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Winning your wife back after separation won’t be easy, but it is possible. If you’re willing to do the hard work, you have a good chance to rebuild your marriage before it’s too late.
1. Understand what caused the separation in the first place
The first step towards winning your wife back is to understand what caused your marital separation in the first place. You must be open and honest with yourself about the problems in your marriage if you want to fix them and avoid repeating past mistakes.
It’s important to realize that every couple is unique, and only you can look inside your relationship and determine what you need to improve. With that said, here is a list of the most common reasons couples separate to help you identify and resolve the issues in your marriage:
- Communication has broken down over a long time.
- There’s abuse or infidelity in the relationship.
- You have financial problems that can’t be resolved.
- One partner is bossy or controlling the other.
- There’s boredom or apathy with the marriage.
- One partner feels neglected or taken for granted.
2. Give her space
Whether you’re starting a trial separation period or a legal separation, one of the most important things you need to do is give your wife space.
It might even be a good idea to initiate the no contact rule immediately after your separation. This will give both her and you the space you need to calm down, decompress, and think more clearly about the situation.
There’s no specific time suggested for the no contact rule, but many experts agree that 30 days is a good place to start. The point is to give yourself enough time to process your anger and grief so you can start rebuilding your marriage from a place of kindness and respect.
Related post: 10 big reasons the no contact rule is so effective
3. Listen without judgment
You need to stop thinking of yourself as the victim during your separation and start listening to your wife without judgment. You need to make her feel like she can talk about your marriage problems without being attacked or told she’s wrong.
If you interrupt her or start an argument, the first thing she’ll do is get angry and defensive. Trust me; nothing will damage your chances of winning her back faster than making her feel defensive.
4. Take responsibility
The first time you see her following your separation, it’s essential to own the mistakes you made in your marriage. I’m sure you both said and did things you regret, and apologizing to her is the only thing that will banish the resentment and allow you to move forward.
A lot of men might struggle with this, but there’s no point feeling guilty or embarrassed about your past. Instead, focus on the future and what steps you’re going to take to fix your marriage.
5. Learn from the past
You should learn from the past and understand what negative behaviors caused your separation. But don’t dwell on the past and give yourself a hard time, otherwise you’ll destroy your self-esteem and lose all hope. Remember, the past is the past, and what matters is making positive changes to help you win back your wife.
6. Act consistently
Always act consistently when dealing with your wife. Acting consistently means that you’re always calm and respectful around her, and you patiently listen to what she has to say. Wild shifts in your personality between anger and despair will only reinforce her opinion that divorcing you is a good idea.
7. Communicate
If your marriage suffers from communication problems, it will take a lot of work to rebuild a healthy relationship. It’s no surprise that poor communication is one of the leading marital problems that lead to separation and divorce.
Good communication requires trust and respect, and you need to start by letting your wife know that she can talk to you about anything and you’ll respect and listen to her opinion.
Yes, she might sometimes say some hurtful things, but try not to take it personally or retaliate with anger. Always remember to stay calm and speak to her with kindness and empathy. In the long run, honest and open communication is one of the best tools you have to win her back.
8. Let go of blame & resentment
If you’re not willing to let go of all the blame and resentment you feel towards your wife, you may as well part ways now. The healing process can only begin once you both stop playing the blame game.
The way to start letting go of blame is to try and view your marriage through your wife’s eyes to get a new perspective. Understand that neither of you is perfect, and focus on what you want to change moving forward.
Letting go of blame is a tough thing to do, but it’s the only way to forgive your wife and start rebuilding a healthy relationship.
9. Focus on empathy & kindness
If you want to get your wife back, you need to show her that you care about her problems. The way to do this is by focusing on empathy and kindness.
You should be kind, understanding, and empathetic towards her issues with your marriage. Even if you don’t agree or understand her point of view, at least try to respect it and be open-minded.
Remember, you’re both in this together, and the only way to win her back is by working as a team to solve your problems.
10. Commit to change
If you promise your wife that you’ll change and become a better man, she’ll probably be glad to hear it. But if she doesn’t see any action or results, you’ll lose credibility in her eyes.
It’s important that you’re willing to put in the work and show your wife over time that you can be trusted again. If you keep promising change but don’t follow through with what you say, she’ll never take any of your promises or commitments seriously.
11. Make her a priority
Marital separation is a messy business. Things like looking after your kids and figuring out what to do with the family home can easily consume all your time and energy.
However, it’s critical that you make your wife feel like she’s the most important priority of all in your life. If you make her feel like she’s an afterthought or you’re not there for her when she needs you, it will only reinforce her decision to get a divorce.
12. Rebuild your friendship
If you want to win your wife back, rebuilding your friendship is essential. After all, friendship is the foundation of every successful married couple.
It isn’t easy when you’re going through a separation, but try to set aside some quality time with her to just catch up and talk. Make a pact to leave aside your marriage problems during this time and just relax around each other.
Once this feels normal, you can focus on making a deeper connection and restoring your emotional intimacy. You can start to open up and be vulnerable with each other again.
13. Support her
If you want to win your wife back after separation, it’s crucial that she feels supported and that you’re willing to cooperate with her. The best way to do this is by actively listening when she talks and asking how you can help her.
Remember, the more decisive and proactive you are in solving problems together, the faster you’ll get her to feel comfortable with the idea of getting back together.
14. Don’t rush back into physical intimacy
When you’re separated, it can be easy to rush back into physical intimacy in an effort to feel close and connected again. However, this will only make you vulnerable and create false hope in your mind that everything is going to work out in the end.
You first need to build a solid foundation of trust and friendship before you can be intimate again. Start with a deeper emotional connection first, and wait until you both feel it’s the right time to get physical again.
The best way to win your wife back
If you’re looking for a practical guide to saving your marriage without expensive counseling, I recommend you check out Mend the Marriage by Brad Browning.
There are many marriage-saving guides out there, but Mend the Marriage is by far the most detailed guide I’ve ever seen. No matter what issues you’re facing in your marriage, Brad will have helpful advice for your situation and answer all your “what if” scenarios.”
Mend the Marriage contains hundreds of real-world examples tested on married couples. For example, the section on how to handle arguments will show you effective techniques to instantly stop a fight in its tracks without any lingering resentment.
The best part is that Mend the Marriage will work even if your wife isn’t interested. In fact, Brad believes it’s better if you take the first steps on your own. His powerful psychological techniques will rewire your wife’s perception of you and subconsciously rebuild her attraction before she even knows what’s happening.
Brad claims that almost all marriages can be saved. That’s a bold claim, but I believe him after reading Mend the Marriage. Brad is a certified relationship counselor and has spent over a decade helping men and women repair their broken relationships. His experience has helped him develop dozens of unique and groundbreaking techniques I’ve never seen anywhere else.
Check out Brad’s free video to learn more about Mend the Marriage. It might make the difference between “divorced and lonely” and “happily ever after.”
15. Go on fun dates
This may sound weird, but it can really help to go on a date with your wife and focus on just having fun together. It’s a very good sign if she’s willing to try it, and it can represent a new beginning to your relationship.
You don’t have to make a massive deal about it or try to romance her. The point is just to have a nice time together and remind yourselves that you can still enjoy each other’s company.
Related post: 51 first date ideas for all budgets
16. Reminisce about the good times
While you’re on a date with your wife, one of the little things you can do to deepen your connection is reminisce about the good old days when you first got married.
It’s easy to forget that you used to be madly in love with each other, and a reminder of those days can really help you to bond again.
17. Focus on yourself
During a separation, it’s also essential to focus on yourself and your personal development. If you neglect your mental health and let your appearance go, it won’t send a good message to your wife.
Start working out, eat healthily, and dress your best so that you feel confident and empowered. When she sees how good you look and how happy you are, it’ll really help to make her feel attracted to you again.
18. Talk to a marriage counselor
Many couples see relationship counseling as a last resort to save their marriage, but it can be a very positive experience. A good marriage counselor can help you better understand the problems in your marriage and help you communicate more effectively.
Remember that counseling will only work if you’re willing to participate actively and both be committed to building a better relationship.
19. Understand your legal situation
Even though your goal is to win back your wife during your separation, you also need to be practical and do everything you can to protect yourself if things don’t work out.
Seeking legal advice will help you understand any obligations you have around child custody and spousal support if you get divorced. A separation agreement is also a popular option to explore if you think your marriage might be reconciled in the future.
20. Don’t make her feel guilty
Playing the guilt card is a trick some men use to try and get their wives back during separation. They might use her religious views or marriage vows against her to try and shame her into reconciling. Or even worse, try to manipulate her into coming back by saying they can’t live without her.
These tactics won’t work in the long run and will make your wife feel even more resentful towards you.
21. Don’t act depressed or needy
It’s important to resist the urge to act depressed or needy around your wife. If she senses you’ve got serious emotional issues, it will make her feel anxious and less likely to want to reconcile.
22. Don’t beg her to come back
You might be feeling desperate to win your wife back, but begging and pleading with her to come back isn’t going to work, and it will make you seem desperate and incapable of taking care of yourself.
23. Don’t nag her or demand explanations
Nagging, demanding explanations, and constantly asking where she’s been or who she’s with will put a lot of pressure on your wife and make her resent you.
Try to remember that you’re no longer living together and she’s free to do as she pleases without having to tell you everything.
24. Don’t give her insincere compliments
The last thing you should do is give your wife insincere compliments because she’ll see straight through it. She’ll be able to tell whether you mean what you’re saying or if you’re trying to manipulate her into coming back.
Your emotional sincerity is crucial when trying to win your wife back during separation, so only compliment her when you really mean it.
25. Don’t try to impress her
Trying to impress your wife by showering her with gifts and attention won’t work because you’ll just come across as desperate and insecure.
What will work is making small positive changes to make yourself a better man for your wife. This way, she can fall in love with you all over again instead of feeling like she’d be settling by coming back to you.
26. Don’t show jealousy
Showing your wife you’re jealous of the men she’s spending time with is a sure way to push her away, even if she’s thinking about reconciling with you.
Even if she starts a new relationship, stay positive and confident and never talk badly about her new boyfriend.
27. Don’t badmouth her to anyone
While you may be feeling bitter towards your wife, trying to slander her name with rumors on social media will not help win her back.
In fact, it will have the opposite effect and might cause your separation to become permanent.
28. Don’t involve her family and friends
Resist the temptation to involve your wife’s family and friends in your marriage problems. It’s very unlikely to help you win her back, and it will make you look lonely and desperate.
Your wife’s best friend and family members may be a big part of your life, but they will always take her side and do everything they can to protect her.
29. Don’t call or text her all the time
Constantly texting your wife to check up on her might seem like a good way to stay in touch, but it’s not, and it will simply make you seem needy and desperate.
Only contact your wife when you’re sure she wants to hear from you. If she doesn’t respond, don’t take it personally, and don’t try calling again for a while.
FAQs
What percentage of married couples get their wife back after separation?
Of all the couples in the United States who separate, around 87% end up getting divorced.
This means that only 13% will eventually figure out a way to make it work and reconcile. I hope you find the information in this guide useful and you can be in the lucky 13%.
Should you tell your separated wife that you miss her?
The main thing you want to avoid is sounding needy or making her feel guilty in any way. This will only push her further away and reduce your chances of winning her back.
However, if you see the signs that your relationship is getting back on track, then you might consider admitting that you miss her. Once again, never lay on a guilt trip or use emotional blackmail.
Should you try to make your wife miss you during separation?
If your wife misses you during separation, it’s a great sign that you’ll eventually be able to win her back. However, you still need to deal with the underlying marriage problems that caused you to separate in the first place.
There’s nothing you can do to make your wife miss you except show her how willing you are to put in the work to save your marriage. This means owning your mistakes, good communication, attentive listening, and taking care of your own mental and physical health.
Should I ignore my wife during separation?
When you first separate from your wife, it’s essential to put some distance between you to decompress and start letting go of any anger and resentment.
But once you feel ready, it’s very important to keep the communication lines with your wife open. Always try to remain positive, talk to her respectfully, and listen attentively to her views without judgment.
Final thoughts
It’s not going to be an easy road if you want to win your wife back after separation. But the good news is that separation doesn’t need to be the end of your marriage.
If you’re willing to work hard at effective communication, let go of past anger and blame, and stay positive, you can give your marriage the fresh start it deserves.
