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The good news is that it’s totally possible to get back your ex. However, it’s not going to happen overnight, and it’s very easy to make a mistake that will ruin your chances forever.
Perhaps you’ve been considering a grand gesture that will prove your love and make your ex forget all the bad times. Or maybe your plan is to “accidentally” run into them every few days to make sure they don’t forget about you. If you’re feeling really desperate, you might even have considered begging your ex to take you back.
All these ideas are huge mistakes, and they will make you look desperate and drive your ex even further away. Keep reading to learn all the big mistakes to avoid when trying to get back your ex.
1. Ignoring the no contact rule
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when getting back your ex is ignoring the no contact rule. In case you’re not familiar with the no contact rule, here’s a brief explanation:
The no contact rule is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. After a breakup, you cut off all contact with your ex for a certain amount of time. Depending on who you talk to, the time varies, but we recommend at least 30 days.
It’s essential to take the no contact rule seriously. This means no texts, no calls, and no “accidentally” running into your ex. You should even avoid looking at their social media accounts.
So why is the no contact rule so important when getting back your ex?
- It gives you time to grieve and get a handle on your emotions. If you contact your ex when you’re likely to get angry or upset, it will ruin your chances of getting them back.
- It removes the temptation to beg them to take you back. Begging makes you look weak and desperate and won’t work.
- You can spend the no contact rule time working on yourself, so you look and feel amazing when you make contact with your ex again.
2. Sleeping with your ex before you’re back together
There are several good reasons you shouldn’t sleep with your ex before you officially get back together with them:
- It’s too easy for your ex to start using you for sex when they’re lonely or bored without any intention of getting back together with you.
- It builds the anticipation of how amazing the sex will be when you finally get back together.
- It protects you emotionally from getting even more hurt if your plan to get your ex back doesn’t work out.
Keep in mind that it’s totally okay to flirt with your ex and remind them what they’re missing. Just don’t cross the line and put yourself in a position where you can be taken advantage of.
3. Begging your ex to take you back
Even if the breakup was entirely your fault, begging them to stay is not going to make your ex want to get back together with you. It will make you look desperate and weak and give them way too much power over you that they can easily abuse.
Your plan should be to eventually make your ex come crawling back to you. They need to feel like it’s their idea, and they’re doing you a favor by getting back together.
Another related mistake is trying to bargain to get back your ex. Examples of bargaining include negotiating with them on how you’ll change to make them happy or things you’ll do for them if they agree to take you back.
Again, this makes you look desperate and out of control, and it’s also a huge turn-off for most people. You need to be fully in control during the reconciliation process and have a clear idea of what you want and how to make it happen.
4. Not cleaning the slate
When emotions run hot, and you feel desperate and out of control, it’s easy to say or do things you regret. In fact, many people cause more damage to their relationship after they break up than while they were together.
If this sounds familiar, you need to wipe the slate clean and start fresh with your ex. Otherwise, all they will remember are the toxic and hurtful things you said as your relationship fell apart.
5. Lying about other people you’ve slept with
After a breakup, it’s tempting to lie about who you’ve been with to massage your ego and make your ex feel jealous. This is also a mistake.
For starters, jumping into bed with someone else so soon after your breakup will make your ex question how much you ever truly cared about them. It’s also a very immature and transparent ploy to make your ex jealous that they’ll see through in an instant.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of ways to covertly make your ex jealous. But lying about all the random people you’ve had sex with isn’t one of them.
Related post: How to make a guy jealous (14 easy ways)
6. Losing control of your emotions
It’s critical to stay in complete control of your emotions whenever you’re around your ex. They should only ever see you as a happy and confident person who’s enjoying life to the fullest.
This is the best way to trigger their fear of loss and make them question why they broke up with you in the first place. If you break down in tears or get angry, it will remind them why they broke up with you and make them feel glad your relationship is over.
Using the 30 day no contact rule is the best way to give yourself the emotional strength to spend time around your ex without freaking out. And if you’re going through a rough patch and have any doubts, stay away until you’ve fully regained control of your emotions.
7. Making grand gestures to get your ex back
It might be tempting to go all in and make some kind of grand gesture to get your ex back as quickly as possible. Maybe you think buying them an expensive gift will win them over. Or perhaps you’ve considered standing below their bedroom window in the rain and professing your undying love with a song.
Trust me, none of these things will work.
In fact, any grand gesture you make is likely to have the opposite effect and scare your ex away for good. When it comes to getting back your ex, subtlety is key. You need to slowly but surely show them that you’re serious about fixing things and that you’ve changed for the better. Anything more than that, and you’ll come across as desperate, needy, and out of control.
8. Pretending to run into them
It’s a mistake to think “accidentally” running into your ex is a good idea. It’s easy to see through, and it will make you look like a stalker.
A much better idea is to simply send your ex a message and plan a casual catch-up. It’s much more likely to be received well, and it avoids the whole embarrassing situation of pretending to accidentally bump into them.
So what happens if you do genuinely run into your ex at a party or in the street? Just be friendly, keep things light and casual, and don’t mention anything to do with your relationship.
You might also like: 14 signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
9. Inventing fake reasons to see them
Making up reasons to see your ex is also a mistake when trying to get them back. Some classic examples include returning an item they left at your place or asking them for advice on a project you’re doing at school or work.
Much like pretending to run into them, it’s so obvious that you’re just desperate and looking for any excuse to see them. It also makes you look like you have no life or self-respect, and you’ll do anything just to get them back.
The best way to get your ex back
If you’re looking for a step-by-step instruction manual that will show you exactly how to get back your ex, I recommend you check out the “Ex Factor Guide” by Brad Browning.
There are many ‘get your ex back’ products out there, but the Ex Factor Guide is by far the most practical and comprehensive guide ever written on the subject. No matter how unique your breakup was, I’m positive Brad will have helpful advice for your situation and answer all your questions in detail.
Even better, the Ex Factor Guide contains hundreds of real-world examples of Brad’s sneaky (but highly effective) psychological techniques that he has tested on real couples. For example, the section on text messages will give you dozens of example messages you can send to your ex to get a response and make them start to miss you.
Brad claims that over 90% of relationships can be successfully repaired. That’s a bold claim, but after reading The Ex Factor Guide, I think he’s legit. Brad is a certified relationship counselor and has spent over ten years helping men and women repair their broken relationships. His experience has helped him develop dozens of unique, groundbreaking ideas I’ve never seen anywhere else.
Check out Brad’s free video presentation to learn more about all his sneaky psychological techniques. If you apply his methods, there’s an excellent chance you’ll have your ex begging for a second chance.
10. Taking all the blame for your breakup
Don’t take all the blame for your failed relationship, even if you think it’s entirely your fault that you broke up. It sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out.
Taking the blame is the same as admitting everything was your fault. This will make your ex feel like they made the right decision and give you less chance of winning them back. And look, the reality is that problems in relationships are rarely the fault of just one person.
You also want to avoid reminding your ex of how bad things were between you because it will further justify their decision to move on.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t sincerely apologize for any bad behavior or mistakes you made. Just don’t give your ex an excuse to never want you back at all.
11. Not knowing what to say when you see your ex
There’s nothing worse than being caught off guard and not knowing what to say when you see your ex. Stumbling over your words makes you look like a mess, and it’s a pretty clear signal that you’re still pining for them. It’s also completely understandable because you’re nervous and desperately trying to act cool, calm, and collected.
Even if your ex says something completely dismissive or rude, don’t take it personally and stay calm. Try to keep things light and stick to topics that don’t require much explanation.
Brad Browning has the perfect solution if you’re struggling with words when you see your ex. He’s developed a series of sentences you can memorize that will give you the perfect thing to say no matter what situation you’re in.
Having these sentences memorized is like having a superpower. It takes all the stress away from interacting with your ex and gives you the confidence that you’ll never be caught off guard or embarrassed. Over time, as you build confidence and trust with your ex, you’ll rely less and less on these guides.
12. Drunk dialing your ex
You need to be stone-cold sober and fully in control of every interaction you have with your ex (until you’re firmly back together).
Drunk dialing your ex is a guaranteed way to make you look like an emotional wreck, and it will come across as sad and desperate. Not to mention the shame and humiliation you’ll feel the following day and the dawning realization that you just blew any chance you had of getting them back.
If you start feeling tempted to call your ex when you’re drunk, block or delete their number from your phone. Even better, give your phone to a friend while you’re drinking and make them promise not to give it back to you under any circumstances.
13. Asking them about their love life
It doesn’t do you any good to know the details of your ex’s love life, and it might even make you look intrusive or needy. And if they are seeing someone else, it will probably just make you feel upset or angry. If your ex brings up the fact that they’re seeing someone else, keep it relaxed and casual. Just politely change the subject and don’t ask for details or photos.
14. Gossiping about your ex behind their back
Gossiping about your ex behind their back is a tempting way to make yourself feel better if your breakup was traumatic. But it’s definitely not the mature thing to do and will only make you look petty and desperate. Not only that, but your ex is likely to find out what you’re saying sooner rather than later, and it will ruin any chance of reconciling with them in the future.
15. Stalking them on social media
Don’t stalk your ex on social media. It’s a massive waste of time and will only make you feel worse in the long run. Not to mention, it’s creepy and obsessive behavior that is likely to scare them off for good.
If you’re struggling with the temptation to stalk your ex online, hide their posts from your timeline, or simply don’t look at them. Better yet, ask a friend to watch your ex for you and report back any changes in their relationship status or posts that might be worth investigating.
The one thing you don’t want to do is unfollow them altogether. This makes it look like you’re holding a grudge and are not ready to let go of the past.
16. Giving your ex an ultimatum
Giving your ex any kind of “last chance” ultimatum is possibly the worst mistake you can make if you want them back. It will make them feel trapped and resentful, and it will push them even further away. If you really want them back, the only way to do it is to subtly guide them into making the decision on their own.
17. Not having a plan
I’m not going to lie. Getting your ex back will take time, and there are no guarantees it will work. All you can do is avoid making mistakes that will push your ex further away and develop a solid plan to get them back.
Hopefully, all the tips in this article will help you avoid making mistakes, but how do you make a plan to get back your ex?
When people ask me this question, I always recommend Brad Browning. Brad is a leading relationship expert and he’s helped literally thousands of men and women get back their ex when they thought all hope was lost.
He’s the first to admit that there’s no magic bullet when it comes to getting back your ex. But I believe his advice will give you the best possible chance of success.
