish people. They are experts at making you feel guilty or bad about yourself, so you’ll do what they want.
One of the most common manipulation techniques that selfish people use is making you believe they’re doing you a favor. For example, they might offer to let you speak first at a meeting, but only so they can control the conversation. They want to hear what you have to say so they can gain the upper hand and twist your words to give themselves an advantage.
Or they diminish your ideas or concerns by making it seem like you’re not experienced or good enough to have a valid opinion. On the surface, it sounds like they’re mentoring you or saving you from embarrassment. But before you know it, they’re taking credit for your idea or passing it off as their own.
2. They always need to be right
Selfish people need to be right about everything. They need their ego constantly stroked and will do anything it takes to win an argument – even if it means lying or distorting the truth.
If you try to argue with a selfish person, be prepared for them to get defensive and start attacking you. They will talk over you, interrupt, and make you feel foolish for voicing your opinion.
They’re not interested in any debate or discussion because they don’t care about your thoughts. All that matters to them is that they’re right, and you’re wrong.
3. They need to win at all costs
Everything is a competition for selfish people, and they need to win at all costs. They need to be the best, the brightest, and the most successful – no matter who they have to step on to get there.
They see everyone around them as threats or rivals and always look for ways to bring others down. If you compete with a selfish person, be prepared for them to stoop to any level to win. They will cheat, lie, and take advantage of you without thinking twice about it.
The need to win is so strong that a selfish person will even sacrifice their own happiness to ensure they come out on top. They’ll stay in a job they hate because it gives them power or continue in an unhealthy relationship because they don’t want to be seen as a failure.
4. They lack empathy
A lack of empathy makes it very difficult for selfish people to understand or care about other people’s feelings. They can’t see how their words and actions might hurt someone else, and they’re often oblivious to the pain they cause.
This lack of empathy also means that selfish people have difficulty being vulnerable. They can’t let their guard down or show any weakness because it makes them feel too exposed.
If you open up to a selfish person, don’t be surprised if they use your words against you or use your vulnerabilities to their advantage.
5. They always expect something in return
Doing something without expecting anything in return is foreign to selfish people. They believe every favor has a price and will always try to ensure they get the best end of the deal.
No matter how small the favor, you can be sure they are keeping track and will eventually come to collect. They might not ask for anything directly, but they will find a way to make you feel indebted to them.
6. They are self-absorbed
Selfish people are self-absorbed and only look inward at their own needs and desires. They are the center of their universe, and everything and everyone else revolves around them.
They have no interest in other people’s lives and will never go out of their way to offer support or help someone in need. The only time a selfish person will ask about your life is if they can use the information to benefit themselves somehow.
They are terrible at listening and only interested in talking about themselves. As soon as the conversation veers away from them, they will quickly find a way to bring it back or tune out altogether.
7. They don’t feel remorse
Because they lack empathy, selfish people don’t feel remorse for their actions. They can hurt you emotionally or physically and not think twice about it because they don’t understand why you’re upset.
They might apologize if they think it’s what you want to hear, but they won’t mean it. And even if they feel bad, they’ll never admit it because that would be a sign of weakness.
8. They have a sense of entitlement
A sense of entitlement is another hallmark trait of selfish people. They think they deserve the best of everything and that the world owes them a favor.
They believe they deserve special treatment and get angry when they don’t get their way. If you don’t give them what they want, they will throw a tantrum or try to manipulate you into giving in.
9. They are highly critical
Nothing is ever good enough for selfish people. They are highly critical of others, have impossible standards, and you can never fully satisfy them no matter how hard you try.
If you’re in a relationship with a selfish person, they will find fault in everything you do. They will criticize how you look and what you say, and the constant complaining is exhausting.
They take more than they give
They will take your time, energy, resources, and anything else they can get their hands on without thinking about what you might need.
10. They won’t help or support you
If you ask a selfish person for help or support, they will always have something more important to do. They aren’t interested in helping you reach your goals or being there for you during tough times.
They might act like they care, but only if they want something from you. As soon as they realize you’re not going to give them what they want, they will lose interest and move on.
A common tactic to get out of helping you is to belittle your feelings and make you feel stupid for needing help in the first place. They might even guilt trip you or make you feel selfish for expecting them to donate some of their precious time.
The one exception is when you ask a selfish person for advice. They love to give advice because it makes them feel knowledgeable and important.
11. They expect you to drop everything to help them
But of course, as soon as a selfish person needs help, they’ll expect you to drop everything and come running. Their problems always come first, no matter what you might be dealing with.
They also love to make their problems your problems. They will unload all their baggage on you and then sit back and offer advice while you try to fix their mistakes. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll use manipulative phrases like, “After all I’ve done for you,” to guilt you into helping them out.
And if you manage to help them, they will never repay you or even say thank you. In their mind, you owe them because they are the center of the universe.
12. They don’t respect your boundaries
Selfish people don’t understand the concept of personal boundaries. They will invade your personal space, ask uncomfortable personal questions, and expect you always to be available when they need you.
And if you try to enforce your boundaries, they will get angry and accuse you of being selfish or ungrateful. They will guilt trip you into doing what they want or threaten to withdraw their love and support if you don’t comply.
13. They need to control everything
Even if someone else has more knowledge or experience, a selfish person will still try to take the lead and make all the decisions. They want everything done their way and won’t hesitate to steamroll over anyone who gets in their way.
They will intentionally sow chaos and confusion so they can step in and take control. And they won’t hesitate to use your mistakes or vulnerabilities against you to make themselves feel more powerful and important.
A selfish romantic partner will find ways to control every aspect of the relationship. They might try to control your time, your friends, and even what you wear. And if they can’t control you directly, they will try to subtly manipulate you into doing what they want.
14. They deflect blame and avoid responsibility
They never take responsibility for their actions when things go wrong. It’s always someone else’s fault, and they will lie, cheat, and distract to avoid taking the blame.
And when selfish people make a mistake, they will quickly move on and never think about it again. They have no interest in learning from their mistakes or growing as a person.
15. They crave attention
A selfish person is happy as long as all the positive attention is focused on them. But if someone else hogs the spotlight, they will quickly become jealous and resentful.
They need constant validation and praise and will go to great lengths to get it. They might fish for compliments or engage in other attention-seeking behavior. And if they don’t get the attention they crave, they lose interest and become sullen and withdrawn.
16. They can’t take criticism or negative feedback
Selfish people can’t handle any kind of criticism or negative feedback. Even constructive feedback is seen as a personal attack, and they will become defensive, angry, and say things like, “I can tell you’re just saying that because you’re jealous of my success.”
Alternatively, they might try to turn the tables and make you feel guilty for criticizing them by saying, “After all I’ve done for you, how could you say something like that?”
17. They refuse to compromise
Selfish people hate compromise because it means they might need to give something up. They aren’t concerned with fairness or meeting you halfway, and anything they give up feels like weakness and failure.
And if you do manage to get them to compromise, they will do so begrudgingly and make sure you know how much they are sacrificing for you.
18. They won’t share knowledge or things
If a selfish person has information or resources that might benefit you, they will keep it to themselves. They don’t want to share what they have because that would mean giving up some of their power and control.
And if you ask them for help or advice, they will ignore you or give you vague answers that don’t actually help because they want you to feel powerless and dependent on them.
19. They’re only friendly when they want something
One of the rare times a selfish person will be friendly is when they want something from you. They’ll play nice and pretend to be your friend, but as soon as they’ve finished using you, the pretense is over, and they go back to ignoring you.
20. They always take the easy way out
Selfish people always look for shortcuts to avoid putting in any time or effort. They also have no interest in learning or improving their skills and want to be seen as an expert without going through the effort it takes to become one. A common tactic is to make other people do their work for them so they can step in and take the credit.
21. They never stand up for what’s right
If they see something unfair or unjust, they’ll look the other way because standing up for what’s right isn’t worth their time. Even worse, they’ll be happy to take advantage of whatever injustices they see to gain an advantage.
The exception, of course, is if they think some injustice has been done to them. In that case, they’ll make sure everyone knows about it and demand justice.
22. They won’t commit to anything
Selfish people don’t like to commit because it’s harder to back out if they have to follow through on something. They’ll make excuses like, “I’m too busy right now,” or “I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it.” And if they do agree to commit to something, they will always have a plan to bail if things get too tough.
How to handle selfish people
If you find yourself dealing with a selfish person, there are a few things you can do to protect yourself and make dealing with them less stressful.
1. Accept that they probably won’t change
The first thing to realize about selfish people is that they are very unlikely to change. They don’t believe anything is wrong with their behavior, so why would they try to change it? They think they’re just working hard to get what they’re owed and don’t see how their behavior impacts others.
2. Don’t give them the attention they crave
Selfish people crave attention and praise because they need to feel important and constantly validated.
If you stop paying attention to them, they’ll find it more difficult to manipulate you to get what they want. Even better, most selfish people will soon get tired of the lack of attention and effort you’re putting into them and leave you alone.
However, you need to be careful when you withdraw your attention and make sure it doesn’t look like a punishment. Selfish people can be very vindictive and will try to get revenge if they think you’re out to hurt them.
3. Don’t go out of your way to help them
Don’t go out of your way to help a selfish person because they’ll always find a way to take advantage of you. And if you’re forced to help someone selfish (like at work), do the bare minimum and don’t expect anything good to come of it. The sooner you can move on with your life, the less painful it will be for you.
They will often give up after a while when they see that you’re not going to be easily manipulated or give them a free ride. But they can also be very persistent and time-consuming, so make sure you’re prepared.
4. Call them out on their behavior
Of course, you always have the option to call a selfish person out on their behavior. Just be prepared for them to get nasty or defensive because they are used to getting their way and rarely face any consequences.
You might also want to consider whether it’s worth your time and energy to confront them. Remember, they’re not likely to change, so you might just be better off walking away.
5. Cut them out of your life
Honestly, the best way to deal with a selfish person is to completely cut them out of your life. If that’s not possible, do anything to minimize their impact on your life.
If you work with them, talk to your boss about moving them elsewhere or giving you different work so that you don’t have to deal with them on a daily basis. If it’s a friend or relative, keep any contact as minimal as possible and certainly don’t give them any more attention than they deserve.
And if you have a selfish partner, you should consider whether it’s time to break up with them and move on with your life.
A note on positive selfishness
In this article, I’ve focused on harmful selfishness, but there is also such a thing as positive selfishness.
Positive selfishness is when you focus on caring for yourself and your own needs without harming others. It’s not about being manipulative or taking advantage of others; it’s about making sure you’re prioritizing your happiness and wellbeing. And there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s essential for a healthy and balanced life.
