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Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissists often have difficulty maintaining relationships because they lack self-awareness and can’t see things from anyone else’s perspective. They also tend to be very impulsive and prone to outbursts of anger or aggression.
If you think you might be a narcissist, there are steps you can take to manage your behavior. In this article, I’ll cover everything you need to know about narcissism, including the signs and symptoms of the disorder, how to get help, and what you can do to correct your narcissistic tendencies.
What is a narcissist?
Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration. This often results in outbursts of aggression and rage when they don’t get the recognition they think they deserve. They also have difficulty maintaining relationships because they lack empathy and can’t see things from anyone else’s perspective.
There are several signs and symptoms that can indicate whether someone is a narcissist. Some of these include:
- An exaggerated sense of self-importance
- A need for constant admiration and attention
- A lack of empathy for others
- A sense of entitlement
- A tendency to be manipulative or exploitative
- A history of making impulsive decisions
- A pattern of exhibiting aggressive or violent behavior
How do I know if I’m a narcissist?
If you’re worried that you might be a narcissist, there are a few things you can do to assess your behavior. First, consider whether you have any of the signs and symptoms listed above. Do you think you’re better and more important than everyone around you? Do you get angry or frustrated when people don’t notice how great you are? Do you have difficulty empathizing with others or seeing things from their perspective? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s possible that you might be a narcissist.
Another way to gauge whether you might be a narcissist is to think about how your behavior affects those around you. Do your relationships often end in conflict? Are people always telling you that you’re self-centered or selfish? If so, these could be signs that your narcissism is causing problems in your life.
The problem with self-diagnosing narcissism is that it’s easy to mistake narcissism for confidence or assertiveness. Narcissistic personalities also tend to lack self-awareness, so even if you are a narcissist, you might not realize it or be willing to acknowledge that your behavior is problematic.
If you’re worried that you might be a narcissist, the best thing to do is to talk to a mental health professional who can help you assess your behavior and provide treatment if necessary.
Examples of narcissistic behavior
There are many different ways that narcissism can manifest itself, but all narcissistic behaviors involve a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. Here are some more specific examples of narcissistic behavior:
- You expect special treatment and get angry or resentful when you don’t get what you want.
- You will use any means necessary to win an argument, including lying or manipulating others.
- You think you’re always right and that your opinion is the only one that matters.
- You have a hard time taking criticism, even when it’s constructive and delivered with empathy
- You put down and belittle people who you see as inferior to you.
- You believe that the world owes you something and that you deserve special treatment.
- In relationships, you’re always looking for ways to be in control, and you have difficulty being emotionally intimate with your partner.
- You change jobs and partners a lot because you get bored easily or you feel like you’re not being appreciated enough.
What causes someone to become a narcissist?
There is no single cause of narcissism. Instead, it is thought to result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors.
Some experts believe narcissistic personality disorder is more common among people raised in families where one or both parents are narcissistic. Children who are raised by narcissists often learn to imitate their parent’s behavior and develop narcissistic personality traits themselves.
There is also some evidence to suggest that specific life experiences may increase the risk of developing a narcissistic personality disorder. For example, people who experience childhood trauma or neglect are more likely to become narcissists. Additionally, people who have been raised in highly competitive environments or who have experienced significant life disruptions (such as divorce or the death of a parent) may also be more likely to develop narcissism.
Other experts believe that narcissism is partially due to genetic factors and that some people are simply born with a greater predisposition for narcissistic tendencies. However, it’s important to remember that even if someone has a genetic predisposition for narcissism, this doesn’t mean they will automatically become a narcissist.
Interestingly, studying the brain of narcissists has revealed that they can show less activity in the parts of the brain that are responsible for empathy and regulating emotions. This suggests that narcissism may, at least partially, result from an underlying neurological condition.
Can a narcissist change?
If you suffer from narcissistic personality disorder and want to improve your behavior, years of professional psychotherapy will be required to change your fundamental belief system and the way you relate to other people. Even then, how much you can actually change is still debatable and highly dependent on the individual.
One of the biggest challenges for narcissists is that they tend to be very resistant to change. This is because, in their minds, they are already perfect and don’t need to change anything about themselves.
However, if you are self-aware enough to see your narcissistic behavior as a problem, then you have a great shot at making positive changes in your life. The fact that you’re even reading this article shows that you’re taking the first step in the right direction.
How to stop being a narcissist
Regardless of whether you’re a narcissist or just a shallow or selfish person, there are many things you can start doing right now to become a better person and improve your relationships.
Here are 17 practical tips to help you start down the path of recovery:
1. Admit that you exhibit narcissist tendencies
The first step toward changing your behavior is admitting that you have a problem. If you’re reading this, you can probably already see the damage your narcissistic behavior has caused.
Whether it’s ruined relationships, cost you job opportunities, or made you an unlikeable person, it’s essential to acknowledge the negative impact that your narcissism has had on your life.
Be honest with yourself about your motivations. Why do you act the way you do? Are you looking for attention or validation? Are you trying to control or manipulate people? Once you understand your motivations, you can start to work on changing them.
2. Have a genuine desire to change
Admitting that you have a problem is only the first step. If you want to truly change your behavior, you need to have a genuine desire to improve yourself. This means being willing to put in the hard work required to reverse years of ingrained behavior patterns. It won’t be easy, but if you’re committed to making a real change, then it’s definitely possible.
Start by taking time to think about the negative impact your narcissism has on your life and the people around you. How does your behavior make you feel? Do you like the person you’ve become? If not, then what kind of person do you want to be?
3. Seek professional psychotherapy
Changing highly ingrained behavior patterns is very difficult to do by yourself. If you’re serious about making a change, then professional therapy can be an invaluable tool.
A therapist can help you understand the root causes of your narcissistic behavior and develop strategies for changing your thoughts and actions. If you’re not ready to commit to professional therapy, many helpful self-help books and online resources are available.
4. Identify what triggers your narcissist behavior
Most narcissists have specific triggers that cause them to act out in a narcissistic way. If you can identify your triggers, you can start to control your behavior before it gets out of hand.
Some common triggers include feeling ignored, rejected, or criticized. If you’re aware of what sets off your narcissistic behavior, then you can begin to develop coping mechanisms to deal with those triggers in a healthy way.
5. Practice gratitude
A great way to help counter narcissistic tendencies is to practice gratitude. When you’re feeling angry, neglected, or ignored, take a moment to reflect on all the good things in your life.
You might be grateful for the people in your life that still love you. Or perhaps you’re thankful for your health, job, or home. Recognizing all the good things in your life can help you put your problems into perspective and stop feeling so entitled all the time. It can also help you develop a more positive outlook on life and have compassion toward others less fortunate.
6. Practice self-reflection
Without a lot of self-reflection, it’s impossible to change narcissistic behavior. You need to take a long, hard look at yourself and your actions to see where you need to improve.
Self reflection means being honest with yourself, even when it’s painful. Are you really as great as you think you are? Do your achievements really make you better than other people? If you want to change your narcissistic behavior, then you need to be able to see yourself objectively and accept your flaws.
7. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness involves calming your mind so you can step back from your thoughts and emotions and observe them dispassionately and without judgment. It helps you become more aware of the present moment and the people around you, leading to more genuine and compassionate interactions with others.
Mindfulness is a beneficial skill for managing narcissistic behavior because it allows you to see your reactions to triggers and stop your negative emotions before they take over.
Many free apps and online resources are available to help you get started. Once you’ve learned some basic techniques, you can start using them in your everyday life to help control your narcissistic behavior.
8. Take responsibility for your actions
Narcissists often have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions. If you want to change your narcissistic behavior, you need to start owning up to the things you do that hurt others.
When you recognize that you’ve hurt someone or behaved in a narcissistic way, take responsibility for your actions and apologize. Don’t make excuses or try to rationalize your behavior. Just admit that you were wrong and commit to doing better in the future.
9. Learn to accept criticism
Narcissists often have a hard time taking criticism, even when it’s constructive. If you want to stop being a narcissist, you must learn to accept criticism gracefully.
The trick is to assume that people are giving you criticism because they want to help you, not because they’re trying to tear you down. Thank the person for their feedback, and then take some time to think about what they said. You don’t have to agree with everything, but try to see the validity of their points.
10. Think before you speak
Before you say something, train yourself to pause for a beat and think about how your words might affect the other person. Will they feel hurt, offended, or belittled by what you’re about to say?
If the answer is yes, then reframe your words in a more considerate and compassionate way. You don’t have to agree with everything the other person says, but it’s important to find a way to express yourself without putting them down or sounding arrogant or entitled.
11. Put yourself in other people’s shoes
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It’s a crucial trait for managing narcissistic behavior because it allows you to see things from the other person’s perspective and understand their feelings.
The next time you’re in a conflict with someone, try to put yourself in their shoes. What might be causing them to react the way they are? What are their goals and needs in this situation? When you can understand where the other person is coming from, it’s easier to find a resolution that works for both of you.
12. Let go of the need to control
Giving up control doesn’t make you weak or powerless. It actually shows that you’re confident and secure enough to trust other people to make decisions.
Instead of always demanding that things are done your way, ask people for their opinion and be open to hearing different points of view. Listen to their arguments and see if there’s any merit to what they’re saying. You don’t have to agree with them, but by being open-minded, you can find common ground and come up with creative solutions that everyone can agree on.
By letting go of the need to control, you’ll find that other people are more likely to respond positively to you and be willing to work with you.
13. Be assertive, not aggressive
Assertiveness is the ability to express your needs and wants clearly and respectfully. It’s the middle ground between aggressiveness and passive behavior.
When you’re assertive, you don’t put other people down or try to control them. You simply state your case in a confident and respectful way. This allows you to get what you want without trampling on the rights of others.
14. Accept your flaws and weaknesses
No one is perfect, and that includes you. Accepting your flaws and weaknesses doesn’t make you weak or inferior. It shows that you’re strong enough to admit when you’re wrong or need help.
Instead of putting yourself on a pedestal, try to be more down-to-earth and humble. Acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them. Ask for help when you need it. Doing this will show people that you’re human and just like them, making them more likely to trust and respect you.
15. Be aware of your body language
Your body language communicates a lot about how you’re feeling, so it’s essential to be aware of the messages you’re sending with your posture, facial expressions, and gestures.
If you’re trying to come across as confident and self-assured, ensure your body language is open and welcoming. Stand up straight, make eye contact, and smile. On the other hand, if you’re trying to appear more approachable and friendly, avoid crossing your arms or looking away from people.
16. Learn to listen more than you speak
Many narcissists tend to dominate conversations and do all the talking. But if you want people to listen to you, you need to learn to listen more than you speak.
Make an effort to really hear what the other person is saying. Ask questions and clarifications when needed. Resist the urge to interrupt or talk over them. And most importantly, try to see things from their perspective. When you do this, you’ll find that people are more likely to listen to you and be willing to hear what you have to say.
17. Give back to others
When you focus on making other people’s lives better, you become less self-centered and more compassionate. Even simple acts of kindness like lending a listening ear, offering words of encouragement, or doing a favor can make a big difference in someone’s life.
