This post may include affiliate links to products we think you'll find useful. We may earn a small commission if you buy through these links. Read our affiliate disclosure.
There are few things in life more heart breaking than someone you love breaking up with you.
All you can think about is how much you miss them. Your mind constantly replays all the happy times you shared as a cruel reminder of what you’ve lost. You’re trying to understand what you did wrong and what you could have done differently to make them stay.
And most of all, you’d do anything to get them back. You’d get down on your knees and beg if it would help and promise to do anything to make them happy.
This is why the No Contact Rule is so effective. The breakup is still fresh and raw, and you’re not thinking objectively.
The No Contact Rule gives you the time you need to heal, get your head on straight, and move on with your life. It might even help you get your ex back (if that’s what you want).
What is the No Contact Rule?
The No Contact Rule is precisely what it sounds like. Following a breakup, you cut off all contact with your ex for a certain amount of time.
For the No Contact Rule to work, you need to be very strict with yourself. No contact means absolutely no contact of any kind. This means:
- No phone calls, texts, or chats on social media.
- No looking at their social media profiles and commenting on posts.
- No accidental meetings at the same parties or events.
- No quizzing mutual friends about your ex.
- No contact of any kind with your ex’s family.
- No trawling through photos of your ex on your phone.
I first learned about the No Contact Rule from relationship expert Brad Browning. Over the years, he’s helped thousands of men and women get back with their ex.
The No Contact Rule is just one of the many psychological techniques in his toolkit. In his latest video, he’ll show you many more techniques you can use to make your ex regret breaking up with you. It doesn’t even matter if they hate you or you’ve done further damage to the relationship since your breakup.
It sounds like a bold claim, but it’s not rocket science. Brad uses proven psychological tools to make your ex realize what a mistake they’ve made.
Watch the fascinating video here if you’re interested.
How long should the No Contact Rule last?
The suggested time varies, but many relationship experts recommend 30 days. A month is generally seen as enough time to deal with your grief and start the healing process.
However, everyone is different, and you should take longer if you feel you need it.
Why does the no contact rule work?
1. It removes the temptation to beg
When your breakup is fresh, you might feel tempted to do the begging I mentioned earlier. Maybe not, but you’ll definitely be tempted to text your ex, call them, or run into them ‘accidentally.’
Whether you want to just move on, or eventually get your ex back, nothing you can say to them at this stage will be helpful. You’re still too hurt, angry, and emotional to be effective. You’re going to do more harm than good and drive them further away.
The No Contact Rule removes this temptation and gives you time to get some distance from the raw emotion you’re feeling.
2. You can trigger their fear of loss
If you want to get back your ex after the non contact period, you can use the time to trigger their fear of loss. I learned this technique from Brad Browning’s latest video.
Just before the No Contact Rule starts, send your ex this text:
I don’t think we should talk for at least the next month, but I’d like to be friends eventually.
Sending this text will trigger a psychological fear of loss in your ex. Even though they broke up with you, it will make them question the reality of their decision.
3. You can use the time to look & feel amazing
The No Contact Rule period gives you space to work on your body and your mind.
Go to the gym or sign up for an online fitness class. If you can afford it, even consider getting a personal trainer. Focus on your diet and start cooking healthy meals. If you’ve been trying to lose some weight, take this opportunity to focus on your goals while there are no other distractions around.
Reinvent your style. Get a new haircut or treat yourself to a new wardrobe.
All these things will help you recover from your breakup faster, but they also have another benefit. The next time you see your ex, they’ll be shocked to see how confident and fabulous you look.
They might even be secretly hurt that you’re doing so well and obviously don’t need them to be happy. In fact, you’re doing a lot better without them!
No matter how hard they try, they will instantly be more attracted to you and fantasize about what life would be like with the ‘new you.’
4. You can be honest about the relationship
The No Contact Rule gives you space to be objective about all the problems in your relationship that led to the breakup.
When you’re grieving, it’s natural to focus only on the good parts of your relationship. But no relationship is perfect, and being honest about the issues will give you some valuable perspective.
When you see that your relationship wasn’t all sunshine and roses, it will help you heal and move on much more quickly.
And if the plan is to get back your ex, understanding the problems will allow you to fix them and give your relationship the best chance of working in the future. Or maybe you’ll realize that you were in the relationship for the wrong reasons, and it’s time to move on.
5. You can make you ex jealous
You can also send your ex the following text before you start the No Contact Rule:
I think it’s great that we agreed to see other people. It’s much better if we stay friends for now.
This text seems innocent, but it will make your ex feel pangs of jealousy whether he wants to or not.
Subtly, you’re telling him that other guys want you. His imagination will go wild with thoughts of what you’re doing with all these other guys while he can’t have any contact with you.
6. You can rediscover yourself
It’s natural for some of the personality and beliefs of your partner to rub off onto you. You know them so well it sometimes feels like you can read their mind.
When the relationship ends, this can magnify your sense of loss even more. It can feel like you’ve lost some of your identity.
During the No Contact Rule period, it’s essential to spend time rediscovering yourself. You need to learn to love yourself for who you are, not who you were as part of a couple.
7. You have time to handle your emotions
When the breakup is fresh, you’re filled with raw emotional pain. All you can think about is how alone you feel.
This is the absolute worst time to be communicating with your ex and trying to convince them to take you back. You’re almost certainly going to let your emotions overcome you and say something to make things worse.
The No Contact Rule gives you time to get a handle on your emotions so you can regain your personal power and confidence.
8. You can remember life before your ex
It can be challenging to remember what it felt like to be single when you’re in a long-term relationship. As you’re healing, focus on the positive memories of what life was like before your relationship.
And even better, embrace that life during the No Contact Rule. Take the time to relearn what it’s like to enjoy your own company and be by yourself.
9. You can heal and forgive
You’re the one who got dumped, so it’s likely you feel a lot of resentment and anger towards your ex.
And if your relationship had problems, you probably both did and said things you regret towards the end. But even though you’re shocked and angry, you might still love your ex and know that you want them back.
The No Contact Rule gives you time to process your anger, forgive your ex and focus on the underlying love you feel. After all, there’s no point getting back together if you can’t forgive them.
10. You realize you have options
When you feel up to it, dip your toe back into the dating game and see what’s out there. It will do wonders for your self-esteem and remind you that there’s a whole world of attractive people out there.
Just be careful of rebound relationships. They’ve got their place, but they aren’t a substitute for dealing with the underlying pain of your breakup.
Tips when using the No Contact Rule
1. Rely on a friend for support
When implementing the No Contact Rule, my advice is to choose a trusted friend and ask them to support you through the process.
As soon as you feel yourself weakening and you’re tempted to make contact with your ex, call your friend instead. Your friend can talk you down off the ledge and remind you why it’s a bad idea to make contact with your ex before you’re ready.
2. Never weaken and answer their calls or texts
It’s one thing to be strict about not contacting your ex, but what if they try to contact you? If your phone rings and you see their name on the screen, you’re going to be very tempted to answer it. Surely just hearing what they have to say can’t do any harm? Hold firm and resist the temptation. If it helps, you can even block their number for the duration of the No Contact Period.
3. Avoid everywhere you might run into them
If you live in the same area or have mutual friends, it might be hard to avoid running into your ex. There are so many opportunities to accidentally bump into them while you’re going about your daily activities.
If it does happen, play it cool. Give them a brief smile and a wave, and quickly move on. It might be a little awkward, but much less so than getting drawn into an awkward or emotionally heated conversation.
4. Use social media
I’ve already mentioned that the No Contact Rule means staying away from your ex’s social media. But that doesn’t mean you can’t post on yours.
Don’t be afraid to post photos of yourself enjoying single life to ensure your ex knows what they are missing. Just make sure it looks natural and not like you’re trying to convince them you’re having a great time.
The best way to get your ex back
If you’re looking for a step-by-step instruction manual that will show you exactly how to get back your ex, I recommend you check out the “Ex Factor Guide” by Brad Browning.
There are many ‘get your ex back’ products out there, but the Ex Factor Guide is by far the most practical and comprehensive guide ever written on the subject. No matter how unique your breakup was, I’m positive Brad will have helpful advice for your situation and answer all your questions in detail.
Even better, the Ex Factor Guide contains hundreds of real-world examples of Brad’s sneaky (but highly effective) psychological techniques that he has tested on real couples. For example, the section on text messages will give you dozens of example messages you can send to your ex to get a response and make them start to miss you.
Brad claims that over 90% of relationships can be successfully repaired. That’s a bold claim, but after reading The Ex Factor Guide, I think he’s legit. Brad is a certified relationship counselor and has spent over ten years helping men and women repair their broken relationships. His experience has helped him develop dozens of unique, groundbreaking ideas I’ve never seen anywhere else.
Check out Brad’s free video presentation to learn more about all his sneaky psychological techniques. If you apply his methods, there’s an excellent chance you’ll have your ex begging for a second chance.
