This post may include affiliate links to products we think you'll find useful. We may earn a small commission if you buy through these links. Read our affiliate disclosure.
When you feel sad, anxious, or in pain, it feels good to cry and release all the pent-up emotions. But sometimes, the tears just won’t come, no matter how hard you try. This can be frustrating and even scary, especially if it goes on for a long time.
There are many possible reasons why you might not be able to cry, even when you want to. Some of these causes are psychological, while others are physical. Keep reading to learn more about why you might not be able to cry and how to unblock your tears and get some relief.
Why do humans cry?
Crying is associated with a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, love, and joy.
Humans have evolved as a species to express emotion using facial expressions, body language, and speech, and scientists believe crying emotional tears is another way to communicate our feelings to others.
Crying also has some clear physiological benefits, such as releasing stress hormones and reducing tension in the facial muscles.
While crying is universal, the reasons for crying vary from person to person and culture to culture. Crying is even seen as a sign of weakness in some cultures and strength in others.
So what are the benefits of crying?
Stress & pain relief
Crying is an important way to release built-up emotion and stress, and it’s your body’s way of seeking a physical release for extreme emotions. In fact, not crying when you need to increases your chances of suffering from anxiety, depression, and poor sleep.
When you cry, your body releases endorphins such as oxytocin which have mood-boosting and stress-relieving effects and can even reduce physical pain. Oxytocin is also known as the “cuddle hormone” because it’s also released during hugging, touching, and other forms of physical contact.
Crying has also been found to reduce the levels of stress hormones like cortisol in your body. These hormones are released in response to stress and can negatively affect your health, causing high blood pressure and weakening the immune system.
Improved communication & relationships
Crying is a very effective form of non-verbal communication that lets other people know how you feel without saying a word.
Finding the right words to express how you feel can be challenging when you’re overwhelmed with emotion. Crying helps bridge this communication gap and let others know you need their comfort or support. This is especially important for newborn babies who have no other way to communicate when they feel hunger, pain or need to be comforted.
Crying also helps to strengthen your relationships and bring you closer to others. Sharing your tears with someone else shows trust and vulnerability, creates a sense of intimacy, and deepens your emotional connection.
Even seeing a stranger cry gives you an instinctive feeling of empathy and a desire to comfort them. This instinct is thought to be hardwired into our brains and is one of the reasons why we respond so strongly to images or stories of people crying.
Why can’t I cry?
There are several physical and emotional reasons why you might not be able to cry, even when you want to. Here are some of the most common reasons:
1. Medical conditions
Several medical conditions such as diabetes, hypothyroidism, and Sjögren’s syndrome can cause dry eyes and a decrease in tears.
If your tear ducts are blocked, this can cause a decrease in tears or prevent them from flowing properly. Tear duct blockages are often caused by inflammation or infection but can also be present from birth. Treatment for tear duct blockages usually involves a simple outpatient procedure to unblock the ducts.
Dehydration can also make your tears less effective at lubricating your eyes and may cause your eyes to feel dry and irritated. To prevent dehydration, ensure you’re drinking enough water throughout the day.
Some patients who have had laser eye surgery may also experience reduced tear production and have difficulty crying, but this can easily be treated with artificial tears.
2. Medications
Certain medications such as antihistamines, beta-blockers, hormonal birth control, and antidepressants can also affect tear production and lead to difficulty crying. If you think your medication might be the cause, speak to your doctor about alternative options.
3. Anxiety
Many people suffering from severe anxiety try to bottle up and ignore their feelings in an attempt to control their emotions. For example, someone with social anxiety might avoid crying in public for fear of being embarrassed or judged. This might offer some temporary relief, but it can lead to even more stress and other health issues in the long term.
Feelings of anxiety or panic can also be so overwhelming that crying feels impossible. Your body is constantly in fight-or-flight mode, which makes it hard to relax and let go.
If you’re struggling with anxiety, several treatments can help, including therapy, medication, and relaxation techniques.
4. Depression
Depression is often associated with feeling sad and crying a lot, but this is not the case. In fact, many people with depression find it very difficult to cry because they feel flat, numb, and disconnected from their emotions. Depression is also extremely tiring, and the physical and emotional energy required to cry can simply be too much.
Ironically, some anti-depression and mood stabilizing medications can make patients feel even more emotionally blunted and unable to cry.
If you’re struggling with depression, it’s essential to seek professional help. Depression is a serious condition, but there are many effective treatments, including therapy and medication.
5. Anhedonia
Anhedonia is a condition characterized by an inability to feel pleasure. People with anhedonia often find it hard to cry because they don’t feel the same range of emotions as other people.
Anhedonia can be caused by a number of things, including mental health conditions such as schizophrenia, depression, and certain types of brain injury.
6. Old age
As you get older, you may find that you cry less often because the glands that produce tears reduce in size and become less active with age. You might also find that your tears are less effective at lubricating your eyes, which can make them feel more dry and irritated.
Even though older people produce fewer tears, the eye can’t run out of tears entirely. The eye needs to be constantly lubricated by tears to prevent damage and keep it healthy. Amazingly, humans produce over 15 gallons of tears every year!
7. Repressed emotions
You might have difficulty crying as an adult if you grew up in a household where expressing sadness, pain, or fear was seen as a sign of weakness. For example, children who are regularly told to “stop being such a baby” learn to bottle up their emotions and suppress the urge to cry.
As I discussed earlier, the inability to cry can also be a natural response to anxiety and stress. You unconsciously or intentionally detach yourself from your emotions as a defense mechanism to protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed.
8. Gender stereotypes
Crying is often seen as a feminine trait that is not socially acceptable for men, and this can lead to boys and men feeling like they have to bottle up their emotions and suppress the urge to cry. For example, you might have been told as a child that “big boys don’t cry.”
These messages can be damaging and lead to a lifetime of suppressing emotions. If you’re a man who has been told that crying is not masculine, it’s important to challenge these beliefs. Crying is a perfectly natural and healthy way to express emotions. It’s okay to cry, and it doesn’t make you any less of a man.
How to cry again and get relief
If you’re struggling to cry, you can try many different things to get relief. Here are some tips:
1. Find a safe space to cry
If crying in front of other people feels too difficult or embarrassing, try to find a safe space where you can be alone. This could be in your bedroom, in the bathroom, in the car, or even outside in nature.
Being alone to cry also gives you the opportunity to really let go and be completely present with your emotions. There’s no need to hold back or put on a brave face, and you can simply let the tears flow and give yourself the space and time to feel better.
2. Talk about your feelings
Talking about your feelings to someone you trust can help you to process your emotions, release pent-up feelings, and unblock your ability to cry.
It’s also an opportunity to get a different perspective on your problems, feel heard and validated, and get some much-needed sympathy from someone who cares about you..
A reciprocal system with a loved one where you support each other through difficult times is perfect. You can set up a regular check-in time to talk about how you’re feeling over a few drinks or snacks.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone else, talking out loud to yourself can also really help. For example, saying “I feel really angry right now” can help to dissipate the intensity of the emotion and make it more manageable.
3. Watch sad movies & read books
Watching a sad movie or reading a book can trigger the release of tears because you empathize with the characters and their situation. Observing someone else go through a struggle can be much less confronting than facing your own problems, but it often has the same effect of triggering an emotional release.
Try to choose a story that speaks to you on an emotional level. For example, you might choose to watch a film about someone who has gone through a similar experience to you. Re-watching movies or reading books from your childhood can also be really helpful in triggering an emotional response.
4. Listen to sad music
Listening to sad or emotive music can also help you to cry. The lyrics might make you think about your own life and experiences, which can lead to an outpouring of emotions.
In particular, listening to music from childhood or adolescence can effectively trigger memories and emotions. This is because the lyrics often take on a different meaning as you get older and interpret them in light of your current life experiences.
5. Tap into your past
Thinking about painful experiences from your past can also help you to cry. These memories could be from a time when you were hurt or disappointed, felt alone or misunderstood, or when someone close to you died. Even if your current inability to cry is completely unrelated, the tears that it brings up can be very cathartic and help to release some of the pain you’ve been holding onto.
If reflecting on past sadness doesn’t work for you, focusing on happy times or the things you’re grateful for can work just as well. Remember that we cry in response to positive and negative emotions, so happy memories can be just as effective as sad ones in triggering a release.
6. Explore your emotions
Opening yourself up to the full force of your emotions will make crying much easier. Instead of trying to deny your feelings or let them wash over you, make an effort to really explore them. This means sitting with them, feeling them fully, and trying to understand what they are telling you.
7. Try journaling
Writing about your feelings can also help you to process them and unblock your ability to cry. This could involve keeping a journal, writing letters that you don’t send, or even just brainstorming ideas on a piece of paper.
Try to write freely without censoring yourself. Write down whatever comes into your head, even if it doesn’t make sense. The act of writing can help you to organize your thoughts and feelings and make them more manageable.
8. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about being present in the moment and accepting your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Mindfulness techniques like meditation can be an effective way to help you cry because it allows you to experience your emotions fully without getting overwhelmed.
9. Use creativity
Artistic pursuits such as painting, drawing, or sculpting can help you express your emotions and release them in a healthy way. The creative process allows many people to access repressed or subconscious feelings that are difficult to express in words.
Art therapy is often used to treat mental health conditions. If you’re struggling to cry, it might be worth considering meeting with an art therapist to help you explore your emotions.
10. Take it slow
Not being able to cry can itself create feelings of stress and anxiety which can further block your ability to cry. It’s important not to put too much pressure on yourself to cry and to go at your own pace. Allow yourself the time and space to fully explore your emotions and find techniques that work for you.
11. Consider therapy
If you’ve been struggling to cry for a long time and nothing seems to be working, it might be worth seeking professional help.
In many cases, the inability to cry results from unresolved trauma or an underlying mental health condition. A therapist can create a safe and non-judgmental space to help you explore your emotions and understand what block is preventing you from crying. They can also provide you with practical tools and techniques to help you start crying again.
FAQs
Is it better to cry or hold it in?
Crying is a way of releasing built-up emotion and tension, so it’s usually better to cry than to hold it in. Bottling up your feelings can lead to physical and mental health problems like anxiety and depression. Crying has also been linked to several psychological and physical health benefits including stress reduction, improved sleep, and boosted immunity.
However, if you find yourself crying all the time or in response to minor things, it might be a sign of an underlying mental health condition such as depression or anxiety. In this case, it’s essential to seek professional help.
Can you train yourself to cry?
Yes, it is possible to train yourself to cry. This usually involves exploring your emotions in a safe and non-judgmental way by talking to a trusted friend, thinking sad (or happy) thoughts, journaling, therapy, or even using art as a form of emotional expression.
What are the side effects of crying too much?
In most cases, crying has positive side effects and is considered to be a healthy emotional release. However, crying too much can cause temporary side effects, such as headaches, fatigue, sore eyes, or a sore throat.
Can you run out of tears from crying?
No, it’s not possible to run out of tears from crying. Your tears are produced by your tear glands, which are constantly replenishing your supply to keep your eyes healthy and lubricated. However, if you cry a lot, you might experience temporary side effects, such as red and swollen eyes.
