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Feeling like you don’t matter makes your entire existence feel pointless. Nothing you do makes a difference, nobody cares what you think, and nothing would change if you didn’t exist at all.
There are many reasons why these feelings of insignificance can invade your mind. Relationship problems, mental illness, trauma, loneliness, and even recognizing how vast the universe is can alter your perception and make you feel like you don’t matter.
Not only that, but constant pressure from society pushes you to do more, be more, want more, and achieve more. It’s difficult to feel like you matter at all when the world is changing and moving so fast.
The good news is that once you recognize these feelings, there are many things you can do to overcome them and learn to feel like you matter again.
Why do you feel like you don’t matter?
To overcome feeling like you don’t matter, you first have to understand why you feel that way. Once you understand the root cause of your feelings, finding a solution will be much easier. Here are some possibilities to consider.
1. You compare yourself to others
Comparing yourself to other people is a recipe for feeling like you don’t matter. Social media constantly bombards you with images of perfect people living amazing lives, and it’s no wonder you feel like your “ordinary” life doesn’t matter.
The truth is that social media is an illusion. People only post the best parts of their lives online, and nobody’s life is as perfect as it seems. If you find yourself constantly comparing your life to others, remind yourself that everyone has their own problems, even those you admire. Instead of comparison, focus on gratitude for what you have in your own life.
2. Your relationship defines you
Nothing is more meaningful than being in a loving and supportive relationship. It’s like a security blanket that keeps you warm and safe from the outside world.
However, when your relationship is the main thing that defines you, it can be easy to lose yourself. You outsource your happiness and sense of self-worth to someone else and take your foot off the gas when it comes to loving yourself.
That feels fine while things are going well, but what happens if your relationship ends or becomes toxic? It feels like a big part of your identity has been ripped away, and you’re left feeling you don’t matter anymore.
Having a strong relationship with yourself is crucial, independent of any other person in your life. That way, you’ll always have a sense of self-worth and confidence, no matter what happens in your relationships.
3. You’re suffering from a mental health issue
Mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder can make you feel worthless and like nothing you do matters. These conditions skew your perception of reality and make it difficult to see the good in yourself and your life.
If you suffer from a mental health issue, it’s important to seek professional help. A psychologist or therapist can help you understand your thoughts and feelings and give you the tools to deal with them. Medication can also effectively treat many mental health issues by rebalancing the neurotransmitters in your brain that control your mood.
4. You’re dealing with childhood trauma
There are several reasons why you might feel like you don’t matter if you experienced trauma in childhood. Maybe your parents were absent or emotionally abusive, and you never felt loved or valued, or perhaps you were bullied at school and made to feel like an outsider.
These experiences are often carried into adulthood and can profoundly affect your sense of self-worth. You feel like you don’t deserve good friends, a successful job, or a loving relationship. In extreme cases, you may even seek out destructive relationships as a subconscious way of reaffirming that you’re not worthy and don’t matter.
5. Your work defines you
Like many people, you may have fallen into the trap of attributing too much of your self-worth to what you do for a living. This happens because society trains us to believe that our worth is based on what we do, not who we are.
You might feel like what you do every day at work doesn’t matter, or you work hard but never receive recognition for your contribution. When you see your work as an extension of yourself, these feelings can bleed over into your personal life and make you feel like you don’t matter.
It’s important to remember that your work is just a tiny part of who you are. It doesn’t define you as a person and certainly doesn’t determine your worth.
6. You push other people away
When you feel like you don’t matter, it’s easy to become withdrawn and push other people away. You may feel like nobody could ever really love or understand you, so why bother trying?
However, isolating yourself in this way will only make you feel worse. Humans are social creatures, and we need connections with others to thrive. When you push people away, you’re depriving yourself of the chance to form meaningful bonds, and you’re likely to feel even more alone and worthless.
7. You engage in negative self-talk
Negative self-talk is a destructive habit that can quickly spiral out of control if left unchecked. It’s when you constantly tell yourself things like “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never be successful,” or “I don’t matter.”
These negative thoughts become ingrained in your subconscious and can have a damaging effect on your self-esteem. If you find yourself thinking this way on a regular basis, it’s important to challenge your thoughts. Are they really true? What evidence do you have to support them?
8. You’re lonely
Up to 60% of Americans report feeling lonely, and loneliness has been linked to a whole host of mental and physical health issues. When you’re lonely, it’s easy to believe that nobody cares about you and you don’t matter.
Loneliness doesn’t just affect people who spend a lot of time alone. Many of the loneliest people live in big cities, have friends, and are surrounded by people all day long. The lack of connection you feel with other people causes loneliness, not the number of people you have in your life.
The problem is that loneliness can be a vicious cycle that’s hard to break. The more lonely you feel, the more withdrawn you become, and the more withdrawn you become, the lonelier you feel. It’s easy to miss the fact that people care about you and think you matter when you’re caught up in this cycle.
9. You’re afraid to ask for help
Feeling like you don’t matter is a common symptom of low self-esteem, and people with low self-esteem often find it difficult to ask for help. They think they should be able to cope on their own and don’t want to burden other people.
However, asking for support is a strength, not a weakness. It takes courage to reach out and ask for help, and it’s a sign that you value yourself and your relationships. When you feel like you don’t matter, reach out to a friend or family member and let them know what’s going on. Talking to a therapist is also great for getting support and perspective.
10. You feel small against the universe
Have you ever sat back and thought about how big the universe is? It’s easy to feel like you’re small and insignificant when you consider the vast emptiness of space.
When you go down this road, you can conclude that nothing you do will ever matter because you’re just a tiny speck in the universe. But this way of thinking is flawed for two reasons.
Firstly, there are billions of stars and planets out there, but we’re the only known planet we know that has intelligent life. We may be tiny compared to the universe, but we’re still pretty special.
Second, and more importantly, this way of thinking takes away your power. It’s easy to feel like you can’t make a difference, but you still have the ability to make a significant impact, no matter who you are or where you’re from.
How stop feeling like you don’t matter
So how do you stop feeling like you don’t matter? Here are 12 things you can do.
1. Reframe your negative thoughts
Cognitive reframing is a technique that helps you change how you think about something. It’s a simple but powerful tool that can help you overcome feelings of insignificance and low self-esteem.
If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do this,” or “nobody cares about me,” you can reframe them in a more positive light.
Try to come up with at least one counterargument for each negative thought. For example, “I’m not good enough” could be challenged with “I’ve done well in the past” or “I’ll get better with practice.”
The more you practice challenging and reframing your negative thoughts, the easier it will become, and eventually, you’ll start to shift your thinking in a more positive direction.
2. Focus on your success
Do you often find yourself dwelling on your failures? It’s easy to focus on the things you didn’t do well, but it’s important to remember your successes as well.
Think about a time when you achieved something you’re proud of, no matter how small. Maybe you got a good grade on a test, helped a friend in need, or accomplished something at work. Whatever it is, reflect on what went well and what you did to make it happen.
Focusing on your successes will help you realize that you do have the ability to achieve things and make a difference. It will also boost your self-confidence and remind you that you matter and are capable of great things.
3. Change your perspective
It’s important to recognize that your view of reality isn’t actually reality. Everyone views the world through their own unique lens, and your beliefs and experiences shape how you see yourself and the world around you.
Imagine someone else in your situation. Would they feel the same way as you do? Maybe not. Where you see failure, hopelessness, or insignificance, they might see opportunity, gratitude, or wonder.
This doesn’t invalidate your feelings in any way, but it is a reminder that your perspective isn’t necessarily valid or useful. When you feel like you don’t matter, try to step outside of yourself and look at the situation from a different perspective.
4. Don’t play the victim
It’s easy to succumb to a victim mentality when you think you don’t matter. You start to believe that the world is out to get you and that you’re not in control of your life.
But playing the victim does nothing but keep you stuck in a cycle of feeling powerless and insignificant. It’s important to remember that you always have a choice, no matter what situation you’re in.
You may not be able to control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react and what you do next. Instead of feeling like a victim, take charge of your life and decide to do something about your situation.
5. Get out of your comfort zone
One of the main reasons people feel like they don’t matter is because they’re not living a life that feels authentic or fulfilling. They go through the motions daily, without taking any risks or doing anything that truly matters to them.
If you’re in a rut, it’s time to get out of your comfort zone and start living a life that’s true to you. Do something that scares you, meet new people, try new things, and push yourself outside your comfort zone.
It may be scary at first, but you’ll soon realize that you’re capable of much more than you ever thought possible. And as you start to live a more authentic and fulfilling life, you’ll also begin to feel like you matter a lot more.
6. Practice self-care
When you prioritize self-care, you’re sending a strong message to yourself that says, “I matter.” Self-care looks different for everyone, but it’s about putting yourself first and making time for things that make you feel good physically and emotionally.
You should always be your own biggest cheerleader and focus much less on how other people see you. Prioritize your happiness and well-being, and you’ll start to feel like you matter much more.
7. Don’t rely on external validation
If you rely on external validation from others, it will be tough to ever feel like you matter. You’re always waiting for someone else to tell you that you’re good enough or doing a good job.
Instead, find ways to validate yourself and become your own biggest fan. Set yourself goals and give yourself credit when you reach them. Acknowledge your accomplishments, both big and small, and be proud of what you’ve achieved.
It’s also important to practice self-compassion. Be understanding, forgive yourself when you make mistakes, and remember that nobody is perfect.
And when someone treats you like you don’t matter, remember that it says more about them than it does about you. Their opinion doesn’t have to define you or your worth.
8. Nurture your relationships
It’s easy to stay isolated and withdrawn when you feel like you don’t matter. You assume that no one would ever want to be friends with you, so you don’t even bother trying to meet new people. Even worse, you feel like a burden on the people that already care about you, so you start pushing them away.
We all need human connection to feel happy and fulfilled, so nurture your relationships. Even when it feels hard, make an effort to reach out to your loved ones and let them know how much you appreciate them.
And if you’re feeling lonely, there are plenty of ways to meet new people and make meaningful connections. There are groups and clubs for just about everything, so it’s easy to find people with similar interests. You can also use social media and online dating platforms to connect with people from all over the world.
9. Practice gratitude
One of the best ways to remind yourself how much you matter is to practice gratitude. Focusing on all the good in your life makes it much easier to see just how valuable you are.
Start each day by taking a few minutes to think about things you’re grateful for. Maybe it’s your health, family, friends, or job. Whatever it is, take the time to appreciate it and be thankful.
10. Engage your mind
One of the best ways to feel like you matter is to engage your mind in activities that make you think and learn. Mentally challenges help increase your self-confidence and remind you of just how capable you are.
Read books, take classes, start discussions, and ask questions. The more engaged your mind is, the more likely you will feel like you have a valuable role in the world.
11. Give back
There are plenty of ways to give back, whether volunteering your time, donating money to charity, or simply helping a friend in need. Giving back makes you feel good and helps you see just how much value you have to offer.
If you have a particular skill or knowledge, consider teaching it to someone else. Sharing your expertise is a great way to make a difference and feel like you matter. Perhaps you’re a great cook and can teach a cooking class. Or maybe you’re good with numbers and can help someone with their taxes. Whatever it is, find ways to use your skills and pass on your expertise.
12. Find your voice
Speaking up for yourself is a reminder that your opinion matters and you have a right to be heard. It can be difficult to find your voice, especially if you feel like you don’t matter.
If you have an opinion, share it with the world. And if you’re passionate about something, educate others and make them aware of the issues. There are plenty of ways to use your voice, whether through writing, art, music, or everyday conversation.
The more you use your voice, the more confident you’ll feel, and the more likely you will realize just how much you have to offer.
13. Consider professional help
Feeling like you don’t matter robs you of your self-worth and can be extremely painful. If you’re struggling to overcome these feelings on your own, it may be time to seek professional help.
A therapist can help you understand your thoughts and feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms. They can also give you an outside perspective and help you challenge negative thoughts about yourself.
Final thoughts
When you feel like you don’t matter, it’s easy to give up and feel like there’s no point in trying. But it’s important to remember that you do matter and that your life has value.
No matter how hard things seem, don’t give up on yourself. Keep going and remind yourself that you’re worth the effort.
