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Bad things happen to people every day. And when something bad happens to you, it hurts, but you pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
But does it ever feel like bad things keep happening to you? As soon as you recover from one disaster, the next thing happens, and you’re left reeling again. It’s like a hidden conspiracy is going on to ensure you never get more than a moment of peace and happiness.
And to make things worse, everyone around you seems to be sailing through life without a care in the world. Even the cheats, liars, and criminals of the world always seem to come out on top. So what’s wrong with you? Why is it that bad things keep happening to you?
1. You have a negativity bias
A negativity bias occurs when your brain gives more weight to negative experiences than positive ones. In other words, you’ve become hardwired to focus on the bad and ignore the good. You remember negative experiences more than positive ones and react more strongly to them.
This makes good sense from an evolutionary perspective. Our ancestors needed to react quickly to danger, so their brains evolved to pay more attention to potential threats. These days, we don’t have to worry about being eaten by wild animals, but the negativity bias still exists.
The problem is that focusing on the negative can lead to a distorted view of reality. It skews how you look at the world and causes everything to appear worse than it really is.
For example, you give a presentation at work, and everything goes well. But afterward, one of your colleagues mentions a small mistake you made. Instead of thinking about all the positive feedback you received, you fixate on the tiny mistake and feel like a complete idiot for the rest of the day.
Or let’s say you have a great day out with friends. You spend the day laughing and having fun, but on the way home, you lose your phone. All the good times are instantly forgotten, and you spend the next week dwelling on your misfortune.
2. You’ve created a self-fulfilling prophecy
When bad things keep happening to you, it’s easy to start believing that the world is against you. You think that you’re cursed and that no matter what you do, things will always go wrong.
This creates a self fulfilling prophecy where your negative beliefs become a reality. If you believe that bad things will keep happening to you, then they probably will.
How does this work? Cognitive-behavioral theory says that your thoughts affect your emotions, which in turn affects your behavior.
For example, if you assume that you’re going to fail, you’re less likely to do the work necessary to succeed. As a result, you end up failing, and your negative belief is confirmed. Or, if you believe you’re worthless, you’ll interact with other people in a way that will make them see you as worthless and further confirm your belief.
3. You conform to other people’s expectations
The pygmalion effect is a self-fulfilling prophecy where other people’s beliefs about you affect your behavior.
The most famous example is the study by Rosenthal and Jacobson, where teachers were told that some of their students had been identified as exceptional. These students were expected to make much greater progress than the other students over the course of the year.
At the end of the year, the exceptional students did perform much better than their classmates. So what’s the catch? In reality, the exceptional students were selected randomly and no different from any other students.
The teachers’ beliefs about the exceptional students had caused them to treat them differently. They paid more attention, gave them more praise, and had higher expectations. As a result, the students lived up to the expectations and performed better.
Unfortunately, the reverse is also true. If you’re surrounded by people who believe you’re worthless or destined to be a failure, they will treat you as such and deny you the opportunities you need to succeed. This can start from childhood, where parents or teachers write you off as a lost cause. Or later in life, when your boss or colleagues believe you’re not good enough and never give you the chance to prove them wrong.
These negative patterns can go a long way toward explaining why some people seem to have all the luck, while others keep having bad things happen to them.
4. You don’t take precautions against bad things happening
Ignoring all the simple precautions that can help prevent bad things from happening is asking for trouble.
Here are a few simple examples to illustrate the point:
- If you don’t lock your doors or windows, you’re more likely to be burglarized.
- If you don’t get your car serviced regularly, you’re more likely to have a breakdown.
- If you don’t budget your finances, your chances of getting into debt are much higher.
And it’s not just material things that need protection against bad things happening:
- If you don’t take measures to protect your mental and emotional health, you’re more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.
- If you don’t spend time working on your relationships, they are more likely to fail.
- If you don’t care for your physical health, you’re more likely to get sick.
So many people ignore these simple precautions and hope for the best and then wonder why bad things keep happening to them.
5. You allow yourself to be treated badly
If you don’t believe you deserve good treatment, you’ll be more likely to accept bad treatment from other people. This can manifest itself in all sorts of ways:
- You put up with an emotionally or physically abusive partner because you think you don’t deserve any better or are afraid to be alone.
- You stay in a job that is unfulfilling or pays badly because you think you’re not good enough to get anything better.
- You allow yourself to be taken advantage of by friends, family, or work colleagues because you don’t feel you have the right to say no.
Accepting bad treatment from other people is a surefire way to ensure bad things keep happening to you. The only way to break this cycle is to start believing that you deserve to be treated well and set clear boundaries with the people in your life.
6. You have a victim mentality
A victim mentality is when you see yourself as powerless to change your circumstances or improve your life. You believe that no matter what you do, things will always go wrong for you and that you’re doomed to a life of misery and misfortune.
Victims go out of their way to look for evidence to support their belief that they’re unlucky. They see the glass as half empty, focus on the negative and dwell on their problems instead of looking for solutions.
This way of thinking is incredibly damaging because it stops you from taking any action to change your situation. It keeps you trapped in a negative cycle because you believe that there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
It’s no surprise that people with a victim mentality attract more bad things into their lives. Their pessimistic outlook creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where they subconsciously make things happen to themselves or attract negative people and circumstances into their lives.
If you want to break the cycle of bad things happening to you, you need to stop seeing yourself as a victim and start taking control of your life. Once you believe that you have the power to create the life you want, you can take action to change the things you’re unhappy with.
7. You’ve suffered past trauma
Traumatic events leave a lasting mark on your psyche and significantly impact your life long after they’ve happened. If you’ve experienced something traumatic, it’s completely normal to feel like more bad things will happen. This is because trauma creates a negativity bias that makes you more likely to see the world as dangerous. For example:
- If you suffer a sexual assault, you start to think that most people are potential predators and that the world is a dangerous place.
- If you are in a car accident, you convince yourself that driving is too dangerous and avoid it altogether.
- If you grew up in a chaotic or abusive household, you assume that all relationships are doomed to fail.
- If you suffer discrimination on the basis of your religion or race, you start to assume that all negative interactions with people are because of that.
- If you fail at something, you believe it’s because you’re not good enough rather than because you haven’t found the right approach yet.
These negative filters are very hard to dislodge once they’ve invaded your mind. They are like dark glasses that color your worldview and make it difficult to see the good in people and situations.
8. You have low self-esteem
When you have low self-esteem, you’re much more likely to see the world through a negative lens. You assume that people are laughing at you, everyone is better than you, and you don’t deserve anything good in life.
And when bad things happen, they confirm what you already believe about yourself. If someone criticizes you, you think it’s because you’re not good enough. Or, if you don’t get the job you want, you convince yourself that it’s because you’re not qualified.
The problem with this way of thinking is that it stops you from taking risks and going after the things you want in life. You don’t apply for the job because you’re sure you won’t get it, and you don’t ask that person out on a date because you’re convinced they’ll reject you.
You end up living a small life because you’re too afraid to take any risks. And the more you stay in your comfort zone, the more your self-esteem diminishes.
9. Bad things happen to everyone
At the end of the day, bad things happen to everyone, and no one is immune to heartbreak, disappointment, or failure. The key is not to let these setbacks define you or make you believe you’re unlucky.
Instead, look at them as learning experiences. See them as an opportunity to grow and become a better person. And when you do face challenges, remember that you’re not alone. There are people all over the world who have gone through the same thing and come out the other side.
How to cope when bad things happen
Hopefully, you can see all the ways your mind might be sabotaging you and causing you to attract bad things into your life. If you want to break the cycle, here are some things you can do.
1. Work on your self-esteem
Low self-esteem is often the root cause of why bad things keep happening to you. If you want to change your life, you need to start by changing the way you see yourself.
This means accepting yourself for who you are, learning to love yourself, and taking steps to improve your life. Build up your confidence by taking small risks and doing things that scare you. Set yourself some goals and achieve them. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. And most importantly, start to believe that you deserve good things in life.
Many people find it useful to make a list of their positive qualities to refer to when they’re feeling down about themselves. If you need some help getting started, here are 105 things to love about yourself.
Learning to love yourself isn’t easy and won’t happen overnight. But it’s worth the effort because your whole world will change once you start to see yourself in a positive light.
2. Change your perspective
To stop attracting bad things into your life, you must change how you see the world. This means looking at the good in people and situations rather than fixating on the negative.
Instead of assuming that someone is laughing at you, assume they are laughing with you. When you get rejected, believe that it’s because that person isn’t right for you and not because there’s something wrong with you.
And when bad things do happen, don’t dwell on them or let them define you. See them as learning experiences and use them as an opportunity to grow.
Working with a therapist is a great way to help you change your perspective. They can help you work through your negative thought patterns and teach you tools (such as cognitive behavioral therapy) to reframe your thinking.
3. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about being present in the moment and accepting things as they are. It can help you stop fixating on bad things that have happened in the past and have a more positive outlook for the future.
When you’re mindful, you can see things more clearly and make better decisions. You’re also less likely to get caught up in your emotions and react impulsively to things.
There are many ways to practice mindfulness, such as meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, and journaling. Start by trying a few different things and see what works for you.
4. Accept that bad things will happen
Bad things will always happen, and no one gets through life without facing challenges, heartbreak, and disappointment. You can’t control how other people act, what they think of you, natural disasters, the economy, or a billion other variables.
The world is infinitely complex, and the branching system of cause and effect is beyond our understanding. So instead of trying to figure out why bad things keep happening to you, accept that they will and focus on how you react to them.
The key is not to let bad things define you or make you believe you’re unlucky or cursed. Instead, see them as an opportunity to learn and grow.
And when you do face tough times, remember that you’re not alone. There are people all over the world who have gone through the same thing and come out the other side.
5. Don’t play the victim
When you play the victim, you’re giving away your power and putting yourself at the mercy of other people and circumstances. You’re also more likely to wallow in self-pity and stay in a bad situation instead of taking action to improve it.
If you want to stop attracting bad things, you need to take responsibility for your life and stop blaming other people or outside forces. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, focus on what you can do to make the situation better.
Of course, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you always have a choice in how you react. So instead of feeling like a victim, take charge of your life and make the best of every situation.
6. Practice gratitude
Gratitude is one of the quickest and easiest ways to change your mindset. When you’re grateful for what you have, it’s hard to focus on the negative.
Start by making a list of things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. Maybe you’re grateful for your health, a roof over your head, or a friend who’s always there for you.
Try to think of one new thing you’re grateful for every day. Some people enjoy writing thank-you notes to people who have made a difference in their life, or keep a gratitude journal and record the things they’re grateful for to look back on later.
You can also practice gratitude by performing acts of service for others. When you help someone, it makes both of you feel good and reminds you of how much good there is in the world.
7. Ask for help when you need it
Thinking that bad things always happen to you is a destructive cycle that’s hard to break out of on your own, but there is lots of help available when you need it.
Talk to a friend or family member or join a support group. These people can provide a listening ear, offer helpful advice, and help you see things from a different perspective. Talking to a therapist can also be incredibly helpful. A trained therapist can help you understand your thought patterns, work through traumas from the past, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
It takes courage to admit that you need some help, and reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.
